One Eye One Ear - No Worries: A story of reslience

One

THE BEGINNING

I’ve never been one to shy away from a grand entrance, and my birth was no exception. On January 14, 1979 at around 1.15 am, my parents Gordon and Peta Whitwell welcomed their second son into the family. All seemed to be going well, until they discovered something a little different about their child – he only had one ear and one eye.

The technical term for this condition is craniofacial deficiency. As a consequence, my first four weeks of life were spent in a Perth hospital before I was allowed to return home to start my life in Harvey – only to end up back in Perth for another three weeks. I had severe jaundice and required an emergency blood transfusion. This was just the start of many hospital stays over the next 25 years.

Mum and dad weren’t concerned about how I looked, but they were worried there could be other issues, such as impaired brain function. Fortunately, those tests came back normal, but my parents realised they had a long road ahead of them. On one of those first few rushed trips to Perth, my poor dad fell asleep at some traffic lights along the way.

My brother Kelvin was only two when I was born and it was a difficult time of adjustment for him too. He couldn’t understand why I had all of mum’s attention. Eventually, things settled down and I was well enough to come home and stay there. The first thing mum did was take me down the main street of Harvey and show me off to the locals, just like she did with Kelvin. Even though I only had one eye and one ear, she never hid me from the world. I am forever grateful for that.

At around 12 months old I had my first operation to widen my mouth, which meant another week in hospital, then at four years old, I got my first prosthetic ear (which I later had a tumultuous relationship with!). My ear had to be glued on each morning, and occasionally that didn’t quite go to plan. There were quite a few times I rushed mum to do the job as I was running late for the bus, which meant the glue job was a little haphazard! If my friends were ever surprised the days I turned up to school with my right ear either too high or too low, they were polite enough not to comment. Some days the glue didn’t hold very well, so my ear was off by lunchtime. I would just pick it up and put in my school bag, then continue with whatever I was doing.

When I was about five, just before I started school, I received my first glass eye. This meant more trips to Perth to get the colour and the size right, but it also meant more fun and games. We live at the beach, so some days mum would be sitting chatting to her friends and watching Kelvin and I, when I would suddenly come running up, take my eye out and throw it to mum to look after. For the friends of mum’s who didn’t know it was glass, the looks on their faces were priceless.

Our family dog at the time also took a liking to my eye and grabbed it out of my hand one day. He swallowed it…then we had to wait for it to come out. To speed up the process, we fed the poor thing salt water, then after about three hours he threw it up. My dutiful mum cleaned it with disinfectant and I put it straight back in. Looking back on the incident now, I am kind of glad we made him spew it up instead of getting it out the other way!

Another time, we were up at the Logue Brook Dam with our family friends where I was sitting at the edge of this huge rock playing with my eye when suddenly it popped out and fell eight metres into the water. We spent the rest of the afternoon perfecting our diving skills, trying to find it, but it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. No luck, so my parents had to endure more trips to Perth for a new one.

When I was five, mum had another baby, Andrew. Our happy family was complete. Around this time, I also started kindergarten, which was a daunting experience for me. Even though mum had a new baby to look after, I made her stay with me for the first few days. I was very clingy and nervous about meeting new people, as I wasn’t sure how they would react to my different appearance. I needn’t have worried though because the other kids seemed to really like me and wanted to include me in everything. They didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong with my face. After a while, I had settled in so well, that mum didn’t have to peel me off her as she attempted to leave anymore.

In 1985, at six years of age, I started year 1 at Harvey Primary School. Mum and dad wanted the best for me, so agreed with the school to put me in a special class for people with learning difficulties. As it turned out, that wasn’t the right place for me and the teachers soon realised, so I went back to mainstream. Mum and dad were very happy with that, and I was excited to be back with my friends again, even though the school work was harder! I did have some trouble with my speech and was seeing a therapist in Perth, but this resulted in too much lost school time and a lot of travel for my parents. Fortunately for all of us, mum was able to have my therapy transferred to Bunbury. Year 1 passed without much incident, although if I remember correctly, I did get busted for pissing on the old school bell. I was generally a good kid, just slipped up from time to time!

