The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success

More Praise for The Essentials of Business Etiquette

Barbara has once again written an excellent and timely compendium of stories, tips, and strategies that are invaluable for both new entrants in business as well as older professionals who need to brush up and update their business etiquette skills to meet the new demands of our society. A wonderful, fun, and easy read!

—Molly D. Shepard, MS, MSM, President and CEO,

The Leader’s Edge/Leader’s By Design

"Being aware of your personal brand is a conscious effort. The Essentials of Business Etiquette offers clear, relevant advice on the ‘smart’ way to build and maintain your brand. It also reminds us that how you present yourself can be the differentiator in your success."

—Maureen Duffy, Vice President, Corporate Communications and

External Affairs, American Water

Barbara Pachter offers indispensable advice to professionals at every level in their careers—from new graduates to CEOs.

—Laura Stern, President, Nautilus Solar Energy, LLC

"Full of relevant, up-to-date information, The Essentials of Business Etiquette helps readers effectively navigate the complex, ever-changing world of social media. Through real-life examples and stories, Barbara Pachter provides valuable insight into the best ways to leverage your skills for professional advantage."

—Teressa Moore Griffin, speaker, coach,

and author of LIES That Limit

Barbara Pachter has once again written a very commonsense and easy-to-read book to help executives and college students alike. Whether the reader is looking for keys to advance in his or her career or looking for that first job after graduation, this book has something for everyone.

—Thomas W. Sidlik, Board of Directors Member,

Delphi Automotive PLC, Chairman Emeritus,

Eastern Michigan University

Other Books by Barbara Pachter

New Rules @ Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead

When the Little Things Count . . . and They Always Count

The Jerk with the Cell Phone:

A Survival Guide for the Rest of Us

The Power of Positive Confrontation:

The Skills You Need to Know to Handle Conflicts at Work, at Home, and in Life

Minding Your Business Manners

Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook

Business Etiquette

Climbing the Corporate Ladder:

What You Need to Know and Do to Be a Promotable Person

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For the next generation of business professionals:

