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    Christian Jokes for the ‘Serious Religious’ Folks!
    Christian Jokes for the ‘Serious Religious’ Folks!
    Christian Jokes for the ‘Serious Religious’ Folks!
    Ebook196 pages2 hours

    Christian Jokes for the ‘Serious Religious’ Folks!

    By GERARD ASSEY

    ()

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    About this ebook

    How can we, God's masterpiece, created in HIS image, think of situations as funny, unless the whole idea came from God in the first place? Many say that the nature of God is unknowable, but I'm certain of one thing at least. God Almighty does have a sense of humor. And we need to see this side of Him as well, in order to totally appreciate Him.

    Today, we live in a world that most times seems so overwhelming, where a good laugh and a real smile are rarely ever seen or heard. The everyday stresses of life can leave us feeling hassled, hurried, hopeless and harassed. Add to that a fragile economy during a time of threatened security, and we could be left feeling frightened, vulnerable, and totally off on the stress meter. We therefore need tools for coping, as it's easy to lose simple joy. But, maintaining a close relationship with God, who "sits in the heavens and laughs" (Ps. 2:4) will release that grace to enjoy this 'joy and laughter' in our lives, for in His "presence is fullness of joy" (Ps. 16:11). HE is that 'spring of happiness' that will enable us to overcome the pressures and trials of life. And joy helps break down those barriers allowing laughter to freely flow. Humor and laughter will not just change your day; they can change your life!

    It is said that young children laugh as much as 100 to 200 times a day, compared to the majority of adults that only get zero to a few daily laughs a day. Yet laughter is good not only for the body but also for the soul and Spirit. This reservoir of: Christian Jokes for the 'Serious Religious' Folks! is an exhaustive collection of rib-tickling, humorous jokes with the purpose being twofold: To help bring joy and laughter into our everyday lives and to help as a great preaching resource for Preachers, Ministers and Teachers of the Word, by helping to tickle any congregation's funny bone -- and grab their attention.

     

    So, given the above "license to laugh" now, just enjoy the rib-tickling pages that follow and learn to laugh and laugh and laugh, so you'll last and last and last!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGERARD ASSEY
    Release dateJun 23, 2020
    ISBN9781393139485
    Christian Jokes for the ‘Serious Religious’ Folks!

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      Book preview

      Christian Jokes for the ‘Serious Religious’ Folks! - GERARD ASSEY

      By

      Gerard Assey Ph.D

      Dedication

      This book is dedicated to my lovely wife, June, (fondly called ‘Bug’) of 35 years (as on 2020) and still going long and strong and who like Eve, has one of my ribs that keeps ‘bugging’ me to ‘bring out more’ and what has also caused the ‘rib-tickling’ in these pages! 

      A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road. –Henry Ward Beecher

      Table of Contents

      Humor oils the wheels of life and helps to keep it running smoothly.

      Why this Book?

