The Courage to Be Happy: Discover the Power of Positive Psychology and Choose Happiness Every Day

Introduction

People Misunderstand Adler’s Ideas

PHILOSOPHER: Please, tell me, what is going on?

YOUTH: You’re asking why I have come to this study again? Well, unfortunately, I’m not here for a simple visit and to rekindle an old friendship. I’m sure you are busy, as am I. So, naturally, there is a pressing issue that has brought me here once more.

PHILOSOPHER: Yes, of course, it would seem so.

YOUTH: I have thought things over. I have worried and obsessed over it all more than is necessary and reexamined everything completely. In doing so, I arrived at a very serious conclusion, and decided to come here to convey it to you. I know you have much to do, but please give me a moment of your time for just this one evening. Because this will probably be my final visit.

PHILOSOPHER: What happened?

YOUTH: … You haven’t figured it out? It’s the problem I’ve been suffering over for so long: Do I give up on Adler or not?

PHILOSOPHER: Ah. I see.

YOUTH: I’ll get right to the point: Adler’s ideas are a farce. An utter farce. Actually, I have to go further, and say that they are dangerous, even harmful ideas. While you yourself are certainly free to choose any ideology you wish to adhere to, I would like to ask you, if possible, to please stop spreading these lies once and for all. I’ve resolved to make this my final visit tonight, as I’ve said, in the knowledge that I must give up on Adler completely, in your presence and with this feeling in my heart.

PHILOSOPHER: So, was there some event that triggered this?

YOUTH: I will talk this through calmly and in an orderly fashion. First, do you recall that final day three years ago, when I last saw you?

PHILOSOPHER: Of course I do. It was a winter day, with glistening white snow all around.

YOUTH: Yes, it was. The night sky was a beautiful blue, and there was a full moon. That day, under the influence of Adler’s ideas, I took a great step forward. I quit my job at the university library and found a teaching position at my old middle school. I thought I’d like to put into practice a kind of education that was based on Adler’s ideas, and bring it to as many children as possible.

PHILOSOPHER: Isn’t that a wonderful decision?

YOUTH: Sure. I was burning with idealism then. I simply couldn’t keep such wonderful, world-changing ideas all to myself. I had to get more people to understand them. But whom? I could arrive at only one conclusion. Adults, who are no longer pure and uncorrupted, aren’t the ones who need to know about Adler. It’s by bringing them to children, who will build a new generation, that his ideas will continue to evolve. That was the mission I had been assigned. The fire inside me was burning so bright, I might well have burned myself.

PHILOSOPHER: I see. You can speak of this only in the past tense?

YOUTH: That’s right; it’s totally history now. But please don’t misunderstand me. I haven’t lost hope in my students. And neither have I lost hope or given up with regard to education itself. It’s just that I have lost hope in Adler—which is to say, I have lost hope in you.

PHILOSOPHER: Why is that?

YOUTH: Well, that’s something for you to contemplate and ask yourself! Adler’s ideas have no use in actual society, and are nothing more than abstract, empty theories. Especially that education principle that states: One must not praise, and one must not rebuke. And just so you know, I followed it faithfully. I didn’t praise, and I didn’t rebuke anyone either. I didn’t give praise for perfect scores on tests, or for a thorough job cleaning up. I didn’t rebuke anyone for forgetting to do their homework, or for being noisy in class. What do you think happened as a result of this?

PHILOSOPHER: … Your students became unruly?

YOUTH: Completely. But when I think back on it all now, that was only natural. It was my fault for getting taken in by such cheap quackery.

PHILOSOPHER: So, what did you do about it?

YOUTH: Needless to say, for the students who were misbehaving, I chose the path of stern rebuke. I know you’re probably going to make light of that and tell me it was a foolish solution. But look, I’m not a person who busies himself with philosophy and gets lost in daydreams. I am an educator who deals with real, on-the-ground situations, and looks after students’ lives and destinies. Because the reality right in front of us is never still—it’s moving constantly from moment to moment! You can’t just sit back and do nothing!

PHILOSOPHER: How effective is it?

YOUTH: Naturally, if I rebuke them any further, it doesn’t do any good. Because they disparage me now—I’m just a softy to them. … Honestly, there are even times when I envy the teachers of ages past, when physical punishment was permitted and even standard.

PHILOSOPHER: It’s not an easy situation.

YOUTH: True. Just so there isn’t any misunderstanding, I should add that I haven’t been letting my emotions take over or getting angry. I’m only rebuking, in a rational manner, as a last resort for the purposes of education. I guess you could say I’ve been prescribing an antibiotic medicine called reprimand.

PHILOSOPHER: So then you decided to give up on Adler?