Two

KIDS WILL BE KIDS

By primary school we had moved from Harvey to Myalup, a smaller town about 20 minutes from Harvey, located on the coast.

My brothers and I, along with our growing group of friends, had a great time back then roaming Myalup and pretending to be The Goonies or playing army games. One time back in our bicentennial year of 1988, I went to a fair in Bunbury with my year 4 classmates. The fair had a map of the grounds, so when I got home later that day, I showed it to Andrew and said it was a treasure map. So, off we went to find the treasure! We set off deep into the bush, but before we knew it, we were lost. I didn’t panic at first because we had the map that I thought could lead us home, but of course that was no good to us!

We ended up at the salt lake on the outskirts of Myalup where we waited until it got dark, but then Andrew started crying. I didn’t know what else to do. I calmed him down and decided to wait it out at the lake. By 7 pm our parents had started to get pretty worried and came out looking for us. They finally found us about 8 pm. We all got grounded after that, but I didn’t care. I honestly thought I was a Goonie back then!

Around this time, another family moved to Myalup and we became good friends with the three boys; Damien, Anthony and Jono. We often played in the bush across the road from their place. A favourite pastime was to dig trenches, put tin over the top and cover it with dirt to create ‘the underground tunnels’ - until someone discovered our hideout one night and trashed it. That was the end of that.

Unfortunately, Jono’s family moved back to Harvey about a year later. I had become pretty close to Jono, but after they moved, we went our separate ways and didn’t have much to do with each other for about nine years. Just after we finished school, we did manage to rekindle our friendship – a friendship that has since remained solid until this day.

I have fond memories of my school days with my friends, especially Douglas. He was my best friend from kindy until the end of year 4, then he left Harvey to move up to Bindoon. You never forget your first best friend you have in this world. We loved playing marbles at lunchtime, and I found my glass eye made a great addition! I used to carry it around in my marble bag and use it in the games. Looking back on it now, I’m kind of glad no one won it off me. I liked to gross the other kids out!

On the day of the sports carnival in year 1, I vividly remember Douglas and I being in the same race. I burst out of the blocks and was well in front, halfway down the track, when I looked behind me and saw Douglas was coming last. So, I stopped, waited for him, and encouraged him across the finish line while I ran beside him. He came second last, I came last. I was starting to grow a reputation for being a great kid with a good heart, and this was one example. When Douglas left in year 4, I learnt one of my first great lessons in life; friends come and go, but if you make the effort to keep in touch no matter how far away they are, you can always keep a great friendship going.

Luckily (somehow), my first 10 years of life were relatively injury-free, despite the antics I got up to with my mates. That was until I went wood chopping with dad and was climbing a huge stump and fell, landing on my wrist. I told dad, but since I wasn’t crying, he didn’t believe me and told me to wait in the car until he had finished. So, for the next hour, I waited patiently in the car, listening to music, with a broken wrist. When dad finally finished chopping the wood, he still didn’t believe me that I was really hurt and took me home. Mum, on the other hand, took one look at my arm and drove me straight to the hospital, where they confirmed the break. Dad felt a bit sheepish, but I couldn’t really blame him. You would think that a nine-year-old with a broken wrist would be crying and screaming, but I had endured so many operations already that I had begun to develop a high pain threshold. On the upside, my school friends got to sign my cast!

Another great childhood memory is the times we spent with our cousins Lauren, Shane and Lyndsay. Their parents, Terry and Lisa, owned a farm out the back of Wokalup and we used to go out there often as kids, and in turn, they would come out and spend time with us in Myalup. We had a great time out on the farm, playing in the shearing shed and the paddocks. The hay bales were fun too, but someone always ended up getting hurt from falling off. We even invented a game called ‘run around the house’. It was just like hide and seek, but whoever was ‘it’ just had to run around the house instead of counting.

