Finding Perfection in Life's Imperfections: It's All a Matter of Perspective

1

Foreward

December 21, 2019

Thank you for taking the time to pick up this book. My name is Shawn Shillingford. In my thirty plus years of life, I have experienced quite a lot. It is currently four days before Christmas, and I am listening to some of the most beautiful, beloved songs ever produced for the season. I imagine many people are frantically rushing around, trying to find the perfect present. Many others are racing from one home to another in an effort to check off an item on their to do list. I myself am doing a bit of procrastinating. I should probably be studying lines for my scenes in an upcoming film I am working on tomorrow. Perhaps I should at least attempt to wrap some of the gifts that I bought for my friend John and his mom Marie.

The truth of the matter is that I know these things are going to get done, so why stress myself out how and when they get done? Does it honestly matter? No, I really do not think it does. 2019 was quite a year, to put it bluntly, and right now I think the world could use a bit of enlightenment so to speak.

Before you say to yourself:

Who is this guy and why should I care what he thinks?

I ask you to consider this point: What is your worldview? Are you really living your life or are you merely existing? There is definitely a difference between the two. Living is getting out and truly being in the moment. Existing is sitting back, passively waiting for things to happen to you.

I look around and see experts and celebrities. Who are these people and why do we give them such credence? Famous people and those in positions of power have only achieved what they have due to other people.

I am not cynical of others’ power or influence. I am simply making the case that their voices are no more valid than yours or mine. Therefore, let me get to the purpose for this book: to hopefully help you. It truly is my belief that one of our main purposes here on this planet is to help one another.

You may mind my writing style a bit laid back and casual. For me, it is important to be relatable and conversational. I want you to feel as if you and I could be having a discussion together somewhere while you read.

Now, let me provide you with full disclosure: I am NOT a licensed medical professional nor do I pretend to be. The thoughts and ideas in this book are mine, with a few exceptions. Other authors’ words will be quoted.

Before we get started, let me provide you with a bit of information about myself, your guide through this book. I am a son to Charles and Lisa, grandson, friend, cousin and nephew. I have been employed in restaurants, retail stores, cafeterias, schools, and summer camps.

I have been to Europe, addressed Austrian Parliament, visited Canada on Canada Day, and worked with young student athletes at a camp for the visually impaired in Tucson, Arizona. While in Hollywood, California as a seventeen-year old, I was approached by an actress in the 1939 classic film The Wizard of Oz who wanted me to study at her Academy of Dramatic Arts.

I have been in various films, including one in which I appeared as a Nazi, which was filmed in the dead of winter in Saratoga Springs, NY, later to be viewed by actual Concentration Camp survivors. I have also been to an actual concentration camp.

I’ve met Mickey Mouse at Disney World and have been inducted into numerous academic societies. I published a book You Never Know... , which I have been fortunate enough to present to some of my personal entertainment heroes. I have accomplished some of my dreams and other milestones I have yet to accomplish.

I am an only child. I have never been married. I have never had children. I have never been a property owner. I have never yet lived on my own.

We live in a world where some own so much, yet others own nothing, where appearances are everything and character and principles are admonished. In the following pages, many using personal anecdotes and analogies, I will share with you my personal beliefs, as well as joys and heartaches and the lessons I have learned along the way. I wish it were possible to cram all of my thoughts about life together, but I fear I would never finish. Life is, after all, finite if nothing.

Therefore, sit back, relax, and in some of the imperfections presented in this book, learn to find the perfections in life’s imperfections.

2

Comparisons

Don’t compare your beginnings to someone else’s middle. -Tim Hiller

The more I see in this world, the more I am convinced that comparison is one of the roots of evil and unhappiness. It plants its seeds in our subconscious and suddenly we become aware of something we do not have, which ultimately leads to one of the Seven Deadly Sins: envy. Think back to when you were little and innocent. How often were you aware of status? I would be willing to bet very little if you go back far enough in your memory bank. I am going to give you a very basic example.

I remember when I was probably around ten or eleven. I was completely oblivious of the brand of shoes or clothing that I wore. As a matter of fact, I hated going shopping with my mother when it came time to buy clothes.

However, one day at school, some of the other kids started making fun of my clothes. I was not wearing (insert whatever name brand you wish here), and somehow, I was made to feel inadequate. At that point, I suddenly became aware of being different. I was being shamed through someone else’s lens of acceptable and suddenly, I began to question my clothes because of someone else’s insipid opinions of fashion.

That may sound like an overly simplified example of comparison, and it may be. However, consider this: how often are you inundated by someone else’s idea of perfection? I am going to guess daily. The perfect body, perfect family, perfect life, perfect job, or perfect children. Sometimes, it may be a bit more subtle and people do not even realize how a simple statement could lead to a negative comparison.

For instance:

George just got accepted into (insert name of college or university). Out of twelve thousand applicants, only one hundred and fifty were accepted.

Well, what happens if George’s friend overhears this conversation and he was one of the eleven thousand eight hundred fifty others who did not get accepted, even though it was one of his biggest childhood dreams (We will discuss dreams gone awry in a later section. Many ideas in this book will overlap because, like life itself, it is not always neat, tidy, and organized). Suddenly, due to comparison, George’s friend feels inadequate and depressed although there were probably a million and one other factors outside of his control that determine why he was not accepted.

