The Tricky Teens: Handle with Love & Care

CHAPTER -1

HEY...WHAT’S UP?

Hey there...! The young reader of my book, I welcome you to The Tricky Teens. Parents! you are welcome too!

We all know that teens begin their journey from thirteen and end at nineteen years of age. But even if you are 12 years, or 20 years old or more, it does not matter. I am open to friendship with any age group, and so is this book...what about you? Let us be friends and explore this adventurous journey together. Moreover, this adventure will be incomplete without the parents

Well, let me introduce myself first. I am Bhavna, and I have written this book to understand you ‘the teens’ better. I also aim to help other parents to understand and get closer to their teens. I am glad that it reached you, and all you need to do is read it! I suggest, read it with a pencil and scribble down your thoughts as they arise. Also, mark the portion that you identify with so closely.

It feels so good to know that quite a few teens still read these days. Reading certainly does not mean that you go for storybooks or novels only. Read the stuff of your choice or whatsoever you can lay your hands upon; it is more important to engage yourself in reading. It is fun, I’m telling you! It is said, Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.

You may Google to find out more about the benefits of reading. Also, of course, indulging in reading does not mean flipping through the books the entire day. It depends on your interest, on how long you would want to engage yourself with words.

To tell you a little more about me, my first book ‘Bee Magical’ deals with easy techniques of creating life in the way you want it to be.

It helps to discover the incredible power that lies within all of us. Well, there I have taken the example of the honey bees as they are hard-working and well-organised social creatures. They bring forth inspiration and magically turn their life beautiful, thus the name Bee Magical. I believe you will enjoy it.

Okay, now back to this book. I have written this book for you and me to understand each other and help create a cohesive unit of teens and their parents. My inspiration is my two daughters, who are almost 15 and 12 years old respectively, and of course you, the teen-kids. They will almost turn 16 and 13 by the time this manuscript turns into a book.

I clearly understand that the ‘TEEN LIFE’ is thoroughly different; they have a Universe of their own. There are too many things to handle simultaneously, and I understand that it becomes nerve-racking for you guys with all the stress and anxiety. Emotional damages in the form of agony, misery, and suffering certainly happen due to some repeated course of action or pressure. Even if you are a recently retired teenager, you know how it feels to be one, and you will be able to relate to these facts about the Teen world.

To begin from parents’ point of view, let us talk about health issues which is commonly an irritating topic for children. Oh! I’m sorry if it is too annoying to talk about giving up on unhealthy food like your fav’ junkies- pizza, nachos, or Aglio olio; and taking up a healthy food regime. Anyways, let me touch on the topic in short! That may be a favourite one for parents.

Do you feel the need to bring down your weight, reduce in inches, build muscles, get taller, become fairer, or get rid of that stubborn acne? It is then you finally think of trying out a new lifestyle altogether. You feel like making a diet and exercise plan and want to follow it, but you give up due to lack of discipline. You resolve to take action to make life better; unfortunately, your taste buds seem to disturb you, and you get influenced by the ‘buddy code.’ Mind says, How can I upset my friends by not joining them for lunch or any other outing? That usually happened to me. Do you face similar situations too?

Enough of food-talk, right? Let us switch to a fascinating conversation like Friends…best friends...boyfriends, BFFs!? Do you like or dislike anyone for so many odd reasons...? To be more specific, are you having a crush or dating or roasting someone? Well, if I’m not wrong most of you refer to ragging as roasting; to be clear, it is an act of humiliating or criticising.

For many ‘tweens’ and young teenagers, the word dating amounts to socialising one to one. Having a boyfriend/ girlfriend has become more of a social symbol in your Teen World, rather than understanding the actual meaning of ‘to be in a relationship.’ That is one reason we use terms like ‘puppy love’ and ‘crush’ to describe teenage romances or infatuations. At times, you need to boast that indeed you have a girl/boyfriend too since other friends of your group already have. You desperately require a girl/boyfriend so that you can be an active part of the conversation when your friends talk about theirs. More so, you have someone to make online conversations with and spend almost the entire day chatting about each other’s likes and dislikes.

There are endless things we can discuss about this tricky age. Apart from the good side, we also have a frightful side of this phase in life. Taking up cheap and unwanted dares from friends while playing the most indulging game of your generation- ‘truth and dare’ becomes very thrilling.

Some of your so-called ‘normal’ experiences include trying alcohol, puffing on a cigarette, enjoying ‘Shisha’ (commonly known as hookah), rash driving, illegally riding bikes, and performing daring stunts. Intake of drugs just for the heck of it has also become a part among the teens. Some of you might have come out of all this or maybe, going through similar experiences right now. How do you feel about them?