Nanna also lived on the farm and we spent a lot of time at her house eating pancakes and drinking Milo. We used to listen to Chad Morgan a lot, and every Christmas would put on a concert for our parents based a lot on Chad Morgan songs. We always included his hits like Bobba Wobba Wedding and I’m My Own Grandpa. We loved putting these concerts on, but for the parents, it was more about trying to look interested while gossiping with each other. The best one we ever did was in 1991. We put a lot of effort into this one – I still have the photos now. Even our parents were impressed that time.

Come the beginning of year 5, I was still trying to deal with Douglas leaving, but as I walked in on the first day, a kid I recognised but didn’t really know came up and asked what class I was in. His name was Kim and it turned out we were both in Miss B’s class. Kim and I were kindred spirits from the start, which unfortunately for Miss B meant we sometimes brought the worst out in each other! Instead of concentrating on our school work, we would muck around and get into trouble. Our antics started to disrupt the rest of the class, so one day the teacher decided she had separate us. To make it fair, she had half the class stand up the front while the remainder stayed seated. The seated kids had to draw a name out of the hat, and whoever they drew became their new class neighbour. As luck would have it, Kim drew my name out, but he was asked to draw another name instead. I ended up sitting next to Brett, who became another mate of mine.

At age 10, I also first found love (or, a kid version of!). Her name was Nicole, my primary school sweetheart. One day, Nicole and her friend Kelly snuck me into a shed on the school grounds to make out. Me with two girls – a dream come true! Looking back, I think I got more action with the girls as a kid than I ever have as an adult! The teachers weren’t happy about the shed incident, though.

So, here I was, year 5 with a girlfriend and a few good mates. Life was good. Nicole, Kim, Brett and myself – our little circle was complete. Well, almost. Normie and his family moved to Harvey from Armadale in March of that year (1989). I was in music class the day he walked in. I didn’t know it at the time, but he would also become one of my best friends, another friendship that is still going now as an adult. At first, Normie started hanging out with a different group, but we eventually persuaded him to join us after he saw we were having more fun.

My run of being hospital-free came to an end in September that year, as it was time for another operation on my face. With this procedure, they had to remove one of my ribs and place it in the side of my head to bring my face out a bit more. It was a huge operation, but I remember not being that nervous. I found we always seem to handle things better as kids than we do as adults. I remember the afternoon before the op, sitting with mum in the hospital play area reading a Sesame Street book. When it came time for my op, mum (as always) was by my side as they wheeled me into theatre. Of course, she couldn’t come in, so once I was in there I was on my own. They used the gas mask to knock me out and I remember yelling for them to stop as they administered the anaesthetic, but no sound came out. Seconds later I was in la-la land and they began the complex procedure.

In the first few days after my op, I drank heaps of lemonade and threw up a lot. I was in intensive care and was pretty disoriented. I do remember the nurse coming in and taking the catheter out – that bloody hurt! When I was finally allowed to leave ICU, they wheeled me into a room that I was sharing with some other boys. I was a bit nervous at first as I was only used to making friends in my comfort zone – in my home town, at school – but I needn’t have worried.

I got along with them all, but two I will never forget. Their names were Clinton and Simon. We had a great time, a friendship formed in A5 Ward of PMH. One night we were allowed to stay up and watch He-Man and the Masters of the Universe – for a time we could forget we were in hospital and were just a group of boys watching a favourite show together. I will always be grateful for that friendship, as it made my stay in hospital a lot easier than it could have been. Sadly, that friendship ended when it was time to go home, but I often think of those two and how their lives may have turned out.

One morning in A5 Ward, a nurse came in with a big bunch of get well cards and letters my school friends had sent me. To have that love and respect from people even way back then goes a long way to determining how my life is today. I still have those cards and letters!

