Brutal Justice: Your Guide to Being a Violent Vigilante, Crime-Fighting Superhero

Brutal Justice

Your Guide to Being a Violent Vigilante, Crime-fighting Superhero

Copyright © 2016 Mark Sewell.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-8933-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-8932-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-8934-6 (e)

iUniverse rev. date: 02/18/2016

Warning!

For Entertainment Purposes Only!

This is a work of fiction…that means it ain’t real. Furthermore, the entire premise is a joke; that makes it double not real.

Beyond that, nothing in here is a good idea for stuff to do, so DON’T FUCKING DO IT!!!

If you are so amazingly stupid as to actually attempt anything contained in this book, it’s your own fucking problem.

You have been warned.

The author takes no responsibility for your actions, nor any of the prison shower rapings such idiocy may result in.

Contents

Acknowledgements

Prologue

Introduction

{Chapter One} The Dream

{Chapter 2} What Hero Type Are You?

{Chapter 3} What’s in a Name? A lot, it Turns Out…

{Chapter 4} Dress for Success: Masks, Spandex, Body Armour and Utility Belts

{Chapter 5} Whoa, I Know Kung Fu…Learning the Fine Art of Kicking Ass

{Chapter 6} Cars, Trucks, Busses, Trains and Motorcycles…or a Skateboard? Heroes in Motion

{Chapter 7} Disguises: Because Masks Aren’t Always an Option

{Chapter 8} Impact Weapons…Putting the Hurt on Crime Old-School!

{Chapter 9} Did You Ever Dream You Have Claws? Knives, Spears and Other Sharp Things

{Chapter 10} Guns: A Barrel Full of Fun

{Chapter 11} Financing the Crusade

{Chapter 12} I’ll Just Hide Behind That Bush…Gack!…Cover Versus Concealment

{Chapter 13} Philosophy of Fighting Multiple Opponents

{Chapter 14} Super-Teams: Asset or Liability?

{Chapter 15} Building Your Very Own Lair of Death

{Chapter 16} Weapons of Mass Awesomeness: Homemade Incendiaries and Explosives

{Chapter 17} Justice Comes from Over the Hill: Bomb Delivery Vehicles

{Chapter 18} Carbon Monoxide: Killing Scum in Droves

{Chapter 19} Maintaining Morale: Keep Feeling Super!!!

{Chapter 20} Writing Your Legacy: Superhero Memoires

{Chapter 21} Heroic Nutrition: Your Path to Superpowers

{Chapter 22} That’s it, Just Give Me Another Half-Million Reps…: Superhero Strength Regimen

{Chapter 23} Backpacks Instead of Bat-Belts: Utility You Can Wear…Anywhere

{Chapter 24} And a Pen Which Can Be Driven Through a Skull… Everyday Items That Can Serve Double Duty

{Chapter 25} Make Them Piss Their Pants: Battle-Cry Essentials

{Chapter 26} Sample Crime-Fighting Strategies

{Chapter 27} Inspirational Stories and Motivational Thoughts: Wisdom from Experience

Recommended Reading

Appendix A: Example List of Necessary Items for the Crime-fighting Superhero

Appendix B: Reinventing Yourself…a Pictorial Exercise

Acknowledgements

It is said that no man is an island.

Others have said that it takes a village to raise a child…guess they never heard of a single mother.

However, they all make the salient point that life is largely a team effort, and this applies to Justice endeavours as well (depending on your Unique Hero Type of course…more on that later). This book would have been completed without the assistance of others, but it would not have been nearly so awesome; many folks leant their efforts to creating a truly excellent end product.

So, without further ado, let’s introduce you all to the Brutal Justice Entertainment Dream Team.

• Michael Reeve: Photography, photo-wizardry, and apprentice vigilante.

• Urban Knight: Photography, and the other half of the Dynamic Duo.

• David Wilcox: Artist extraordinaire, responsible for the cover illustration, and bringing the Toxic Whale to glorious, horrific life.

• Ashley Duguay and Rachel Gray: Never has vigilante Justice looked so stylish.

• Sergio Mazzotta: No one else could better capture the vivacious, yet ready-for-ass-kicking attitude put forth by the stylish (yet deadly!) female superheroes. The pictures you see in the finished product cannot compare to the photo composition originally attained.

• Karese (AKA The Destroyer): My loving wife, who has been a true partner on the long, weird road of Justice…I don’t know where life will take us always, but together we’ll kick adversity in the face, and make it drink its own urine!

And finally, I must thank all the assholes, dick-faces, terrorists, murderers and assorted fucked-up, brain-dead, sadistically evil savages that deserve a jolly good shit-kicking; you made writing this easy.

Prologue

So, you’ve decided to take up the vocation of being a ruthless vigilante, taking the law into your own hands, then twisting it into a pretzel and chucking it aside when it gets in the way. Well, I have one thing to say to you…

Good idea, man! Go for it!

But before you grab the nearest blunt object, wrap a scarf around your face and run off into the night, there are some things you must consider. Here are some of them; be honest with yourself.

• Are you able to beat up a MMA competitor, or does your previous level of conflict experience involve yelling at a Starbuck’s employee over the level of foam on your cappuccino?

• Can you tell the difference between a revolver, an auto-loading pistol, a rifle or shotgun, and a pellet gun? More importantly, which should you choose for shooting a pedophile in the testicles while tied to a chair in your dungeon?

• Do you have a dungeon? If not, are you willing to build one within 90 days of commencing your righteous Crusade of brutality?

• What is your favourite colour?

• What does your power animal say about your crime-fighting style? Answer in 3-5 pages.

• Any thoughts as to a catchphrase or battle-cry (Screaming Save the whales! as you lay about you with a machete really throws people off)?

• Do you at least own a ski mask?

There are plenty of other concerns as well, like funding, plausible deniability, fitness, what performance enhancing drugs to take, etc. Fear not, bold adventurer, for I have the answers you need. I’ll even coach you in the fine art of creating your very own mythology, turning disjointed jotting down of facts and rants into a masterful memoire anyone would be happy to read (and buy).

You’ve had your whole life to be normal, and what did that get you?

Not much, or you wouldn’t be reading this. So fill your lungs with a heroic breath, shout Fuck You! so loudly it resounds through the Halls of Valhalla, and leap into the void. Jump into my world, where adventure abounds and laws don’t apply. Jump into a realm of…abnormality; it is your destiny. Take your place amongst those proud few with the strength of will to grapple the miscreants and pummel them into submission.

We have pizza. 39224.png

Introduction

Being a violent vigilante has long been a valued part of the beautiful tapestry which makes up society at large. In order for the vast majority of folks to remain happy in their safe little bubbles of innocence, like well-tended sheep, some force must counter the minority of folks who stalk them like hungry wolves. Part of this function has, of course, been performed by the military at a national level, and by the police forces at a provincial/state and city level, but they need help from outside the bounds of lawful society…they always have. Such a force sporadically appears, in an unforeseeable pattern of awakened folks who heed the call, out of a sense of duty, honour, rage, bitterness, or just sheer boredom.

This is where you come into the picture, bold reader. You are set to join the ranks of those who have borne a multitude of names throughout the ages, most commonly and coolly though, as vigilantes, crime-fighters…as superheroes.

That’s right, you can rise to the ranks of those who usually are encoded in myth and fiction; by stepping outside the constraining structure of societal mores and sanity, you access a realm of non-stop adventure and Justice (Justice is always capitalized…trust me, you’ll understand why soon). But be warned, I’m not speaking about some hippy, pie-in-the-sky, visualize your best foot forward, imaginary adventure, fuck no! I’m talking alley stalking, leaping from rooftops, running from pursuing forces, car chasing, fence-hopping, baseball bat bashing, napalm burning in the night fun. You don’t get spooked by bullets, do you?

This manual is here to guide you into your new life of adventure smoothly, answering practically any possible query you might have about starting up. Helpful tips will save you start-up cash, as well as hefty lawyer fees down the road. Time won’t have been wasted learning stuff the hard way.

If you turn back now, your life is going to be the same as it has up to this point; safe, predictable, high likelihood of reaching retirement age, on the track to a 3 bedroom house, 1.8 kids and half a dog…boring as fuck. If you beckon the call though, life will never be dull. You may get shot, stabbed, clubbed, or blown up by a bomb…but you won’t be bored! And if you do your job right, you’ll be fine anyway, as all the people with motive to do such things will be dead. So relax already, you’ll be okay…probably.

{Chapter One} The Dream

Let me present you a scenario:

A lone, masked figure sits perched upon a rooftop, keeping watch on the citizens below. They pass by down there, unaware of their silent protector keeping a vigilant eye out for danger, ready to leap into action at a moment’s notice. All is quiet, other than the background noise of the city until…a scream is heard!

Ignoring all risk, the hero tosses a rope over the edge of the building, the untied end reaching to the ground far below. Taking a firm grip with his Gauntlets of Justice, he slides down at a break-neck pace, only slowing his descent as the pavement appears to rush up to meet him. Before his feet even make contact, he is leaping into action; he assessed the situation during the downwards journey, so the leader of the mugging scum is the first target.

Blam!!! A thunderous right-cross pistons into the face of the scum-rot savage, crushing the nose and sending him to the ground in an insensate heap. With the first threat taken care of, only 5 thugs remain…child’s play; they have no idea what magnitude of threat they are facing. 39126.png Deploying the extendable baton with a threatening Snick!, the paragon of Justice, this towering force for good, hurtles into their midst, laying all about himself in a beautiful ballet of pain and well deserved injury. The criminals never stood a chance, and they cannot even attempt to resist as their hands are zip tied together, interlocking with one another to make an easily identifiable, ungainly and immobile present for when the police arrive.

