She Is Well Stories of Power |Strength |Wellness

Introduction

Welcome to the She Is Well Tribe! This book project is for every woman on the journey to becoming She from everything that has come before Her. The initial idea and concept for this book project was supposed to be birthed as a solo collection of my nuggets to becoming well in every area of life. But through my conversations in the Women’s Wellness Lounge, I realized that other women needed to share their voice and tell their story. I feel blessed to extend this contributing author opportunity to include other women because it will have a greater impact. Being obedient and listening to God has taken this project deeper and wider than I could imagine.

I dedicate this book in honor and memory of my beautiful mother, Sandra Marlowe Queen. A Queen that spread love with her very presence!

Thank you to every woman that believed in my vision said yes! We are now the She Is Well Tribe!

She Is Power. She Is Strength. She Is Wellness.

Special love and gratitude to my husband Tommy Watkins and our beautiful children, Tenae, Breona, Thomas, Reggie and Brice.

Foreword

Presented by Dr. Rica Wilson

Collective stories are the salve of our community. We are either birthing our own stories or marinating in midwifery while our sisters are pushing through the pain to breathe new life onto their dry bones. Have you ever had a valley experience? Where did you turn during your lowest moment? Reading has a way of taking folks on an unforgettable journey. Sit-down. Relax a moment.

We are sisters- words that have refused to drown in the midst of the valley. Our words have emerged out of the deep and dark corners of our broken hearts. We are multicolored shiplap-unshackled ancestral chains seeking freedom. We are freedom-words unbound by invisible heavy chains. This midnight sun rocks our hearts to sleep like a newborn baby waiting for daylight to appear behind the shy mountains. Indigo blue and purple emotional rocking chairs only stop singing slave riverbank songs when we lift our heads and open our eyes.

When winning is losing, you think differently. You realize that it’s not about what you’ve lost, but what you’ve found. Can you imagine finding gold-real gold at the bottom of a pile of trash. No, really think about digging into a pile of smelly trash infested with flies and maggots only to find real treasure at the bottom of the pile. Regardless if you selected your pile of trash or not, life happens. No one is exempt from experiences that shake us to the core and rock our foundation. Resilience is what you practice when you are standing in the middle of your pile of trash. When you realize that you are greater than the trash-like experiences that you encounter, you win. The lessons that you learn while in the bottom of the pile will propel you into the next level.

Sure, experiencing heartache and heartbreak is not fun. The good news is embedded in what happens after your storm. Yeah, pressing play after the storms of life is not easy. However, the storm strengthens your spiritual muscles and improves your core. Do you really think God would set you up for failure? God loves you. Some women may have tears still falling while reading the stories of the women in this book. It’s okay. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to laugh. It’s okay to heal. Lift your head. Stand tall, and dust yourself off. You made it, and this book may be the puzzle piece that you need to heal.

Do not worry if you are struggling with mental illness, depression, rejection, abandonment, or anything else that makes you feel less that than the masterpiece God created. You are loved. You are a treasure, baby-girl, and if someone missed the opportunity to love you right, it’s their loss. Stop crying. Stop worrying about the future. Stand still in your blessing of now. Now you are here. Now you have the opportunity to heal. Now your pain has positioned you for your purpose. What are you going to do with your now?

Yeah, what happened hurt. Yes, what is happening is hurting you, but there is hope. You are still beautiful. You are still strong. You are enough. Get your mind back. I know the pain can be overwhelming, but you still have the chance to make another choice-a positive choice. When you get your mind back, you make a conscience decision to delete every message from your mind that is out of God’s will for your life. You can choose to play another recording in your head. You can begin to speak kindly to yourself. You can rest when you are tired. You can say no without apology. You are obligated to take care of yourself because you recognize your value. Getting your mind back requires commitment and consistency. It may not happen overnight, and that’s okay. The joy comes with the journey. Imagine if you gave yourself the love, care, time, and commitment that you have given to people who hurt you-those who may never appreciate or celebrate you. Can you make a choice to choose you? Choosing you requires you to get up from your dark place, look yourself in your pretty bold eyes, and proclaim: I choose you, beautiful because you are worth it.

