Ready: What to Expect When Starting a Business

Ready

What to Expect

When Starting a Business

Lyndsey Clutteur DePalma

Liveliest Press • Falls Church, Virginia • 2019

Ready: What to Expect When Starting a Business

by Lyndsey Clutteur DePalma

published by

Liveliest Press

6312 Seven Corners Center #144

Falls Church, Virginia 22044

www.liveliestpress.com

Copyright © 2019 Lyndsey Clutteur DePalma

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-7332584-0-1 trade paperback

978-1-7332584-1-8 electronic book

To Nick

… and your willingness to come along for the ride

Introduction

Starting a business is like giving birth. To do it right you’ll need time to prepare, you’ll experience pain thresholds unimaginable, and you’ll have to call deep on your resources — your own when you’re lying awake at 3 a.m., and your support network when the going gets tougher. Be it the level of effort required or how fragile a business can be in its infancy, strong parallels exist between the birthing of concepts or humans. For me, starting a business was my destiny. Even though my first business journey took me along a winding path of marvel and mayhem to a place where I was serving tea in my cafe with my firstborn (human) strapped to my chest because the scheduled server was out sick, the path to that place felt right. Hard at times, but right. And in that life-will-be-changing-forevermore-starting-tomorrow moment once my business plan was complete, I still managed to find peace in this new crossroads of life, thanks entirely to my genes. My mom owned a small retail business and my grandma started a travel business. Finding a way is in my DNA. Still, it wasn’t until I was approaching the age of thirty and studying to get my MBA that I realized I wanted nothing less than to start something in the name of something meaningful like my foremothers did, something called my purpose. And while my original intention of earning an MBA was to become savvier in the corporate world, what I actually left with was a burning desire to create something new and the confidence that I could figure it out.

The moment I created the space to uncover my purpose, it broke into my consciousness with undeniable clarity. I’d been tossing around the concept of a tea house that connected patrons with natural health and relaxation through herbs and self-awareness for a while, but owning my own shop wasn’t a priority. It was one of several concepts that I thought about starting someday. In fact, at the time I was only contemplating my why: I’d been lucky enough to stumble into some corporate roles that offered career growth, but if I was going to be purposeful with my working days, I needed to maximize my opportunities. That’s why I enrolled in part-time MBA school in the first place: to enhance my skills and broaden my thinking. There’s nothing enchanting about layering a graduate program on top of your fifty-hour work week, but it felt right, and it made space for what was to come.

The funny thing is, once I learned how other businesses had found their way, my tea house concept made perfect sense. Understanding business ownership through various case studies is what helped bring into sharper view my vision. And where chance favors the prepared, I had incredible MBA peers willing to help me test my model and cheer me on. My idea aligned in my heart and on paper, and others validated it. The timing seemed right from a competition and demand perspective. For the rest (I was aware there would be surprises), I reasoned my grit and genetic makeup would complement any learning opportunity that was missed in the planning. The great abyss of missing business lessons that did ensue became the making of this book, because an education doesn’t buy that many shortcuts, not in real life. This book aims to be the bridge between what you can learn from business school (and the internet) and the thrilling, gut-wrenching, redefining-the-word-difficult reality that is entrepreneurship. As I said, starting a business is like giving birth. I want to tell the story that would have saved me so much time, money, and emotional energy. I can’t reclaim any of it, but I can still regard it as hard-earned, beautiful lessons.

The stories in this book are the equivalent of my mom-to-be diary, or the connections I drew from my own experience and the examples I studied in business school. They chronicle my learnings from my encounters with startups and, as any journal would be, they’re both revealing and cringe-worthy. My journaling goal was simply to record my experiences. There were highs I wanted to remember to tell my one-day grandkids about and lows I couldn’t tell anyone about. There were many surprises that I wished someone had told me about, so I could have done things differently. Perhaps the biggest one is that not many other business owners share intimate details about their own surprises. I was struck by the contrast between how lovely the idea of business ownership sounded and how complex the reality was. In much the same way that people don’t talk about the scary or grisly stuff when having a real baby, people also don’t talk about the dark stuff when a living brand is on the line. Perhaps silence prevails because the experience of birthing (both human and business) is so personal, and because we’ve had centuries of conditioning telling us to be strong and not show any rawness or vulnerability. Or maybe just because we don’t want to scare anyone away, but in my experience, most people have a mixture of easy, natural flow, and hard-learned lessons. The gap is between those who are willing to first recognize those highs and lows and willing to talk about it … and those who are not. And part of the reason for not talking about it is that starting a business takes up an astonishing amount of time and energy. Most of us simply don’t have the time to stop and talk about it.

