I Am An Experiment

INTRODUCTION

"Through all-seeing Mind, I myself have been the

witness of the invisible things of Heaven, and through

contemplation come to the knowledge of the Truth.

This knowing I have set down in these writing.…"

Hermes/Thoth

This book is my personal story. One of memoirs, recorded in my daily journal between 1993 and 2000. It is an extraordinary adventure into unknown dimensional realms. My experiences arose from dedicated spiritual aspiration, disciplined daily meditation and regular spiritual practices. The story details my ascension into realms of celestial light and ecstatic divine love.

During my daily meditation practice celestial and extra-terrestrial beings trained me to ‘remote view’. Remote viewing is the ability to mind travel to an intentional location to view places, events, people and things. NASA trains people to do this. I was also taught to communicate telepathically and to bi-locate i.e. to use all six senses and experience full bodily sensations while operating in multi-dimensional localities. Most of my training involved navigating celestial realms and meeting, identifying and inter-acting with the highly evolved light-beings residing there. They taught me to awaken within my mind and body different frequency ranges. The training processes were fun. My trainers were incredibly loving and considerate, and the processes felt familiar and natural, as if I’d experienced them before, in another time.

Very early in the training I realized that my consciousness could travel to areas my rational mind couldn’t access. My trainers asked that I record my experiences and share them at the appropriate time. That time is now.

My work is to awaken and catalyse people into the understanding and experience of broader realities and of the infinite nature of consciousness and divine love. I am dedicated to my work.

The content of this book is true for me. It is for you to ascertain its truth through your intuition and heart-felt response.

I invite you to fasten your seat belts and travel with me into unchartered starry realms.

Ashtara

November 2012

PART ONE

AN AWAKENING

The Quest

I was determined to transform my life and used to go on my early morning walks thumping my thymus and affirming I am willing to change I am willing to change. I felt this affirmation profoundly. I meant it.

Why did I begin this spiritual quest? Simple answer: depression. My ‘wake-up’ call came in 1987, around the time of the Harmonic Convergence, when many thousands of people globally united in groups to pray for world peace.

Why was I suffering such deep depression? It didn’t make sense. Externally I had all the trappings of success: a beautiful home and thriving business, three wonderful children and financial security. Internally my soul was crying out with a hunger for something, yet I knew not what.

It was time to change, but change what? I felt I was in a giant mental fog with confusion part of the depression. Who was I when not playing the supportive, nurturing role to husband, children, dog and business? I never considered visiting a doctor to fix my problem because I had realized, many years earlier, that drugs were detrimental to my sensitive energy system. I nearly died when I was twenty-four, by being given too much anaesthetic, and wasn’t willing to put myself through that experience again.

In early 1988 one of my daughters gave me the gift of a week’s retreat at a health camp. I enjoyed the week immensely and, through active participation in the courses, learned much about myself. Part of the program was to assist people clear blocked emotions. This was the first time I had experienced psychological work and had no frame of reference to understand it. All my life I’d stuffed my emotions down thus unwittingly displaying a false façade. I did not know how to identify any specific emotion I felt, let alone verbalize it. I went back to this Health Retreat three times and, on the third, one of the guest speakers spoke about astrology. My sceptical mind stood guard.

I had not known of the world of astrology before, so was wary. However something inside of me resonated with the way the speaker, Christopher Power, presented the subject. A tiny spark of curiosity ignited an uplifting feeling in my heart and I decided to follow it. I visited Christopher for an astrological reading and, when invited to sit down at his desk, crossed my arms over my chest and refused to speak other than give him my birth particulars. This was all the information he needed.

To my surprise he told me what I was currently experiencing emotionally, and in particular the depression. And he gave me a great gift - the psychological tools to enable me to overcome it. He explained how my subconscious emotions could be likened to a reservoir overflowing beyond capacity, and how the reservoir wall was crumbling due to the amount and weight of the ‘water’ in it. My supressed emotions were the ‘water’. He said the current planetary movements connecting to my horoscope were the activating agents for the emotional ‘flooding’ and how important it was for the emotions to be released. He taped the consultation and I went home armed with my first astrological/psychological tools, feeling incredibly grateful for the experience.

I found the language difficult to understand because the concepts were totally foreign. I was used to business language. However I persisted, transcribing the tape to paper and carrying the document with me wherever I went. Each evening I reviewed it, endeavouring to gain greater understanding. I worked in my business from 8.30am until 4.30pm, six days a week, and my husband worked in it from 4.30 until 10.00pm so I had plenty of time in the evenings to study, and integrate the astrological information.

I decided to apply this information to my daily life. What did I have to lose? I felt I had been given the opportunity to open my mind to a completely new way of thinking and being. I was learning about myself and this was something I had never considered because my focus had always been on supporting and caring for others. I didn’t know who I was underneath the devoted wife and mother, social organizer or businesswoman roles.

