Under the Mango Tree: A Spiritual Way of Living Merry

Copyright © 2009 by Tanya Copprue.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

Acknowledgements

I would like to express my gratitude to Gary Tsiperfal for the original art-work on the cover of this book. I would also like to express gratitude to the editor of this book Josephine Giaimo. Thank-you both for your contributions.

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Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Core I

CHAPTER ONE: The Value of Self

CHAPTER TWO: Loving the Self

CHAPTER THREE: Identifying Imbalance

and Finding Balance

CHAPTER FOUR: Acceptance of Self

CHAPTER FIVE: Identifying Strengths and Weaknesses

Core II

CHAPTER SIX: The Mind

CHAPTER SEVEN: The Enigma of Emotion

CHAPTER EIGHT: The Body

CHAPTER NINE: The Spirit

Core III

CHAPTER TEN: Gratitude

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Attitude

CHAPTER TWELVE: Faith

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Success versus Purpose

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Prosperity

Core IV

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Drinking from the Same Cup—The Art of Grace

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: The Power of Change—Knowing When It’s Time to Try Something New

Core V

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: You have the right to choose your guests. Learning how to accept the nature of others.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Forgiveness is Freedom

Core VI

CHAPTER NINETEEN: The Art of Humility and the Courage of Confidence

CHAPTER TWENTY: Living as the Whole Person and Celebrating Life

AUTHOR BIO: Tanya Copprue

Dedication and Gratitude

To my Brother Kariym for teaching me that life goes on even after death.

To Hayden for allowing my soul to experience Divine Love, which has served as the inspiration for this book.

You both will always have my love and gratitude.

Tanya

Foreword

This is my love letter to the world, and my prayer that we may have an abundant life of mind, body, and spirit. Our planet is in need of desperate healing, and if one human being can touch humanity, speak truths, and have faith that we can live harmoniously and joyously, then life is not in vain. It is the goal of this book to heal, inspire, empower, and assist humanity of all ages in achieving personal growth, and transformation that leads to the highest level of self-development and happiness.

Many of us spend our days toiling and never finding the time to enjoy life. We are not living—we are merely surviving. Life keeps on passing us by and we miss the true meaning of living merry. In fact many of us do not consider life as a place for merriment. Instead life seems to be a place for hard work, great business, and intellectual pursuits, but happiness is viewed as one of the benefits that may or may not come as a result of hard work. This is not true living. It is a means to an end, and our end will come without having lived in merriment or fulfillment.

With all of the chaos the world brings, we find ourselves dying mentally, physically, and emotionally more each and every day. We get one life, and someone once said that life is not a dress rehearsal. We certainly will not get a second chance to live as we are on this planet again. All the reason to start now, while we still have the opportunity to enjoy this wonderful journey called life.

A journey has many paths, twist, and turns. However, we have an internal compass that can guide us to the best way for each of us individually. We sometimes take a road that is so dark and unfamiliar we may have great difficulty finding the lighted path. This is when we need a guide. Some of us are too afraid to ask for help or seek guidance to a better path, this is counterproductive to our own development, and can certainly hinder our growth.

God is merciful and he always provides a way of escape. He will always send someone to gently remind us of a different way, or show us we are headed down a road of destruction. Throughout history, God always provides guides, messengers, or teachers to lead us towards the paths of light, peace, and love. I did not say to lead us to the right way since I do not believe there is a wrong or right way when it comes to navigating life. I believe there are better ways, and in this book, a spiritual way of living merry is the most powerful way which can allow us to experience happiness even when everything around us seems chaotic.

The earth is in a chaotic state, humanity is a chaotic state, and none of this would be possible if we did not create the destruction in our minds first. When I speak of we It is my way of claiming our collective part in the chaos of the world. Small fires start big fires, and every one can do his or her part in changing the world in which we live. We contribute to the destruction of our bodies and neglect the urging of our spirit, until it becomes so impoverished that our entire being is thrown into imbalance. How do we begin to take responsibility for our part in restoring harmony? By loving ourselves first, one by one, and our immediate world, our immediate environment, and our perspective will change.