I did have time. I left my corporate job too early with a how hard can it be? attitude when I was admittedly surprised to find out my concept had legs. I was then doubly surprised to find myself in a cavernous space between it could work! and actually making it happen. I figured if I was learning so much, other business moms pregnant with their own concepts could benefit from my notes. But surprises or not, business books can’t possibly prescribe the path to success because every business is different… and besides, aren’t we doing this because we want to light up our own path, our own purpose? This is a delicate dance, especially for traditional business books. So my if only I had known has become the tale of let me share some stories. They are not meant to tell you what to do but rather how to approach the beautiful and sometimes scary moments of starting something of your own. I shed light on how lovingly deep the experience can be, the high highs, and the why didn’t this come up in birthing class?! lows. Many parents look back and say they wouldn’t change a thing, or that they didn’t know what they were missing until they had a kid; the same love stories emerge in business. I am a firm believer that sometimes business is just business and that your business is not you. But I also recognize that there’s always a person behind the business, and as sterile or impersonal as it can sometimes feel you have to be, the inherent humanity cannot be denied. Amidst the day-to-day blocking and tackling and check-listing, you’re holding up something so much bigger than you. I, and so many of my peers, didn’t realize how much nurturing goes into going solo or taking on an enterprise that more directly ties efforts to rewards (versus an organization who may pay you a fraction of what they bill your services at), or how sleepless those early nights are. And I didn’t realize how right-on my observations were about the process of birthing a business until I had a human baby. Indeed, the anticipation, the waiting, the lessons in patience, resilience, and humbleness resonate to the core. Birthing a concept is simply a gorgeous feeling: one of the hardest and yet most sensational endeavors of my life. And so, with this book, a new creation is born, one that helps light the path for other entrepreneurs.

Ready: What to Expect when Starting a Business is for the hopeful parent who is starting a new business, building their brand from scratch, or who needs some sister-tribe advice and examples to help them get more comfortable with what lies ahead. This book is part business know-how and part spiritual awareness guide. I share my experiences in building a concept from mere thought to a unique retail/relaxation tea shop, along with anecdotes from my peers and clients. The stories lead into recommendations for tools to help you take your learning to the next level as you choose to grow in one area or another. Ultimately, you get to figure this out for yourself, and I encourage you to do just that, using these stories as examples and suggestions to help you realize that the answer is within reach. Even though there will be days when all you want is for someone to tell you the right answer, finding your own answers is what makes you an entrepreneur, and no book can do that for you.

Refer to this book for a little bit of wisdom and a lot of reassurance that you’re on the right track for a high-caliber business that is aligned with the instincts that brought you to this point. This book (and its sequels) will also help the mom-preneur who is ready to grow her business to the next level but wants to reconnect with the basics first. Reconnecting to why you’re here and how you launched will help restore your sense of inspiration and purpose, fortify roots that help you grow, and recognize the sometimes-overlooked goodness that’s keeping you upright.

You’ll get the most out of the stories and advice in this book if you already have a concept in mind. While plenty of clients come to me saying they know they want to have their own business but haven’t clarified the concept, those that benefit the most know their why and understand the special sauce of what their company will offer the world. But even if you’re not there yet, hearing how others have navigated will help. You’ll be able to think more clearly about your own why, what your highs and lows may look like, and you’ll ultimately deepen your connection with your business flow. This closeness to flow is something that men and women can both experience, but our feminine energy allows us to nurture deeply this Universal energy in a way that ends up fueling us faster, farther, and deeper in the business world. Thanks to our divine ability to bring life to this earth, we are naturally equipped to tune into our instincts and understand the tests, the beauty, and the evolution in a way that more masculine-driven energies are often not. It’s our gift, it is awesome, and we celebrate the many women who are following their purpose and tapping into their innate talents to create across the world.

It’s not only about following a passion and discovering a deeper connection to the rewards by default. It’s the authentic voice we’re able to extend to our customers and in turn the enrichment of experience they feel from engaging with us and our fire; it’s the circle of life that each of us seeks as social animals and in doing what vividly matters in our lifetime.