Think about some of the comparisons that you make in your own mind. What purpose do they serve to you? Would you say they make you happy or unhappy? If they are holding you back (and chances are good they probably are limiting you), discard them with the rest of the garbage in your life. The only person you should ever compare yourself to is the person that you were yesterday. That is all any of us can do.

3

Change

The only constant in life is change. -Heraclitus

Whether or not you like change, it simply is a fact of life. Change is something that is guaranteed. It is something that can leave you feeling excited and inspired by the possibilities of something new, or it can paralyze you with fear of the unknown. It is also impossible to control. Human beings like to try and control as much as possible: aging (change), profession (change), other people (change), and even the weather (change). If you took note, in that list I put the word change in parentheses next to each one of my examples. Change is the underlying theme of each one and the irony of the fact is that we often attempt to prevent or cause change by manipulating the changes ourselves. It is kind of crazy to think about, is it not?

I guess the point I am trying to make to you is that change is a force of nature. The very essence of being a living, breathing being means that every single one of us is going to encounter quite a bit of change on our personal journeys. Although some change will be classified as good and some will be classified as bad, knowing that each and every one of us experiences change means that it is a shared experience which bonds all of us together. That is a beautiful thing.

One final thought on this topic and it is a definite contradiction and perhaps even a bit of a cliché:

The more things change, the more they remain the same. The older one gets, the more apparent it becomes that change is cyclical and many times eventually evolves back to an original state from the past.

4

Materialism

Materialism is the only form of distraction from true bliss. -Douglas Horton

As I sit and write, I am reflecting on the fact that tomorrow is Christmas Day. Children all over the world are dreaming tonight of the presents that Santa Claus will be delivering. It is true joy to experience the magic of Christmas through a child’s eyes. Christmas, from a materialistic point of view really is a child’s holiday.

Christmas, of course, is really about the birth of Jesus Christ. The actual day of Jesus’ birth is not believed to have been in December. Over the years, and through various cultures and traditions too lengthy to describe in detail for our purposes, the blending of Jesus’ birth and Saint Nicholas’ (later to be popularly known as Santa Claus) spirit of giving to others formed the tradition of giving while simultaneously celebrating the Lord’s birthday. How does this tie into materialism?

Christmas no longer in its’ true spirit always comes to represent peace, love, and family. It has grown into a largely secular holiday driven by greed and materialism.

Earlier today, in keeping with both the spirit of the season and a new sense of enlightenment which I am very eager to share with you, I could not help but think of some of the wonderful memories I had associated with some material goods over the years. While looking at my toy cars, I was immediately transported to earlier, simpler times in my life, some of which correspond to loved ones no longer physically present.

Materialism, however, can distract us in our lives. It also can lead to one of the Seven Deadly Sins: gluttony. There is a saying which alludes to the fact that we come into life with nothing and leave with nothing except the life we lived. It is an absolutely true statement.

Consider, for example, the Greatest Generation of United States’ citizens that lost many, if not all, material goods and financial security during the Great Depression during the early part of the twentieth century.

Also consider the millions of victims of the Holocaust during World Word II that not only lost entire families (an unimaginable atrocity), but additionally all financial and material resources. Then take into consideration starving children all over the world without access to food and water. Let us also not forget about people who lose everything in some other kind of tragedy (fire, hurricane, etc.) All of these events are very real and people unfortunately experience them all of the time.

In my personal opinion, the only types of material goods that truly matter are essential survival items and ones that are irreplaceable such as pictures, homemade family heirlooms, etc. The rest is simply a distraction, none of which we can take with us when we die.

My final thought on this topic was quite possibly informed when my grandfather passed away and it took over two years to clean out and sort through his home. The late comedian George Carlin perfectly summarized this all too common human fallacy in a piece entitled A Place for My Stuff .

As for me? I could live in a one room shack with the bare essentials I previously stated and I know I would be just fine. Material goods do not define me, and they do not have to define you either.

5

Having it All

The secret of having it all is loving it all. -Joyce Brothers

It is Christmas night and I am sitting at home right now, quietly relaxing. The beautiful twinkling lights and sense of peace and joy are abundant in the air. The most important gift, cherished time with loved ones, is in the forefront of my mind. It is almost as if time has come to a standstill, which I am sure is something each and every person has fantasized about. It is about as close to a perfect a feeling as exists for a human. If only this could be life at all times. If only...

I was reminded of a story from earlier this year today during a talk with my father. On a day when I am reminded to count my blessings, Christmas, the story I was reminded of was in stark contrast.

A young man in India was given a very expensive gift by his father. The price of the particular item was $50,000 U.S. dollars at a time when the average U.S. income is $47,060 based on a forty-hour work week. In India, the average 2019 income is $2,050. Why is this story relevant? Apparently, the son did not appreciate the father’s luxury gift because it was not the right kind of luxury gift. The son’s response was to sink the new, practically perfect gift in a river.

To someone on the outside it may look as if the son has it all. My respectful response to that comment is that no