All A Bout Mary: A Wretch Like Me

Chapter 1

Starting My Day

Hebrews 4:16

"Therefore, let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment]."

This morning January 21, 2007at about 4:30 AM, I woke up troubled because my Duke Power bill and rent is due. I’ve got about $10.48 in the bank.

God, I need your help.

Lord God you covered me from my birth.

You, Lord God, covered me at the age of three when I was sexually abused by that heavyset black woman with the scary protruding eyes.

Lord God, your eyes were upon me again and my friends at the early ages of 5, 6, and 7 going to school trying to avoid that nasty man.

Lord, you covered me at the age of 15 as I was being raped.

You took care of me, Lord, in all areas of my life, especially two abusive marriages.

You changed my life from a woman who could have had 11 children, but for 3 abortions. Still, you blessed me with 8 healthy beautiful children.

You were always there, protecting me, as I was hustling drugs, and in relationships with men, trying to find love, and a father for my children.

You have loved me through my lying, sexual relationship, stealing, marijuana, crack cocaine addictions, acid trips, and alcohol. Practically doing anything that I was big and bad enough to do!

I'll just stop here and take some of my story with me to the grave, because I truly can’t tell it all.

But Lord, I still need to pay the rent!

Chapter 2

If My People

2 Chronicles 7:14

"…and My people, who are called by My Name, humble themselves, and pray and seek (crave, require as a necessity) My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear [them] from heaven, and forgive their sin and heal their land."

Every Sunday morning was different from other mornings because I could go downstairs, outside with Daddy, to warm up the car so we could go to church. The year was about 1955. Daddy’s car was a black 1954 Morris Oxford. Going to church was always an adventure. We would sing songs and notice the people in their Sunday dress clothes and the other ones on the street, still having their Saturday liquor bottle by their side.

Before our adventure would start, we always had a family breakfast together. I remember grits, scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage, toast, and a choice of chocolate milk or juice. After mom and dad left the kitchen table to continue dressing for church, I’d begin with the jokes. Manuel, my second oldest brother would continue it and Lil’ Jesse, our baby brother would join in. We would do this because Junior- his real name Gabriel- was the eldest brother who had a weak stomach. We knew how to get his food. It was by making him sick.

We would talk about dead rats and roaches lying under his grits. Junior would all of the sudden run to the bathroom to vomit and we would eat the rest of his food. Mom and dad were in their room, getting dressed and singing praises to God, and we were in the kitchen doing devils work. We only did it when we wanted more food and there was nothing leftover. Mom and dad never knew that we did this to Junior, because we knew when to squeal on each other, and when not to squeal.

Church to us was always a happy occasion because we met up with our friends. We truly liked going to church back then. Every Sunday was an adventure of some kind. Daddy had keys to open and close the church. Sometimes, on Saturday, we would all help clean it up. Church was another place where we got to see our aunts and uncles, too. Our family is very close, always seeing each other at dinners, parties, picnics, family outings, reunions, church conventions, singing in church choirs and programs at church, or just to sit, talk and laugh with one another. It’s never been a dull moment. When my family gets together, it’s an instant party!

Our church was a good thing in many ways. I was beating a tambourine at four years old. I made sure it was a joyful noise! We had to sit in the pew with our parents, but as we got older, we could sit with our friends. There were times when we had programs in the afternoon. We would eat dinner at church or go to Aunt Dorothy’s house on 114th Street between 7th and 8th Ave building 257.

My brothers didn’t have as much fun as I did because I was the entertainer of our family. It seems that there was always some saint in the church that would say, Lil’ Mary Lee, come and sing for us.

Some of our best times in church was during Christmas and Easter. We all did our speeches, but I always had to add a little acting to mine, like the little white child actress Shirley Temple, whom I would pattern myself after. Both Junior and I were the entertainers and we could dance up an excited crowd.