But like most relationships and experiences that enliven us or allow us to evolve, the chance for love and care comes with the risk of disappointment, even resentment. This entrepreneurial paradox (e-paradox as I refer to it) is a topic I introduce in this book. Specifically, it refers to what happens when an entrepreneur wants something badly and loves it dearly, but because of these strong feelings, that same object of desire (a goal, a financial milestone, etc.) can become deeply frustrating in the space of a moment. I experienced this when I fell out of flow with my retail business. The tea shop I founded was a gorgeous extension of me and offered relaxation and access to natural health (tea, herbs, essential oils, healthy bites, and reflexology) in a busy and desirable area of Arlington, Virginia. I loved my business and the joy it brought me to be able to provide peace in such a fast-paced area. Flow was natural and I knew I was living my purpose, but when things were hard — staff quitting, customers complaining, logistics competing with scalability, and usually all on the same day — I felt flooded. Sometimes I didn’t like the thing I loved.

This paradox is natural in relationships. Deep feelings can swiftly reverse when one is operating at such a high velocity and sensory level. It’s important to note how much time you spend feeling disdain, versus the time you spend enamored with your work. You remind yourself that low feelings are temporary, you focus on the good, and you stick around, hoping the sweet lingers longer than the bitter because you love this thing. But that dogged determination to focus on the positive can sometimes mask the signals your subconscious is sending you, lowering your tolerance for the day-to-day stressors, until suddenly you find yourself broken and burned out, with nothing left but an attachment to the good parts and zero reserves to carry it further.

Take my mom’s retail business. She bought an existing business that was doing well but was in a location that wasn’t ideal. She also took over before the big box retailers moved into town, so her flow really only lasted for the first two years of business. After that, it was brutal. She needed to move but couldn’t afford the rent of a more competitive location (thanks to the new chains increasing the demand). She needed to innovate and become relevant to the customer of tomorrow, but her business model catered to small-towners who were retiring and not spending money the same way as when her predecessor was in charge. Times got tough and she poured her savings into the business. Her employees stole from her, and even though it was a constant back-breaker for the decade she remained open, she still looks back on the experience fondly because of those first couple of glory years. This distortion is a prime example of the e-paradox, and it’s worth paying attention to, because things will not go as planned. Your commitment to your new creation will test you and evolve you, as anything truly worth doing should. Keep this concept in the back of your mind, even during times of appreciation and joy, while ebbing and flowing with your business.

Just as there are times for your business to champion through, there are also moments when even the fearless captain must take a break. Women are natural warriors, it’s true. But we’re also nurturers, and anyone in touch with their feminine expression needs to honor this in order to sustain. We’ll see examples of how this can look while you’re smack in the middle of everything you’re responsible for and all those things that only you know how to handle. As we address the basic elements of building a business (marketing, finance, etc.), we will examine the times it calls for a yang-like energy (action-oriented, driven, or productive) and when it calls for yin. Still, this is your business, so you get to decide whether you show up as warrior or nurturer, depending on what the forecast calls for. And speaking of climate, even the more aggressive, testosterone-led women can still become weathered by business. It’s important to consider the dichotomies of character the business is asking for and to respond in the best way.

One question that comes up for many women is whether or not they have the (ahem) male parts to succeed in a masculine-energy arena like business. The answer is a resounding yes! Quitting your job to fulfill your purpose can be the scariest and most eulogy-worthy thing you may ever do. But you have to do it right. There are questions to ask yourself first, such as Can I afford to not have this job? Am I having the impact or other fulfillment that could keep me going if I never launch my own business? Am I still learning and growing? Am I having fun? The answers may outweigh the fear and thus give you peace of mind. It may be that it’s a matter of when versus if. And if you’re still committed but can’t work out the timing, the great news is that for most concepts, plenty of startup tasks can be done in your free time while keeping your day job. Let’s face it: money can bring peace if it’s helping you fund your dream. For that reason alone, making as much money as you can in the early trimesters is highly encouraged. Timing your day job exit must be a part of your flow and harmony. And once you’ve given your exit timing some loving thought, go ahead and put that goal on the calendar. The business world stands to benefit from even more feminine influence, and we’re seeing that across corporations today with the pink economy, where businesses are valuing more social skills like empathy, intuition, and care. It’s an exciting time to birth a business!

