You Deserve It: A True Story of Learning to Say No in Order to Say Yes to Big Love

YOU DESERVE IT

A True Story of Learning to Say No in Order to Say Yes to Big Love

Marisa Bellami

Copyright © 2014 Marisa Bellami.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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This story is a true story.

The names, locations and identifying details about the persons in this story have been changed to protect their privacy.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-9162-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-9163-6 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 12/21/2019

I

dedicate this book, first and foremost to my

mother, whose pain in life cut to my

heart and spurred me on to live a more empowered

one that revealed that I had choices for the

creation of my life and the knowing of my true

nature as a glorious child of the Creator, as we all are.

And to my daughter and

granddaughter and all the

daughters of Life that they may truly know—

deeply—their divinity, as goddesses, accepting

no less than unconditional love, honor and respect.

I also dedicate this book to the sons of life,

that they come to this understanding that we are

ALL, male and female, joint heirs—

sons and daughters of the Most High

God, deserving of pure unconditional love, honor

and equality!

And to my precious husband, the icing

on my cake of life.

Dr. Paul Dobranski makes the analogy of Pachelbel’s Canon and how a canon is a work structured as a simple melody played repeatedly in countless variations until it reaches a simple climax at the end and he says… Our growth in love builds, person by person, only if we are willing to let go of the prior measure, the prior play of our same old melody in favor of the newer, richer one. If we let go, the music of our single lives ends on the right simple notes, at the right time, right place and climax of the right story. From Dr. Paul Dobransky’s book, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love

Contents

Prologue

Preface

Acknowledgements

Part 1: Arriving Into This Lifetime

Chapter 1: The Journey Begins

Chapter 2: The Ever Evolving Story

Chapter 3: What’s It All About?

Chapter 4: The Dawning Of The Age Of Aquarius

Chapter 5: Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Chapter 6: From A Cocoon To A Butterfly

Chapter 7: I’m Not Going To Go There

Chapter 8: All That Glitters Is Not Gold

Chapter 9: After All These Years

Part 2: Confirmation Of The Knowing

Chapter 10: Getting To The Truth

Chapter 11: A Change In Perception

Chapter 12: Peeling Back The Layers

Chapter 13: Moving On Up

Chapter 14: Laughing Out Loud

Chapter 15: When Parents Become Children Again

Chapter 16: Daddy’s Little Girl

Chapter 17: Drawing The Line

Chapter 18: Which Will It Be?

Part 3: Transcending The Past

Chapter 19: Something New And Different

Chapter 20: The Weight Is Over

Chapter 21: Keep On Keeping On

Chapter 22: Coming Full Circle

Chapter 23: New Beginnings

Chapter 24: Learning New Lessons

Chapter 25: A Clearing And A Cleansing

Chapter 26: Better Late Than Never

Chapter 27: What I Really, Really Want

Chapter 28: Hmmmm… Just Maybe

Chapter 29: What I Really, Really Know

Chapter 30: Signs And Signals

Chapter 31: The Arrival Of What Was To Be

Epilogue

Appendix

Self Help Resources

About The Author

Prologue

Hello, beautiful—yes, you in all your magnificence. I want to impart to you that the story you are about to read is a story of many women throughout the globe living in this moment of history. You may find yourself relating to one or a number of the issues within the story, depending on how your particular life has unfolded. Or none at all, which would be rare.

On one end of the spectrum and most likely a rare scenario, you may have been raised by highly conscious and enlightened parents—parents who respected and honored each other as equals, a father who had evolved past the genetic programming that had males and females in specific roles, dating back to the caveman days. This father knew that your mother was just as capable of achieving whatever dreams and goals she desired and you witnessing this divine connection, knew and know that whatever you want to achieve, you just need to go for it—no old stereotypical profiling for you. And hopefully when or if you choose a life partner, they will be just as enlightened as your father and mother were in their relationship.

The other end of the spectrum, before humans became more conscious, men were expressing as the stronger sex and women because of their softer, nurturing nature and of course, because they were the bearers of the children, sat back and let the man take charge. At this other end of the spectrum, we still have a lot of men out there who disrespect and dishonor women by thinking they are less than, made to wait on a man or see women just as sexual objects. Yes, it still goes on. Look at some of our top stories in the news and in politics and you know which ones I’m talking about. Women being called derogatory names because they aren’t beautiful enough, not sexy enough. Why do you think that there are women’s marches going on? Yes, we have been pushing past gender definitions and barriers but the challenges are not over. We’re still being looked down upon.

In the middle of this spectrum, you will find smaller or subtle variations on the same theme. Some of these challenges are caused either by the man consciously or unconsciously treating a woman with disrespect and/or a woman buying into a bad situation because she hasn’t realized, owned up and risen to her full power in her own right. Then when she finally does, is when the shit hits the fan in the relationship. Her power is there, wanting to fully express and break out of the shackles—inner shackles—the pain and courage of moving up and past the current situation to her higher calling. And the outer shackles—removing herself from an unhealthy or dangerous relationship and living situation. Many times, it’s not even blatant or obvious situations like these—sometimes, it’s the subtle messages you’re getting—where only you are responsible for doing the cleaning or taking care of your children, outdated roles. Or sexually—not being given equal time and/or consideration when it comes to sexual satisfaction. All that is still part of that generational culture that is slowly being brought to attention to be evolved. As women, it is our part to stand up and be acknowledged for the divine beings that we are: loving, intelligent, strong, wise, capable, caring…..