YOUTH: Well, I mentioned that just to give you a clear example. Adler’s ideas are certainly wonderful. They shake up your value system and make you feel like the cloudy skies over your head are clearing up, like your life has changed. They would seem to be beyond reproach—a universal truth, even. But the fact is that the only place they hold water is right here, in this study! Once you throw open the door and dive into the actual world, Adler’s ideas are just too naive. The arguments they put forward are quite impractical, and nothing but empty idealism. You’ve just been fabricating a world that suits your purposes here in this room and losing yourself in daydreams. You don’t know a thing about the real world and the swarming masses of people who live in it!

PHILOSOPHER: I see. … And then?

YOUTH: An education in which one neither praises nor rebukes? An education that espouses autonomy and leaves students to fend for themselves? That’s nothing other than a renunciation of one’s professional duties as an educator. From now on, I am going to face the children in a way that is very different from Adler’s. I don’t care if it is right or not. Because I have no other choice. I will praise, and I will rebuke. And naturally, I will have to mete out harsh punishment as well.

PHILOSOPHER: You’re not going to quit working as an educator, are you?

YOUTH: Of course not. I will never give up on the path of being an educator. Because it is the path I have chosen. It is not an occupation, but a way of living.

PHILOSOPHER: It is most reassuring to hear that.

YOUTH: So, you think of this as somebody else’s problem? If I’m going to continue as an educator, I have to give up on Adler right here and now! If I don’t, I’ll be renouncing my responsibilities as an educator and abandoning my students. Well, what is your response to that!?

PHILOSOPHER: First, allow me to make a correction. You used the word truth earlier. But I am not presenting Adler as an absolute, immutable truth. One might say that what I am doing is giving a prescription for eyeglass lenses. I believe there are many people whose fields of vision have been broadened as a result of these lenses. On the other hand, there are probably those who say their vision has become even cloudier than before. I do not try to force the lenses of Adler’s ideas on them.

YOUTH: Oh, so you run away from them?

PHILOSOPHER: No. Let’s look at it this way. No other form of thought is as easy to get wrong and as hard to get right as Adlerian psychology. The majority of those who say, I know Adler, misunderstand his teachings. They do not possess the courage to approach a true understanding, and they do not try to look directly at the landscape that spreads out beyond this way of thinking.

YOUTH: People misunderstand Adler?

PHILOSOPHER: That’s right. If someone comes into contact with Adler’s ideas, and is immediately moved very deeply and says, Life is easier now, that person is grossly misunderstanding Adler. Because when one truly understands what Adler is demanding of us, one is likely to be shocked by its severity.

YOUTH: So, you are saying that I, too, misunderstand Adler?

PHILOSOPHER: Yes, from everything you have been telling me, it would seem so. You are certainly not alone in this, however. There are many Adlerians (practitioners of Adlerian psychology) who misunderstand him at the outset, and then climb the stairway of understanding. It would seem that you haven’t actually found the stairway that you should climb yet. I didn’t find it right away either, when I was young.

YOUTH: Huh, you had a period when you were lost too?

PHILOSOPHER: Yes, I did.

YOUTH: Then I want you to teach me. Where is this stairway to understanding, or whatever it is? What do you mean by stairway anyway? Where did you find it?

PHILOSOPHER: I was fortunate. Because I was a househusband in the midst of raising a young child when I came to know Adler.

YOUTH: What do you mean?

PHILOSOPHER: Through my child, I learned Adler, and together with my child, I was able to practice, and thus deepen my understanding and obtain positive proof of Adler.

YOUTH: So, that’s what I’m asking you to tell me! What did you learn? And what is this positive proof you obtained?

PHILOSOPHER: In a word, it was love.

YOUTH: What did you say?

PHILOSOPHER: … You don’t really need me to say it again, do you?

YOUTH: Ha-ha, what a laugh! So now it all boils down to love? You’re saying that if I want to know the real Adler, I have to know about love?

PHILOSOPHER: You laugh at this word, but you do not yet understand it. The love Adler speaks of is the harshest and most courage-testing task of all.

YOUTH: Oh, please! If you’re just going to preach about neighborly love, I don’t want to hear it.

PHILOSOPHER: Just now you stated that you have reached a dead end in your role as an educator and, as a consequence, you distrust Adler. Then you are eager to tell me that you are denouncing Adler, and that you don’t want me to talk about him anymore either. Why are you so upset? I suppose you felt that Adler’s ideas were something like magic. As if you could just wave a wand, and without further ado, all your wishes would be granted.

If that is the case, you should give up on Adler. You should give up the mistaken images of Adler that you have embraced and get to know the real Adler.