      1. Grumpy and St. Peter

      2. Pastor’s Business Card

      3. Jonah and the Whale

      4. The Atheist in the Woods

      5. How to Get Into Heaven

      6. Don’t leave Earth without it!

      7. After Retirement!

      8. Something the Government can do to help the Church

      9. Take No Offence

      10. Go to Church Billy!

      11. Driving Dad’s Car!

      12. Two little Mischievous Boys

      13. My Face is my Ticket

      14. The Visiting Preacher

      15. The Businessman and the Pope

      16. No Parking!

      17. Catholic Heart Attack

      18. My Dad’s better than your Dad

      19. God is Great at Making!

      20. Which Service? 

      21. Thank You for the Gift

      22. ‘Where Have You Been?’ Eve Asks Adam

      23. Little Old Lady and the Atheist

      24. What my wife’s dentures could do!

      25. Priests on Vacation

      26. Out of the mouth of babes

      27. Heaven Bound

      28. The Great Artist!

      29. Pain in the Side

      30. The Lord’s Prayer

      31. The Highest Power

      32. What about Grown-ups?

      33. When Johnny misses Palm Sunday

      34. Forgive us for our trash

      35. A little Boy’s Prayer

      36. Billy Graham Makes a Big Impression on a Small Boy

      37. Poor Sick Boy

      38. Don’t worry...I’m having a good time!

      39. Healing Hearing

      40. Not Abandoned!

      41. Who is playing Jesus today?

      42. A Prayer when you have Guests!

      43. A Practical Lesson from Children on Worm Cure

      44. Why Jesus Loves Children

      45. Goat for Dinner

      46. The Benevolent Landlord

      47. A Woman at the Post Office....

      48. How did you get here?

      49. Good News & Bad News!

      50. When the Pope drives a Limo!

      51. A Million Dollars in a Minute!

      52. The Army of the Lord

      53. Anything of Liquid, Fragile or Perishable?

      54. Southern Baptist at the Race Track

      55. Get Behind Me, Satan!

      56. Board Meeting

      57. The Super Bible Salesman         

      58. In and Out!

      59. Professional help with a Coat Hanger

      60. Properly Armed

      61. A Multi-Purpose Remarkable Parrot

      62. What four Catholic ladies say about their sons!

      63. Psalm 23

      64. Television Psalm

      65. Psalm 23 the Techies

      66. Man and his 4 Forms

      67. Moses and Bush

      68. Getting noticed by the Pope

      69. Taxi Driver and the Preacher

      70. Jesus making a point

      71. Who makes the Coffee?

      72. Where will your promotion take you?

      73. WWJD

      74. Peace and love of God

      75. Wife’s Christmas Gift

      76. Are you prepared?

      77. How to correct a mistake!

      78. Cheap Christmas Present

      79. What would you like them say?

      80. To My Loving Wife

      81. Atheist Day 

      82. Who donated the Loud Speakers?

      83. Why the old man missed service

      84. The Painters

      85. Jesus died between two thieves

      86. Coincidence?

      87. Good Reasoning

      88. Meals served in Heaven

      89. Willing to take a bullet for Jesus?

      90. When Jesus and Moses play Golf!

      91. Your vehicle in Heaven

      92. Choose your room for eternity

      93. When the Doc says your recovery is a real miracle!

      94. Why was Jesus born in a Manger?

      95. Pastors discussion about weekly collection

      96. Lottery Luck

      97. Cheap Local call

      98. Heaven is free and good

      99. Better Write That Down

      100. Drunk and Baptism

      101. When I grow up...

      102. One Word Letter

      103. How many women to marry?

      104. Answer to Prayer

      105. Where do we come from?

      106. The Scientist and GOD!

      107. It’s in the Tithing...

      108. No chances with the Mother-in-law!

      109. Handy Spare Parts

      110. School Lunch

      111. Rotten Eggs

      112. Are you an Atheist?

      113. The stolen Turkey

      114. Does God exist?

      115. Same Business

      116. Elijah’s test

      117. Pretty worth It 

      118. The 80 year-olds 4th reason to marry!

      119. Surprise in the Family Bible

      120. The car crash

      121. Talking dog for sale

      122. Lesson on Honesty

      123. The Pastor’s title

      124. First trip to the Mall

      125. Inspired by his Humor

      126. The 10th Commandment

      127. Your Place Reserved in Heaven

      128. Unrecognized

      129. How to Get to Heaven

      130. Your Successor won’t be as Good as You

      131. A Jew and a Christian

      132. Christmas Gift Cheques

      133. God is Left-Handed

      134. His one wish granted!

      135. The Missionary’s Special Horse

      136. God the Father

      137. Walking on Water

      138. The Old Bore

      139. The Dead Church 

      140. Inspired to Write

      141. Abrahams’ computer

      142. A Good Deed

      143. The Substitute Organist