The only true way to happiness is love, the love of self and the love of others. Our ability to love will create an atmosphere of peace, and will allow us to genuinely live well. Love is the strongest force in our universe, second only to faith. For God the creator of the entire universe is love, and love is God. By faith the worlds and the universe were framed. If we honor love and faith, if we embrace them both whole-heartedly then our lives will change, they must change. This has been the only sure way the world has ever known to consistently, and unequivocally bring about real happiness and positive change. Love is a force so powerful it can heal the broken in mind, body, and spirit. Love can create, and it creates more love, encourages laughter, and feeds and nourishes the soul.

This is my love letter to the world and my gift to this world I love so much. It is my desire to share all of the information God has blessed upon me in a universal way. It is with my love and hope that this book reaches people from all over the world, and of every nationality, race, culture, and creed. It is my hope and desire that the love created within these pages fills and inspires each reader to love him—or herself completely and others as well.

Strangely, there is a huge myth insisting we can love others without recognizing and accepting the love within ourselves first. This is perhaps one of the biggest tales ever perpetuated, and I believe it is the reason why there is much turmoil in the world today. One can only give out of the abundance of that which he or she already has. The first vessel we are given to love is ourselves. We can never extend love if we do not love our own vessel in mind, body, and spirit. If we have no understanding of love, how can we give it, or express it to others? Living is about loving and every chapter in this book is inspired by love and the love of life.

There is certainly enough love to go around in an abundant supply, yet we must first tap into its unlimited resource and lavish ourselves with it. Only then can we spread love and the healing will ultimately begin. We will talk more about this topic later in the book. I have purposely placed it as the starting point since it is one of the most important factors needed before one can make merry. Genuine happiness begins with loving ourselves and then we can share what we have with others.

For ages, people have claimed they committed acts in the name of love, some too horrible to even fit in the same sentence as love. The word love is misused, and used in vain so much that it is now synonymous with and no more important than boxed chocolates, fancy dinners, and roses. Men have believed they conquered distant lands in the name of love, and have had the audacity to wage wars in the name and love of God. However, true love is none of these things.

Love is the very sphere and essence which holds together our being. It is the light emanating from us and serving as a direct connection to all of life, the universe, and the great creator. It is the goal of this book to help others to discover their inner light and allow it to guide them to the desires of their heart and a life of living merry.

This is my love letter to the world. I have been compelled to let humanity know we have the power to heal our planet and have the life we desire. Although it may sound corny, writing a love letter to the world, I feel that if I ever had something to say to the world, it would be the contents of this book. So these words are written and sealed with my love. The greatest lesson I have learned in my life has been to love life, God, my self, and others to the greatest capacity of my being. Nothing has proven more beneficial, more powerful, or more giving in return than love.

I submit to you that love is the only real secret humanity fails to acknowledge as the hope for our existence. The words of that old song what the world needs now is love, it’s the only thing that there is just too little of is the spoken truth, and so I write this book as my love letter to the world.

The journey of this book will explore how to enjoy life despite the many challenges which may occur. We will identify how to live merry in the face of adversity and how to allow grace to keep us sane and gratitude to keep us blessed. We will learn how to value, love, and accept the true self. We will explore how to stay balanced while embracing the joy of living to the fullest of our capacity. With these ingredients we will make an elixir of life, a cocktail that will fuel the mind, the body, and the soul. We will turn sour tastes and strange fruits into pure juicy sweetness and slowly savor every drop. Let us begin together, the first day of the rest of our lives living merry. With all my love,

Tanya

Introduction

THE WAY OF LIVING MERRY

Are you living, or simply surviving? This is a question many people never really take the time to ask themselves. If the truth were to be told many would have to respond with the proverbial line I am just trying to make it, or I am just trying to survive each day. Survival is something that went out of date as our species, the human race, evolved. We have with us the wisdom of our forefathers and foremothers. We have the technology, tools, information, and resources given in an abundant supply to live better than we ever could in the past. We do not have to settle for survival. We can live, and live merry. Today, in this wonderful present moment, is the time for living. True living requires a lifestyle change by developing the mind, the body, and the spirit. Under the Mango Tree provides the tools and information necessary to make powerful lifestyle transformations.

