Love, Time, Death

DEDICATION

I would like to thank and dedicate this book, and all that I have and will accomplish, to my daughter Tariana Helms; you are the love and joy of my life. DADDY LOVES YOU!!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To my late and beautiful mother Kimberly Helms; I loved you in life, and I still love you in death (R.I.H.) You are gone but you will never be forgotten, you will live on thru me, and I promise to make you proud.

To the love that I love loving you know who you are, and thank you for being my rock... To my brother Micheal Lee and  all my brothers and sisters of the struggle; all those who have endured and stood by me throughout this journey, even while enduring your own. Never allowing outta sight; outta mind to be something that deterred you from being here. Never 2 Much love and Respect!

To my editor/illustrator Damien Cherry thank you for contributing to my growth and putting your vision and talent into my work.

To those who’ve read my work, critiqued it and me; helping me become better in some way shape or form.

To all those I loved, and lost whether to death, the struggle, or because strength wasn’t their strong suit.

Blood makes us related; Loyalty makes us family, so to all those who are and remain loyal. Thank you for being my family, thank you for standing firm when I was weak, and thank you for the support because I needed it. This is only the beginning and I promise to never stop going in, and I will never forget all that you standing with and beside me meant & means. I Got Us ! P.E.A. C.E

To Quality Press for helping me bring my dream of publishing to fruition.  Without your direction and input, I might still be seeking the way to embark upon this journey toward my destiny.

To those I didn’t mention there’s a reason, you figure it out.... (LOL)

CONTENTS

DEDICATION

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

CONTENTS

INTRO

PART I

1: DEATH

2: Is It Me?? (LOVE)

3: Caught Slippin (TIME)

4: The Price of Love (LOVE)

5: Time Is Priceless (TIME)

4: The Moment of Truth (LOVE)

5: Spread Your Wings (TIME)

6: Necessary Decisions (LOVE)

7: Froze in the Moment (TIME)

8: DEATH

9: Let Go (LOVE)

10: When it Rains it Pours (TIME)

11: Spare No Expense (DEATH)

PART II

12: No Matter Tha Cost (DEATH)

13: More Questions Than Answers (TIME)

14: Hiding in Plain Sight (DEATH)

15: Unfamiliarly Familiar (LOVE)

16: Getting Acquainted (DEATH)

17: Game On (TIME)

18: Feeling Uneasy (LOVE)

19: Unfair Advantage (TIME)

20: The Devil (DEATH)

21: The Missing Piece?! (TIME)

22: Calculated (DEATH)

23: I Miss My Daddy (LOVE)

24: Make Every Move Count (TIME)

25: She Had to Go (DEATH)

25: Even The Most Careful Individuals Make Mistakes (LOVE)

26: 90% Mental 10% Physical (TIME)

PART III: The Finale

27: Burning Desire (TIME)

28: Fade to Black (LOVE)

29: No Room for Two (DEATH)

30: State Of Panic (TIME)

31: The Price of Being Disloyal (DEATH)

32: Mal (TIME)

33: Where’s Darnell? (DEATH)

34: In Search of Melia (TIME)

35: 1+1=3??? (LOVE)

36: The Time Has Come (TIME)

37: The Reveal (DEATH)

38: Too Much to Bear (LOVE)

39: One Big Family (DEATH)

40: TIME

Epilogue

About the Author

INTRO

One thing about the hands on a clock, is that they never stop moving. In life, sometimes situations and circumstances arise, whether self-inflicted or unexpected, where choices must be made. But one thing that comes along in life that can overpower even logic at times, is LOVE...

When love comes along your worst enemy, and the biggest obstacle you’ll face that’s impossible to overcome, is TIME....

No matter the problem or equations, the only solution or sum will always lead to, and equal DEATH....

Death makes us appreciate and cherish the Time we have to Love. So the best thing we can do is... Love the Time we have, until we Die.

But what does Time mean, when Death takes away all that you Love???

PART I

1

DEATH

(Lamar)

"You want this nigga to be your daddy?! Well fuck him and fuck you!

Anyone I see come out here in this car after tonight is as good as dead, Nicole" Lamar said. He was angry now, with a loaded AK-47, pointed at his baby mother, Nicole, her fiancée Darnell, and his 7-year-old daughter Ja ’Melia.

(Nicole)

Please Lamar, just put the gun down..., Nicole said, crying, with her arms now reaching toward Lamar.

(Ja‘Melia)

Ja‘Melia slid her trembling body behind Darnell’s leg, and held onto it and his hand for dear life.

(Nicole)

Don’t… please...

(Lamar)

You got this nigga laid up all around my daughter and shit. She acting like she doesn’t wanna be around me, or my family. It’s your fucking fault she doesn’t love me anymore! The only reason I ain’t killed you, or this nigga yet is because of her.

(Carmen)

Mar, No!!

Carmen, Nicole’s mother had just taken the Walmart and Target bags in the house, heard the commotion and looked out the bathroom window to see the hostile scene before her.

(Darnell)

Look, if you got a problem with her or me. Take that shit up with us. Ain’t no reason for you to have a gun out in front of Melia. You’re scaring her..., Darnell said, now trying to defuse the situation. Pissed at himself for leaving his gun locked inside the glove compartment.

(Lamar)

Shut the fuck up, bitch ass nigga! Now you telling me what scares my fucking daughter, and what I should do, huh? Lamar said, now pointing the gun that was half the size of him, at Darnell specifically.

You’re right though..., Lamar said sarcastically, as Carmen emerged from the inside of the apartment now.

(Darnell)

Take her and go inside…

(Lamar)

Lamar interrupted Darnell and said, You don’t give orders; you are in no position to do so right now.

