Barrett & Ivan: Something About Him

Prologue

Barrett

I was sixteen when he kissed me.

But it wasn’t a sweet, soft romantic kiss. It was a rough, desperate, life affirming kiss.

He was being taken away.

A murderer at the age of twenty.

He was leaving his only surviving family member alone because he had to pay for his crime. But was it really a crime? He’d stopped the man who was beating his sister. Stopped him dead in his tracks.

But, now, he had to pay.

And she would be left alone.

As he dragged his lips against mine, it was as though his body was trying to consume mine. I’d had a crush on Ivan Romanov since I was twelve. I’d met his sister, Alexis, when I was eight. Ever since that moment, Lexi and I had been best friends. We were in the same homeschool group way back then, but for very different reasons. Lexi was there to stay under the radar. I was there because I was an orphan and my grandfather wanted nothing to do with playing the doting guardian act at a public school.

Barrett, you have to take care of her, take care of my Lexi. His Russian accent was stronger than usual, his words thick with emotion. I don’t know when I will return to her. I’ll send money as I can. She knows about the secret bank account. Don’t leave her. Don’t let her lose her smile.

My mind whirled in several directions. The object of my desire for the last four years was kissing me. And I’d never known he was gay. Was he gay? What was the kiss? From where had it come?

My best friend, the daughter of a long dead Russian mobster, had been beaten within an inch of her life. And her brother had killed her abuser.

I knew there’d be no problem with me staying by Lexi’s side. My grandfather could barely stand to look at me when he was having a good day. On his bad days, he didn’t even know I was around. I’d been a thorn in his homophobic, drunk-ass side since my parents died several years ago.

I’ll take care of her, Ivan, but… There was so much I wanted, needed to say, to ask, but he kissed me again, plunging his tongue into my virgin mouth.

The cops who had been patiently waiting to take Ivan away came rushing towards us, obviously not okay with a twenty-year-old kissing a sixteen-year-old right in front of them.

Or was it more that a man was kissing a boy, not so concerned about the ages?

They certainly hadn’t been too distraught that Ivan had destroyed the scumbag who’d beaten Lexi, but the kiss seemed to light a fire under them.

Barrett, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t kiss you like this. But, I can’t help myself. Take care of her, love her, make her smile, make her forget. Be for her what I can’t be while I’m away. And with that, he brushed a thumb down my cheek before turning to walk past the approaching officers to the cruiser waiting to take him into custody.

I grimaced as the officers roughly cuffed him and all but threw him into the car.

I watched the vehicle drive away, taking with it the answers to so many questions.

Later, we would find out he was likely going away for twenty years, but his lawyer would optimistically share that he could get out in ten if he met the requirements of his sentence.

Ten years.

Ten years to wait until my questions were answered. And would they ever truly be answered?

I turned to walk into the hospital where Lexi lay in a swollen, bruised, and bloody state. She was going to be okay, but she needed to heal, to rest, and recoup. I looked down at the small scrap of paper Ivan had shoved into my hand. It had an address along with the words, Take her here. Don’t tell anyone. Don’t let anyone follow you. Stay here. I’ll come to you when I get out.

Memorizing the address on the cryptic message, I shredded it into tiny pieces, depositing a few scraps into multiple trashcans as I walked to Lexi’s room. If there was anything I had learned by being around Lexi and Ivan, it was to make yourself hard to trace.

I sat with her over the next several days, holding her hand, telling her stories, and helping her forget. But the terror of that night still haunted her eyes. Would my love and friendship ever be enough to make her forget?

A week after Lexi was beaten within an inch of her life and Ivan was taken to prison for murdering her boyfriend, I loaded her into my beat up old car and we wove our way through the city until it was safe to hit the winding country roads which took us to the address Ivan had given me.

A huge, run-down, but livable, old farmhouse sat at the end of a mile and a half long driveway. I didn’t know how or who had taken care of it, but I was relieved to see there was electricity and running water. Lexi and I looked around the home appreciatively. We’d been on our own for the most part before, we could make a go of it together. As long as we had each other and we knew Ivan was coming back at some point in the distant future.

1

Barrett

Ten Years Later

We had an entire plastic tote filled to overflowing with ten years of letters between the three of us. Ivan always sent the ones we wrote to him back to us for safe keeping. He’d keep them until the next letter arrived, then seal the previous letters up in his note to us. He didn’t straight up say it in a letter or at a visit, but I got the feeling that maybe the guards used the letters to get to him. Maybe threatening to destroy them? Either way, we were happy to hold on to the letters for him.

