Epicoene, Or, The Silent Woman
By Ben Jonson
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Ben Jonson
Benjamin Jonson (c. 11 June 1572 – c. 16 August 1637 was an English playwright and poet. Jonson's artistry exerted a lasting influence upon English poetry and stage comedy. He popularised the comedy of humours; he is best known for the satirical plays Every Man in His Humour (1598), Volpone, or The Fox (c. 1606), The Alchemist (1610) and Bartholomew Fair (1614) and for his lyric and epigrammatic poetry. He is generally regarded as the second most important English dramatist, after William Shakespeare.
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Epicoene, Or, The Silent Woman - Ben Jonson
EPICOENE, OR, THE SILENT WOMAN
..................
Ben Jonson
YURITA PRESS
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Copyright © 2015 by Ben Jonson
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Epicoene; Or, The Silent Woman
TO THE TRULY NOBLE BY ALL TITLES SIR FRANCIS STUART
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
PROLOGUE
ANOTHER.
ACT 1.
SCENE 1.1.
SCENE 2.1.
SCENE 2.2.
SCENE 2.3.
SCENE 2.4.
ACT 3.
SCENE 3.1.
SCENE 3.2.
ACT 4.
SCENE 4.1.
SCENE 4.2.
ACT 5.
SCENE 5.1.
GLOSSARY
Epicoene, Or, The Silent Woman
By
Ben Jonson
Epicoene, Or, The Silent Woman
Published by Yurita Press
New York City, NY
First published circa 1637
Copyright © Yurita Press, 2015
All rights reserved
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EPICOENE; OR, THE SILENT WOMAN
..................
TO THE TRULY NOBLE BY ALL TITLES SIR FRANCIS STUART
..................
Sir,
My hope is not so nourished by example, as it will conclude, this dumb piece should please you, because it hath pleased others before; but by trust, that when you have read it, you will find it worthy to have displeased none. This makes that I now number you, not only in the names of favour, but the names of justice to what I write; and do presently call you to the exercise of that noblest, and manliest virtue; as coveting rather to be freed in my fame, by the authority of a judge, than the credit of an undertaker. Read, therefore, I pray you, and censure. There is not a line, or syllable in it, changed from the simplicity of the first copy. And, when you shall consider, through the certain hatred of some, how much a man’s innocency may be endangered by an uncertain accusation; you will, I doubt not, so begin to hate the iniquity of such natures, as I shall love the contumely done me, whose end was so honourable as to be wiped off by your sentence.
Your unprofitable, but true Lover,
BEN JONSON.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
..................
MOROSE, a Gentleman that loves no noise.
SIR DAUPHINE EUGENIE, a Knight, his Nephew.
NED CLERIMONT, a Gentleman, his Friend.
TRUEWIT, another Friend.
SIR JOHN DAW, a Knight.
SIR AMOROUS LA-FOOLE, a Knight also.
THOMAS OTTER, a Land and Sea Captain.
CUTBEARD, a Barber.
MUTE, one of MOROSE’s Servants.
PARSON.
Page to CLERIMONT.
EPICOENE, supposed the Silent Woman.
LADY HAUGHTY, LADY CENTAURE, MISTRESS DOL MAVIS, Ladies Collegiates.
MISTRESS OTTER, the Captain’s Wife, MISTRESS TRUSTY, LADY HAUGHTY’S Woman, Pretenders.
Pages, Servants, etc.
SCENE — LONDON.
PROLOGUE
..................
Truth says, of old the art of making plays
Was to content the people; and their praise
Was to the poet money, wine, and bays.
But in this age, a sect of writers are,
That, only, for particular likings care,
And will taste nothing that is popular.
With such we mingle neither brains nor breasts;
Our wishes, like to those make public feasts,
Are not to please the cook’s taste, but the guests’.
Yet, if those cunning palates hither come,
They shall find guests’ entreaty, and good room;
And though all relish not, sure there will be some,
That, when they leave their seats, shall make them say,
Who wrote that piece, could so have wrote a play,
But that he knew this was the better way.
For, to present all custard, or all tart,
And have no other meats, to bear a part.
Or to want bread, and salt, were but course art.
The poet prays you then, with better thought
To sit; and, when his cates are all in brought,
Though there be none far-fet, there will dear-bought,
Be fit for ladies: some for lords, knights, ‘squires;
Some for your waiting-wench, and city-wires;
Some for your men, and daughters of Whitefriars.
Nor is it, only, while you keep your seat
Here, that his feast will last; but you shall eat
A week at ord’naries, on his broken meat:
If his muse be true,
Who commends her to you.
ANOTHER.
..................
The ends of all, who for the scene do write,
Are, or should be, to profit and delight.
And still’t hath been the praise of all best times,
So persons were not touch’d, to tax the crimes.
Then, in this play, which we present to-night,
And make the object of your ear and sight,
On forfeit of yourselves, think nothing true:
Lest so you make the maker to judge you,
For he knows, poet never credit gain’d
By writing truths, but things (like truths) well feign’d.
If any yet will, with particular sleight
Of application, wrest what he doth write;
And that he meant, or him, or her, will say:
They make a libel, which he made a play.
ACT 1.
..................
SCENE 1.1.
..................
A ROOM IN CLERIMONT’S HOUSE.
ENTER CLERIMONT, MAKING HIMSELF READY, FOLLOWED BY HIS PAGE.
