Leading the Unleadable: How to Manage Mavericks, Cynics, Divas, and Other Difficult People

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you to all my reviewers and to the leaders I interviewed. You all have provided me with great insights and helped make everything I did in this book much better.

Deborah Hazell, CEO of HSBC Global Asset Management, provided hard-hitting insights into executive leadership and challenged me to see perspectives in new ways on many topics.

Elizabeth Zach, editor at Book Crafters LLC, provided me rush services with amazing speed and clarity at the points I most needed them.

Hazel Crofts, client and friend in England, provided me with pushes on where I was missing important details and where I had injected cultural biases where they did not belong.

Jesse Schell, CEO of Schell Games, provided me with great insights into not just the special world of game design but also into getting the focus of the book narrowed in on the proper experience for my readers.

Julia Mullaney, former teammate and always a leader, gave me the big picture I needed and kept pushing me toward the high bar of excellence.

John Willig, president and literary agent at Literary Services Inc., discovered me and introduced me to the world, and kept me very focused on how to get it done!

Max Steinhardt, CEO of CBORD, was very generous with his time. Our discussions on trouble, leadership, and excellence pushed my thinking in the right directions.

Rick Harris, executive director of Application Engineering at General Electric, is one of those leaders who is like organized lightning; the speed and clarity with which he covers important topics is illuminating.

Stephen S. Power, senior editor at AMACOM, helped me shape the concept into a book with his persistence, vision, and wisdom.

Steve Watkin, director of Engineering at ASM, was one of the earliest reviewers of my materials. Thanks for being so brave!

Special thanks to my book proposal writing group led by the amazing Dr. Alan Weiss.

Special thanks to my wife, part of my two-person duprass, who went for walks with me every time I was stuck. We covered many miles.

PREFACE

As a leader, when you have to deal with difficult people, what do you do?

• Pull them off the project?

• Chastise them in public?

• Ignore the situation and expect the team to handle it?

• Put them on a performance improvement plan and make it an HR problem?

• Minimize their responsibilities?

• Move them to a different group to make them someone else’s problem?

Too often, leaders ignore their people problems for too long because they’re afraid of conflict or, if they do act, handle the situations poorly because of inexperience or not knowing what to do. Complicating matters, the difficult people might be even more difficult to replace or the leader could have a close relationship with them.

Not acting can damage everyone around the difficult people, leading others to leave before the difficult people themselves quit. The reverse can be just as bad. Sometimes leaders terminate difficult people too quickly, which harms the group by giving it no chance to change the difficult people and reclaim them.

How you handle these situations will define you as a leader to everyone else, marking the difference between a good manager and an exceptional one.

The exceptional leader will face the problem fearlessly, directly, and quickly with the skill to transform the difficult people into the tremendous, lifting up the individual, and energizing the whole team in the process.

Throughout my career, I have been focused on learning about and pushing the boundaries of what it means to be an exceptional leader. I have worked with managers at every level from more than 100 companies in more than 15 countries, companies ranging from the large and established, such as Microsoft, Intuit, Oracle, NASA, and HP, to small start-ups. I have learned repeatedly that exceptional managers know that with great aspirations can come great difficulties. And I have learned from the bad managers how not to overcome those difficulties, especially the people problems. As a result, this book will show you:

• The kinds of trouble leaders face

• The measurements of success for exceptional leadership

• The principles behind the ability to handle the most troublesome situations

• How to develop the radar to spot trouble early

• How to deal with trouble

• How to prevent trouble

• How to become an exceptional leader

Exceptional leaders have one obligation above all. Whether they are managing an entire company or a team, a division, a single project, or simply a meeting, they must focus on the group, not the individual, and if an individual is hurting the group, that person must be brought back into the fold or cut out altogether. Leading the Unleadable is your guide to doing so.

PART

1

THE CALL

TO EXCEPTIONAL

LEADERSHIP

"A ship in port is safe, but that’s not

what ships are built for."