Connor, Blake, Logan, and Gavin

Poppy, Annabella Drew, and Pelton

Contents

Introduction

SECTION I: GREET

PART I: ESTABLISHING RAPPORT

1. What’s in Your Name? A Lot!

2. The Name Game: And You Are . . . ?

3. Impressive Introductions

4. I’d Like You to Meet . . . Er . . . Um . . .

5. Sorry, Mom: Do Talk to Strangers

6. Kissing Colleagues: Is It Ever Okay?

7. The Thumb Joint Connects to the . . . Thumb Joint

8. But . . . I Have More Questions About the Handshake

9. Business Cards in a Social-Media World

10. Small Talk, Big Talk, and Everything in Between

11. Go Ahead—Meet New People

12. Opening Lines . . . in the Air and Elsewhere

13. Help! I’m in a Conversation and I Can’t Get Out!

14. Dodging Too-Personal Conversations

15. Political Discussions to Avoid at Work

16. Thank You . . . No, Thank You

17. Thank You Notes Do Matter

18. Refined Regifting Rules . . . Really!

19. Love Me . . . Love Me Not! Office Romance Restrictions

20. Starbucks Is My Office! Working Remotely

21. Allow Me . . . No, Allow Me: Helping Etiquette Guidelines

PART 2. MAINTAINING A PROFESSIONAL IMAGE

22. Body Language: What Your Posture Projects

23. If Crossing Your Legs Turns Women into Ladies, What Does It Do to Matt Lauer?

24. Your Hands Are Talking, but What Are They Saying?

25. Face-Off: Don’t Discount Your Facial Expression

26. Speak Up! We Can’t Hear You

27. The Do-Not-Say List

28. Why I Think You Should Avoid I Think

29. Is Your Diction Affecting Your Professional Image?

30. I’m Sorry, I Can’t Apologize

31. Do You Talk Too Much? Let Me Count the Ways!

32. Be Direct! You’re More Likely to Get What You Want

33. What to Do If You Are Interrupted

34. Are You Really Going to Wear That?

35. Just the FACS™, Madam: Business Clothing Essentials

36. Accessories Are Also Part of Your Work Look

37. More Questions and Answers About Business Dress

38. How to Dress for a Promotion

39. Button That Skirt and Cover That Thigh

40. Chipped Green Nail Polish and Other Grooming Mistakes

41. What Do 33 Miners and Your Shoes Have in Common?

42. Another Clothing Milestone: Have Panty Hose Disappeared from the Workplace?

SECTION II. EAT

43. Place Settings: The Secret Language of Dining

44. So Many Errors, So Little Time to Make Them

45. Don’t Kill Your Career with Your Fork

46. Avoiding the Seven Deadly Sins of Dining

47. Be My Guest: Dinner in Three Acts

48. I’m Not Eating That! Business Meals and Dietary Concerns

49. Treat the Wait Staff with Respect

50. Solving the Invitation Dilemma: Kindergarten Rules

51. The Power of Going to Lunch

52. Wine Tales: Don’t Wave Your Hand over the Glass

53. But You Had Lobster, and I Only Had Chicken . . .

54. A Table for One? Yes, You Can!

55. Are There Any Manners for a Food Fight?

56. Lots of Dining Questions . . . No Shortage of Answers

57. Champagne, Your Career, and the Holiday Party

58. I’m Too Embarrassed to Go Alone

59. Etiquette Niceties When Visiting Others

SECTION III. TWEET

60. Man, That’s Rude! Five Don’ts for All Phones

61. Man, That’s Really Rude!: Tips for Cell Phone Users Only

62. Have a Normal Ring, Please!

63. Don’t Ruin Ur Career: Texting Guidelines

64. Is Anyone Listening to Voice Mail?

65. The Etiquette of Talking to Your Phone

66. Are Facebook . . . Twitter . . . Any Social Media Necessary?

67. Costly Mistakes with Tweets, Posts, and Requests

68. The Big Three: Where Do You Want to Be?

69. Has Social Media Taken Over Your Professional Life?

70. A Blog About Blogs

71. Social-Media Guidelines for Photographs

72. Almost as Good as the Real Thing: Skype

73. Email Etiquette 1: Avoid Saying or Doing the Wrong Thing

74. Email Etiquette 2: Still Puzzling After All These Years

75. Are You Putting Yourself Down as You Write?

76. Three Tips for Writing Email in Today’s Casual Workplace

77. Doing the Write Thing: Always Look for One

78. Writing for an International Audience? Vive la Difference!

SECTION IV. CAREER

79. The Workers’ Seven Deadly Sins Can Kill Your Career

80. How Open Are You to Feedback?

81. Don’t Put Yourself Down: Accept Compliments

82. Toot Your Own Horn

83. The Importance of Role Models, Mentors, and Networks

84. Become a Mentor: It’s a Two-Way Street!

85. Internship Tips for My Son . . . and Others

86. Moving On? The Etiquette for Leaving a Job

87. Just Do It! Job-Hunting Tips

88. Are You Making Rookie Job-Hunting Mistakes?

89. I Got the Interview: Now What?

90. Dressing for an Interview: Do You Look the Part?

91. Talking Your Way to Success: Presentation Tips

92. Three Things Not to Say in a Presentation

93. Dread Presentations? Let’s Change That!

94. Difficult Audience? Try These Suggestions

95. Help! Someone Is Sleeping During My Talk!

96. Don’t Present Like, You Know, Um, a Young Person

97. It May Be Funny, but It’s Not Assertive

98. Assert Yourself: Learn to Speak Up at Meetings

99. Ending the Never-Ending Discussion

100. Smart Tips When Traveling for Business

101. I Accept Your Quirks Because You Accept Mine

Conclusion

Index

Introduction

Your career is what you make it.

How many times have you heard that line? It’s an easy statement to make, but a harder reality to implement—unless you cultivate the skills to do so.

For the last 25 years, I have given seminars, coached individuals, and written nine books on business etiquette and communication. They all discuss specific skills to help people understand how they should present themselves in the workplace to advance in their careers. My clients include some of the world’s leading companies, such as Campbell’s Soup, Chrysler, Cleveland Clinic, Con Edison, Microsoft, Pfizer, and Wawa. I generally give about a hundred presentations a year to employees at all levels.