YOUTH: No, you’re wrong! In the first place, I have never expected Adler to be magical or anything like that. And second, as I think you yourself once said, Anyone can be happy from this moment onward.

PHILOSOPHER: Yes, I certainly did say that.

YOUTH: But aren’t such words a perfect example of magic? You’re warning people, Don’t be fooled by that counterfeit money, while pushing other counterfeit money. It’s a classic swindler’s trick!

PHILOSOPHER: Anyone can be happy from this moment onward. This is an undeniable fact, not magic or anything of the sort. You, and everyone else, can take steps toward happiness. But happiness is not something one can enjoy by staying where one is. One has to keep walking along the path one has embarked on. It is necessary to be clear on this point.

You took the step. You took a big step. Now, however, not only have you lost courage and let your feet come to a halt, you are trying to turn back. Do you know why?

YOUTH: You’re saying I don’t have patience.

PHILOSOPHER: No. You have not yet made the biggest choice in life. That’s all.

YOUTH: The biggest choice in life! What do I have to choose?

PHILOSOPHER: I said it earlier. You must choose love.

YOUTH: Hah, you expect me to understand that? Please don’t try to escape into abstraction!

PHILOSOPHER: I am serious. The issues you are now experiencing all stem from the single notion of love. The issues you have with education, and also the issue of the kind of life you should lead.

YOUTH: … All right. This seems like something worth refuting. Now, before we get into a full-fledged discussion, there is one thing I’d like to say. There is no doubt in my mind that you are a modern-day Socrates. However, it is not his school of thought that I am referring to, but his crime.

PHILOSOPHER: His crime?

YOUTH: Apparently, Socrates was sentenced to death on the suspicion of having tempted and corrupted the youth of the ancient Greek city-state of Athens, right? He subdued his disciples, who were appealing to him to escape from prison, and then drank a poison tea and took leave of this world. It’s interesting, isn’t it? If you ask me, you who espouse the ideas of Adler here in this ancient capital are guilty of exactly the same crime. In other words, you are tempting and corrupting naive youth with deceitful words!

PHILOSOPHER: You are saying that you were taken in and corrupted by Adler?

YOUTH: That is precisely why I resolved to visit once more before I part ways with you for good. I don’t want to create any more victims. Philosophically speaking, I must silence you once and for all.

PHILOSOPHER: Well, then, it’s going to be a long night.

YOUTH: But let’s settle this tonight, before daybreak. There is no need for me to keep calling on you after this. Will I climb the stairway of understanding? Or will I tear down that stairway of yours and abandon Adler, once and for all? It’ll be one or the other; there’s no in-between.

PHILOSOPHER: All right. This may be our last dialogue … No, it seems we will have to make it our last, no matter what.

PART I

That Bad Person and Poor Me

Little had changed in the philosopher’s study since the youth’s visit there three years before. A partially written manuscript lay in a loose bundle on the well-used desk. On top of it, perhaps to prevent the papers from being blown about by the wind, lay an old-fashioned fountain pen ornamented with gold inlay. It all felt familiar to the youth; it was almost as if he were in his own room. He noticed several books he owned, including one he had just read a week earlier. Gazing wistfully at the bookshelf, which took up an entire wall, the youth let out a great sigh. I mustn’t get too comfortable here. I’ve got to keep moving forward.

Is Adlerian Psychology a Religion?

YOUTH: Before coming to the decision to visit you once more today—that is to say, before making the firm resolution to abandon Adler—I went through a great deal of distress. It troubled me more than you can imagine. That’s how attractive Adler’s ideas were to me. But the fact is that at the same time that I was attracted to them, I was harboring doubts all along. And those doubts concern the name Adlerian psychology itself.

PHILOSOPHER: Hmm. What do you mean?

YOUTH: As the name Adlerian psychology indicates, Adler’s ideas are regarded as psychology. And as far as I am aware, psychology is essentially a science. When it comes to the opinions put forth by Adler, however, there are aspects that strike me as decidedly unscientific. Of course, as this is an area of study that deals with the psyche, it might not be completely expressible in mathematical form. That I understand perfectly well.

But the problem, you see, is that Adler talks about people in terms of ideals. He’s offering up the same kind of cloying sermons that Christians do when they preach about neighborly love. Which brings me to my first question. Do you think of Adlerian psychology as a science?

PHILOSOPHER: If you are speaking of a strict definition of science, that is to say, a science that has falsifiability, then no, it is not. Adler declared his psychology to be a science, but when he began talking about his concept of social feeling, many of his colleagues parted ways with him. Their judgment was much like yours: That sort of thing isn’t science.

YOUTH: Right, that’s a natural response for anyone who is interested in psychology as a