—GRACE HOPPER

1

The Leadership Crisis Point

In working with hundreds of leaders around the world, I have found that the greater the responsibilities of leadership, the greater the amount of trouble you must deal with. Recently, a division manager responsible for 100 million dollars in revenue and 500 employees distilled the situation perfectly to a roomful of colleagues.

He held his hands a few inches apart. This, he said, is how much good news I get to share with the upper management of this company. He then stretched his arms the full distance. This, he said, is how much bad news I get to share with upper management. The other leaders in the room nodded their heads in agreement.

This is why leaders often reach the point at which they wake up one morning and simply think, I don’t want to do this anymore. They have reached a leadership crisis point. There is a way forward, though.

Many managers have called me in the midst of this crisis, often ready to hear the most important message of their leadership careers. Leadership isn’t just making a series of decisions (choices) on a daily basis. The very essence of being a leader and how you lead is itself a choice.

Achieving a long, enjoyable career in management is obviously a better alternative than viewing it as a trudge across a desolate landscape of leading people who do not want to be led. The difference between these two visions of leadership is a choice that one must actively make.

You must actively embrace the many good things that come with leadership. You are in the right place to have a positive influence on others. You will be able to accomplish bigger and better things than you could accomplish on your own. You will be able to grow your own skills and abilities as you work with others, and you will gain not just from your own experience but through other people’s experiences as you work with them.

Choose not just the call to leadership; choose the call to exceptional leadership. This is a call to embrace the tremendous personal growth opportunity in learning about yourself, in growing your own career, and in contributing good to the world.

Before we can listen to the call we first must understand and accept the following facts about leadership:

• The call to leadership is a choice.

• Whatever you lead, leadership is about leading people.

• Leadership comes with a taxonomy of trouble.

• The trouble is your fault, even when it is not.

When we accept these facts, we are ready to learn how to lead the unleadable, including our own troublesome selves.

The Call to Leadership Is a Choice

To make the step from good manager to exceptional leader, the first step is to understand that however you have found yourself in a leadership position, you have made a choice to be a leader, even if that was not your intent!

There are a number of common reasons why people find themselves in leadership positions. Each of these examples offers a short origin story that illustrates how people had to grapple with what it means personally to take on the mantle of leadership.

Promotion

Mary was superb technically, and the CEO wanted to reward her with a promotion. In Mary’s company, as in many organizations, there was a ceiling to the career of the individual contributor. The only promotion available was to become a team leader. Mary happily took the promotion and the associated pay raise.

Mary had the sudden responsibility of doing work not with, but by leading, other people. She found herself doing things she had always thought of as overhead. Meanwhile, she was responsible for people doing the work she used to do. This transition was a shock to the very way Mary thought. She had to relearn how she would get meaning from her work in this new role.

Nomination Accepted

This situation happens more often than the bestowal of formal titles of leadership. There are significant issues that cut across normal boundaries in which no official leader is clearly responsible. A combination of forces happens whereby (a) someone has the skill to handle it, (b) that someone has little tolerance for the current situation, and (c) the group urges that someone to take the lead. This person may be an individual with no title but suddenly is leading.

This was actually how I became a leader. I went to college to become great at software development. Within six months in my first job, I found myself doing very little development because I was organizing and leading multiple teams that cut across organizational boundaries. I was nominated, and I accepted. Within a few months I was given the title of manager. It did take me some time before I noticed the real implications of leading people.

Business Owner

Many leaders became leaders because they had a good idea and started a business around that idea. Simon is typical of many business owners. He had a great technical idea and started a business around the idea as a business of one—just himself. However, he soon found that his idea needed other people.

Although it took a few years, Simon found himself responsible for an organization of over 300 people and growing.

Many business owners did not realize when they began their business journeys that they would be leading so many people.

A Desire for a Title

This category represents just a small percentage of all the leaders I have worked with. However, some people really want the prestige of the title that is associated with leadership. They have often received business-specific college degrees and are hungry to be part of making significant business decisions.

