In the Becoming: carrying on after life derails: carrying on after life derails
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About this ebook
In the Becoming is a spiritually reflective look at life in the aftermath of severe loss.
Adversity comes in all shapes and sizes. From the moemnt we are born we are trained to expect adversity, trained to overcome it. But there are times it overcomes us.
And where do we go from there? What will become of us
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Book preview
In the Becoming - Jocelyn Faire
in the
Becoming
carrying on after life derails
Jocelyn Faire
Copyright © 2020 by Jocelyn Faire
First Edition — November 2020
ISBN
978-1-988983-13-4 (Paperback)
978-1-988983-14-1 (eBook)
All rights reserved.
Short portions of the author’s words may be quoted without permssion, but should be credited.
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information browsing, storage, or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Bible references from The Message (NavPress) unless otherwise noted.
Cover Design by Ellen Hooge
Cover photo Jocelyn Faire
Produced by
Siretona Creative
Calgary, AB, Canada
www.siretona.com
Distributed to the trade by The Ingram Book Company
in the
Becoming
In the Becoming was the girl, and the girl was with God,
and God was with the girl in becoming.
Darkness was upon her face.
As Spirit moved upon the face of the girl
without breath and void
and the void overtook.
In becoming, the girl took over
and wrestled with God
as deep called to deep
and in that moment
she struggled with the call
that remained
to become for a time, for a season
because the time would soon come
for her to
Be-coming home to herself.
~ ~ ~
The walls you’re rebuilding are never out of my sight.
Isaiah 49:16
Dedication
In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
Albert Schweitzer
Precious to me are the many women who have rekindled my inner spirit on the becoming journey. This book is dedicated to those women, some named here.
My deepest gratitude to my daughter on the planet, Kristen Naomi – you inspire and encourage, you radiate light. I am delighted to be your mother. Your ongoing reminder that my story wasn’t finished yet has kept me going.
My mother, Margaret Krahn – from you I learned to detest gossip and to maintain a positive attitude in difficult times. You sewed more than clothes for your children, you sewed love, perseverance, and celebration into our lives.
My dear surrogate daughter, Nicky Wales – I was privileged to be called Mum by you. I wanted to tell you that you were named in my book, sadly you left too soon. See you in heaven.
Rita, Edith, Gloria, Vicki, Debbie, Dorothy – as soul sisters you have shared tears and laughter adding immense beauty in a most becoming way. A special thank you to Rita for excellent editing input.
Maisha – my granddaughter whose very name means life. May you continue your journey to becoming a beautiful young woman.
My new daughters-in-law Michelle, Charlene, Heather – thank you for acceptance and love.
Ingun, Judy in Australia, Carol, sweet Catherine, Kari – other mother hearts bonded through loss and inspiring in their tenacity.
Madeleine, Eva, Penny, Karen, Audrey – new friends in new places.
Thank you, Ellen – for cover design and encouragement to continue this project.
Thank you, Colleen – for publishing support in a lovely personal manner.
Thank you to many other women of character who add beauty to life through conversations, writing, supportive prayers and hugs. Because of you, we all smile more and cry less.
I do thank one very special man in my life, Harold, for infusing my life with love, adventure, and belonging. What a gift!
Preamble
My, isn’t she BECOMING ...
But becoming what?
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through.
Anaïs Nin
Becoming is a spiritually reflective look at life, in the aftermath of severe loss. Adversity comes in all shapes and sizes. From the moment we are born we are trained to expect adversity, trained to overcome it. But there are times when it overcomes us. And where do we go from there? What will become of us when it overwhelms?
As part of an ever-changing life landscape, it intrigues me that becoming is verb, noun, and adjective. As a verb it indicates transition, as a noun it means the process of coming to be something or of passing into a state, and as an adjective, becoming describes a person with attractive qualities.
These stories reflect the progress of ideas and action worked through to rebuild a solid life foundation with attractive qualities. Each story or poem bears fruit of that process of sifting through the rubble of life beliefs and unmet expectations. These stories do not follow an exact chronological order, as it often requires more than one sifting through for new concepts to truly take hold.
I am amazed at the power my choices have to move my life story in the direction I want it to head. Although I would never wish tragedy on another person, the becoming journey has proved to be life-giving. I invite you to join me in this rebuilding process, of becoming someone renewed, a becoming change.
This is my becoming.
Contents
Preamble
Part One
Becoming at Peace
Facing History
Myopic Vision
Circular Becoming
The ID Crisis
Searching for Self
Do the Math
Shedding the Old Skin
Part Two
Where the Journey Takes Us
Lessons from Down Under and Beyond
Shooting Raw by Default
Roland
Amanda
Mark
Bitter Coffee and a Plastic Rose
The Sound of My Own Voice
Part Three 59
Becoming Educated 59
She Has a PhD
Lessons from the Slopes
Lessons From The Lanes
Joy Snatchers
Innocent Violations
Closing the Gap
Pat Answers
Part Four
Seasons of the Soul
Seasonally Affected
Soul Seasons
The Advent-ure Begins with Hope
Peace of Mind Advent-ure
The Advent-ure of Joy and SAD
Love of Advent-ure
The Easter Sting
The Easter Hallelujah
Pushing through Thick and Thin
Part Five
Becoming Open: Helps Along the Way
Chasing the Light
The Call of Beauty
Kayak Moon Chasing
Conversations with I AM
Part Six
Stumbling Towards Grace and Resolution
Victory Redefined
My Choice
Moniker Matters ... What’s in a name?
Home is Where you Hang your Heart ...
Ride the Moving Wave
Rebuilding Walls
Let me Bloom
Epilogue
Recommended Books
About the Author
in the
Becoming ...
Part One
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
Maya Angelou
Becoming at Peace
with History
Once upon a time ...
There was a young woman
who lived in a shoe
with a husband and three children
They knew what to do
They lived, they loved, they danced, and they laughed.
And then just like that
the shoe collapsed
the fairy tale ending ... disappeared.
Facing History
If only hindsight were given ahead of time.
Over twenty years ago at a Sunday School teachers’ conference, the keynote speaker shared thoughts from her mother’s funeral. Seeing her mother in the casket she said, Finally Mom, your struggling can cease.
Her mother had experienced a lifetime of questions and self-doubts, and now in death appeared at peace.
When I was eighteen with a high school diploma in hand and a starry future ahead of me, I felt that I could conquer the world. Buoyed by the confidence that came from growing up a small-town girl at the top of the class, I thought I knew a lot. In my twenties I realized the world was a much bigger place, and after some travel, I saw that I was a small player in a very big world. But I still had ideals into my thirties and thought that by forty I might have it all together, whatever I thought that meant. The forties turned into another decade of transition; those children I’d birthed earlier were becoming adults themselves. As I recognized pieces of myself in them, I laughed at how little I had known at that age, and how it would take a lifetime to figure out this thing we call life. It has always been easy to solve world problems from the armchair of a theoretical stance, over a coffee with like-minded people. How many times the world has been saved over lattes?
At the end of my forties, I was becoming more of who I wanted to be, and I could see that the world was expanding and that there was more to life than what had been tasted thus far. At my fiftieth birthday party, I announced that I had lived too much of my life with a sense of cautious optimism, as though waiting for the sky to fall in, and in front of that supportive group I released that caution, intending to live full and free from then on. I declared that God had proved trustworthy; and