Your Destiny Project, the Art of Purposeful Being

TESTIMONIALS

"Your Destiny Project is a treasure of practical wisdom from someone who deeply understands the key role of spirituality in crafting a life. I can’t imagine anyone who would not benefit from it."

—Larry Dossey, MD, author of ONE MIND: How Our Individual Mind Is Part of a Greater Consciousness and Why It Matters

"Your Destiny Project is a practical guide designed to help the reader discover and live from a more authentic sense of self. Drawing on his personal experience Phil Winkelmans presents us with a philosophy for implementing and sustaining personal transformation. I will be keeping a copy close at hand, because anyone searching for healing will find the book immensely helpful."

—Dr. Michael Greenwood, author of The Paradox of Healing and Braving the Void and The Unbroken Field

This wonderful book has inspired me to teach a class on this subject using Phil’s book as a guide. The subject is so universal. Who has not asked the questions ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What am I to do with my life?’

—Rev. Linda Pye

"I believe Your Destiny Project to be on the leading edge of spiritual and psychological development. It offers an interesting and practical challenge to current thinking in the area of healing, love, feelings, spirit, soul’s purpose, mission, and concepts of ‘self.’ It is a must-read for all who are on the path of transformation."

—Rev. Susan G. Shumsky, DD, author of Divine Revelation

It is like having a love affair with yourself.

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—Annie Jack

"Your Destiny Project is supportive, exciting. It works to improve communication skills and encourages the desire to know yourself better. Excellent questions at the end of each chapter help to integrate the material."

—Fr. Jack Sproule

"Your Destiny Project: Your Destiny Project offers practical ideas and effective exercises so that readers can understand their deepest life purpose

and get in touch with their inner soul’s nature. This book is a truly significant contribution to spiritual psychology."

—Robert Frager, PhD (Harvard), founder and president emeritus of Sofia University, author of several books, and spiritual guide in the Sufi mystical tradition

"Your Destiny Project gave me the tools to realize that I am my greatest love and biggest project. Each chapter has transformed my negative inner dialog into the care and support I’d been searching for in others. This book has allowed me to take control of my fears and gain the confidence to live life with purpose."

—Cassy Melvin

"This is a book about practical spirituality, an inquiry into personal meaning. Phil Winkelmans details a straightforward approach to important issues.

I experience a respect for the reader, inviting and encouraging self- investigation without being preachy or doctrinaire. The focus is on a method of exploration (tools for the soul) rather than dispensing truths."

"Phil’s writing style is warm, friendly and inviting. I found myself reflecting upon my own life as I went from chapter to chapter. Even when I didn’t agree with something, I would easily find the space to contemplate what was being raised, and found the questions and exercises to be especially helpful in feeling more deeply into myself. I appreciate that there are diverse sources to support the theses in the book; if I want to pursue something further, I know where to look.

I resonate with the focus on self-responsibility that is compatible with a respectful, thoughtful, way of life and being. I like this book.

—John (Jock) Herbert Ross McKeen Canadian physician, acupuncturist, author, and lecturer who cofounded the Haven Institute with Bennet Wong and who has written on East-West medicine, alternative medicine, holistic health, Asian studies and personal

growth

"I am getting so much out of your book. You are magical! Absolutely brilliant. I have been reading your book and worked with your processes morning and evening and throughout the day and on the weekend. I am very curious by

nature and I get excited as to what else will be unveiled with every page I turn and with every word I write, which helps me remember things better."

—Susan Newman, Nanaimo, BC

"To read this book is to take a step into a larger world. Your Destiny Project is a practical guide to changing perceptions and ways of looking at life, and at the same time a beautiful journey, full of insights and deeply personal experiences by the author and other people. My wife and I have both read this book slowly and carefully, and now I feel it is time to go back to the beginning and start reading all over again.

"Implementing the exercises in this book gives one access to a whole new level of thought, an area of life that so many of us ignore. Suddenly day-to-day life has the opportunity to take on new meaning, a new dimension. Previously perceived limitations give way to a fuller existence, a life that now appears boundless and rich.

"Of course nothing changes overnight, but reading Your Destiny Project is the beginning of an exciting adventure, living life the way it was meant to be."