Several years ago, I started a blog. This informal platform allows me to discuss or comment on the most up-to-date ideas and recommendations as they evolve from today’s business world. Focusing on real-life examples, my blogs discuss what I have learned from people at all levels of business, from presidents of companies to young people starting out in their careers.

This book is a compilation of my favorite blogs, current writings, and new essential tips chosen for their informative content and practical recommendations. The businesspeople I work with every day like the timely commentary and suggestions the blog delivers, and many of them asked me to create an easy-to-read business etiquette guide for quick reference. Thanks to the encouragement of Casie Vogel at McGraw-Hill Professional, this book, written in collaboration with Denise Cowie, my writing and editing buddy of many years, is now a reality.

The topics I discuss are rarely covered in business schools, but they will help you to establish relationships easily, dress professionally, use social media successfully, speak assertively, write confidently, entertain effortlessly, look for work effectively, and make presentations competently. The suggestions are geared to your business life, but of course many of the ideas can help in your personal life too.

The book is divided into four sections and has 101 entries. I recommend that you read just a few at a time, or find suggestions for a specific problem by checking the Contents. Think about the material carefully—pay attention to the points made, and consider whether you really are following the advice.

In addition to reading the tips, experiment with some of the ideas in the Try This Suggestion sections, learn from the question-and-answer sections, and consider the Points to Ponder.

Don’t dismiss a topic as not relevant to you until you have evaluated how the content might help you improve your work skills—or your social life. It is easy not to know you are doing something when you have been doing it for a long time. As one senior vice president from a Fortune 100 company told me:

Time after time, I find that very competent managers and executives are totally unaware of their self-inflicted career-limiting behavior.

Barbara Pachter

SECTION I

GREET

• A senior director for a major pharmaceutical company was scheduled to start traveling the world for his company. But his ill-fitting, rumpled clothes and casual language would be an embarrassment for his company overseas. His superiors decided he needed to acquire some polish before he could represent the company.

• A representative for a management company sought a contract to manage a physical therapy business. The owners of the business deliberately left her for a while in the common waiting area so they could evaluate her interactions with patients and office staff. The woman did not talk to anyone in the waiting area, and she did not smile or greet any of the patients. She did not get the contract.

These real-life examples illustrate the need for business etiquette training. These individuals needed to improve their efforts to connect with others or to enhance their professional image to be successful—or more successful—in their jobs.

Just doing your job in our competitive, global business environment isn’t enough. You need to stand out—in a good way. You want others to see you as a competent, credible, and responsive individual. And that means that you need to connect with others, and you also need to have a polished, professional appearance.

Your ability to get along with people, to exhibit good manners, to project an impressive image, and to make others feel comfortable are key components of your success. In today’s fast-paced, digital, multicultural world, these business etiquette skills can sometimes get lost in the shuffle. But without them, your organization may lose business, your colleagues may lose respect for you, and your bosses may not promote you.

There are two parts that make up Section I, Greet: Establishing Rapport (Part 1) and Maintaining a Professional Image (Part 2).

PART 1

ESTABLISHING RAPPORT

A major area of business etiquette is establishing rapport. This is an incredibly important part of most people’s jobs, though it’s rarely listed on their job descriptions.

You want to connect with others. You need to connect with others. Why? Because people want to do business and work with those they know, like, and trust.

Sounds simple, right? It can be, if you remember to practice the basics for establishing rapport—greeting and acknowledging others, and conducting conversations effectively and politely.

1. What’s in Your Name? A Lot!

Names are important. How people address you and what you call yourself really do matter. Names can confer dignity or take it away. They influence how you are perceived and whether people take you seriously.

In a business situation, you should use your full name. An intern working for me answered the phone by saying: Good morning. Pachter & Associates. Brianna speaking.

I asked why she used just her first name. She said she hadn’t realized she was doing it. I suggested she provide both her first and last names. That would not only give her standing but would also provide an easier way for people to identify her. After all, there could be other people in the office with the same first name.

POINT TO PONDER

Early on, basketball legend Michael Jordan recognized the value of a name. The television news magazine 60 Minutes did a segment a few years ago on the famous athlete’s history, including the time he scored, as a first-year college student, the winning basket in the 1982 National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA)