I'm Not Going Down This Road Again

I’m

Not

Going

Down

This

Road

Again

Lady Dee

Copyright © 2016 by Lady Dee.

Library of Congress Control Number:  2016907201

ISBN:                 Hardcover                       978-1-5144-9115-7

Softcover                         978-1-5144-9114-0

eBook                              978-1-5144-9113-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 06/26/2016

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Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

You Hurt Me (Mentally, Emotionally, and Physically)

Section One: Junk in the Trunk

1. Letting Go of a Past Relationship and Marriage

2. Trust

3. Bitterness

4. Rejection

5. Resentment/Unforgiveness

6. Low Self-Esteem

7. Anger

8. Revenge

9. Hostility (Short-Fuse) Attitude

Section Two: Jesus Is the Way

1. Forgiveness—Letting Go of the Hurt

2. Call to Forgiveness

3. Principles of Forgiveness

4. Why Should We Forgive?

5. Tools for Forgiveness

6. Edification—Orientation to Grace

7. Characteristics of the Believer’s Mental Attitude

Section Three: Joy

1. Restoration—Rebuilding After a Relationship/Divorce

2. Grace/Mercy

3. Peace4. Proper Mental Attitude

5. Take Control of the Situation

References

Bibliography

This story is based on facts and events, and names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Dedicated to my beautiful sister, who has had a major impact on my life’s journey. Love you very much for always being there.

Acknowledgments

I give thanks to God, who is the head of my life, for this gift to bless others. Also, I would like to give thanks to a few people that have influenced my life on this journey:

My mother, who is my best friend—always there, eager to listen, and a praying warrior. You have been my rock through the low and high times of my life. I love you, Mom.

My big sister, for her encouragement to hang in there in spite of what’s facing me. My dear sister, you are a phenomenal woman, and I am so truly grateful and blessed to have you as a sister.

David, a dear friend, came in my life for a reason: to teach me the importance of laughter. He made me laugh from the first time I met him. I got my sense of humor back; I love to laugh and keep a smile.

Deidre Clark, my best friend, who taught me how to put myself first in what I do. I’ve learned so much from her, especially how to be a true friend. She was always there for me when I needed financial, emotional, and spiritual support. She knows once I’m blessed and successful in my writing career, so will she be. I love you as a sister, and you’ll always be in my heart and prayers.

Pamela Walker, a dear friend I met while working for over twenty years now. We have had our ups and downs but have remained good friends. We have so much in common regarding struggles in life. She has been my road dog for so long; we have been traveling and seeing the world together.

My beautiful daughter, who has helped me with my writing, encouraged me, and supported me pursuing my dream. I love you, sweetheart, and was overwhelmed when my eight-year-old grandson read one of my completed novels and gave me five stars. I love him with all my heart. One day, I will cross over to writing for children and write a book dedicated to him.

All my grandchildren for being an inspiration in my life. I do what I do because of them and my love for the art. I am a proud grandmother, and being close to my grandchildren means the world to me.

Layla Regal, who has so much wisdom, has taught me the meaning of true friendship. Her constructive feedback has made me grow into a more positive and fearless woman. I step out on faith, not afraid to fail or excel. You will always be in my heart and prayers.

Samantha Coward, who has been a hard critic of my writing but honest. I have improved tremendously through her constructive feedback and her constantly revising and editing my work. Thank you for being honest and a big fan.

To the men that have come and gone in my life, for teaching me from each experience. My past relationships have taught me a valuable lesson and the courage to put it in print for others to know that you can let go, start over, have peace of mind, and find happiness.

All the others I couldn’t name that have supported me and encouraged me down through the years. Thank you from my heart.

Introduction

Once you let go, you are taken to a place of peace, serenity, and contentment. It will take time to get there, but you can get to that place. Have determination to want to feel better, to want to think more positively, and to look for a brighter future.

Excess baggage can affect how you interact with other people. Excess baggage lets off negative energy to others, and it also lets off anger and pain, which they can feel along with their own anger and pain. You escape reality by substituting both indoor and outdoor activities to forget the pain that you feel.

As you go through each section of this book, in certain segments you will see my story of how God restored my joy and gave me the ability to love again after he dealt with my junk. Seek Jesus, and meditate on these important lessons to be learned so that you can start your journey of restoration. The key factor and goal of this book, which I was inspired to write, is to help both women and men that have been hurt and scorned in a relationship to let go of the baggage, begin to heal, and start over again.

Keep in mind that all people are not the same. There are genuine people out there who are waiting for the right one or their soul mate. First, let’s check our temples to see what we need to change to attract the right man or the right woman. When a certain man or woman comes into your life, there is something about your character that attracts that type of person to you.

Another valuable lesson learned in this book is not to settle for anything less than the best. Think well about yourself! Shirley Murdock wrote an article that all women should read and use as inspiration. It was in Essence a couple years ago, called I Love Myself Better than That, and topped off with a single with the same title. I recommend you read the article and listen to the song. Shirley Murdock’s single and article made a major difference in my life.

If you want to get rid of the junk in your trunk, you must forgive those who have harmed you in any way. Letting go isn’t easy but can be done. Harboring resentment, hostility, and anger is unhealthy for you mentally and physically. The junk can break your body down and create depression, body aches, headaches, insomnia, and loss of weight. You have to take your share of responsibility in the matter and also not blame but accept what has happened and avoid an endless cycle of broken relationships.

Deal with your issues by recognizing and admitting that there is a problem. You do not want to harbor resentment, possess hostility, hold on to anger, and live with bitterness, and these are only a few of the deadweight emotions that you carry around. These sections will take you through the junk (baggage) that we tend to carry and show you techniques and ways to get rid of the garbage that haunts your very being.