The beautiful woman who has just narrowly averted defilement and injury through the swift actions of her savior shyly looks into the masked face, with eyes full of wonderment—awe even—and asks Who are you? You have my eternal thanks, but can I at least know your name? The hero looks deep into her eyes and says "You can call me Savage Justice, Anonymous Protector of the Innocent."

And with that, he turns his face into the night, racing off to see what other wrongs might be righted in the night-time corruption which plagues the city after dark.

Pretty great, yes? Come on, admit it, you have a scenario just like this pretty much in your head; only the number of criminals, the gender of the victim, and the height of the building are up for discussion. Well, I have a news flash for you…it usually goes a little something like this:

• An unidentified moron plummeted to his death when the rope he was sliding down the side of a building with snapped in half; details at eleven.

• A local man is in a coma, having been beaten half to death after attacking 6 men for no reason at all. He was wearing a mask and carrying weapons…police are calling it a clear cut case of self defense…charges are likely when he recovers.

• A 29-year-old man was sentenced to 5 years prison time in connection with a savage beating last year, when he severely injured 6 men who were doing nothing to provoke the attack. During the trial his defense attorneys argued that he had been rushing to the aid of a woman that the men were trying to mug or sexually assault, but this mystery woman has never materialized.

So what gives? How did it go so wrong most of the time? Why didn’t the heroic man of mystery get the fame and the girl? Why do so many potential vigilante superheroes end up dead, crippled or anally raped in prison? It is actually very, very simple, folks…they did not bother to think of what their unique hero type was. Your hero type will inform much of what you should do, how to do it, where to do it, and what equipment is required. Fear not though, brave reader, for you have this handy manual to guide you along the correct path.

{Chapter 2} What Hero Type Are You?

Not all heroes are the same; they have different motives, different strengths, different goals, and even different philosophies about how best to crush the criminal underclass into a sticky goo. Violent vigilantes are people, after all, with differing backgrounds and commitments. A soccer mom who volunteers with the PTA, for instance, will likely stalk the degenerate scum of society in a different fashion than a bachelor living in a run-down, inner city apartment. They each bring different things to the table; she likely has more disposable income for cool, high tech death devices, as well as a bitchin van, but he will have more free time, as well as easier access to crime…less travel time equals more clobbering time (heroics involves equations too). To apply a one-size-fits-all approach would neglect their unique talents, and ignore the crime-fighting opportunities inherent to their societal roles; she could target depraved perverts with rapist tendencies, using herself as bait, an approach which the unshaven bachelor will likely have very limited success with.

So, keeping these realities in mind, I shall present you with a sampling of different hero types, along with a few basic points to think about with each one. They are not exhaustive, and are meant to stimulate your imagination rather than lock you into any particular role. This ain’t the army, son; you are free to explore many options, blending them until you come up with the perfect vengeance recipe, personalized to perfection.

Random Encounters: This refers to the free-form type of vigilante, who tends to go with what the universe provides as targets. Often viewed as lacking direction, he views himself as a balancing agent, one who is guided by random chance. Perhaps there will be a mugging in a parking lot at the grocery store; perhaps a rape will be attempted while he takes a piss at the bar…there are no mundane moments for this person. Plenty of foot patrols will be the order of the day; when not stuck in unavoidable commitments, get out there into the world! Adventure lies just beyond that door…or in that alley…or perhaps behind those bushes, etc. Randomly driving around the city side streets at night can be productive as well.

If this seems like you, always travel with an easy to put on mask, along with some cut-resistant gloves. You won’t have time for full disguise; if you try for that, the miscreant will have already done their evil deed. Just mask up, pull some gloves on and jump into action. Get into the habit of seeing the escape routes around you in every situation, as the cops won’t give you a medal for your efforts.

The Vengeful Detective: This hero type tends to be very focused and methodical; to them, the random approach is too much wasted time for not enough effect. Often burning with a cold rage, perhaps fueled by previous, personal trauma, the vengeful detective tends to focus mostly on certain crimes they find most heinous. Child molesters are a favourite target (as they should be), along with serial rapists, high level drug dealers, and serial murderers. Some may target corrupt cops and politicians also, but this is less common.

If you feel a deep resonance with this powerful archetype, you’re not alone; Batman, Rorschach, and others of their ilk have long been fan favorites. You just make it real, and take it a tad further. You’ll need to hone your research skills, and practice surveillance techniques as well. Hunting cameras set up in strategic places for staking out perps, directional microphones and glasses with built-in video recording capacity will be handy gadgets. A police scanner could be handy at times also…but what you really need are some computer hacking skills, and knowledge of how to mask your electronic presence.

Another great thing to do is imitate To Catch a