—Andrzej Kabata, North Vancouver, BC

Your

Destiny

Project

the art of purposeful being

DR. PHILIP A. WINKELMANS

Copyright © 2016  Dr. Philip A. Winkelmans.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture texts in this work are taken from the New American Bible, revised edition © 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C. and are used by permission of the copyright owner. All Rights Reserved. No part of the New American Bible may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by

The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. w w w.Lockman.org

To God

the memory of my parents, Paul and Anne Winkelmans; to my family;

and my lifelong friend, Gerry Monkhouse

Contents

Chapter Outline.................................xi

Prologue......................................xvii

Acknowledgments..............................xxi

Introduction..................................xxiii

Chapter 1:......................................The Identity Crisis  1

Chapter 2:.....................................What Single Thing Runs Your Life?  20

Chapter 3:.....................................The Power of Being  39

Chapter 4:.....................................A Way of Being  59

Chapter 5:.....................................The Power of One  81

Chapter 6:.....................................Transforming Beliefs, Feelings, and Emotions  98

Chapter 7:....................................Intoxicated with Love  121

Chapter 8: God Consciousness: Knowing Your

Soul’s Sole Purpose..................143

Chapter 9:.....................................Self-Empowerment through Choice  159

Chapter 10:  Careers and Purposeful Being......185

Chapter 11:  Toward a Spiritual Psychology......206

Chapter 12: Beyond Healing....................229

Appendix......................................253

Bibliography..................................261

Ordering Information..........................265

Endnotes......................................267

Index.........................................271

Chapter Outline

Introduction: The Journey

Prologue: Reported Benefits of Your Destiny Project

Chapter 1 The Identity Crisis Identity Produces Destiny The Two Selves

The First Question: "Who am I?"

No One Builds without a Foundation

The Second Question: What do I want to do with my life?

The Third Question: Since I was born, who created the life I have now and all I have in it?

The Fourth Question: What is my greatest gift?

Who Am I?

Most People Do Not Know What They Want

Most people do not believe they are always getting what they want (The four businessmen story)

Fear of Commitment

The Fifth Question: "Am I willing to invest my time and energy in making myself my number one project? Yes or no?"

Review

Chapter 1 Questions

Chapter 2 What Single Thing Runs Your Life?

The Great Secret Image and Attraction

The Importance of Knowing Your Self-Image A Psychiatrist and Soul Therapy

Star Design

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Career

Spirituality

Mindful/Body

Feelings and Emotions

Love/Social

How My Ego’s Self-Image Ran My Life The Self-Image Problem

Chapter 2 Questions

Chapter 3 The Power of Being

Awakening to the Hidden Self: The Power Within the Wondrous You

The Inner Dialogue

If God Is All Things, Is God Also Evil? The Traits and Characteristics of God God List

Awake! This Is You

When Ego’s Self-Image Disappears—The Real You Comes Through

Chapter 3 Questions

Chapter 4 A Way of Being

A Case History

Toward a Deeper Spirituality

How Do You Know You Are One with God? The Drive for Unity

A Near-Death Experience: A Case History Chapter 4 Questions

Chapter 5 The Power of One

Review

Science and the Power of Oneness  Science, Oneness, and the Universal Mind Mommy and I Are One

The Mother Teresa Effect

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Scientific Studies on the Power of Belief, Thought, and Imagination The Folly in Positive Thinking

The Healing Power of Imagery and Imagination Bicycle Riding and Purposeful Being

How to Achieve Anything—Through the Power of Bicycle Riding

The Great Truth of Being

Bicycle Riding as a Way to Practice Purposeful Being

Chapter 5 Questions

Chapter 6 Transforming Beliefs, Feelings, and Emotions

Flow Chart

Feelings and Emotions as Biofeedback Building God Consciousness through Giving Steps for Moving beyond Fear and Insecurity

Who Is Responsible for Your Stressful Emotional Reactions? Understanding Reactions

The Key for Transforming Beliefs and Emotional Reactions— Through  Expectations

The Silent Scream and Expectation Process

Using Expectations and the Silent-Scream Process The Way You Wish to Be and Act

Most People Have Beliefs and Expectations

A Domestic Example of Dealing with a Stressful Emotion The Keeping-Your-Cool Exercise

(How to keep your head when someone else is losing theirs) Chapter 6 Questions

Chapter 7 Intoxicated with Love

Every Act You Have Ever Done Was Done for Love! The Law of Attraction

Defining the Two Ways of Loving Love and Sex

What Is the Difference between Happiness and Ecstasy? Consciously Loving

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An Example of Loving Selfishly Money and Giving

My Spouse, My Teacher

How Do You Behave When Your Needs Are Not Met? Rejection, Grief, and Loss

Loving the Person and Not Your Images The Downward Spiral

Your Song of Love

Can Meditation Replace Loving Acts and Human Involvement? Love and Biofeedback

The Seven-Day Love Exercise Chapter 7 Questions

Chapter 8 God Consciousness: Knowing Your Soul’s Sole Purpose

Mary’s Soul’s Purpose

Defining Your Soul’s Purpose and the Meaning of Soul Using Your God List to Define Your Soul’s Purpose

Finding Your Soul’s Purpose Through Anger, Fear, and Sadness The Principle of One Thing

Giving Your Soul’s Purpose Away Overcoming

The Secret Is Conscious Awareness

When Do You Know You Are a Powerfully Strong, God-Like Person?