Hand clapping, foot stumping and always words of encouragements would sound off in the atmosphere. Family and friends would watch us when there was a party or a skit at church or just at our Aunt Dorothy’s apartment. Our parents were saved Christians, but they let us be kids, under their watchful eye. They always knew when and where to pop up. We could enjoy being young children and have fun around church members, friends and family.

Chapter 3

TRIALS AND TRIBULATION

Romans 8:28

"And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose."

Sitting here, playing back my past in my mind, I can truly say even though there was a lot of love going on, we still weren’t exempt from the hurt, pain and the trials of life.

I can remember when I was about three or maybe four years old, and there was this young woman who babysat us on very special occasions. Sometimes Mama had doctor’s appointments or other important commitments where she was not able to bring her two little ones. That was my baby brother Jesse and me. Therefore, this young woman would watch us.

She was a heavy-set woman, about 250 pounds, with skin that look like dark chocolate ice cream. She had big, round, black cat eyes. Her nose was kind of too wide for her face, which made her look strange, and the bottom lip hung down from the top lip, showing some of her pink gums and white teeth. It was at my innocent young age when she took me into our bathroom with her. She closed the door behind us. She lifted up her dress and began pulling down her panties. There was an odor that wasn’t pleasant to smell that hit me so quickly, I instantly began to rub my nose.

Are you ok? she asked me, in that calm and steady voice, then sat on the toilet.

Speaking softly to me, and with hand gestures, she got me to stand in front of her. She pulled me closer and took my right hand placing, it between her nasty, old dead fish smelling legs, and touching her hairy vagina. She began moving my hand backward and forward, like a lumber jack with a saw, pulling it back and forward with a steady motion like cutting down a tree. At the same time, she was making awful moaning sounds, and her head was rolling around in slow motion like she was falling asleep.

Those big eyes were closed at times. Then they opened, staring down at me as if she was under a hypnotic trance. I stood there, too scared to move. I was terrified of her large body. She was no longer a female person- she was an IT.

When she finished, she took my hand and placed it to my nose to smell. That was sickening to my little stomach. The garbage truck, fish smell was unforgettable. I was so scared! I could do nothing, but what she made me do. She pushed me back slightly away from her, wiped herself, and flushed the toilet.

She then turned me around. Now I am at the sink and she was washing my hands and face. I was totally under her control. I didn’t speak, cry or nothing. All I did was move in every direction she took me into.

Finally opening the bathroom door, she leads me back to our living room and began playing with me with toys, as if nothing had happened. My baby brother, Jesse, remained asleep in Mama and Daddy’s bed.

When Mama finally came with Etta, my sister, who was the oldest of five children -3 boys and 2 girls-I told Etta what happened. After I told Etta what had happened to me, I never saw that woman again. Etta must have told Mama and believe me, my Mama surely took care of it! Mama never questioned me. I guess she did that so I didn’t have to relive what happened. Etta had asked me questions, though.

How did she touch you? Show me how she did it. When did she do that to you? Do you remember who was around? Where was Mama and the rest of our brothers?

Etta and I were very close, so we held conversations like two old ladies that had been friends for over 50 years. I gave my sister all the details because I trusted her completely and she said she was always going to protect me. I was like her real baby doll. Etta wasn’t just my sister she was my other mother. She took care of me like I was her baby. I loved my sister so much she kept me around her every time she was home, always keeping me by her side.

Etta was also the sickly one; she went to a special school and was always seen by many doctors. She was involved in a lot of medical studies. The thing I know is Mama told us that Etta had an old person’s heart. Her heart aged quicker than others.

Manuel and Junior had to have been in school the day of the fishy smelling babysitter, because they were two and four years older than me. Of course, Etta was the eldest.

Our Daddy was a hardworking man, who kept his body in shape. He had muscles on his arms and legs as if he did a daily workout routine at a gym, firm chest, dark chocolate skin with freckles, bright brown eyes with grayish blue circles around them, and black slicked back hair he was about 5’11’ tall. A good-looking man. Women loved him, and Daddy loved my mommy. He’d call her Sug, short for Sugar, a name he would call me and Etta as well.