When I was finally able to go home, it was bittersweet. I had recovered enough to return to my life in Myalup, but I was sad to say goodbye to Simon and Clinton. However, once I got there, I was glad to be home. My jaw had been wired together from the operation, so for a while mum had to put my food through a blender and I had to use a syringe to eat. Not a pleasant experience, as you could guess, but I was getting used to such things!

I couldn’t go back to school straight away, but I heard everyone was missing me, so one day mum took me in for a visit. A great cheer went up as I walked into the classroom and I loved it, but for a minute was a bit overwhelmed by it all. Somehow I forgot I was only there for a visit, and sat at my old desk ready to start work. Mum quickly reminded me of our fleeting stay, so I had a quick chat to everyone and off we went. Before long, I was back at school anyway and the rest of the year passed without any major events.

That year my girlfriend Nicole had a Christmas party at her place. At first, I was the only boy there and felt a bit awkward, so we ended up going around and picking up Normie and Kim. We all had a great night and finished up sitting in the lounge room watching Nightmare on Elm Street #5.

The summer holidays came and went and before long we were all back at school. I was now starting in year 6, and later that year we went away for camp in Bridgetown. On the way, we stopped at an antique store and the old lady behind the counter was lovely. Unfortunately, just before we were about to leave, it was discovered that someone had stolen a bookmark from her. Kim got really worked up about it, he really felt for the lady. It was that day that I realised Kim, for all his rough edges, deep down had a good heart.

Heading into summer of that year, I began hanging around with another kid from my year, Brendon (Jacko). We both loved watching WWF, so we would meet up at the local pool after we finished swimming lessons and walk up to his place on the highway to watch the latest matches.

Jacko’s place had a dam out the front with an island in the middle, and the only way to get across to the island was with a raft or canoe. One night we were camping on the island and telling stories, when at about 5 am the whole sky lit up like it was day time. We had never been so scared in our life and jumped up simultaneously. We boarded the canoe and headed for shore, but halfway back, the canoe sunk. It was the coldest swim I have ever done, but the warm shower after was bliss. It wasn’t until much later that I found out it was my older brother Kelvin and his friend Procko throwing rocks at the power lines that caused the flash of light. Bloody good job, bro, got me wet for nothing!

It was also around this time that mum, dad and Kelvin went across to Melbourne to stay with a friend of dad’s for a week and watch the footy. My brother Andrew (who had become known as ‘Frog’) and I went out to stay with our cousins on the farm. As a kid, bed-wetting was a bit of a problem for a while, but on our little holiday I was determined not to wet the bed. So, my solution was to wrap an elastic band around my penis before I fell asleep – which was (as you can imagine), not the brightest move. Not long after lights out, I woke in excruciating pain as the elastic was cutting off the circulation. I called out to Aunty Lisa, who then had to remove the band with a pair of tweezers. It was a pretty embarrassing moment, but I learned my lesson.

That summer, us Whitwell boys spent a bit of time with the holiday kids that came down from Perth to stay at their parent’s beach houses. We spent the summer nights playing spin the bottle or spotlight. Spin the bottle was my favourite, especially if I got to kiss Belinda, as I had a huge crush on her at the time. Again, as summer does, the long days ended and it was time to go back to school. Now, year 7.

Three

TEEN ANGST

Normie and Jade had both left to complete the year at different schools, so it was just me, Kim and Nicole. I also became friends with a guy named Graham. That year was one to remember, but not for good reasons; year 7 was the first time I really experienced bullying. Until then, I had pretty much been treated like everyone else and maintained my overall popularity, despite my obvious facial deformity. I have read countless stories of young people being bullied and the dire consequences that had for them, so I am very aware of how differently my life could have turned out had I not grown up in such an inclusive, tight-knit, supportive community.