My Philosophy

The word philosophy means love of wisdom, but is often referred to as a way of life or a way of thinking. Therefore the way of living merry can be translated as the love and wisdom that teaches how to live a merry way of life. The philosophy of living merry as I call it is truly a lifestyle change. It is a movement if you will. It is about changing our negative thinking, our responses, and adapting a healthier lifestyle.

Each day millions of people feel trapped in unhealthy lifestyles and trapped in unhealthy patterns of negative belief systems, low self-worth, and stuck in careers or jobs they hate—yet are fearful of change.

Under the Mango Tree teaches how to break through negative patterns and belief systems to bring about balance, develop clear attainable goals, and make powerful transformations.

Think of this book as a prescription to end the issues which seem to keep you from the happiness you deserve in life. The Way of Living Merry works, and if it worked for me, it can work for you too, and anyone willing to do the work to have a healthy mind, body, and spirit.

Let me assure you this is not a book to tell anyone how they should live or run their lives. It is a book encouraging one to enjoy life to the fullest in order to achieve maximum balance, experience new opportunities, and partake in the insurmountable joy that true living can bring.

I am not a lifestyle expert or even a life coach, yet I have discovered wisdom from the ancient teachers as well as from living my own life in merriment, and I simply wish to share what I have learned. I know there are many that claim to be experts in various fields, but I do not believe there is such thing as a life expert. If that were the case there certainly would be no need for God, since we would have all the answers. What we know for sure is that we do not have all the answers. If there were humans who were life experts, we would have world peace, ended hunger and racism, and our civilization would be in a state of complete bliss. Human beings simply do not have all the answers on how to lead the perfect life, and even with great expertise, experience, credentials, mounds of written literature and a plethora of information there is no perfect solution to leading the perfect life.

There is a huge market for teaching people how to live the perfect life, but the truth is there is no such thing and I do not believe in taking part in such gimmicks. I simply am going to serve as a guide to steer you to your inner self. The inner self already has the answers and the life map necessary to lead a more fulfilling life. So if you are looking for a quick fix or a Band-Aid solution, this is probably not the book for you. There will be work to do. Together we will work as a team and this book will serve as a reference that you can always have to remind you of the way: The Way of Living Merry.

What is living merry, you might ask, and how can with live with merriment during crises? I find one of the saddest things in life is our ability to work almost until our death, and never take the time to actually live. We rationalize working for our need to survive, but somehow we fail to live. Life passes us by and we are left with so much regret. I have seen this far too many times, and enough to understand that life is meant to be lived to the fullest. We do not have to be rich and famous in order to enjoy life or live merry. As we can see, thanks to mass media, many of the rich and famous are quite miserable, despite having far more than the average person does material-wise. This is so because material wealth, possessions, and status have very little to do with true happiness.

Living merry is about enjoying life while we still can, and enjoying life with what we already have in our lives. The truth is we have a wealth and abundance of inner resources in which we can access to enjoy life. The truth is that happiness begins with us, and ends with us. Each person is responsible for his or her own happiness and fulfillment. All that we need, we have, and all that we desire, we can have. We begin this by undoing the damage, and learning to value, love, and create balance within the self. This is not simply a matter of mere perspective-it is a matter of lifestyle change. Our lifestyle must reflect joyful living and not just the survival instincts that make us react to life instead of living.

It is our primal instinct to survive, and this has been necessary for our survival as a human race. Yet I somehow feel we allow this basic instinct to go into overdrive. We completely ignore the other great assets we possess within us and around us. It is necessary for many of us to work in order to survive, yet in the midst of working, what are we really working for? What are we gaining each day as we give countless hours to our employers, or our respective businesses? Other than the accumulation of luxury items and gadgets deemed to make life more comfortable, what do we have that reveals true happiness? Are we really comfortable, are we really happy, and most importantly, are we really enjoying life? There is certainly not anything wrong with having the things that make life more comfortable, yet things and people cannot bring us the joy and satisfaction which comes from living life to the best of our ability. Certainly they can add to our joy, but be clear that our joy does not come from things or even other people. Our joy comes from within, and it is there that we will find everything we need to enjoy life and find true happiness.