One of Daddy’s jobs was being the superintendent for the building 646 Lenox Ave. in which we lived, keeping it clean from top floor to the bottom basement. He shoveled coal when it was delivered, shoveling the coal into the big furnace for heat in the winter so that every apartment had heat.

Daddy would also shovel snow from in front of the building, placing salt down, mopping the entire building with Mr. Clean and pine smelling cleaners. He washed the windows on each floor. He would wash down every apartment door and sweep the front stoop. He would clean up the back yard connected to our apartment building. The building was his job to maintain and that he did because he always took pride in his work. Singing gospel songs while cleaning was something him and mom both had a habit of doing.

He bred German shepherd dogs and sold them. Billie and Brownie were the two dogs that he kept for us and for his breeding. I remember when a set of puppies were born. Daddy let us see them and when they got bigger, we could play with them. I realized that one by one they would disappear. Then Daddy explained that the puppies were being sold. I am sure that was one of the ways Daddy got extra income to take care of his family.

Mama didn’t have to work. Daddy was the provider. Mama had medical issues too, but her faith in God kept her body strong and her wisdom told her what to do and, of course, she did.

Sarah Menu was Mama’s name and Arthur Gabriel was Daddy’s name. Names have meaning. Our parents named us with purpose. Menuetta, my sister Etta, means to be of service. Gabriel is God is my strength. Manuel, a variation of Emanuel, means God is with us. My name, Mary means, Wished for child, and Jesse is The gift.

Etta was a very intelligent child. She was doing algebra, trigonometry, reading, and writing at the very young age of eight. Her mind was superior, but her body was very frail. She was so skinny! She would try to teach me, because I was her real live baby doll, student, patient or whatever she wanted me to be. She would plan out roles for us to play.

One hot summer day, while sitting outside playing in the doorway of a closed store front, right next to our building, Etta decided she would play an adult that smoked. She rolled up small pieces of brown paper bag like it was a cigarette, lit it with a match and pretended she smoked it. I begged her to let me try it but she said that she was playing the grown up. I was the child and smoking was not for kids. But I kept on begging.

Finally, she let me puff on it one time and that was enough! Etta was something else, which means she was rare. Since she went to a special school, we would only see her on some weekends. I stopped seeing my big sister Etta around and I was missing her a lot.

One day, just out of nowhere, I was told she had gone to Heaven to live and wouldn’t be coming home no more. I can remember the family getting dressed for her funeral. Lots of different family members, including uncles, aunts and cousins were in the apartment. There was a lot of talking and laughing. I really didn’t understand what was going on. There so much love, hugs and kisses from everyone, that I didn’t realize it was a sad occasion. God can do that for you. I finally understood my big sister wasn’t going to be with me anymore when we can home from the church.

Junior –my brother Gabriel-was the oldest one of us children now. He was a great track star in PAL, a police sponsored team. After his track practices, he’d come home, but Daddy didn’t allow his track sneakers in the house because of sweaty odors. His shoes reminded me of the rotten garbage in the trash cans, waiting to be picked up by the Dept. of Sanitation. He had to hang them on the rails outside our apartment. No one would dare touch those track shoes, knowing who they belonged to. Besides, to put your feet in those things was taking a chance with your feet!

Junior was so handsome that he had girls hanging around him from all the five NY boroughs-- Manhattan, Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, and Staten Island. His charm, good looks, height, muscles, golden complexion with freckles, and his athletic abilities made him a very popular guy. Plus, the boy could sing like a bird--God’s gift and family trait. He wrote poetry and could draw like Michelangelo, but he never got his recognition.

Manuel, my second oldest brother, was always the hard-working one, just like Daddy. As far back as I can remember, he always had a job. His beautiful smile and big brown eyes was the topic of conversation plus he was known to do great work. He always completed his job beyond the call of duty. The store owners in the neighborhood loved my brother because they could depend on him. It was because of him and my Daddy that we could get little favors in a few stores in the neighborhood.