As it was, despite my popularity, there was always going to be someone at some point who would take it upon themselves to try to make my life a living hell. The boy who did this for me used to catch the same school bus. He would sit in front of me, then turn around and pull faces in an attempt to mimic the way I looked. He would also call me a few rude names. I was pretty shy and quiet on the bus so I tried to put up with it for as long as I could, but after a few weeks I decided enough was enough.

One day when he was leaning over the seat and really giving it to me, I snapped and grabbed the back of his head and rammed his face into the seat. His mouth hit a metal bar and split his lip, spilling enough blood to give him a scare. He spent the rest of that trip with his head between his legs, crying. I am not proud of that moment and can safely say I never again resorted to violence, but I felt I had to make a stand that day, somehow. While my method was far from ideal, it worked; he never even looked in my direction again after that.

Around this time, at age 12 or 13, something began to haunt me that stayed with me long into my 20s and 30s - the creeping in of depression. Up until then, I had always carried a positive frame of mind, but I began noticing moments of intense sadness. For example, I would be super excited to have friends come around and be really happy all week before, but as soon as they left, I felt really down and would spend the rest of the day moping. This wasn’t just disappointment like most kids feel; this was real melancholy. I didn’t know back then, but I realise now this was the early signs of depression, something that would almost bring me to my knees more than once in my adult life.

Year 7 ended with a fantastic graduation ceremony in the school undercroft and I started to look forward to the next chapter of my life, the daunting, but exciting chapter of high school, otherwise known as ‘The Wonder Years’

The beginning of high school marked the end of my romance with Nicole, although we remained friends. Her family left Harvey for Rockingham, but I have managed to catch up with her a few times over the years since.

I still had the same group of friends; Normie, Kim, Graham and Jade. We met a popular guy named Ken too. Ken was big for his age, good at sports, popular and successful with the ladies, so he was a good mate to have! I was a little worried about how the other kids at the new school would react to my deformity, but as in primary school, I needn’t have worried. For the most part, I was left alone, so bullying never became a big issue for me. For this, I am eternally grateful. Perhaps having Ken as a friend helped! My older brother Kelvin also kept watch for me and made sure no-one started up the teasing. He was always very protective of his little brother.

Year 9 brought a few unexpected, and unwanted, changes to my personality. Thankfully, it was only temporary, but it wasn’t the best time in my young life. I started to shun my school uniform in favour of dressing in all black, trying to be more ‘bogan’ as I thought that was ‘cool’. It didn’t help that my brother Kelvin had also gone down that path and was probably the coolest bogan in school, but he could pull it off – I couldn’t. I also lost interest in schoolwork and let my grades drop.

That wasn’t all. I stupidly put my friendship with Jono in jeopardy too. After school one day, Normie confronted Jono and they got into a bit of a push and shove, and my name came up. Because of that incident, Jono never had any time for me during high school. It took a few years, but I was so grateful I was able to mend and rekindle that friendship later. Loyalty to my mates means everything to me.

During this rebellious phase, a few mates and I went camping up at Harvey weir and decided we were brave enough to try marijuana. Problem was, we didn’t have any! Someone came up with the bright idea of breaking up a tea bag and smoking the leaves. It’s safe to say we didn’t get the effect we were hoping for! My older brother Kelvin heard about the story and stirred me up about it for years afterwards. Fair call.

That year, 1994, the world mourned Kurt Cobain – but my world centred around Harvey, Myalup and the boundaries of high school, and life was beginning to pick up again. My little bogan phase had passed and my friend Ryan from kindy had started back at Harvey High School after doing years 8 and 9 at a different school. It was great to see him back. Jacko was also still at school with us and I had also started to become closer to a few other guys I had grown up with, Calvin, Troy and Cory.

The local production of The Night of Stars was a highlight that year, with local entertainer Tiny Holly as lead. I remember thinking back then as a starry-eyed kid that he was the biggest legend in town. We all loved getting together for these events; these were moments that strengthened the town as a community and brought people together in a positive way.

