How to Be Well: A handbook for women

How to Be Well

A Handbook for Women

Dr Karen Coates & Sharon Kolkka

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To our daughters, Hannah and Sarah: the unconditional love we share is beyond words.

Special dedication to Dr Daniel Friedland. Mentor to both authors. Pioneer in integrative medicine, major contributor to the wellness industry and visionary in Conscious Leadership.

Beyond his extraordinary intellect, his capacity for human connection was beyond exception.

Remembered with gratitude and love.

INTRODUCTION

FROM DR KAREN COATES

Are you ‘overtired, overstretched and over it’?

I’ve spent more than 30 years in private practice as an integrative medical doctor and I have heard some variation of these words too many times from my patients. And through all those years of private practice, I have taught my patients that there’s no need to feel like this. Welcome to How to Be Well, where we will teach you why you don’t need to feel stressed, exhausted or lacking in joy. My patients have learned they don’t have to feel like this. How to Be Well is your guide to learning how to live your best life – all day, every day.

In the first few years of my career, my heart would sink when I’d welcome a new patient and, when asking them why they had come to see me, the reply was: ‘I’m tired and I don’t know why’. I suspect that many doctors slide into indifference when an exhausted patient’s basic screening tests for thyroid and iron levels come back within normal range. My approach has been to secretly grin with excitement and say to those women ‘Yes! I can help you with that’.

Before making their way to my office, many of my patients had become so despondent with the way they felt, they had turned to ‘Dr. Google’ to find answers. Cyberspace can be a dangerous and often confusing territory, particularly for those feeling vulnerable and fragile about their health. Many of my patients were desperate to find some solutions, trying to find the first step to take. Thankfully, with some savvy investigation and planning alongside an integrative doctor such as myself, many of those tired and frustrated women are now on a solid wellness path with solutions and ongoing support.

As a passionate medical doctor, I become frustrated with this exhaustion endemic. In Australia, we have a world-class medical system, yet many medical professionals struggle to find time to provide advice for wellness due to the overwhelming demands of looking after the very sick. Time and time again I hear stories from women who are depleted and struggling, looking for advice on how to reconnect with the energy and wellness that they had enjoyed when they were younger. I have come to understand the solutions are rarely found in a doctor’s office.

And so, frustrated, these tired, struggling women turn elsewhere – mostly to the internet. Online there are a plethora of wellness transformation programs that claim to heal or fix nearly anything. Unfortunately, many of these programs are offered by people who have had little, if any, training or experience in the health, wellness or medical fields. For people who feel lost and are looking for the answer to their health challenge, it can feel like a miracle to see hundreds of testimonials preaching guaranteed success. And when you’ve ventured down the medical route to no avail, you think: ‘Why not try this? What have I got to lose?’. The answer? Quite a lot.

Sadly, many of these ‘gurus’ do not have the training to offer clients – women in need of an answer – the big picture. There are innumerable, intricately linked daily processes within our anciently designed body. Many ‘motivators’ fail to understand that exercise in itself can be a physical stress that can do both good and harm. Too much exercise can domino, creating a time bomb of potential health problems that may not reveal themselves for another 10–15 years. By which time it becomes even more difficult to right the wrongs.

What works for one person – guru or not – is not likely to work for another. This is apparent when we consider the emerging evidence from genetic research. Any health and fitness ‘guru’ who recommends a restrictive eating program or exhaustive exercise regime as a quick fix for your health problems are often failing to understand the complexities of the human body. And how unique our biochemistry is. This information is only available through proper medical channels and assessment.

This book is aimed at these gurus, too – in the hope that when they offer advice to women in need of support, they have a wider sense of what goes into understanding and supporting a woman’s health journey.

How to Be Well is a labour of love and a collaboration with my friend and colleague of more than 20 years, Sharon Kolkka. It has been born out of our joint intention to offer solid preventative health care information to those who are either looking for answers on how to improve the way they feel, or those who want to take a preventative approach to their wellness. At the core of our advice sits principles that are based on our combined 70 years of experience in the wellness industry. We have consulted with experts; we have researched papers on health and disease published in respected medical journals; and we are ideally placed to consider both evidence-based conventional medicine along with traditional healing systems.

Most importantly as two women living in the modern world, we also share experiences from our own personal healing journeys.

We hope this book is an invaluable resource in your health and wellness journey.

Welcome aboard.

FROM SHARON KOLKKA

With such incredible progressions in the medical industry, why is it that so many of us spend our days feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed and run down?

Having assisted tens of thousands of men and women throughout my career, I am deeply concerned there are still many stories left untold, and solutions that have not yet been presented.