Living merry is about balance. When we are aligned mentally, physically, and spiritually with the universal good, our lives will reflect all God has in store for us. Our lives can begin to change when we have obtained balance. Balance brings clarity and the truth of all things as it pertains to our life. Balance is an essential part of living and is the key prescription.

Balance creates trust, and as we begin to trust our instincts, we are able to make better decisions that affect our lives. We become aware of what matters and what does not. Balance assures our stability and fosters healing and wellness. When we have balance we can truly enjoy life, because no aspect of our life outweighs the other, and as we continue to develop healthy patterns that continue to bring balance, we prosper in all areas of our lives.

Living merry is also about celebrating the party of life and choosing what to wear to your party, what to serve, and even whom to invite. We get one life and it is far too short to not live it to the fullest and to the best of our ability. Living merry is about taking responsibility for our own happiness, and making the time to invest in our greatest asset, ourselves. When we are at our best and feeling merry and bright, we can extend this energy to others, and the joy will be contagious to all around us.

So, okay, this book is not about making cocktails, although I have quite a few recipes that will rock a party. I chose mangos because they are my favorite fruit, and they are the sweetest and most lush fruit imaginable, in my opinion. I have a good friend, Maria, and she and I share a personal joke about when I find the man of my dreams he will feed me mangos. So mangos for me represent discovering and tasting the sweetness of love.

Mangos are also known as the King of Fruit in the Asian Continent because of all of the vital and life-sustaining nutrients they possess. In addition, it is said the tree Buddha often sat under to meditate and the place he received his enlightenment was under a mango tree. In this book, the mango represents the sweet and vital life-sustaining nutrients that will move us and keep us focused on the spiritual path.

However, we must understand life is both bitter and sweet, and we must learn to drink from the same cup with the same kind of grace. To that end Under the Mango Tree: A Spiritual Way of Living Merry is about discovering, tasting and enjoying the sweetness of life and love, while developing the grace to balance both the bitter and sweetness of life. The secret to living merry is quite simple, use what we already have to create the life we want. In this book we will learn how to do so with all that we have, and all that we are.

The Inspiration for the Way of Living Merry

Love life engage in it, give it all you’ve got! Love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.

—The incomparable Maya Angelou

This book does not subscribe to any religion. However, it integrates the spiritual context of many different teachings of various religious backgrounds. Much of this book utilizes teachings from both the Old and New testaments of The Bible as references for spiritual growth. However, Under the Mango Tree is not based on any religious affiliation, but highlights the connection of many faith teachings that lead to a spiritual path.

I have a strong desire to reach all people, and not those of any particular religious group or affiliation. However, Biblical scriptures have always had a significant impact on my life, growth, and development, and to not share what I have learned from them would not only be selfish; it would not honor the truth of what I discovered. This book is about helping others discover and find their own truth and spiritual path, and it does not matter what religion one is, anyone can benefit from the power of Biblical scriptures. Also, throughout this book I refer to God and the great creator as the infinite higher power of the entire universe, and I use the terms interchangeably as they come to mind. Please feel free to call the infinite creator of the universe, respectfully, whatever you desire.

The Way of Living Merry was inspired in part by scriptures from the Bible which I found tucked away in the Book of Ecclesiastes. I say tucked away, because they are hidden jewels I feel are the real keys to the path of happiness in life. I have never or at least I do not recall hearing much said on these scriptures during the many years I have attended various religious services. I have not seen much written on these scriptures either. These are my personal experiences, and I wondered why it was that these jewels were not discussed as much as many other scriptures.

It has been said that King Solomon was the wisest man on earth during his time, and his wisdom surpassed all of his era. He was a man of great wealth, status, and admiration, and people came from all over the world to seek his counsel. It has been said that the book of Ecclesiastes was penned by the famous king, and his wisdom is as relevant today as it was long ago. I believe King Solomon left behind hidden treasures, for it was not his great wealth that brought him happiness, nor was it his search for wisdom. It was his discovery of how to apply what he had learned to his life that I am sure, brought him joy, so much so that he decided to write a book and share with the world secret treasures which serve as keys.

