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    Unstuck: Rescuing Yourself from Unresolved Grief
    Unstuck: Rescuing Yourself from Unresolved Grief
    Unstuck: Rescuing Yourself from Unresolved Grief
    Ebook82 pages1 hour

    Unstuck: Rescuing Yourself from Unresolved Grief

    By Jane Carstens

    ()

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    About this ebook

    *** Gold Medal Winner ***
    Self-Help Non-Fiction
    2019 Global Ebook Awards

    Jane Carstens knows about grief. She lost her brother, mother and father early in life, and subsequently became stuck in a kind of twilight zone from unresolved grief.

    People who are stuck are usually struggling with emotions such as sorrow, guilt, remorse, anger, shame, blame, despair, bitterness and regret, which are directed at themself and at other people. They are not able to let these emotions go or are fearful of letting them go, and don’t know how to move forward.

    Jane realised she had to rescue herself for her sake, and for the sake of her family. This book tracks the process and mindset it took for her to become unstuck and embrace the future.

    Originally penned for her daughters, Unstuck is a straight-talking book written by someone who has faced the death of a loved one and the resulting grief more than once. It is the book Jane says she needed to read all those years ago.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTellwell Talent
    Release dateApr 9, 2019
    ISBN9780648463719
    Unstuck: Rescuing Yourself from Unresolved Grief
    Author

    Jane Carstens

    Jane Carstens was born in North Queensland where she enjoyed a free-roaming 70’s childhood that involved horse riding, bike riding, camping and exploring the bush (all without a mobile phone!).Jane’s professional background is in both health and writing, and she worked as a medical journalist for most of her professional life. She has also been fortunate to travel the world and live in various countries, although Australia is always home.Unstuck is Jane’s first book, but she is not stopping there. She is currently writing a novel, and there are more books – fiction and non-fiction – planned for the future.

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      Book preview

      Unstuck - Jane Carstens

      UNSTUCK

      Rescuing yourself from unresolved grief

      Jane Carstens

      Copyright 2019 © Jane Carstens

      http://janecarstens.com.au/

      All rights reserved

      Licence Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. All rights reserved.

      No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the author and publisher.

      Disclaimer

      Although the author has made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

      for

      Alice, Anna and Sarah

      FOREWORD

      For those who have suffered the loss of a loved one or other unresolved grief, Unstuck offers thoughtful and insightful words to strengthen, inspire and comfort.

      Loss is a natural part of life, and Jane has weathered her share, including the loss of a brother and then both parents. Having learned first-hand about the effects of grief, especially about how people can get stuck by unresolved grief, she has put her own experiences into this practical, yet highly personal book. It examines processing immediate feelings of loss and pain, as well as the difficult emotions that can persist over time, such as wrestling with guilt, managing anger, and expressing forgiveness.

      Unstuck shows the reader how to begin to take effective action to complete the grieving process, gently work towards recovery, and regain energy and joy in life. It is a kind, strengthening and practical book that everyone should have in their library.

      Pamela Allardice

      Author and Editor

      INTRODUCTION

      When people learn what has happened in my life they usually become uncomfortable and shield their discomfort with clichés. You’ve probably heard many of these before: Time heals all wounds; What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger; God doesn’t give you more than you can handle; Everything happens for a reason; It was their time; God needed them more; They were too good for this world; and so on.

      These phrases have no substance and evaporate as soon as they are said, but the fact so many people automatically roll them out shows that grief is still an awkward subject. It’s also a certainty that everyone will face it at some point in their life.

      I’ve had three separate grief events and consequently read dozens of books about grief. Most of them were unhelpful. They usually reinforced my right to keep grieving as long as I need and advised me to move forward when I am ready. That may work for some people, but there are many others who are not able to take the first step forward, or who even know how to do it, because they are stuck in a kind of twilight zone from unresolved grief. Their grief and emotional pain eventually become a perverse comfort zone or dysfunctional connection to the person(s) they have lost, or to a difficult situation. They consequently hold onto their pain tightly, even when it negatively impacts their life.

      My observation is that people who are stuck are usually struggling with emotions such as sorrow, guilt, remorse, resentment, anger, shame, blame, despair, bitterness and regret, which are directed at themselves and at other people. They are not able to let these emotions go or are fearful of letting them go, and don’t have the headspace, energy or inclination to move forward. These emotions are incredibly destructive and must be resolved. It is essential to make peace with yourself and with your past and make a conscious decision to become unstuck and move forward. Believe me, I know. I was stuck for a while by the paralysing effects of long-term accumulated unresolved grief.

      One of my two brothers was killed in a car accident when he was just 25 years old. My mother became incapacitated from a brain tumour a couple of years later, and was then cared for at home for almost eight years by my incredible father. Mum was able to dance at my wedding (just), but died a few months before my first child was born. I went on to have two more children before my father was diagnosed with advanced cancer. He died within months of his diagnosis.

      My father’s death was when

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