Ten years of notes and letters is a lot. Most of them were fairly bland, none of the three of us ever wanting to have anything we wrote picked up by the prison security to cause a problem for Ivan. But, it was a connection we were allowed to have, and the three of us took as much advantage of it as possible.

Lexi wrote faithfully. I wrote about every other week. Ivan ran the gamut, a lot like his emotions, and would write two or three times in a week, and then not again for three or four weeks. It was always during those times that Lexi and I worried about him the most. Had he been hurt? Was he in solitary? Had the guards taken his paper and pencil as a punishment?

Daily mail deliveries were always a cause of excitement. If an ordered item arrived, we’d celebrate. But if a letter from Ivan showed up, we stopped everything to huddle together and read it.

Dear Lexi,

Thank you for the card you sent. Getting mail in here is a highlight. It breaks up the monotony. I loved the story you sent. How are you? Are you feeling better? Is Barrett taking care of things?

I look forward to your next letter and the first visit you’re able to make.

Love,

Ivan

Dear Barrett,

Lexi says you’re helping her and taking care of things. Thank you. I’m sorry for the way I left things.

Ivan

Dear Ivan,

I’m so happy to hear you’re going to take classes to get your GED. You’re so smart. I know you’ll do great. I’m doing fine, moving on, and settling into life with Barrett. We are finishing up our classes soon. Barrett already has some great networking going for his music, and I’m excited about my writing.

We’ll be there to visit within the month.

Love,

Lexi

Dear Ivan,

Lexi’s first book is a huge success! I’m so damn proud of her. We had a celebration dinner. She’s truly happy. She misses you, but knowing you’re coming home keeps her putting one foot in front of the other.

Barrett

Dear Lexi,

My sister, an author. I’m very proud of you. I’ll read all of your books cover-to-cover when I get home. I miss you. Do you guys need anything? It was great seeing you last month, but I’m already looking forward to the next visit. Thank you for the picture of you and Barrett, you both look beautiful.

Love,

Ivan

Dear Barrett,

I don’t know if I can do this. I am so ready to be out of here, but it’s scary to face the world after ten years of being out of it. I want to come home, but I’m afraid I’ll mess up the routine you guys have.

Sorry, I’m being a cry-baby today. Ignore me. You’ll only have to put up with me for a year if all goes well with the parole, then I’ll be out of your hair.

Ivan

Dear Ivan,

Barrett told me about your last letter to him. Of course you’re coming here and staying! I mean, I know you have to be here for at least a year, but I expect you here for good even if you’re cleared after your parole. Unless you don’t want to be here? Please say you’ll consider staying. I want our ten years back.

Love,

Lexi

Dear Ivan,

Sorry, I had to tell Lexi even though I knew she’d get a little crazy on you. We are looking forward to having you here, not just for a year. We’ve got rooms for you to choose from. Lexi has been preparing for your arrival for several years.

I’ll be sure to get her up there for a visit soon.

Barrett

Dear Barrett,

I can’t talk to Lexi about the shit that goes on here. It sucks. I know I did something wrong, but the punishments handed down from inmates and ignored by guards hurt and haunt worse than the conviction ever could. Please don’t tell Lexi what I said, I don’t want her to worry about me. I’m sorry for unloading on you.

Ivan

Dear Lexi,

I can’t believe it’s almost time for me to come home to you. See you soon.

Love,

Ivan

"Barrett, you should totally ask that guy out." Lexi checked the screen of my laptop over my shoulder.

Embarrassed to be caught on the gay hookup site, I slammed the screen down.

Damn it, Lex, don’t sneak up on me like that. I’m not trying to hook up with some random guy. I’m perfectly happy with you and our little life here. Plus, Ivan will be coming back soon. It would be too weird to start dating when we’ve got big changes ahead of us.

Those were the words I spoke. But my thoughts ran along the lines of being too shy to ask a guy out, totally unsure of myself, not interested in bringing him to our hidden oasis, and scared shitless to have sex.

True, I knew sex wasn’t a given on any date, but I’d chatted with enough guys online to know that a lot of men went straight to the sex very early in the dating. Having almost zero experience with sex, I wasn’t too keen on throwing myself out into the great unknown.