If you’re still having doubts about whether you’re cut out for the job, consider this quick list.

You shouldn’t be an entrepreneur if

at any point in your prior job you felt like there was too much work to do, or the work didn’t suit your preferences. Starting your own business means work and not all of it is strategic orsexy.

vacationing and escaping reality is your only way to live. Business ownership can often mean no extended time off, possibly for years.

you have a hard time finishing what you start. If you’re entrepreneurial-spirited, you’ll likely have another idea in the not-so-distant future. So, can you see yourself committed to this thing for the next three to ten years? If you can’t, then you may have what many in the industry call professional ADD. I wouldn’t recommend entrepreneurship at this stage in your personal evolution. It’s a marathon that requires stamina and emotional fortitude.

you’re uncomfortable with the unknown or don’t have an appetite for low lows. You have to be strong enough to handle discomfort and uncertainty. Crystal balls and perfect scripts do not exist; honing the art of seeing life as one big lesson is a skill that entrepreneurs practice.

you want to get rich quick. If that’s where you’re at, then starting a business will require your sharp redefinition of success. Most entrepreneurs joke that their business was an overnight success that took five years (sometimes ten!).

you prefer strategy to execution. Said differently, if you are the ideas gal but not the doer, you may feel more fulfilled in an environment that rewards you for riffing. Staying in love with a concept without loving the how can challenge your motivation in the early days. Read The E-Myth or The E-Myth Revisited to understand how people generally aren’t equipped for all the hats of entrepreneurship.

And if you’re still not sure, I invite you to read on. As you read the stories within this book, you’ll gain a clearer sense of whether this is a journey you want to take. Chances are, once your financials are promising and you can imagine in detail how a business may work for you, you’ll become more passionate about your path.

How to Use This Book

The goal is readiness. Secondary to my sitting with you and talking through your big dreams and your tactical execution, the ability to get your mind, stomach, ego, and punch list on the same party boat comes down to two things: confidence and aptitude. This will come in the form of anecdotes, business parallels for practical application, and practice, where at the end of each chapter you can marinate the theories and see how that chapter applies to your business dream.

In this book, I use terms normally associated with actual pregnancy. Rather than putting them in quotes every time, which would be tiresome for both of us, let’s set some ground rules right up front. When I use words like expecting, birthing, or parenthood, I am referring to the process of anticipating, creating, or growing your business, unless otherwise noted. Go bag is your curated collection of your necessities to get. it. done. If it seems too literal, it is meant to be a joke. Diapers and blowouts are generally associated with the less than ideal aspects of parenting, if you haven’t yet come upon those terms in real life to be able to appreciate what I’m getting at. We can take life really seriously sometimes, so where there is a joke to be had, why not roll with it? No actual baby manual will have a step-by-step guide and neither will this, although it does have timelines to consider, since so much hinges on timing. There are no right answers, only right choices for given moments. Through examples of other business parents sharing their experiences and wisdom, my hope is to make those choices seem less daunting. This book offers you shortcuts to solving many new-business-mom surprises, stories to learn what not to do, and best of all, a platform to help you learn to trust your instincts in a new environment. We don’t seem to be wired to phone in something as monumental as conception and nurturing a being, so alongside our can-do attitude, seeking wisdom to make sure we’re doing what’s best for baby is also important. Lastly, there will be opportunities to reflect on the stories and ways to offer your own creation some relative love via the exercises and artistic expressions at the end of each chapter.

Most business parents only do this a few times, so take comfort that you’re neither the first nor the last newbie to seek knowledge and understanding in bringing something beautiful to life. If this is your first foray into the startup world, you can take heart that even second-timers refer back to their notes at the end of each chapter because the blur from sleep deprivation or pleasure has masked all memory of the pain.

With or without a manual, a coach, or a partner, this can be one of the most terrifying yet fulfilling things you’ll ever do. You’ll be outside of your comfort zone, confronting your fears, embracing your strengths, and experiencing the spectrum of emotions, fueled by endorphins and rewards in unexpected shapes and sizes. The work will be like you’ve never experienced before, because it’s all yours. The excitement will be beautiful. Business parenthood will be humbling. It will surprise you. You’ll tell