Some of you may have enjoyed them thoroughly. Post your teenage, some of you might have got into a serious job to make your career bright and beautiful. While some of you must have initially enjoyed these above-mentioned teenage experiences; and have repented later in the form of ill health, low performance, emotional issues, mood fluctuations, depression, and many more. Some of you might even as well regret that time has flown never to return as you have already lost a good deal of it. So everyone has a different approach towards life and has different perceptions about similar things.

Well, children, do your parents and guardians keep nagging as if they have no other work in their life? Are they always ready with their patent dialogues about being organised? About screen time... junk food...dressing style…studies...sleeping pattern...outings...phone calls...? OMG, I swear it is too much for you to handle!

If only you could keep your parents away from poking their nose into your matters, you might be able to live life a little stress-free. Schoolwork, be it incomplete classwork, homework, notes, projects, and grades, these are your everyday concerns. No amount of work can ever satisfy parents’ expectations, and it keeps burdening you more.

Times have changed; what used to be a playground in the park earlier is in cyberspace now. Family time has shortened, and there is hardly any ‘me-time.’ Your schedule gets divided into friends-time, or the gadget-time, screen time, and of course, you need them all. Apart from cyberspace, you require outdoor playtime, sleeping time, even television time, etc.

You have too much to do and very little time to finish them all. It is frustrating when time and task remain unmatched due to many reasons. On top of it, you constantly get reminded by your parents of your performance. You do not feel good about yourself. You would want to crawl inside a hole with your phone and talk about it with a friend who ‘understands.’

I agree it feels better when you have ‘bitched’ about your situation to your friends and is a sure-shot way of releasing stress. During our days also teenage used to be a roller coaster ride, so is yours now; but the situations are purely different. Ah! Parents have a bad habit of mentioning our times whenever they begin a conversation, I know, right? They need to get rid of this!

Few thoughts or questions might quite frequently arise about your own identity. You wonder who you are and the purpose of your life; you even get confused about your career. You certainly develop a perception about yourself based on other’s opinions about you and wonder how the other people appraise (judge) you? You may become indecisive about your future, doubting your capabilities.

Nonstop nagging, restrictions, poking noses, regular complaining, big expectations, getting hyper…all that I have just mentioned is what the parents do! Ooh! It is too much for you to handle, of course. But then these problems as you perceive them are real, and you need to face them all. There is no delete button to erase them, so don’t even expect to get away from them smoothly, rather deal with them smartly. All these are parent’s genuine efforts to be concerned and care for your wellness.

Either parent get hyper for little things, or they don’t care at all! That is a typical remark of teens today. Here, I would like to ask all the teenagers - Despite your parents’ love and care, is that what you think of your parents when they try to guide you, discipline you, make you stronger and get you ready to face the real world?

It might sound strange to some of you, yet you have to believe that -every parent wants the best for their child. They might have a different opinion than yours for a similar kind of situation. You may feel what is good about putting restrictions on every damn thing. Well, there has to be some logic in it. I agree, else it is wrong to restrict. Then again, the logic is theirs and usually differs from yours. Mostly their logic is your wellbeing.

I need to tell you although you might already know. Teenage is a golden period in one’s life; the adults reminisce about it. It is also an age where all kids wish to reach quickly. And why not...? it is good to be a grown-up and yet not that old ☺.

Well, teenage or adolescence is a time of rapid growth, rapid change in you. The ‘change’ is all-around, and you have to deal with it physically, emotionally, and socially. I understand these changes do create stress and put you in an abnormal state of worry. One important thing that you must learn during your teenage is to shield yourself with facts and carry confidence as your self-defence tools. This armour will help you fight all anxiety and will surely safeguard you from the uncertainty that otherwise might shroud you.

In this book, I have tried to figure out solutions to these ‘real’ problems. We know that we cannot just erase. Problems can be many and are different for individuals. Before moving on to the solutions, let us understand that the situations you have in your life are different from the ones your friend faces. Every family has its own unique set of principles which includes liberty as well as restrictions. So, solutions are exclusive too.

NOTE FOR PARENTS: Girls and boys of standard sixth feel enthused to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Girls begin ‘dating’ maybe as early as eleven or twelve, and boys a year older. But it may not be the dating that you are picturing as a parent.

There has always been a fantasy world away from the actual, where teens live, and it still exists for teens of today. They have their world of expectations and socialising altogether.

Disclaimer: As mentioned earlier, this book speaks a lot about my experiences, and I have written in context to daughters. But yes, more content has been added. It has nothing to do with anyone’s personal life. Be rest assured that the book is not gendered biased and recommended for all.

CHAPTER 2

THE SEA-SAW OF TROUBLE-HOOD

Parents of today are certainly different than a generation back when they were themselves, kids. They have seen a more rapid change in their childhood compared to yours, and the same is true for their parents as well. The generation gap between you and your parents is much vast than ever before. Of course, these changes do not give parents the right to deal with the situation the way they like. Am I talking in your language here?? We all need to flow with the change. There has to be some logic and relevant ‘yea’ and ‘nay’ and not