Behind the Shades

Introduction

M

y name is Rameena Barksdale, and as I write this book on domestic violence and toxic relationships, it is the fact that I’m getting out of one right now that compelled me to start this project. I have been in multiple abusive, toxic relationships—not by choice, but subconsciously, I’ve chosen what I think I deserve. I wrote this book for two reasons.

Reason 1: For the people who don’t understand why women trapped in toxic domestic relationships don’t leave right away and the steps and phases some of us may go through in these relationships. I want to try to help them understand the importance of supporting people in these situations.

Reason 2: For the women who are currently trying to get out of these situations and feel that it’s impossible. I’m letting them know that they are not alone and outlining the steps they need to take to get help and get out.

People always ask, Why do you stay? or What is it about him that you just won’t leave? In this book, I will answer these questions based on a group of women who have been in abusive situations.

A battered woman isn’t dumb for staying. She needs help. This kind of relationship makes a woman feel worthless and that this abuser is all she will have, and most times, there are financial reasons, fear of abandonment, and low self-esteem. This person isn’t a monster to them. He or she was everything we thought we wanted in the beginning. It always starts correctly.

Chapter 1

The Meeting

"

H

ey, I think I want to meet an abusive man today."

It may seem like a woman in an abusive relationship wakes up and picks a man who wants to hurt her. Like every other woman, we want to meet a good man with whom to have a family, travel, and have a great life. Unfortunately, things don’t always turn out like that when we first meet a man; he is everything we think we want. He is physically attractive; he most likely dresses very nicely, and the sex is excellent. It seems as if he is the only one who understands us. This person is someone we can do anything with.