Your Bicycle Process God List

Chapter 8 Questions

Chapter 9 Self-Empowerment through Choice

Going Beyond Reactions to the Power of Pre-choice

The Limitations of Reason and Feelings as Choice-Making Tools Pre-choice and Bicycle Riding

The Benefits of Preselected Values and Images Dualism

Duality and Choice Making

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External Control versus Internal Control

External Control and Dualistic Questions of Right and Wrong Arise When ...

Judging Right or Wrong through Purposeful Being External Control and the Old Self-Image Accountability and Responsibility

Muddy Choices

Did We Choose Our Parents? Intuition and Choice Making

Choice-Empowerment Skill 1: Is it fitting with Purposeful Being? Choice-Empowerment Skill 2: Choices that last forever

Choice-Empowerment Skill 3: Will it serve my highest and greatest good?

Choice-Empowerment Skill 4: Is this a loving thing to do? Choice-Empowerment Skill 5: Is this a Christ-like, Higher- Self-like or divine self-like way of doing it?

The Five Choice-Empowerment Skills Abbreviated Combining Your Choice-Empowerment Skills  The Ballad of Judas Iscariot

Chapter 9 Questions

Chapter 10 Careers and Purposeful Being

Finding Your Mission The Key to Motivation

What If Nothing Excites Me? Freedom in Structure

Do Previous Abilities Influence Choosing a New Career? Separating the Spiritual from the Physical

Money and Intent God and Money

Choosing—The  Essence What Is Job Fulfillment? Summing Up

Chapter 10 Questions

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Chapter 11 Toward a Spiritual Psychology

God and I Are One

What of People Who Are Not Religious? Creativity and Manifestation  Meditation

Misusing the Ability to Manifest Our Desires Spirituality and Transformation

Could Life Become Boring?

The Problem with Seeking Spiritual Powers Chapter 11 Questions

Star Design

Chapter 12 Beyond Healing

Does Ill Health Happen Randomly beyond Our Control? The Unhappy Healer

The Meaning of Lee’s Healing Journey

How Was the Term Great Healer Limiting Lee?

Should You Stop Seeing Your Doctor or Stop Taking Your Medication?

Does Practicing Purposeful Being Improve Your Health? Did God Answer Lee’s Prayers?

What Meaning Can Be Derived from a Plague That Affects a Whole Village?

Chapter 12 Questions

Appendix

Three-Part Exercise Relating to Chapter 3 Strategies for Practicing Purposeful Being Meditation

Manifestation

Affirmation: Affirming the Purposeful-Being Way of Life Bicycle-Riding  Process

Activating Your Soul’s Sole Purpose Focusing

Star Design

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Prologue

o begin,Your Destiny Project, the Art of Purposeful Being is first and most importantly about adventuring into an awareness of who you are being in the doing of your life. The challenge is purposefully doing only

those things that you enjoy and feel are in harmony with who you have chosen to be. Unfortunately, many of us have spent a large part of our lives more concerned about what we are doing than about who we are.

Reading this book can be like an adventure where there has to be some risk involved. For some the risk is to be willing to believe, even for a moment, some of the information that at first may appear challenging. For others it may confirm some previously held beliefs that may help them integrate these beliefs more fully.

Even though my conclusions are backed up by scientific research, personal life history, myths, stories, case histories, and common sense, the acceptance and integration of this material will depend on a willingness to entertain new ideas that may seem different than your own.

Your Destiny Project may be likened to an intellectual and somewhat experiential vision quest. While such a quest would be worthwhile in and of itself, it is my experience that a vision alone is not enough. My concern is not just to create a vision and purpose for peoples’ lives, but to provide a practical and realistic way for living their lives to the fullest, moment to moment. Many seekers and practitioners in the areas of psychotherapy and spirituality have difficulty living meaningful lives. This book is meant to bridge that gap.

As you go through this book, you will see beliefs and principles that are common to psychological thought as well as many religions. Your Destiny Project allows you to integrate the highest values of any previously held religious, psychological, or humanitarian belief in a way that makes living out these principles easier and more effective.