Unfortunately, that year the community had to come together for quite the opposite reason, to say goodbye to local football player Russell Flynn. He had played for the local club, the Harvey Bulls, and was well known in the local area. Many young boys (including myself) looked up to him as an inspiration both on and off the field. Sadly, Russell was involved in a car accident that Christmas and passed away. That was the first time I really felt the grief that death brought and had a tear in my eye as mum told me the news. Our family sent the Flynn’s a sympathy card – a small gesture, but one from the heart.

As I was moving out of a downward phase, sadly, my brother Kelvin was struggling. He had hooked up with an older chick (she was 21, he was 17) and they moved into a house in Harvey together where they started to hit the drugs pretty hard. They would get high for a few days, then Kelvin would start flipping out, smashing stuff, and mum and dad would be called to calm him down. It was the start of the biggest challenge Kelvin would have to face in his life, and one of the biggest for our close family unit to work through together. It caused my brother and those closest to him a lot of pain over the years, the horror of drug addiction. Thankfully, he eventually pulled through, and we stayed by his side through thick and thin.

Kelvin was particularly close to Gran, even though all of us grandchildren had a great relationship with her. No matter what Kelvin did, Gran never held it against him and was always there when he needed someone to talk with.

Grandad (dad’s dad) passed away when us boys were very little and we never had a chance to get to know him, so having Gran there for us meant a lot. I’m sure Gran never got the chance to get lonely though, as she as so many grandchildren and always random visitors stopping by. I remember going around to Gran’s place for tea every Christmas day and getting out on the spare block and playing cricket. Gran’s curry and rice was to die for and was always the highlight of the visit for me.

I was now starting a new year and a new chapter in my life – upper school. Some students had left, but I pretty much had the same group of friends, Normie, Kim (who went by the nickname ‘Bomber’), Troy, Calvin, Jacko and a new kid from the Philippines, Emmanuel. This was not a very academic year for me; my mates and I were more interested in being the class clowns than actually learning. Not wise! I remember one time in science class doing work with Bunsen burners on the side bench near the windows. I was sitting next to one of my friends and when he wasn’t looking, I pushed the Bunsen burner up against the curtain, which caught alight. We caused a bit of a scene, and our science teacher wasn’t too happy.

The school organised a police officer to visit to deliver a speech to us all about behaving responsibly when we finished school and started out in the real world. Just before he arrived and when no one was looking, Normie stuck a plug in one of the sinks and I turned on the tap just enough so you couldn’t notice unless someone pointed it out. Halfway through the police officer’s speech, we were interrupted by the sound of water overflowing, which had then begun creeping into the room. Job done. The officer cut his speech short, and to this day I’m not sure he left with any confidence about how we were all going to turn out!

Another time I attempted to get the math’s teacher’s attention by poking him in the stomach with a ruler instead of putting my hand up. That got me sent outside. Maths was also the class I decided, out of boredom, to throw my file at the ceiling fan. Again, I was sent outside, this time asking Normie as I passed his desk, you coming, mate? Normie didn’t say a word, but picked up his file and threw it at the fan as well. I guess that was his way of saying, yeh, I’m coming with you.

My antics only worsened as the year progressed. At the start of each day, we all had to attend form to have our names ticked off the attendance sheet and prepare for the day ahead. We had four forms in year 11, with different students allocated in each – Wellington, Mitchell, Hayward and Forrest. I was in Wellington. Halfway through the year, we had photos taken of each form for the end of school yearbook. I did the right thing and got my photo taken with Wellington, but then when no one was looking, I managed to jump in with Mitchell as well. I thought I was done for, but somehow the teachers didn’t seem to notice. At the end of the year I grabbed my copy and hastily checked the photos. Sure enough, there I was in both, with my name even written underneath. Twins with the same name and only one eye and one ear?! Not sure how I was never pulled up on that one.

One of the poor relief teachers that year got a shock courtesy of my glass eye. Normie wanted to play a joke on him and told me to take my eye out. He then went running up to the teacher with my eye