And by zero experience with sex I meant a kiss from Ivan almost ten years ago, my right hand, and a lot of gay porn on my computer. I was a twenty-six year old virgin.

In my defense, I hadn’t exactly had a completely normal life. But I wouldn’t have changed it even if I could. Lexi was my soulmate, she was my other half, we completed each other.

Barrett, you need to get out there, meet some guys, fall in love. Lexi perched next to me on the sofa.

Because you’re getting out there, meeting guys, and falling in love? I teased her.

Lexi rolled her eyes. Fine, point taken. Leaning over to curl up in my arms, she sighed. We’re sort of pathetic, huh?

Maybe a little. But, we’ve done pretty well for ourselves. I’m happier with my life now than I ever could have imagined when I was stuck living with my drunk, gay-bashing grandfather in his sour smelling, bug infested apartment. I bet Ivan will be really impressed with what we’ve accomplished. I smoothed my hand over her dark tresses.

You’re right, we’ve done well. I guess I just sometimes wish we could have done things in a more ‘normal’ way.

Eh, we’re artists. We’re eccentric. We don’t need no stinking ‘normal.’ Jostling her in my arms, I waited until I got some giggles from her. "You are an amazing author. Your books have been selling great for years and show no signs of stopping. My music keeps getting picked up for various projects. Sure, some of what I do isn’t exactly my passion, but I get to play the music of my dreams for you. And someday, I really will take my online followers up on producing an album of sorts. I kissed the tip of her nose. So, we don’t get out much. But, it’s not like we’re total hermits. We have our date nights, our painting dates, our grocery shopping, and all the other times we make ourselves go to town."

Yeah, but we can’t even have pizza or Chinese food delivered because the delivery guys can’t ever find us. She was obviously in a pity-party mood. And you’ve spent the last ten years living with me when you could have been out there building a life for yourself.

"No worries, we’ve never starved. Picking up our own pizza or take-out food really isn’t the end of the world, Lex. And I wouldn’t trade these last ten years for anything, unless we could have had Ivan here. My life with you is exactly what I needed. I feel like I’ve grown into the real me because of our life together. What’s really bothering you?"

I don’t know, Bear, I guess I’m just anxious about Ivan coming home.

I ignored her annoying use of the even more annoying nickname she’d burdened me with when we were younger and waited for her to continue.

I love Ivan and want him home, but I worry what these ten years have done to him. He used to laugh and have fun, but the few times we’ve talked to him or gone to visit, he seems so subdued and down. Like the sparkle has left his eyes. And his letters are so superficial, nothing real. But, then again, I keep things light in my letters too. There’s no reason to worry him about things, so I guess he’s probably taking the same approach. Her eyes were bright with tears. What if what we’ve created here isn’t enough for him? What if we’ve waited ten years for him to join us, and he doesn’t want to stay?

"Well, he has to stay at least a year because his parole mandates he live in the state and with family. That means here with you. His parole officer will be checking in throughout the first year at least. Cocking my head. That all that’s bothering you?"

For the most part. I mean, yeah. She hesitated.

Go on.

I want you to be happy, Barrett. But if you find a special guy you’ll probably want to leave me, leave this place we’ve built together. And Ivan likely won’t want to stay forever. I guess I’m just scared to face my future alone without my two favorite guys.

Lexi, that’s not going to happen. First, Ivan loves you and will want to stay with you until he’s one hundred percent sure you’re doing okay on your own. Second, I have no intention of leaving you. This place, you, our work, it’s my life. And I’ve missed Ivan just as much as you have. I’m excited for him to come home.

Lexi’s eyes got that pitying look.

Don’t give me that look. Ever since I’d told her about Ivan kissing me, she’d waffled between not believing me and feeling sorry for me.

Barrett, as much as I want you to be happy, I’m going to have to say it for the thousandth time, I really don’t think Ivan is gay. I mean, he always had a girl by his side before he had to go to prison. The kiss was maybe just his emotions getting the best of him. I’d love if my brother and my best friend fell for each other, but I just don’t see it happening. Within weeks of being here, I’m guessing Ivan will start a parade of girls in and out. He’s likely been going through a pretty rough dry spell behind bars. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.

The thought of Ivan with one of his girls made my stomach roll. The