My Book of Tears

Preface

I always hated crying. I thought it meant that I was weak and that whatever or whoever had caused the tears had won. I refused to cry! Instead of crying, I chose to write. I wrote when I was happy, but mostly, I wrote out of sadness, anger, and pain. These are the emotions that I had become most familiar with. I wrapped myself in them as if they were a warm, protective blanket. But in reality, I was starting to suffocate under the weight of my struggles and inadequacies.

Until one day, I stood in front of my mirror and saw someone I could not recognize. Where was the girl who was once so happy and carefree? I cried. I broke down and cried until there were no more tears left. I realized that I didn’t have to be so tough. I realized that it was okay to cry. For in my tears, I found complete release. I was free from all of the burdens that I carried around like a prized trophy. I decided to finally surrender and become one with the beautifully broken work of art that I am.

So, I found all my journals, the notes tucked away in the secret folder on my phone, and scribbles on random sheets of loose leaf paper and I gathered them here for you and for me.

Before you are many of the thoughts and feelings that I have been holding in for years. Vulnerability is not easy for me, but in spite of my fears, I present to you my book of tears. May it wash over you and may it be the cleansing that you need to finally let go of whatever toxic things that you have been holding on to or whatever you have allowed to have a hold on you. Be free!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PREFACE

DEDICATION

CHAPTER I: CRY FOR ME

Today I Cried

Do You See Me

You Were Never There

Little Girl

Fight of My Life

A Life in Crisis

Bricklayer

Long Lost Thank You Letter

Note to Self

Who I Be

CHAPTER 2: SOMETIMES I CRY FOR YOU TOO

Who Are You?

Misunderstood

Sauna Chronicles

Heart to Heart

CHAPTER 3: TEARS FOR LOVE

A Someday Love

Why Are You Here?

Pieces

Something