As women, do we feel empowered to take our health into our own hands with evidence-based guidance? Or are we allowing our lifestyle choices to impact how we feel each day? Many of us say we eat well and exercise, yet we still feel exhausted by life in general. Why? After talking with so many women during the last 30 years, I have seen a common thread that binds us; we have an immense drive to get things done. And it’s unrelenting.

Without a doubt, women are extraordinary and have an immense capacity to keep all the balls in the air. We take care of family and friends (more often than not whilst still working full time); we want to feel needed, engaged and loved; we want to, and many have to, contribute to the family financially; we want to live life with passion and purpose; or we need to contribute to society in some way. All these goals and pursuits are noble and encouraged, yet there’s no denying that there’s a mental, emotional and physical fallout. Now is the time to ask, at what cost?

As women, let’s gather together and share our collective and authentic wellness wisdom. Not the fads or the quick fixes, but the old-fashioned tried-and-tested, along with the emerging new sciences. Let’s empower ourselves to continue to contribute to loved ones and society to get things done – to truly live a vital life. We are amazing, capable and incredible carers with ‘to do’ and ‘to be’ lists. There’s no escaping these lists – they will still feature in our lives. We hope to share with you that these lists are not the enemy, there is a way you can still tick all the boxes and not break yourself in the process. So that you thrive each day, rather than reaching the end of it exhausted.

Write this on the fridge, or in your diary:

‘If I break, everything around me breaks with me’.

As you dig deeper into How to Be Well you will realise just why it’s so important to put yourself and your health first. Because it’s not just about you, it’s about your children too. Although common, constant ‘busy and stressed’ is not a healthy nor natural State of Being.

A stressed body and mind is not living a vital life; it is an existence in a constant state of survival. This state depletes us, it consumes and bleeds the very life out of us. This more than anything contributes to our depletion and is the first step on the road to a disease.

In one way or another, I’ve been immersed in the wellness industry for most of my adult life. I started in the fitness industry in 1980 and moved into the world of health retreats in 1995. I have always been a researcher and interested in exposing hidden facts about wellbeing. Since I began, my passion and motivation has always been to use my knowledge to inspire and empower those I have the privilege to take care of and to influence them to prioritise their health.

These days, there is so much confusion about what to do in order to be well. Wellness is discussed in so many forums, but not always by those who have the latest in evidence-based research. Unfortunately, in our world of technology with so much at our fingertips, information can become watered down and misinterpreted.

In 2004 I became involved in creating a fully-immersive wellness experience, Gwinganna Lifestyle Retreat, with founder and owner Tony de Leede. When you visit Gwinganna you have access to the latest research and the opportunity to ask questions and experience all aspects of wellness for yourself. However, attending a wellness retreat isn’t accessible for all. Hence my desire to share the 40 years of valuable insights I’ve obtained in the wellness industry in a book.

I have also been lucky enough through my career to meet and get to know incredibly gifted practitioners and researchers, many of whom I now call friends. As a result, the information that I have at my fingertips about evidenced-based, preventative healthcare strategies is staggering. Sadly, we all hear stories about someone who has put their faith into the standard system only to have had it fail them for some reason or another. Western medicine is extraordinary in so many ways, yet it is overwhelmed. As Dr Karen Coates suggests, there’s little scope for the recommendation of preventative practices. Sometimes the prevention of a potential problem is the most important element.

Unless we seek relevant information on how to reach and maintain optimal wellness, we can find ourselves fighting health fires that have already been burning for some time, instead of preventing them from igniting in the first place.

More than 20 years ago I heard about an integrative doctor, who was tucked quietly away in the Currumbin Valley working from her home. It took me six months to get in to see Dr Karen Coates! I was sceptical that a doctor could see past a pharmaceutical solution, but I was mistaken. My first consultation with Karen lasted an hour and was like no other doctor visit I had ever experienced. What I found was an extraordinary human, highly intelligent and passionate about research, with her medical hat firmly in place. To my elation (and astonishment) she had also explored complementary medicine, and presented it with a great deal of common sense. From that moment on we became friends. My goal has always been to provide evidence-based advice, backed up by solid research. Dr Karen – the research bunny – delivered every time, and she still does every day.

To share this book-writing journey with her has been a gift. We have laughed, groaned and gasped in shock at some of the research. This book is dedicated to all those who need the information in its pages. It is also a gift for all women who do not have a doctor like Karen.

This book is for women of all ages. Share it, give it, refer to it often. Our purpose and reason for writing this is for you, your friends and family. We want you to be well, healthy and happy. To live your life with vitality and joy with healthy generations to come.

How to

USE THIS BOOK FOR OPTIMAL WELLNESS

This book is going to become your new best friend, your reference guide, your journal and all round reassurance that you are on the right path for you. We want you to keep it close, refer to it as often as possible, or as necessary, whether it’s to reassure yourself, find out more, or follow the daily health and wellness guide at the end of the book.