What he essentially offered was a different kind of lifestyle, one focused on enjoyment of life instead of constant worry and toil. I believe he provided a whole new way of looking at life and circumstances beyond our control. King Solomon’s lifestyle secrets are about relinquishing the need for control, and taking the time to find our path instead of rushing down the freeway of life. I further believe King Solomon knew the way to a better life for human beings. He knew we focused our attention far too much on wealth, status, power, careers, and other ambitions, and spent less time on truly living. Life can be way too short, and every moment should be enjoyed in a way that is best for each and every one of us.

The following scriptures come from the Book of Ecclesiastes, and they serve as a great inspiration for writing this book, along with my own observations, studies, and experiences. I integrate them with the core principles in the Way of Living Merry, along with other key concepts discussed throughout this book. Below are the scriptures I believe are keys to living a merry and prosperous life.

Ecclesiastes 7:13-14 Except the way God does things for who can straighten what he has made crooked. Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life. Ecclesiastes 8:15-17 So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way, they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun. In my search for wisdom, and in my observation of people’s burdens here on earth, I discovered that there is ceaseless activity, day and night. I realized that no one can discover everything that God is doing under the sun. Not even the wisest people discover everything no matter what they claim. Ecclesiastes 9:7 So go ahead. Eat your food with joy and drink your wine with a happy heart. For God approves of this! Wear fine clothes with a splash of cologne.

Here within these rubies, diamonds, and pearls lay the jewels of infinite wisdom. In this New Living Translation, a clear and straight forward proclamation is given to us. How ever did these amazing words of wisdom escape us as a society?

In America we are greatly influenced as a Judeo-Christian society, and The Bible has influenced the world over in so many ways. While reading these verses, I pondered why these scriptures were not taken to heart like so many other scriptures which have influenced us. Perhaps it is because these scriptures are simply too real or maybe they offer the truth in a way too simple for us to accept. We humans love complexity, and we often make things more complicated than we have to. These scriptures clearly tell us with profound wisdom that we should simply enjoy life and take the bitter with the sweet, because basically we have no real control over what may or may not happen.

What we can do is think with a positive attitude, and be receptive to the tides of change. The scriptures in Ecclesiastes say there is ceaseless activity under the sun. This is very telling because very often we simply are moving at too fast of a pace to really enjoy life, or even to actually be in tuned with what life is trying to show us. When we can enjoy what the presents brings us, we can then signal the universe to bring more good into our lives. As we demonstrate we appreciate what we have been given and demonstrate our readiness to show we can honor more, we will be given far more than what we can imagine. When we treat our lives well the universe opens the gates of the heavens to flood us with our greater good.

There are some situations we simply have no control over like choosing our parents, our race, gender, and even unfortunate events like horrific accidents and illness. Yet we have a lot more power than we think we do, and we can access this power by living merry and having a balanced life in mind, body, and spirit.

Give yourself the best life has to offer within your capacity and ability to do so. All work and no fun or real enjoyment in life will never lead to a fulfilled life, and endless toil, excessive worry, and stress will not gain happiness or real joy and fulfillment.

There is much to be said of these scriptures but for the sake of The of Way of Living Merry it all comes down to understanding and accepting that life requires a balance and balance is essentially grounded in love. The love of self and the love of others, and striking a balance between work, life, and our desired goals is perhaps our greatest quest which will ultimately lead us to a greater path.

Life is too unpredictable to limit ourselves and to deny ourselves good things. I believe we get so bogged down with our work and other stressors we fail to enjoy life. We know how to survive yet we do not know how to live. The Way of Living Merry requires a change of perspective and the adapting of the core principles as guides to a better path for living.

In addition, the most essential component and inspiration of this philosophy is love! As we have discussed briefly in the introduction, love is the strongest force in the universe. This philosophy, movement, and lifestyle change is meaningless and incomplete without love. Try to view love as the (heart) the major organ that pumps all the blood to the other vital organs. Without the heart pumping blood to the body, we quickly lose oxygen and nutrients that our blood carries throughout our body, and without this action we die. So it is with love, and without love this lifestyle change and new perspective is dead.

I know many will say it sounds so corny, yet this is not mere fluff. We can look at the state of our world and truly see what the lack of love has created. We often only have to view the state of some aspect of our lives and we can see that we may be in great need of love. We may also be in need of a change of thinking, and therefore, adapting the principles in this book will require a commitment to both honor love, and try a new perspective. Are you ready for the change? Are you ready for the joy and excitement that comes with making and living merry? If you are then let us begin with a life changing movement so you can start living and not just surviving!