I share all this with you because I have evolved also since I wrote this book 5 years ago. The purpose of the book when I started was to share my journey of finding my BIG LOVE—finally finding that someone that would be the someone I was seeking by honing my specifications through relationships, saying no to bad behavior and yes to respect, commitment and love. What I realized as I finished the book, was that the REAL BIG LOVE was and is MYSELF. That when you love yourself the way you are meant to, you will not put up with disrespect or abuse and say NO and have the courage to leave a situation if your partner will not agree to get help and make the relationship/marriage better. This takes courage and commitment to yourself to break the unhealthy pattern and it hurts for various obvious reasons. All this ties into what our subconscious beliefs about ourselves or life are. This I address in this book—our subconscious beliefs—the real drivers of ourexperiences.

So. Are you ready to bite the bullet and find out what is holding you back from creating the love of your dreams and the life of your dreams? Be brave! Be bold! Break out and through to the other side and get that awesome love and life you desire!

With love, Marisa Bellami

Preface

I have the most beautiful man in my life now… the kind of man I thought I couldn’t have. Why do I say that? Because after all of my life experiences—the painful childhood, the turbulent teen years, all the short and semi-long relationships I have had—I have finally found the man who fits my desires, even if I really wasn’t aware of what I desired until the last 4-5 years of my life and let’s just say I’ve hit the half-century mark.

Does that sound strange? Probably not to some of you, because I bet that many of you have really not formulated exactly what the man of your desire is like. I bet that you may have nebulously known that you wanted a great love and had some idea of what that might look like but not really specifically. I’m thinking that maybe my experience of searching for the man who fits with me, may be similar to your experience. So, I want to share with you what I have learned and experienced through the years, through the bumpy roads, so that I may hopefully help YOU find the happiness YOU SO DESERVE!

Through the apologue of my painful early life on into my adulthood and relationships, the lessons that were learned, the hurts that were healed and the layers peeled back of false beliefs, a pattern will appear and you’ll learn about the patterns that rule our lives and how we can break out of those patterns to create the life and love that we so desire! I will share with you specific ideas and processes that will give you the opportunity to bring into manifestation your BIG LOVE and show you how we fool ourselves into thinking that those who are truly not our intended are THE ONE. They may be the one for the moment, there to teach us or help us heal, but are only stepping stones to take us to our true love, IF you are alert and aware.

There have been helpers for me along the way, specific books or experts and spiritual teachers and I want to acknowledge them throughout this book and how they helped me unravel or reveal new insights into this quest we all seem to have. For some, the quest has been short—those couples who found each other early on and just knew, and seemed to have an easy entrance into their couple-dom. And for others, maybe like you and for certain, me, for whatever reason (and this book is about those reasons), we were destined to take the rocky road. There is always hope, though. I like the acronym: H (having) O (only) P (positive) E (expectations). That is one thing I never gave up on. The quest and hope for true love! Is that intrinsic desire in all of us? The desire to have a close, intimate someone who will be there for and with us at the end of the proverbial day? Most likely, but there are those who will stave off love, having been burned too badly and consequently may desire it but in reality, unwittingly repel it because the injured psyche decides to rule the day. Not me. There is something inside me that has always been there, that has always known that that kind of love is out there. I’ve been on a quest and I did not give up. Have you?

I had an a-ha moment driving home one day. In thinking about the relationships in my life, I realized that I was a guinea pig! What—guinea pig? Not literally, of course, or not to be used by some crazed, madman God-scientist, but for my part in the evolutionary unfoldment of all those who don’t really know who they are as a deserving child of God, of the universe or whatever you want to call that great presence! In my lifetime… in my relationships—I was so strong, that even though it hurt to my depths to go through those painful love relationships, I was able to be resilient enough to bounce back and find the meaning and purpose in them and that is part of my mission… to reveal my life to and for others… for you to be aware of why you are in different relationships, and to learn to know your power, know who you are, what you truly deserve and not to accept anything less but to get to that place of deservedness and the knowing that you deserve BIG LOVE! This was why I was able to have these experiences and learn from them and go on to share with YOU what I gleaned. There is one caveat I want to share, lest you misunderstand. No one is perfect and it is a rarity to have a relationship that is totally without any misunderstandings or challenges. It is in relationship with our beloved that we are given the spiritual opportunity to practice perfecting our spiritual selves, to have the opportunity to practice unconditional love, which is real love. Unconditional love is one of the major messages of this story and of living life and that has been part of my quest.

I will share with you this, though—because of the long, arduous, rocky road—when you find your BIG LOVE, you will be filled with such awe and gratitude, you will then know that it was all worth it. I’m not kidding—because of the contrast of NOT having the most beautiful love experience—when you finally receive it into your life, you may be moved to tears on a daily basis. I was. That is—if you are truly aware of the gift of it into your life and have finally realized that YOU DESERVE IT!

I decided to look up the definition for the word deserve. Deserve means worthy of being treated in a particular way. Well, then I went further and I looked up the definition of worthy. Worthy means the quality of having merit or value and something that is honorable or important. Bingo! Therein lays the crux of what I want to convey to you! I want YOU to know without any doubt that you have merit and value, are honorable and important and are to be treated with love and reverence.

My epiphany came late in life, although the belief lurked just below my consciousness. Throughout my relationship