(Darnell)

Ja‘Melia, go to your grandmother. It’s okay baby gurl, don’t be scared, Darnell said, trying to comfort her, staring into Lamar’s angry eyes and at the same time, down the barrel of the AK-47 that was still pointed at him.

(Lamar)

It doesn’t even matter, you are a dead man walking. Nicole take her inside...

(Nicole)

I’m not leaving him! Go to your nana, Melia… now baby...

(Darnell)

Go with her, I’ll be fine, Darnell told Nicole before kissing the crown of Melia’s head, pushing her towards where her grandmother Carmen was standing.

(Nicole)

I’m not leaving you! Nicole firmly told Darnell as Melia took off in a sprint towards her grandmother.

(Lamar)

Lamar, now clearly upset at the defiance, and lack of respect, grabbed Ja’Melia by her arm as she was passing, damn near snatching her off the ground. Did I tell you to go anywhere?

Darnell sprang into action, thinking of nothing but Ja ’Melia’s safety; forgetting about his own. But before Darnell could make it to Lamar, or Lamar could respond to Darnell’s advance. Nicole reached in her purse instinctively, grabbing the nickel- plated .380 Darnell bought her. And without a moment’s hesitation; pointed it at Lamar, closed her eyes and squeezed the trigger.

2

Is It Me??

(LOVE)

(Nicole)

I was taught at an early age right after my body started changing and developing from my uncle Fred. That as long as I breathe I had absolutely no reason to go without or be broke. He told me as long as I respected and took care of my body and developed my mind, I was priceless, and men would always be willing to pay top dollar for the thought of getting some from me. That same advice was and is the reason why he and my father stopped speaking.

(Rodney)

Hey Ja’Melia! Rodney (my mom’s new boyfriend) said, walking past my room, looking me up and down, as usual; making me feel weird. It was in moments like this, when I thought only about my Uncle Fred’s words and also when I missed my father the most.

(Nicole)

Ja’Melia, come get your sister and don’t forget to wash those dishes, and take that trash out! (my mom screamed, interrupting my thoughts.)  I immediately knew what time it was. So, I did as she said and went to get my sister out of her bedroom.

(Ja’Melia)

Come on Jay-Jay, I said, picking up my baby sister.

(Nicole)

And what did I tell you about walking around the house like that?! Go put some damn clothes on! She yelled after noticing Rodney looking at me in a strange way. Touching and fondling her body like I’d only seen in the movies her last boyfriend Jayson made me watch with him. As I closed the door to my mother’s room, I couldn’t help but think of how I hated her and couldn’t wait to get old enough to leave this house. That is, until I looked down at Jay-Jay and realized I couldn’t leave her here. I didn't want her to go through what I had to go through over the last 7 years since my father had been locked up. I’m 15 now, in early college at Youngstown State University with a job, temps and a car that my father bought me for my birthday. My mother treated me as if she was jealous of me. It was to the point I knew I couldn’t tell her that her other boyfriend Jaime, who was also my father’s friend, would make me give him oral sex until my jaws would cramp while she was asleep. Or make me jack him off until he’d bust all in my face, and in my hair."

The threat of him killing my mother, and the fear of her not believing me and whooping me for insinuating anything like that made me keep my mouth shut. It was like after Darnell went to prison, the best part of my mother did too. I talked to my father every day and went to see him twice a month. He kept me grounded with the thought of him coming home soon, but it never seemed as if time was moving fast enough. We hadn’t seen Jaime since I told my father about what he did to me. He promised it would be our secret, amongst many other things I told and confided in him about. I knew my mother and Rodney would be soon making loud noises. So I turned on my father’s and my song For you I will by Monica, after changing Jay- Jay ’s diaper and giving her a bottle. She was drifting off to sleep, as I went back to finishing my homework…

(Darnell)

I’ll always protect you. I’ll always be proud and believe in you, no matter what, and I love you more than words will ever say.

(Ja’Melia)

I love you too dad!

(Jaime)

Ja’Melia, come here... you know what time it is.

(Ja’Melia)

It was Jaime now touching me, as the vision of my dad went away, and he appeared. I knew I was dreaming, but the dream felt too real. I woke up and jumped, but the hands were still on me and I was no longer dreaming.

(Rodney)

"Shhhh..." was all the dark figure said.

(Ja’Melia)

I knew it was Rodney, as the moonlight coming through my window hit his face. My body trembled with fear and anger, I wanted so badly to scream for my mother. But instead I whispered to myself…Please daddy, protect me! Please.... I need you. I blocked my fear out and laid still trying not to feel, but I felt his fingers rubbing on top of my panties. He slid them to the side, now I could feel his skin on mine.

(Rodney)

Yea, I knew you wanted me. I could see it in your eyes earlier... This pussy wetter than yo momma’s. I’m about to put these fingers inside you. Don’t scream. I was sweating and scared, still trembling; he was touching me in a place I’d never been touched. I wanted him to stop, and as the tears swelled up in my eyes. Jay-Jay screamed for me. She started crying and screaming at the top of her lungs. Rodney immediately stopped and jumped out of my bed. As quickly as he did, I covered myself with the blanket as the lights came on.

(Nicole)

What’s going on in here? It was my mom in a t-shirt and a bandanna.

(Rodney)

I just went to get something to drink and seen the dishes were still dirty in the sink. So I came to wake her up to go clean them and the baby started crying. Rodney said, now putting the fingers he’d just had on and almost inside of me to his mouth. Signaling me to keep quiet, before putting them into his mouth and sucking his fingers.

(Nicole)

Well get yo ass up and go clean them fuckin’ dishes like I told yo ass earlier. And make Jay-Jay shut up! I’m tired of ya’ll damn kids! Come on Daddy, let’s go back to bed, my mother said, before turning to head back