Core I

INTRODUCTION TO THE SELF

CHAPTER ONE: The Value of Self

If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.

—Author Unknown

Hear me well. I cannot find any other way to say it more clearly. There is no one on this planet more important than you. If you are reading this book, then I am speaking to you, and it is by fate that you and I should have this conversation. Perhaps you thought you were all that. Perhaps you may believe you are conceited, love yourself, or maybe even are a bit narcissistic, but I challenge you that if you take a closer look, you will find none of this to be true. Maybe you place value on others more than yourself. This is a form of suicide, and will ultimately lead to your demise. One may be suspicious of me by now and might even say is she saying I should behave selfishly. Is it not noble to share and give unselfishly?

We do live in a very selfish world that is based on the principles of everyone for themselves, but that is rooted in selfishness not love and certainly not in value of self. People are only selfish when they feel they do not have enough of something. Somehow their belief system is based on lack and fear. When you have not, you can give not, so in actuality some that are selfish have within them a state of impoverishment. One simply cannot give what they do not have.

It is not selfish to understand this fact? I find it brave. Understanding that we cannot give what we do not have leads to the path of change, particularly if one learns how to give to him—or herself first. If one can identify why they feel they do not have enough of a thing, then they can find a way to replenish whatever is lacking in them. Why would we allow ourselves to go unfilled, thirsty, and hungry if we can eat, drink, and live in abundance? It is the lack of this knowledge that allows one to remain in a state of impoverished thinking, and this goes against the laws of abundance. Therefore, in a selfish person’s mind there is never enough, so they hoard and protect what they have. It is quite logical, but nevertheless counterproductive and hinders their ability to receive.

So I will continue by repeating my statement: there is no one more important on this planet than you. You only get one life, and one chance to do what it is you were born to do, and live life to the best of your ability. You most certainly, and this is an undeniable fact, will not get a chance to do life over again, at least not in this lifetime anyway. When you leave this planet you will go out alone, exactly as you came in. In my book that makes you pretty darn important. You might want to go some place comfortable and try to relax because we have some serious work to do and much to discuss.

Okay now that you are comfortable, let me say to you that life began the moment you were born, and the clock is ticking. You were given a finite amount of time and this is certain. You do not know when the clock will stop nor should you be concerned about that. Yet you need to be aware of this fact enough to place no greater value on a thing more than your precious time and life.

Values are how important a thing or person is to us. It is an internal hierarchy that identifies and categorizes the importance of people, places, and things in our lives. Everyone has values, they may be evil values, but everyone has something, and often someone that he or she values. Many in today’s world value money, jewelry, cars, clothes, sex and all of the pleasures of this world. Valuing all of the things mentioned is perfectly fine, as long as one does not value them more than they value themselves or value those things more than human life. We are meant to enjoy life to the fullest and acquire all that we desire in order to live an abundant life; yet one cannot properly enjoy any of these things if they have a lesser value of their own person. For if you value the thing more than you, how can the thing provide joy to you? If you value others more than your self, how can they bring joy to you? How will you receive the gifts, if you have nothing in which to hold them? How can you ever be filled, if there is an empty hole inside you? All of the things and people that you value will pass right through you. I mentioned earlier that Inyanla Vanzant, a great teacher, whose name means great mother, once said: Anytime you place a value on someone or something more than yourself, you are engaging in an unconscious form of suicide.

In my very blunt opinion you have already loaded the gun if you value others more than yourself. Remember you get one life, no one can live it for you, and no one can give you more than you can give yourself. Individuals who value others more than themselves, usually have very low self-esteem, and a person with low self-esteem cannot be trusted to be a legitimate friend.

People like this can never give more than what they have and you cannot expect them to. People with low-self esteem will allow others to walk all over them, abuse them, and will do anything to please others, even if it means their own humiliation or demise. They often seem very generous, but there is a motive for this generosity. People with very low-self esteem attempt to buy friends by giving in enormous ways. They give hoping this will make others loyal to them or value them, but this is misguided thinking.