I need you to vomit your truth. No, don’t swallow the deafening silence and choke on lies meant to crush your soul. Yes, vomit. Allow the chunks of negatively, hurt, and years of abuse to propel from the little girl deep inside who was wounded long before a man had the opportunity to break her heart. You know her. Tell her it’s okay. Let her know that she did not do anything wrong. Hold her hand. Let her know that you are letting go of secret’s that adults and other folks forced you to tuck into the pit of your little girl stomach and heart. It’s over. The moment you selected this book and opened the first page, the shift began to happen. Keep going. Allow yourself to remember, to feel, to heal.

When you vomit your truth, you realize, feel and know there is nothing pretty about your pain. However, there is something pretty about a woman who can walk out of a fire without her head lowered in shame. There is something beautiful about a sister who refuses to concede to defeat regardless to her hardships. Beauty is getting up after getting knocked down over and over again and making the choice to trust God and be still until the promise manifests and moves you into your destiny. It’s not over. Your story is just beginning. God loves you so much until he revised your life. Now you are in a position to bless other women with your story. Open your mouth. Feel the words dancing on the city pavement or country roads.

Watch them jump double-dutch on clay dirt in rural communities. Watch your words swim across the Atlantic to get the freedom your ancestors only imagined. Do that. Open your mouth, swallow your pride, open your heart and read. Connect with the women on the banks of this reading river. This healing tribe is standing in the warm blue-black water with you. We refuse to turn our backs on you-especially not now. Turn the pages. Let’s walk together, heal, and get our woman freedom. It’s the kind of freedom not written in historical documents or captured on wooden coins. Your future is bright!

You are stronger than you know. Your strength comes from knowing- knowing you are special and you are enough. Sure, you will have moments when you want to look back, but don’t. Keep going. Your freedom is forward. Love is not about winning with others. Love is about knowing and loosing, so you can find your true treasure-yourself.

Trust God. Get your joy. Demand your peace. Turn the page, sis! Welcome to your next chapter!

Delayna Watkins is a true Wellness Mayven with a real passion for women’s wellness. As a board-certified registered nurse with extensive clinical and leadership experience, Watkins is recognized in the industry of health and wellness. Receiving the Governor’s Citation award for her work in the healthcare field, being a best-selling author, and nursing leader all represent her dedication to women’s wellness.

Delayna, most notably is the CEO and founder of the Women’s Wellness Lounge™, an intimate space where she provides health advocacy and lifestyle change services to thousands of women locally and nationwide. She recently expanded this concept and launched a national TV Show and Podcast the Women’s Wellness Lounge Show which provides education and entertaining content for women.

Delayna has also created the Sugarless Living Program™ which is a result driven program responsible for helping women and their families decrease their consumption of refined sugar and processed food, leading to weight loss and diabetes prevention. As a speaker, Delayna is authentic, electrifying and energetic. Her delivery shifts the audience into action and provides support for immediate lifestyle change.

Since pursuing her passion Delayna has been recognized and featured on various national platforms and media including the Dr. Oz Show, Fox 45, The Steve Harvey Morning Show, Wealthy Sistas Radio, Diva Zone Magazine and other professional networks. She has provided services for University of Maryland, National Black Nurses Association (NBNA), Coppin State University, National Association of Professional Women (NAPW), Internal Revenue Service (IRS), and many other professional organizations.

Delayna remains in hot pursuit of her dreams and goals with the unwavering support of her family and she is honored to be a voice for women to experience total wellness at any age!