      144. What happens when the Circus comes to Church!

      145. From our 3-year-old Grandchild

      146. Blackmail

      147. Water to Wine

      148. Where is Jesus today?

      149. Christmas Service

      150. Closing Hymn

      151. Recruitment Choices

      152. How may I help you?

      153. How she got her White Hairs

      154. Forgiving Others 

      155. When women die

      156. Whose Bible is this? 

      157. Why do Brides Wear White?

      158. The Expert did it!

      159. First Sermon

      160. Booked for the extra

      161. The Best Way to Pray

      162.  Old Italian’s Tomato Garden

      163. Better idea at what you should do

      164. Related in some way!

      165. Can I Get a Testi-money?

      166. The Lord is calling

      167. Following the best example

      168. The Church Pencils

      169. What’s God’s

      170. When you look back

      171. Unrecognized Bill

      172. Best Pastoral advice

      173. Utterly confused

      174. Fallen

      175. Sick Call

      176. Do You Know Jesus Christ?

      177. At her orders

      178. A Cat-achism Baptism

      179. A Funny Twist

      180. What we hear is what you get!

      181. If Only You Had Looked...

      182. Undecided

      183. The Reward in Heaven

      184. Unwanted Visitor

      185. God is Great!

      186. Juggler

      187. To Dust

      188. Theology vs. Astronomy...

      189. A Lesson on Tithing

      190. Golf and the Pope

      191. What you stand for

      192. What a Performance!

      193. A Disturbing Musical Note

      194. Part of the Family

      195. When God says enough

      196. All I need to know

      197. Real Stuff

      198. Clocks that lie

      199. The Tate Family

      200. When we gather to worship

      201. The Right Heart

      202. Creative outdoor sign

      203. Concentration!

      204. Cheers!

      205. Who put him to sleep?

      206. No evidence

      207. The Preacher and the ghost

      208. Super Transformation

      209. Gifted in Honor

      210. Vicar Rides Again- A narrow escape

      211. Today’s sermon

      212. Fried Chicken

      213. Marriage Counseling

      214. Job Puns

      215. Baby Talk

      216. Doesn’t start great

      217. Dead man’s wish

      218. A new song

      219. The Cathedral Gates

      220. The Last Prayer at Sea

      221. Hearing just one word

      222. The Best Remedy

      223. Not a sin at all

      224. Country Church Stewardship

      225. Why worry?

      226. Helpful Prayer

      227. The Old Lady’s deep chat

      228. Donation and Sacrifice

      229. Effective Squirrel Solution

      230. The Change

      231. Preparation for next Sundays Sermon

      232. Who am I then?

      233. Born but raised differently

      234. Under Age

      235. The Final Exam Answer

      236. First Day on new Job

      237. Fish-n-Chips

      238. Not for just one, but for two!

      239. Who started it

      240. A Good Brainwash

      241. The wrong side whisper

      242. More than Asked For

      243. Final Will

      244. Smarter than Einstein

      245. The Pastors’ Visit

      246. By Grace!

      247. How to get rid of monsters

      248. The Lord is with you

      249. Monastery of Silence

      250. A taste of hellfire

      251. The last sermon

      252. Early Christmas shopping

      253. A Childs’ Revelation

      254. Proof to convert

      255. The extra member

      256. Lengthy one done 

      257. Lent Resolution

      258. Giving Thanks

      259. Old Remembrances

      260. Not Broken

      261. The real fear

      262. Thou shalt not lie

      263. With the plan, I can

      264. Adam’s lesser offer

      265. Looking up for the secret

      266. Powerful Witness

      267. Theological argument

      268. Rough draft or final output?

      269. Ask and You Shall Receive

      270. Water Powered

      271. Creative Engineering

      272. Surprise for God

      273. What’s worse?

      274. Collection first

      275. Old habits

      276. Superior Advice

      277. Waiting for the right word

      278. Knock, knock!

      279. Who’s the Real Virgin?

      280. The last rites!

      281. Share and Share Alike

      282. Who is to blame?

      283. Cranky Beautician gets her lesson

      284. Turning the other cheek

      285. The ONLY way!

      286. Ouch!

      287. When a child questions?

      288. The Spirit Powered up Sermon

      289. Tit for tat

      290. Marriage lesson

      291. Change of Attitude- A Lesson

      292. The real stuff

      293. Never mind, the answer is received

      294. After a good sleep!

      295. Great gift wrapped!

      296. All for the taking

      297. Who wants to be a Millionaire Show—Decisions!

      298. A Christmas to remember

      299. Money Talks

      300. Historical or Hysterical

      301. The Lucky Splash

      302. Hereafter

      303. Wrong choice