You Hurt Me (Mentally, Emotionally, and Physically)

It is well known that those who have been emotionally damaged tend to inflict their hurt and pain on other people. A large percentage of those who have been sexually abused become the abusers of others. Those who suffered under an alcoholic parent often cause their future family to suffer because of their drunken stupors. Until we deal with the whole person, as stated in 1 Thessalonians 5:23, we will be spiritually gifted, but we will act like emotional infants. In other words, we must deal with our emotional health as well as our spiritual health and power. Let’s see if you can identify with the common traits displayed that hurt people. I know that I can identify with a lot of the traits. I saw myself doing those things that a hurt person does.

The common traits that hurt people display in their interactions with others are as follows:

1. Hurt people often transfer their inner anger to their family and close friends. Many times, those around them become the recipients of the harsh tones and fits of rage owned by the hurting person because they have unknowingly become the vicarious recipients of transferred rage.

2. Hurt people interpret every word spoken to them through the prism of their pain. Because of their pain, hurting people misinterpret ordinary words and translate them to mean something negative toward them. Because of this, they are extremely sensitive and act out of pain instead of reality.

3. Hurt people interpret every action through the prism of their pain. Their pain prism is vast and deep and reaches into the inner core of their soul; it defines them. Their emotional pain makes them suspicious of the actions of others, and they always think that they have evil behind their intentions and they are looking for and suspect wrong motives.

4. Hurt people often portray themselves as victims and carry a victim spirit. The victim spirit covers them like a designer suit or dress. The attire fits them well, and they wear their designer clothes every day. Often, hurt people can cry racism, sexism, or homophobia or often use the words unjust or unfair to describe the way they are being treated, even if there is no truth in their cries. Hurting people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship and often carry around and sometimes display a suspicious spirit. Sometimes the suspicious spirit is the designer clothing.

5. Hurt people often alienate others and simultaneously wonder why no one is there for them in their time of need or at any time. They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior.

6. Hurt people have the emotional maturity that coincides with the age they received their (undealt-with) hurt. If a woman was raped twelve years ago, unless she forgives that man and allows Christ to heal her heart and allay her fears, in that particular area of her life (sexuality with a man), her emotional growth will stop and will not develop beyond that period.

7. Hurt people are often frustrated and depressed because past pain continually spills over into their present consciousness. In many instances, they may not even be aware of why they are continually frustrated or depressed, not realizing that they have coped with pain by layering it over with other things over time. The time frame can be days, months, or even years. The layers can be drinking, excessive video games, mindless Internet surfing, going to the movies not to see the movie but to just escape reality, food addictions, drugs, and promiscuity.

8. Hurt people often erupt with inappropriate emotions or outbursts. Particular words, actions, or circumstances touch and trigger past wounds. I have been in situations with people in which there was a gross overreaction to a word I spoke or an action that was taken. Although I was shocked and thought this reaction came out of left field, it was really the person’s response to an accumulation of years of hurt and pain that could not help but spill over in various situations. Our friendship eventually faded away, and there was no hope of rebuilding the relationship. Although we still talk to each other every now and then, it is sad that some people just can’t let go of past hurt. I have been in situations where I have overreacted to the point that I broke off dating a guy because of fear of being hurt again. An entire year passed before we spoke again. When we did connect again and we had a conversation, the first thing that I did was apologize for my behavior. I humbly admitted that I had junk in my trunk that I hadn’t let go of, and very unfortunately, it had surfaced once we started dating.

9. Hurt people often attempt to medicate themselves with excessive entertainment, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sexual relationships, or hobbies as a way to forget their pain and run from reality. The faster I ran from my reality, the more difficult it was to lose it. I consumed my time with writing, reading, and spending the weekends at my best friend’s house. I also spent a lot of time doing mindless shopping. This is how I ran from my reality so that I would not have to face my own life, my own reality, and the reality of what had taken place in my life. Once I came to the realization that my husband had abandoned me, I gave it over to the Lord. He restored my mind and spirit. The Lord gave me joy and peace, and he also returned my youth, health, and life. I am so grateful!

10. Hurt people have learned to accommodate their private false self or dark side, which causes them to be duplicitous and lack integrity. Often, your private life is different from your public life, which causes hypocrisy and compounds feelings of guilt, condemnation, and depression.

11. Hurt people are often self-absorbed with their own pain and are unaware that they are hurting other people. They are often insensitive to other people because their emotional pain limits their capacity for both empathy and self-awareness. My ex-husband hurt me numerous times, and I kept on going in the relationship without an apology, not realizing what I was allowing him to do to my emotions and self-esteem; I was numb. He would call out my name, curse, and scream at me. I would go outside and cry as I told the Lord I couldn’t take this anymore. I am tired, Lord. Please take this cup from me. I never got an apology, and I hated being in my ex-husband’s presence. He would talk badly about my children as though he disliked them and didn’t want them around. Things really started going downhill in our marriage when he was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis. He would never do anything to help himself beat the disease. He only wanted attention and sympathy.

God often purposely brings pain to the surface so that hurt people can face reality. Whether it is because of a marriage problem or continued personal conflicts on the job, God often allows conflict and spillover; God wants the infection to stop spreading and the person to be healed. Christians fight the devil and blame him for conflict, when in essence, God often allows conflict so that people will be motivated to dig deeper into their lives and deal with the root causes of destructive thought and habit patterns. According to Romans 8:29, God’s purpose for us is that we will all be conformed to the image of Christ. Conformance to the image of Christ does not just happen with Bible studies, prayer, and times of glory; it also happens in painful situations when we have to face what has been hurting us for many years.

Face our pain, so we can start on the journey of healing.

Section One

Junk in the Trunk

Introduction

Look, before you get