They reach for and achieve their desire to have the title of manager. They find much of what they expected, such as the joy of looking at the returns on significant investments they made in the course of leading their organizations. However, they are often surprised to find that there is a world of people problems that comes with leadership. They were not prepared.

The Expert Becomes Leader

This happens frequently in the field of high technology development. The expert has been focused on a very specialized field of the technology. Everyone begins to look to the expert for guidance on anything to do with that technology.

Soon, the expert finds himself leading a group of people who follow him easily, based on the vast knowledge he possesses. The expert is able to do his own work and guide others in theirs. The rest of the team is often essentially a pair of hands for the expert’s deep understanding and vision of where the technology, and thus the team, need to go.

The trouble begins for the expert when a new technology replaces his area of expertise. This will eventually happen. Now the expert has been typecast as a leader but is a novice at this new technology. He is no longer the expert but still the leader and not prepared.

Dynastic Transition

This is often true in family-run organizations. The daughter or son has worked in the organization for years and now the parents step out and suddenly the heir is in charge.

For example, a friend of mine worked in his parents’ company and knew that he always would. He went to college to learn about the business, then came back and was his father’s go-to person for any special tasks. He worked in many areas, even on the manufacturing line when the work was so intense that his hands would help meet deadlines.

His father ran the company for another twenty years and continued to make all the important leadership decisions throughout that time.

His father retired and immediately moved to Florida, handing my friend the complete responsibility of running the company.

He was suddenly in charge.

In talking to people about their leadership origin stories, there are common experiences regardless of how they became leaders. They come to a point where they realize that the work of leadership is different. They come to the point where they realize that the work of leadership is all about people.

Further, they realize that even if they didn’t mean to do so, they each made a choice to be a leader. If they faced the leadership crisis referred to in the first section and continued leading, they again made a choice.

Whatever You Lead It Is All About People

This book is written for managers and leaders of all stripes. But what do they lead?

Leading a Group of Leaders Within a Company

This is a generic category that can include, for example, the COO (Chief Operating Officer) or a division leader of a cast of hundreds. Or it can include a manager of a group of thirty. The common characteristic is that they are leading other leaders.

These leaders report to at least one other person and often have a cast of stakeholders who have high expectations of results.

Leading Projects

The leader here may have a very large project team. There are teams as large as a thousand people dedicated to developing and delivering a single product to the marketplace. There are also teams as small as just two people.

The project leader must deliver results, whether anyone reports to her directly or not. She may have a single sponsor who is paying for the project. It is, however, more likely that the project has many stakeholders who care about those results, and they often have conflicting priorities they are presenting to that project leader.

Leading a Company

This can range from leading a famous company such as Apple to helming a small restaurant with a staff of three. It can also include a company the size of one person where individuals must lead themselves but also a virtual team of everyone who helps support that company, such as lawyers and accountants.

Even CEOs who are in charge of an entire company, small or large, have a number of stakeholders outside their direct lines of command. This can include the board of directors, a board of advisers, and investors in the company. It also always includes the customers of the business.

Leading a Cause

Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and many others are examples of people who had no official position but are yet considered great leaders.

I have a number of friends who are activists. One person is specifically working to protect the fresh water in our local lakes. She has put many hours into speaking, writing, and organizing to achieve this mission. She has suddenly found herself a leader of many people, none of whom are paid. Nor does anyone officially work for her. Yet all of these people look to her for leadership.

The common thread all the examples have is that leaders are leading other people to accomplish a shared set of objectives. The objectives vary immensely across the various roles of leadership and the context within which the leaders work, but what they all have is a set of responsibilities that comes with leadership.

These responsibilities are not to just get things done, but to lead others to accomplish great tasks.

All leaders know that it is truly all about leading people, and that comes with a taxonomy of trouble.

Leadership Comes with a Host of Trouble

A friend of mine once said, Everything was fine until there was more than just me in the room. That evoked my laughter because he was talking about me entering the room—a great joke!

However, I often remember his quote when I find myself in a room full of discord. Yet, we absolutely need others if we wish to achieve the bigger things we desire to accomplish.

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