Remember, each and every one of us is on our own personal journey. No two people’s road to wellness is the same. This book is your personal compass to finding out how you can feel the best version of yourself every single day.

We invite you to use highlighters, make notes relevant to your unique circumstances and diarise your progress. Continue to revisit the relevant chapters as you progress through the solutions we have outlined in each chapter for you and your family.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE

Now is the time to find your personal starting point on your lifelong wellness journey. Be sure to take the time to really honour your health. You can do this by finding some space to assess your current State of Being. Then you’ll be able to follow these steps to success.

STEP 1

Read through Chapter 1 and familiarise yourself with the Three States of Being. This is your starting point for your health journey and will provide relevance to your unique needs.

STEP 2

Read about the Five Pillars of Wellness (see page 41

).

STEP 3

Complete your Personal Health Audit (see page 52

) and keep a copy of your baseline results for future reference.

STEP 4

Continue to work your way through each chapter. Each chapter contains information relevant to your current State of Being and solutions to give you more information to move forward.

STEP 5

At the end of each section work through the Solutions and mark those that resonate and are relevant to your unique circumstances.

STEP 6

Make a commitment to the necessary long-term changes in order to achieve your short-term goals.

IMPORTANT NOTE!

As women, it’s our natural state to be hard on ourselves. Remember, this book is not about judgement. Rather, it’s about honouring your mind, body and spirit, to make the most of your true self every single day.

Be realistic when setting yourself goals. When making changes to your lifestyle, avoid raising the bar too high; be realistic, to ensure your success. Remind yourself to focus on making small changes with a big commitment. This way you’ll be continually moving towards better health. No matter where your starting point is, aim for a series of achievable short-term goals and congratulate yourself for every single win.

Commit to a maximum of three tasks at a time and cement those changes over a few weeks before moving on to the next.

For some, this may be a commitment to get off the couch and move for just 10 minutes a day. For others, it may be a commitment to give up two spin classes a week and replace them with a more gentle and restorative movement activity. For others, perhaps they’ll commit to drinking sufficient water and eating more plant-based foods.

This is your amazing life, live it well.

1.

THE THREE STATES OF BEING

Being:

the quality or state of having existence.

Before we begin, let’s take a moment.

We want you to stop and ask yourself:

How do you feel right now?

Are you well?

Happy?

Sad?

Stressed?

Exhausted?

In pain?

Just existing?

How we feel physically and mentally is intrinsically linked: if you’re tired, then you’re unlikely to be able to deal with stressful situations: if you’re happy you’re more able to juggle several balls in the air without breaking a sweat.

How you feel each day typically changes (even hour by hour). This is because your body is a living, breathing biological organism. Our bodies are a wonderful thing – they’re self-repairing and will age gracefully if treated with respect. They need to be nurtured and offered all the elements that are required for self-maintenance. If we don’t take the best care of our physical, mental and emotional health, the wheels begin to fall off and this is when a descent into discomfort, illness or disease can occur (just think about the last time you fell ill – we bet it was after a prolonged stressful or emotionally upsetting period).

Being present and being the best you can be, could help you prevent illness or disease.

Most of us are in one of three States of Being: Thriving, Surviving, or Depleted. Read through each State of Being on the following pages to find out which one resonates with you.

THE STATE OF WOMEN’S HEALTH

At any given stage of life, women are dealing with various stressors: family, work, appointments, social life, exercise, housework… the list goes on. Is it any wonder we’re not living our best possible State of Being? Research shows that women are more like to experience:

Insomnia

Anxiety and depression

Fatigue

Adrenal burnout

Weight issues

Chronic health problems

Coronary heart disease

Problems with alcohol

STATE ONE

Thriving

In this state you are living your life with purpose and meaning. Your typical day involves waking up and feeling refreshed from a good seven to eight hours of sleep. Your first thoughts are positive and you are optimistically looking forward to the day’s events. As you get out of bed you can feel your energy levels rise.

You love to eat a nourishing wholefood diet and look forward to doing some gentle and dynamic exercise. You know that giving energy to yourself before you give to others feels right, and you love this ‘me time’ in your day. This self-care allows you to take care of others with energy and love, without resentment.

During the day you have energy to meet obstacles if and when they arise. You feel open and accepting that sometimes things might not go your way. You feel relaxed, patient and tolerant, with a capacity to acknowledge and accept that others may not be in the same state of thriving as you are.

This is me! Can I pat myself on the back?

This glorious State of Being feels as though your life is in flow, where it’s easy to find joy and happiness in most situations. However, this does not mean your wellness journey is done! It’s important to remain acutely aware that you still need to monitor and make any necessary adjustments to your lifestyle to sustain the ideal equilibrium and good health.