      304. Advance booking

      305. Search and replace work

      306. Filling the collection plate!

      307. The New Baby

      308. Actual children’s versions of Christmas Carols:

      309. Whose intelligence?

      310. Best Christmas Card

      311. Hereafter thinking

      312. When Jesus couldn’t swim

      313. Nuts by the Fence

      314. What would you do? 

      315. Help!

      316. Deduction at source

      317. Who is in charge?

      318. Can’t hear

      319. Big Cheese in Church: a Smelly Tale

      320. New Year’s Prayer

      321. A Great Fitting Suit

      322. Water Anyone?

      323. A straight answer

      324. The Pallbearers

      325. After the Their Revival Meetings...

      326. Featured on Display

      327. Self-help

      328. The Pessimist and Optimist

      329. Jewish and Chinese Calendars...

      330. In a New Robe...

      331. False Illusions

      332. A genuine complaint

      333. Thankful for FB

      334. What’s our hope today?

      335. Like Pearls

      336. Where you sit

      337. The Lord’s Prayer

      338. Laugh-n-Test Your Bible Knowledge!

      339. Hymns for every Profession

      340. The Whole Bible, Through the Eyes of a Child

      341. Some Rib-tickling Truth

      342. The Last Word

      Afterword

      About the Author

      Why this book?

      That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you    A. Whitney Brown

      Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one (human) sits on, one still sits on one’s bottom!     

      How can we, God’s masterpiece, created in HIS image, think of situations as funny, unless the whole idea came from God in the first place? Sadly, I have never heard a sermon about God’s sense of humor, nor is there a book that lists God’s laughter as one of his unchanging characteristics. Many say that the nature of God is unknowable, but I’m certain of one thing at least. God Almighty does have a sense of humor. And we need to see this side of Him as well, in order to totally appreciate Him.

      Today, we live in a world that most times seems so overwhelming, where a good laugh and a real smile are rarely ever seen or heard. The everyday stresses of life can leave us feeling hassled, hurried, hopeless and harassed. Add to that a fragile economy during a time of threatened security, with all sorts of viruses, diseases and threats and we could be left feeling frightened, vulnerable, and totally off on the stress meter. We therefore need tools for coping, as it’s easy to lose simple joy. So, maintaining a close relationship with God, who sits in the heavens and laughs

      (Ps. 2:4) will release that grace to enjoy this ‘joy and laughter’ in our lives, for in His presence is fullness of joy (Ps. 16:11). HE is that ‘spring of happiness’ that will enable us to overcome the pressures and trials of life. And joy helps break down those barriers allowing laughter to freely flow. Humor and laughter will not just change your day; they can change

      your life! 

      It is said that young children laugh as much as 100 to 200 times a day, compared to the majority of adults that only get zero to a few daily laughs a day. Yet laughter is good not only for the body but also for the soul and Spirit.

      An Internet site advises this Wellness Tip: "Go on and laugh! Whether your preference is giggle, chuckle or guffaw, here are a dozen well-being benefits of laughter: Increases antibodies in saliva that combats upper respiratory infections; Secretes an enzyme that protects the stomach from forming ulcers; Conditions the abdominal muscles; Relaxes muscles throughout the body;  Aids in reducing symptoms of neuralgia and rheumatism; Changes perspective; Has positive benefits on mental functions; Reduces blood pressure and heart-rate; Helps the body fight infection; Releases endorphins which provide natural pain relief; Tightens stomach muscles; Helps move nutrients and oxygen to body tissues; AND, it finally makes you feel good!"

      Maybe you have always thought that to be a good Christian you have to look sad, stern and

      concerned all the time...Well let’s consider what the relevant and key authority, ‘God’s Word’- The Bible, has to say about this issue:

      Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, The LORD has done great things for them."-Psalm 126:2

      A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.-Proverbs 17:22 (Interestingly, even secular doctors agree with this!)

      Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?"-Genesis 17:17

      Then God said, Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you

      will call him Isaac. (Isaac means ‘he laughs’) I will establish my

      covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him."-Genesis 17:19

      So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, After I am worn out

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