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I have attempted to include all religions in some of the psycho- spiritual theories that are presented in this work. However, I must admit to my own limitations in this area. While having made an effort to study various religions, I am still more familiar with my own Judeo-Christian background. I beg your forgiveness if your religious viewpoint is not adequately expressed herein. You are invited to include your own comparative viewpoints wherever possible.

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How to Get the Most out of This Book

Often I ask clients what books they have read. What surprises me is that nearly everyone I talk to has read many of the leading how-to books on personal growth, yet many exhibit little real psychological advancement. I often ask them what elements they have used from these books to help improve their lives. The most common answer is, I understand myself more. If understanding alone were all that was needed, counselors and healers would not be necessary. All anyone would have to do is read books. Therefore, understanding oneself is only a small part of it. Once   this is understood, the big question is: What are you going to do with it? This means learning and practicing the skills and methods enclosed within and incorporating them into a self-designed way for living. This way takes you beyond doing things, because they feel good in the moment, yet now produce conflict, stress, and pain as time goes on. Many people let events and circumstances make their choices for them, which results in a roller-coaster way of living. This means that they do not have an overall plan, purpose or preselected way for living their

lives. Instead, they let the environment make their decisions.

Now would be a good time to choose how you wish to go through this book.

I strongly recommend that you obtain a journal or a good three- ring binder with lined pages. Writing is a way of taking random, fragmented thoughts, experiences, and learnings and then putting them into an objective, rational, and understandable format. It becomes a mirror by which you can compare future thoughts and beliefs, thereby keeping better track of your progress.

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The Concrete Feedback Loop

When a baby learns to crawl, it forms a concrete feedback loop. This happens as the baby reaches out using its hands and eyes to feel and see what happens with each movement forward. The loop, a concept Dr. Win Wenger mentions in his book The Einstein Factor, is formed by extending the hand and then seeing the results as it experiences itself moving toward its goal.

Writing down the answers to the questions at the end of each chapter allows you to form a concrete feedback loop. Your eyes and your hands are physically engaged as you wrestle with the way you choose to answer the questions. Now you are making your own decisions and letting your answers become your philosophy and model for living.

Many of the questions are open-ended. They are there for self- exploration. There is no answer sheet at the back of the book, because you are your own teacher. Once you progress through the book, it is recommended that you go over the questions again; and you will see how differently you will answer the questions the second time around. This will show you how much your thinking and beliefs have changed through what you have learned.

The reason other personal-growth methods fail to have a lasting effect is due to their inability to address the whole person. This book is not about fixing or solving a problem in your life. Instead, it is about helping you go beyond your reactions, your need for therapy, and, yes, even physical healing to successfully live a fulfilling life. Consider this a road map designed to take you to your ultimate awareness of what it means to be you without your former struggles, problems, and fears.

Each chapter is designed to take you to a deeper understanding of yourself and your potential for living a more fulfilling life. Therefore, each chapter builds on the previous chapter. Jumping around in the book will cause you to miss some important fundamental points. Consider the book like a recipe and each chapter like a necessary ingredient for the final outcome.

Doing this work will help you gain a new perception of what it means to be you, the wondrous, majestic, magical, powerful, gifted

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being you truly are. It will also help you discover your most desired purpose and destiny. This means that you will always be the person you want to be, and do only that which you want to do—the practice of which, over time, elevates your feelings of joy, happiness, and ecstasy to heights never imagined.

The following is a list of changes that participants are experiencing in their lives through Your Destiny Project. It is my hope that you, too, will share similar benefits and insights. Would you also like to:

•  Discover the awesome potential of your true identity?

•  Awaken to your true greatness and life’s purpose?

•  Subject your ego to the transformative power of your soul?

•  Manifest and attract all that you truly desire?

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.

—William James

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Acknowledgments

he process of writing this book has been one of learning, discovery, and appreciation. Writing, for me, has not been a totally isolated event; rather, it has been a team project. This

work has been made possible by the input, support, and friendship of many people. I now more than ever realize the tremendous value others have had in my life and how much those values have made this work possible. I appreciate the input of not only all those who are mentioned on this page, but also those authors, teachers, and spiritual giants from present and past generations who have inspired me.

For this second edition I would like to give special thanks to Balboa Press and their editorial staff. Especially Joe Scaggs who took a personal interest in its editing and completion. I would also like to thank Jamie Moore for her assistance in making this edition happen. Also, special thanks to Cassy Melvin for her assistance with the design and cover.

I would like to acknowledge and thank those who contributed to helping me create the first edition. I would like to thank God for the experience, understanding, and knowledge that has made this book a reality; next, my mother, Anne Winkelmans, a tough act to follow, who has supported me in so many ways; Gerry Monkhouse a lifelong friend, advisor, and sponsor—I could not have done it without him.