By the end of the year I felt lighter and more alive. I wasn’t depressed any more. I knew astrology worked, because I experienced major regeneration, not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. Astrology enabled me to identify, accept and face my inner demons, take responsibility for them and act upon transforming them – daily. I felt it was manna from heaven. I requested another reading and the internal investigative processes began again, however this time there were different psychological themes and issues to understand and work through. The astrologer said this was because some of the travelling planets had moved on from their former activations to specific placements in my birth chart. I had apparently worked through the top layers of deeply entrenched psychological issues so they faded away. This former sceptic became a strong believer in the ancient science and art of astrology, and how it could be used as an empowering self-healing tool.

Christian Upbringing

I was brought up in an Anglo-Saxon protestant household and taken to Sunday school when I was five years old. I loved the church, the teachings and the singing of hymns. My life outside home and school involved the church. When I was around seven years old I had a confrontation with a catholic priest who was visiting the next-door neighbour. I overheard the priest telling the neighbour that God was to be feared. I was resolute that God was love and that it was wicked to say otherwise, so I said so. I received a violent and judgemental re-action from the priest.

So I started studying the Bible and would often be found reading alone, in the cold lounge room, filling myself with the scriptures. I remember often play-acting my dream scene for adulthood. This was to teach the truth of Jesus teachings, not in a building, but in nature. The only way I could imagine how this could happen was to become a teaching missionary in Africa.

My sporting activities and the annual camping expeditions to the mountains were an essential part of the church programmes. I regularly taught Sunday school, read lessons in the pulpit and sang my heart out in the church services until someone cautioned me to be quiet, saying I had a terrible voice. This shut me up, for many years. I married in this church then left Australia to live in Fiji, an island country. There were no Anglo-Saxon churches nearby so I conducted my own Easter and Christmas services at home, alone.

After spending nearly five years on this idyllic island paradise we, my husband, two children and I, returned to Australia to live. I hoped there would be a church in the remote western Tasmanian area where we were to live. And there was.

I attended this church on two or three occasions and then began receiving home visits from the minister. On one of these visits he tried to sexually molest me. That was the end of my church life. All my naïve and innocent beliefs regarding the behaviour of God’s so called representatives were smashed. A huge black hole developed in my heart and soul that lasted for twenty-four years.

Those years were filled with family life, business and material pursuits. During my mid to late forties I began to experience extremes of emotional intensity and ill health. It was wake-up time yet I had no idea what I was to ‘wake-up’ to.

An Awakening at Santa Fe

I’d had enough of trade shows. I’d participated in so many during the past fifteen years of jewellery business life. My husband, who bought all the precious gem stones for our business, planned to attend the annual jewellery and gem stone trade show in Denver, Colorado USA and invited me to go with him. But I needed a change, a new look at life. Finding a seven-day retreat workshop in Santa Fe at the exact time of the show I booked my place and a seat on the small plane from Denver. The workshop was held in an old monastery, built in the early 1600’s. It felt wonderful to have my own room, even though it was only for a week, and to be part of the history of the area. I loved Santa Fe and the venue. What magic and mystery would unfold here? I wondered.

Plenty. The facilitator had lived and trained with Native American Indians for more than twenty years and much of the weeks’ training was based upon their mind-expanding methods to enable the raising of consciousness. At this early stage of my spiritual journey I had no idea what consciousness meant. On the first morning we played games that connected us with nature and I enjoyed them so much. They were fun, easy and stimulating. However the other students appeared to find them exceedingly challenging. Later in the morning the facilitator asked me not to play again because I apparently knew the games so well. How come? I thought. This same response continued with each exercise throughout that day and the next.

On the third day we were asked to meditate and then, immediately afterwards, gather in a circle for a special exercise. Meditation was easy for me. I’d only been practicing regularly for maybe a year but seemed to enter an altered state of mind quickly. I also realized I created a tremendous amount of heat in my body when I totally focused and relaxed into the process.

I chose to meditate lying on the floor and created heat and light in my body through deep, slow, focused breathing. I could feel my body and hands tingling with energy currents. Then, when instructed, we silently grouped into a circle, sat on chairs, and were each given a heavy silver dessertspoon. We were asked to stroke the handle and bend it. This will be easy, I thought. I’d seen a Russian man do this same exercise on a TV show and people had marvelled at him however I knew all it required was focus and belief. I stroked the handle and within seconds the heavy metal softened and bent, doubling over itself. I showed it to the facilitator who promptly and silently gave me another one to bend, which I did equally as easily.

All the other students looked at the bent spoons with amazement. There were only two people who were then able to bend their spoons. It was following this game I found out the other students were psychologists and had come to this retreat from many different countries. When I booked my place I hadn’t realized it was a specialised training programme designed to expand the consciousness of psychologists. Whoops! What was I doing here?