My baby brother Jesse was always ripping and running around somewhere. The question was always Where is Jesse? Someone would say, I just saw him, he was just here. Or, Slow down, Jesse, before you hurt yourself. He was called the cutest little thing because he was small and fast plus he had those big soulful eyes, too.

Me, I’m Mary. I was the entertainer of the family. I was always singing for someone or some occasion. Aunt Mary, Daddy’s older sister, was always taking me to hospitals and nursing homes to sing. I’d dance for family because I loved to use my imagination. I tried to copy what I saw from the Lawrence Welk Show or Ed Sullivan Show or any show that I had seen which had singing or dancing in it. People would get a kick out of watching me. I’d get hugs, kisses, applause and money. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t a star! I just didn’t have lights, camera, producers, and directors yet. My family made sure that I was their star.

Chapter 4

Growing Up Fast

Luke 2:40

And the Child continued to grow and become strong [in spirit], filled with wisdom; and the grace (favor, spiritual blessing) of God was upon Him.

There were some more incidents that had made a bigger impact on my mind. Our neighbors next door, J and TT, who was our friends, found some cartoon picture of men and women having sexual acts in all kinds of ways. It showed the man’s penis and the woman’s vagina, magnifying it many times larger. As a child, seeing pictures like that makes a great impression on your little mind. To show our parents was a no no. We knew it was wrong to look but, once we got started, it became an everyday thing.

We would go next door just to look at that sexual stuff. It showed us different sexual positions a man and woman could do. I can remember how my little body would feel. It was a strange feeling that I knew was not right for me to feel at that time. But once it got started, it was hard not to want to see those pictures again. It was almost a daily routine for us.

I never told anyone that I was seeing those pictures. I knew that it was wrong, and my mother would probably tear my backside up! I would ask to go next door first, and get the yes to go, Mama never knowing what her sweet little children were up to.

Before leaving out of our apartment to go next door, I had to step over our guard dog, Brownie. She was our house protector. Billy and Brownie were our German Shepard dogs that Daddy had raised and breed. Billy, the male, was mainly black and brown with shades of orange hair blended in and shown mostly going down his legs and ears. Brownie, the female, was mostly brown and orange with slightly black going through her body. Daddy trained them to protect and guard us. We could move about the apartment and step over them, pet them, lay on ‘em and feed them. Nobody other than family could do that. They were magnificent dogs.

Do to their awesome training, which was well known throughout the neighborhood, those dogs reputation kept all the riff raff away from our building. Daddy had these dogs before Me and Jesse was born, so I really can’t say how old they were.

One morning, I saw Daddy carrying Billy out to the cabbage truck. Daddy laid him inside of the back of the truck. He and the sanitation man talked for a few minutes, then the man push a button, and Billy was pulled inside of the truck. That morning Daddy shed a few tears wiping them quickly, it was a day I’ll never forget. Months after—I’m not sure how many, it was Brownie’s turn to take the same journey. That was another sad day.

Chapter 5

Rats of All Types

Luke 10:19

"Therefore encourage and comfort one another and build up one another, just as you are doing."

There was a big rat that visited us who felt it had ownership of our apartment. It would sit on the window sill, trying to take territory. It took Daddy one day to catch and kill that rat, and for us to have a peaceful sleep at night.

We had many episodes in 646 Lenox Ave. One night we heard this loud crash at the entrance door, and the running of men going up the stairwell, and their loud voices. It was Daddy, chasing a man up the stairs. He caught him and made him wish he’d never done whatever it was he did. When Daddy drug him down the stairs, the man was pleading for his life.

Please Mr. Stevens, please. I’m sorry man, please! at the top of his voice.

Mama never opened the door. She kept us in their bedroom, comforting us, and assuring us that everything was alright as we waited. Mama was always praying out loud so that we could hear what she was saying to the Lord on behalf of Daddy, us and that man.

We all rushed up to him when he came through the door. Mama was calling Arthur, Arthur.

I’m alright y’all he said.

He kissed us and made us