To my editors, Dennis Winkelmans and Michiko Asari, who spent so many hours editing the content; and to Michiko for translating it into Japanese; Dorothy Young and Lynn Welburn, who did the editing of my first draft; Linda Martin for her grammatical editing, technical writing of the endnotes, bibliography, and index—and for her overall effort on this project; Dr. Michael Greenwood, who has been so helpful and a great guide; Ursula Vaira for her encouragement and efforts at helping this work get published; Marie-Claire Arseneault for her editing

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contribution; Rick Conroy, friend and artistic advisor; my son, Luke Winkelmans, for the graphics; and his wife, Tracy, for her support; my uncle, Tom Mabelson, and his wife Muriel for their many acts of kindness; and Roger Cotting and Dr. Diane Mistler, whose wisdom, support and encouragement provided the motivation for this work.

My deep appreciation to Mark and Janet Winkelmans and the rest of my children, who have put up with my many idiosyncrasies. They are Timothy, Lorraine, Pamela, and Gloria. Also, my brother Bert, his wife Mary, and their family.

To Abbot David Geraets, OSB, and his Benedictines who took me in when I was lost and started me on my spiritual journey; Robert Frager, PhD, my favorite professor; Duane and Maureen Ingram, my second family; Pat Pritchard, and Pat and Mark Dugent for their confidence; Patrick Jamieson and Marnie Butler for their continuing encouragement and support; Ken Fenner; and Jim and Darlene Robertson, whose support of my journey has meant so much.

Dr. Stephen Faulkner; Fr. Jack Sproule, a good mentor and spiritual director; Ron Kerr and David Coverdale, two great buddies; Ray Woolam. Eileen Garcia, and Dan Mulligan, good friends; Cheryl Fenner; Don and Leanne Smith; Douglas Mellish and the Mellish clan; Rev. Dale Perkins; and Ted McPherson.

To all those I may have forgotten to mention yet who have impacted my life.

Finally, to all my clients and friends whose life stories have taught me so much.

I thank you all.

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Introduction

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The Journey

ittle did I realize what powerful changes I was facing while flying to Hawaii in December 1992. It had been a depressing fall. As a professional counselor in private practice, I had recently handled

some heavy cases that I had found quite stressful. This and a personal problem added to my being in a fairly depressed mood.

I had spent Christmas with my family in Vancouver, which gave me an opportunity to spend time with my mother, who was in her late eighties. She was a very wise lady and had always been quite supportive. Therefore, during one of our times together, for the five hundredth time, I asked her something about my childhood. I was hoping to find the elusive answer to my lifelong problem of bouts of depression.

She responded by asking, Phil, how long are you going to keep digging in the past? When will you get a life?

My initial reaction was one of shock. Did she not know to whom she was talking? As a professional counselor, I prided myself on taking clients into their painful memories. I was an expert at helping people go back into their past traumas, dramas, and pain. Like a lot of others in my profession, I thought we were making them better by digging up all their past hurts. How wrong I was.

On the plane it hit me that for up to thirty years I had been involved in personal growth, first for my own health, later as a professional. Yet after all this input, there were still these times when I would experience depression. My mother was right; I did not have a life. I was looking for answers in the swamp of past hurts, traumas, and emotions.

Over the years I had tried every form of personal growth and therapy imaginable, including spiritual pursuits. Once, I had been

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a leader of a faith-healing, charismatic prayer group. Through my counseling profession, I developed skills in breath and bodywork, art therapy, group therapy, dreams, regressions, hypnotherapy, and others. My degrees were in spiritual psychology. I did not just learn these subjects; I experienced and taught them. Yet here I was, flying to Hawaii and still depressed. I was being the doctor who could not heal himself. Truly, the wounded healer!

I found myself wondering why it is that our profession has the highest suicide rate. Perhaps it’s because we take on a lot of our clients’ problems or that we often feel like failures when we cannot help all who come to us. Or is it because we are trying to heal everyone else at the expense of trying to heal ourselves? Or all of the above?

My most recent cause for being stressed and burned out was due mainly to two clients, one who I had gotten to know quite well and felt very in tune with. When I’d heard that he had died, it had come as quite a shock. No one had heard from him for a month or more. Then we’d received news that he had drowned on a boat trip in Israel. Due to his mental state and the conditions around the boat mishap, all of us who knew him had suspected it was suicide. Prior to his running off, he had been seeing both a psychiatrist and myself. Yet together we were unable to prevent his death.

The other client was a