On the next day we began training to expand and enhance our peripheral vision. This meant developing the ability to see beyond normal vision boundaries. This specific training took all day. Many interesting exercises were undertaken and again I didn’t take them very seriously. I was so enjoying my playtime. In the evening, following our long practice, we were driven into the desert. The exercise given was to take turns in leading the others back to the truck after we had walked a long distance to a specific area. We were told there would not be any moonlight and that the only light would come from the stars. We were not permitted to use flashlights.

Before we began our early evening walk, and while it was still light, we were asked to concentrate on the vegetation and use it as guideposts for our return. As we walked the two and a half-hour journey to the point of the return trip I found myself unable to do as requested. Instead I became immersed in coyote calls and the beauty of nature. I smelt the desert and sensed a connection to the land. It was different to that of Australia yet I felt at home. Before we embarked upon the return journey we were allocated our times for individual leadership. I was to be last.

I enjoyed being in the wide-open spaces and, when it was my turn to lead, I intuitively closed my eyes and a path immediately appeared in my inner vision. It was very clear. I confidently walked this path, gathering momentum with each step. I led the group for approximately twenty-five minutes and then my vision vanished. I instantly stopped. The facilitator, who, unbeknown to me, had walked directly behind came and stood beside me and showed, with his flashlight, where we were. I could see the truck down below on the flat. He said I had led the group along a very old cow trail that he hadn’t seen or walked before. He seemed surprised. I felt elated because the whole process felt natural, as if I’d done it many times before.

On our return to the truck we were invited to play the available instruments. I chose a Native American drum, never having seen, or played one before. The drum was light and easy to carry and appeared to be made from an animal hide stretched tightly over a round solid frame. The frame extended to a hand -grip. I held the instrument in my left hand and my right hand and fingers appeared to have a life of their own creating a rhythm that my body immediately responded to. I was feeling incredibly exhilarated and drummed freely for two hours without stopping. I danced as I drummed, enjoying myself immensely. I felt I was in a familiar time and place, completely connected to the land. I love to dance and did so with gay abandon.

The final day of the retreat was strange and unsettling. We were asked to create two teams by first scanning the room and then standing on the side of the room where we felt the most comfortable. I spent some time choosing my place because I somehow knew it was an important part of the exercise. After I did so others, mostly women, gathered to stand beside me. We then sat down in two rows facing each other. There were approximately ten people in each team. The game to be played was a competition with the scores being kept by an assistant, using two ropes. A knot would be tied in the appropriate rope when one of the teams scored a point.

The facilitator walked in front of each team player, one team at a time, holding three stones in one of his closed hands. He offered his two fists to each member who had to intuitively select the hand that held the stones. Once the game was explained I immediately knew how to play it. First our team members were to distract the other team to prevent them from intuiting the correct hand. This was easy to do. We were mostly women and played our femininity to the hilt. It was fun and exhilarating. We were able to intuit correctly and we were winning.

After a number of games the facilitator called for a break. We were asked to group into our teams at each end of the room and he came to speak with our group first, with a special request. This was for us to enable the other team to win. He said we knew we had won anyway and there was no need to go any further. We agreed, accepting and respecting his request. I didn’t think about the reason behind his action nor was it discussed.

The game resumed. We remained quiet and allowed the other team to win. However this was not a good idea. Some of the men from the other team became so angry they punched two of the women on our side, stormed off and left the programme to return home, hours before it was due to end. I was amazed, and saddened by the behaviour of these professionals.

Only many years later did I realize where and how I had developed the skills I’d demonstrated at the conference. I had learned them well in another lifetime and the memories of that time came to me as feelings and intuitive knowing. My conscious rational mind had no understanding of the process.

As a result of this wonderful experience of remembrance, and at the suggestion of the facilitator, upon my return home to Australia I learned the ancient Japanese hands-on healing art of Reiki and from then worked with it for self-healing and healing others. It seemed natural and easy. I also attended a workshop given by a North American Indian who taught drum making. I made my own drum.

Chiron Return

And then it was time for my ‘Chiron Return’. This is an astrological cycle that happens to everyone around the ages of 49 - 51. The planets in our solar system orbit the Sun in time cycles. Chiron’s cycle is approximately 50 years. Chiron is not officially designated a planet however people experience its energetic influence, usually unconsciously. It is when Chiron returns to its birth chart position that subconscious soul wounds emerge that require selfawareness in order for them to heal. These wounds may be physical but have a psychological foundation. Life changing events can also take place around this age.

At my Chiron return I sought medical help even though I hardly ever visited doctors. I had a very strong constitution and was usually very healthy. However, my tummy extended to such an extent it appeared I was nine months pregnant. I walked bent over, as if very old. I was diagnosed as anaemic and iron deficient. Now I understand that the cause of my belly swelling was due to holding in emotions all my life. The fluid from this suppression extended my stomach to that huge extent.

During this time my eldest daughter