Arms Wide Open: An Insight into Open Adoption
By Jane Waters
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About this ebook
Arms Wide Open provides a window into the lives of young pregnant women struggling with the decision of making an adoption plan or becoming a single parent. It is a vital tool for couples considering open adoption. Mrs. Waters clearly outlines the emotional turmoil of the birth mothers and offers suggestions to help make an open adoption a positive experience for the child, the adoptive parents and the birth mother.
Jane Waters
Jane Waters is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and former certified alcohol and drug counselor who has worked in the mental health field for over twenty-five years. A large part of her clientele has been teenage pregnant young women who are faced with making the most painful decisions of their lives - whether to parent the child or make an open adoption plan. Jane is a Christian and is married to Chris. She has four adult children and three grandchildren and lives in Owasso, Oklahoma.
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Arms Wide Open - Jane Waters
© 2005 Jane Waters. All Rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
First published by AuthorHouse 10/04/05
ISBN: 1-4208-7854-9 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4678-5613-3 (ebk)
TABLE OF CONTENTS
DEDICATION
PREFACE:
INTRODUCTION:
CHAPTER ONE: THE TYPICAL BIRTH MOTHER PROFILE
CHAPTER TWO: HOW OPEN DO YOU WANT TO GO?
CHAPTER THREE: OBSTACLES TO A SUCCESSFUL ADOPTION:
CHAPTER FOUR: FORGIVENESS
CHAPTER FIVE: BOUNDARIES
CHAPTER SIX: THE HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE
CHAPTER SEVEN: NAME THIS CHILD
CHAPTER EIGHT: WHAT ADOPTING PARENTS WANT YOU TO KNOW
A FINAL NOTE
POINTS TO REMEMBER
APPENDIX A: BIRTH PLAN FOR PATIENTS PLANNING ADOPTION
APPENDIX B: ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF BIRTH FAMILY
RESOURCES:
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to all the birth mothers and adopting parents everywhere. I especially thank the ones who have let me be a part of their experiences, pain, and healing.
I want to thank Cheryl Bauman, the director of Crisis Pregnancy Outreach, for inviting me to be involved with CPO, for your editing, support, friendship, and being a Christian role model to the girls and me. I hope our next fifteen years is as endearing as the last fifteen! I wish I had a nickel for every lunch we spent together. I love you! Thank you, also, for all the hundreds of volunteers for CPO, past and present, who give so much of themselves and their time to make this such a successful ministry.
I am very grateful to my husband and best friend, Chris, and my close friend, Heidi, who have also been my editors, and all my closest friends and my church family for being my biggest supporters, encouragers, and cheerleaders. Church of the Holy Cross is, truly, the biggest littlest church in Owasso. I love you!
I want to thank my family, my own, and the one I came from, for believing in and encouraging me. Your support means the world to me. I love you all!
Finally, I want to acknowledge that all the glory goes to God! My life and this book have been divinely orchestrated by Him and I am eternally thankful that He entrusted and allowed me to join Him in His plan.
Please feel free to share your stories with me by emailing them to [email protected] and visit my website at www.courage2heal.org .
I’d love to hear from you. Thank you.
Please feel free to visit www.crisispregnancyoutreach.org to learn more about open adoption.
Janey Waters copyright 2005
PREFACE:
One of the best ways in which I can honor the young women with whom I have worked for the past fourteen years, is to write a book about what they have taught me as a therapist. In 1990, Cheryl Bauman, the director of Crisis Pregnancy Outreach, asked me if she could refer some of the teenage pregnant girls from her agency to me, for therapy. I was excited about the prospect of working with both the young women and Cheryl, so I accepted. It has been difficult and rewarding work on both my part and the girls’ parts, but it has given me a tremendous amount of experience and knowledge of what these girls go through, when considering parenting or adoption. It is my desire to only honor them, and to share my experiences with the many other young women and their families who are facing the same painful decisions and who are reaching out for information and help. I have really enjoyed our work together. You all have provided me with valuable lessons about life and relationships, and I feel honored to have been a part of your growth. You have been an enormous part of mine.
All names have been changed to protect the pregnant! At times, I’ll use a combination of several girls’ experiences to help make my point.
INTRODUCTION:
So, you’re considering adoption. Great! One of the best things that you can do at this time is to gather information about the different types of adoption. There are two choices: open
or closed.
Open adoption means that the birth mother knows the adoptive couple and has some form of continuing contact with them. Closed adoption means that the entire process is anonymous, which means that the birth mother and adopting couple do not know each other, have no contact, information, or desire to have any relationship with each other.
This book is only about open adoption. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, it has been my experience that closed adoption causes both parties much more emotional pain; and, therefore, is a less desirable option. In my practice, I have had the opportunity to treat birth mothers and the