CLER: Have you got the song yet perfect, I gave you, boy?
PAGE: Yes, sir.
CLER: Let me hear it.
PAGE: You shall, sir, but i’faith let nobody else.
CLER: Why, I pray?
PAGE: It will get you the dangerous name of a poet in town, sir;
besides me a perfect deal of ill-will at the mansion you wot of,
whose lady is the argument of it; where now I am the welcomest
thing under a man that comes there.
CLER: I think, and above a man too, if the truth were rack’d out
of you.
PAGE: No, faith, I’ll confess before, sir. The gentlewomen play with
me, and throw me on the bed; and carry me in to my lady; and she
kisses me with her oil’d face; and puts a peruke on my head; and
asks me an I will wear her gown? and I say, no: and then she
hits me a blow o’ the ear, and calls me Innocent! and lets me go.
CLER: No marvel if the door be kept shut against your master, when
the entrance is so easy to you—well sir, you shall go there no
more, lest I be fain to seek your voice in my lady’s rushes, a
fortnight hence. Sing, sir.
PAGE [SINGS]: Still to be neat, still to be drest—
[ENTER TRUEWIT.]
TRUE: Why, here’s the man that can melt away his time and never
feels it! What between his mistress abroad, and his ingle at
home, high fare, soft lodging, fine clothes, and his fiddle; he
thinks the hours have no wings, or the day no post-horse. Well,
sir gallant, were you struck with the plague this minute, or
condemn’d to any capital punishment to-morrow, you would begin
then to think, and value every article of your time, esteem it
at the true rate, and give all for it.
CLER: Why what should a man do?
TRUE: Why, nothing; or that which, when it is done, is as idle.
Harken after the next horse-race or hunting-match; lay wagers,
praise Puppy, or Pepper-corn, White-foot, Franklin; swear upon
Whitemane’s party; speak aloud, that my lords may hear you;
visit my ladies at night, and be able to give them the character
of every bowler or better on the green. These be the things
wherein your fashionable men exercise themselves, and I for
company.
CLER: Nay, if I have thy authority, I’ll not leave yet. Come,
the other are considerations, when we come to have gray heads
and weak hams, moist eyes and shrunk members. We’ll think on
‘em then; and we’ll pray and fast.
TRUE: Ay, and destine only that time of age to goodness, which our
want of ability will not let us employ in evil!
CLER: Why, then ‘tis time enough.
TRUE: Yes; as if a man should sleep all the term, and think to
effect his business the last day. O, Clerimont, this time, because
it is an incorporeal thing, and not subject to sense, we mock
ourselves the fineliest out of it, with vanity and misery
indeed! not seeking an end of wretchedness, but only changing the
matter still.
CLER: Nay, thou wilt not leave now—
TRUE: See but our common disease! with what justice can we complain,
that great men will not look upon us, nor be at leisure to give
our affairs such dispatch as we expect, when we will never do it
to ourselves? nor hear, nor regard ourselves?
CLER: Foh! thou hast read Plutarch’s morals, now, or some such
tedious fellow; and it shews so vilely with thee! ‘fore God, ‘twill
spoil thy wit utterly. Talk me of pins, and feathers, and
ladies, and rushes, and such things: and leave this Stoicity
alone, till thou mak’st sermons.
TRUE: Well, sir; if it will not take, I have learn’d to lose as
little of my kindness as I can. I’ll do good to no man against his
will, certainly. When were you at the college?
CLER: What college?
TRUE: As if you knew not!
CLER: No faith, I came but from court yesterday.
TRUE: Why, is it not arrived there yet, the news? A new foundation,
sir, here in the town, of ladies, that call themselves the
collegiates, an order between courtiers and country-madams,
that live from their husbands; and give entertainment to all the
wits, and braveries of the time, as they call them: cry down, or
up, what they like or dislike in a brain or a fashion, with most
masculine, or rather hermaphroditical authority; and every day
gain to their college some new probationer.
CLER: Who is the president?
TRUE: The grave, and youthful matron, the lady Haughty.
CLER: A pox of her autumnal face, her pieced beauty! there’s no man
can be admitted till she be ready, now-a-days, till she has
painted, and perfumed, and wash’d, and scour’d, but the boy here;
and him she wipes her oil’d lips upon, like a sponge. I have made
a song, I pray thee hear it, on the subject.
PAGE. [SINGS.]
Still to be neat, still to be drest,
As you were going to a feast;
Still to be powder’d, still perfum’d;
Lady, it is to be presumed,
Though art’s hid causes are not found,
All is not sweet, all is not sound.
Give me a look, give me a face,
That makes simplicity a grace;
Robes loosely flowing, hair as free:
Such sweet neglect more taketh me,
Then all the adulteries of art;
They strike mine eyes, but not my heart.
TRUE: And I am clearly on the other side: I love a good dressing
before any beauty o’ the world. O, a woman is then like a
delicate garden; nor is there one kind of it; she may vary every
hour; take often counsel of her glass, and choose the best. If
she have good ears, shew them; good hair, lay it out; good
legs, wear short clothes; a good hand, discover it often;
practise any art to mend breath, cleanse teeth, repair eye-brows;
paint, and profess it.
CLER: How? publicly?
TRUE: The doing of it, not the manner: that must be private. Many
things that seem foul in the doing, do please done. A lady
should, indeed, study