STATE TWO

Surviving

We suspect many women fall into this category: you’re not unwell, nor are you leaping out of bed with energy and enthusiasm each morning. You don’t have any particular symptoms, but you also know that you’re not as healthy as you could be. You often feel wired but tired, and you know that something has to change. But who has the time to investigate when there is so much to keep on top of? You fear that if you stop you will lose the plot, become overwhelmed and under-achieving, and you are not sure you could pick it all up again. You can keep going, provided you are stimulated with caffeine, sugar, exercise or pressure. The truth is you are more tired and exhausted than you are willing to admit. Your eating and exercise habits are probably inconsistent, and there are some days you’re relatively healthy, and other days where you fall off the wagon.

This State of Being means you are not being particularly present within your life. Fuelled by caffeine, sugar and stress, you lurch from one task or stressful situation to another.

This is me! How can I improve my State of Being?

While this State of Being is maintainable for the moment, long-term you will find that you’ll no longer be able to recover as quickly from a weekend of overeating and drinking, or from sleepless nights or stressful situations. This is the perfect time to address your life balance.

STATE THREE

Depleted

You probably feel as though you have hit rock bottom. Whether mentally, emotionally and/or physically, you are in a state of depletion. You lack energy from the moment you open your eyes in the morning (and even that is an effort!). A good night’s sleep is rare. As a consequence, everything feels difficult, as though the smallest of tasks requires superhuman effort. At times you wonder if you will ever feel different and have energy once more.

This lack of energy affects your daily outlook and your inner-voice may be incredibly self-critical. You may feel overwhelmed and unsupported by the people in your life. There seems to be too much to do and so little energy available to get it done. Perhaps life circumstances have prevented self-care from being a priority for you, due to stress, work or various life factors, such as a devastating emotional blow, a critical medical diagnosis or an accident (or perhaps all of the above). You may feel overwhelmed and wonder if you will ever feel really well again.

This is me! SOS!

If this is your State of Being, it’s time to begin your journey towards better health. The journey may be confronting and at times you may feel like giving up, and returning to the more stressful but familiar depleted state. Be brave, you are stronger than you think. We’ve got you.

What now?

Identifying with one of the three States of Being is your first step towards better health: physically, emotionally and mentally. Each stage provides its own set of challenges for your wellness journey and requires a different plan of action.

As you read on you will see that we have provided strategies for your specific State of Being (Thriving, Surviving or Depleted).

Those who are Thriving

need to maintain the positive balance found in this state.

Those who are Surviving

need to work on the foundations of wellness that are lacking in their busy life.

For those who are Depleted,

take a big breath. You will have a longer road ahead of you, so it’s imperative that you are willing to develop new lifestyle habits that support health. We will start you with tiny steps, each of which is bathed in self-compassion and self-care.

MOVING FROM DEPLETED TO SURVIVING… TO THRIVING

The Recommendations within each chapter allow you to develop and implement the right strategies to move your health towards a thriving state of wellness. At the end of each chapter you will find Solutions to help you. Revisit these wellness messages and solutions to ensure you stay on the right wellness path for your life. Take note of the icons which identify important information for each State of Being.

If you have identified with the Depleted state, there will be some non-negotiable strategies to move forward. Often these can be challenging, but some tasks will only be for a defined period to allow your body to heal and regain equilibrium.

Should you consider yourself to be in a Surviving state, one of your challenges will be understanding the importance of recovery, as it is probably this essential element that is missing in your life. Recovery is how your body repairs, heals and recharges. In order to reach this stage, you will be required to make time for recovery in your life.

Once you reach your Thriving state, it’s important not to rest on your laurels. You will still need to monitor and manage your lifestyle to maintain this ultimate expression of health and wellness. Keep this book close if a health challenge presents.

Our aim is to help you thrive and to assist you, in times of need, to regain your momentum towards living a long, happy and healthy life.

2.

THE FIVE PILLARS OF WELLNESS

Pillar One

NOURISHMENT

Pillar Two

FUNCTIONAL MOVEMENT

Pillar Three

EMOTIONAL WELLBEING AND STRESS RESILIENCE

Pillar Four

SLEEP

Pillar Five

THRIVING IN A FAST-PACED AND TOXIC WORLD

The part can never be well unless the whole is well.

PLATO

WHAT IS YOUR CIRCADIAN RHYTHM?

This is our natural internal body clock that is reset by light and darkness every 24 hours. This clock operates our sleep-wake cycle and is the master control that ensures our natural biochemical processes operate in perfect alignment for optimal wellbeing.

If you believe in the theory of evolution, scientifically speaking the human body has evolved very little over the past 40 thousand years. In stark contrast, our physical and social environment has undergone many immense changes.

Some scientists