Being Well in the Midst of Grief and Loss

On a beautiful and unusually warm November morning while driving to meet with a client, I made a phone call that changed my destination and life forever. I was simply calling to get an update on my mother’s condition. Sounds of praise and worship were playing in the car while I patiently waited for the nurse to come on the line and give me a report about how Mommy was doing. Instead, I hear the voice of a male who identified himself as her doctor and immediately my heart sank because I knew something was terribly wrong. The praise and worship music became faint, the beautiful sun faded behind clouds, and my voice began to tremble as I asked what was going on with my mother. The doctor explained that my mother had just went into cardiac arrest and they were actively performing CPR! My heart began racing and my breathing became intense as I yelled at least three times keep going, I’m on my way! Although he couldn’t explain how my mother’s condition became so critical, he agreed to continue his life-saving efforts until I arrived. I called my sister and as my voice was cracking, she knew right away that something was wrong with Mommy. She was closer to the hospital so I yelled for her to get there NOW to be with Mommy because I didn’t want her to be alone during what would become her last moments alive!

The sudden and unexpected passing of my beloved Mother, Sandra Marlowe Queen thrust me into a world of functional grief. She was just one day shy of celebrating her birthday when she suddenly transitioned without warning. I needed and wanted more time but, in my heart, I knew that my last visit with her the evening before would become part of many cherished memories and moments spent with her. After hours of reasoning, bargaining, disbelief, and shock, I mustered up some strength to wipe away tears while simultaneously entering a dark place where I would meet grief head on!

Right away I knew that I wasn’t going to get along with grief. The way we met was not on my terms and we weren’t properly introduced. Yet suddenly grief was a part of my life and would be there for quite some time. I remember thinking, I didn’t have time for grief because my family, friends, co-workers and supporters wanted to know what happened to Mommy and I had to share the details of what happened. I explained the scenario so many times it began to actually feel real with each narration. I don’t remember falling asleep the first night, so I think mental exhaustion must’ve kicked in and took me out of my misery. I heard my Mother’s sweet, angelic voice telling me that everything would be fine as long as I didn’t give in to the strength and power of sudden loss and grief. I woke up and started bawling my eyes out yet again but those tears were cut short since my phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Grief had to wait a little longer.

While grief was waiting to hang out with me, I started planning Mommy’s homegoing celebration. Thank God for the many friends that I needed and wanted to stay by my side throughout the overwhelming planning process. There was so much to do through the unbearable pain and sometimes uncontrollable tears. As the eldest child I knew that I was responsible, I just wasn’t prepared and expressed on several occasions that I wanted this to all be a bad dream. I was mentally exhausted and physically weak as I mustered up the strength to push through the details necessary for a memorable celebration to honor my mother’s life and legacy.

The Hidden Crisis

My heart briefly filled with joy after my mother’s homegoing service because I knew with 100% certainty that she was remembered and honored like the true loving, kind and caring Queen she was here on earth. Then suddenly, I was thrust back into grief mode again as soon as the noise of people filling my home, calling my phone, giving me hugs and sending me love began to fade away. My mind began to hang onto the sudden loss and absence of my mother which caused me to fluctuate between confusion, anger and sadness. I didn’t realize that this was the beginning of a hidden crisis. I said hidden because it wasn’t something that could be seen with the naked eye but it was brewing inside. I was putting on a façade with my family and friends that I was coping with my mother’s death. I appeared strong and was seemingly handling it well or the best that could be expected was how it was described. Little did anyone (myself included) know that I was a ticking time bomb, and the worst was yet to come.

When we think about grief we often think of the tears, the anger, and the guilt.  We talk about the strain it puts on our relationship with friends and family.  We consider the existential crisis it can induce.  But one thing that often doesn’t get discussed is that grief can bring on physical changes created by our relationship with food.  For most people this means struggling to eat anything, with a stomach in knots from pain and anxiety.  For others, grief and comfort eating become a constant reality.  My grief had suddenly introduced food as another new best friend.  The scenario happens suddenly but feels gradual and goes a little something like this: you are feeling sad, depressed and alone, your favorite pizza from the neighborhood carry-out sounds good and you begin licking your lips and thinking about the soft crust and all of those cheesy toppings. Oh, and don’t forget that you can’t have just one slice. Not to mention how you’ll wash it down with a cup of cold, sugary, delicious iced tea or a glass of red wine… it all depends on just how sad or depressed you’re