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    How to Pray: Alone, with Others, at Any Time, in Any Place
    How to Pray: Alone, with Others, at Any Time, in Any Place
    How to Pray: Alone, with Others, at Any Time, in Any Place
    Ebook204 pages3 hours

    How to Pray: Alone, with Others, at Any Time, in Any Place

    By Stephen Cottrell

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    About this ebook

    This highly accessible guide explores how to start, renew and expand your prayer life. It provides an ideal companion for new Christians and those wishing to go deeper with God through prayer. Previously published as Praying through Life.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherChurch House Publishing
    Release dateSep 7, 2015
    ISBN9780715144053
    How to Pray: Alone, with Others, at Any Time, in Any Place
    Author

    Stephen Cottrell

    Stephen Cottrell is the Bishop of Reading in the Church of England. He has written or contributed to Reflections for Daily Prayer, the Emmaus discipleship course, Traveling Well, and Praying Through Life.

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      Book preview

      How to Pray - Stephen Cottrell

      How to Pray

      Stephen Cottrell is the Bishop of Chelmsford and the author of a number of bestselling titles including Do Nothing to Change Your Life, Hit the Ground Kneeling, and Do Nothing, Christmas is coming, all published by Church House Publishing.

      He is married to Rebecca and they have three sons.

      With prayer goes gratitude

      Julian of Norwich

      For Joseph, Benjamin and Samuel

      who have taught me to be thankful

      Acknowledgements

      I would like to thank Hamish Bruce at Church House Publishing for his encouragement to write this book; Jane Way, Celia McCulloch, Frances Bell, Pam Priestly, Marian Allmark, Dick Swindell and Pat Dixon in the Wakefield diocese all of whom worked with me producing material on prayer for our parishes; and my colleague Tim Sledge who looked over the text and made many helpful comments. Finally I wish to remember all those people I have prayed with on a regular basis and who have taught me so much, especially John Caldicott, Chris Newell, Daphne Bulwer, Maureen Jewell and Christina Inwood and to my wife Rebecca for her constant support and the companionship of her prayer.

      Stephen Cottrell

      Contents

      Title

      How to Pray

      Dedication

      Acknowledgements

      Preface to the third edition

      Copyright acknowledgements

      Introduction: Seeing the possibilities

      Part 1: What is prayer? Unclenching the fist

      Prayer is relationship with God

      Prayer is relationship with others

      Prayer is relationship for God

      Prayer is relationship with God for others

      A pattern for prayer

      Part 2: How to pray: Opening our hands to God

      First steps

      At home

      Through the day

      With children

      With teenagers

      With others

      At work

      Wherever you happen to be

      In silence

      In penitence

      With our whole being

      Through the week

      Through the year

      When it seems impossible

      Ten golden rules

      Part 3: Catching fire

      Prayer and evangelism

      Becoming ourselves

      A prayer

      References

      Further reading and resource list

      By the Same Author

      Copyright

      Preface to the third edition

      ‘The secret of prayer is a hunger for God’, wrote Thomas Merton. ‘The will to pray is the essence of prayer.’ I don’t feel I have ever got much beyond this. Most of my prayer seems to be taken up with my longing for God and my longing to pray. Indeed, when I was first asked to write this book I was not convinced that the world really needed another book on prayer, still less that I was the person to write it. However, a little research soon revealed that very few of the many books that have been written on the subject actually tell you how to pray. The benefits of prayer are described, but the mechanics of getting there are glossed over. I therefore resolved to write a book that would tell people what to do. I even reckoned that a muddled beginner like me might be the best sort of person to write it, since there was little danger that I would ever get very far ahead of those I was trying to lead. So this new edition is simply called How to Pray. It remains a book for beginners, and it starts with that simple longing to know God and to be known by God. In fact this apparently simple start is also the finish, for, as we shall discover, all our prayer is relationship with God.

      The first two editions of the book were called Praying Through Life, because prayer is not just something that is done in church or at some hallowed hour, but can be woven into all of life. It is about praying with others, praying alone, praying at any time and praying in any place.

      So, in this new edition, references and resources have been brought up to date and there are one or two other changes and additions. My children who were an inspiration to help me take prayer more seriously in the first place are now all teenagers. This bit of family life is a lot more challenging, so the prayer I describe with them in Part 2 is hardly the same today. But I am comforted that what I wrote about prayer with teenagers over ten years ago still seems fairly accurate now I actually have to try doing it with my own from time to time.

      My prayer for the book remains the same. I hope it helps people to pray. I hope it shows people how. I don’t want people to talk about prayer, but to actually get on with the dogged, painful, delightful, challenging business of actually praying, of weaving prayer into daily life, of living life with God. There is no right way of doing this, but I hope in the pages of this book people will find encouragement, practical instruction and sustenance to begin a prayer life.

      I begin the book with a quotation from Henri Nouwen, in which he tells us that in prayer we are invited to unclench our fist. Could I finish this Preface to the third edition by quoting Karl Barth who says that, ‘to clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the world’.

      I would also like to thank Christine Smith at Church House Publishing for deciding to breathe new life into the book and, before her, Tracey Messenger, Sheridan James, Kathryn Pritchard and Thomas Allain Chapman for the support they gave for this and other projects.

      Stephen Cottrell

      Eastertide 2010

      Copyright acknowledgements

      The publisher gratefully acknowledges permission to reproduce copyright material in this book. Every effort has been made to trace and contact copyright holders. If there are any inadvertent omissions we apologise to those concerned and will ensure that a suitable acknowledgement is made at the next reprint. Page numbers are indicated in parentheses.

      The Archbishops’ Council: Common Worship: Services and Prayers for the Church of England, 2000 (20, 41, 43–4, 50–51, 58, 70, 115–18); The Prayer Book as Proposed in 1928 (44, 47). Copyright © The Archbishops’ Council and reproduced by permission.

      The Archbishops’ Council: Emmaus: The Way of Faith: Growing as a Christian, copyright © Stephen Cottrell, Steven Croft, John Finney, Felicity Lawson and Robert Warren, published by National Society Enterprises Ltd/Church House Publishing and Bible Society 1996. Used with permission (107–109).

      Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales: A Pocket Ritual, McCrimmon, 1977 (47).

      Simon Bailey: From Still with God, National Society Enterprises/Church House Publishing, 1986, rev. edn 1993. Reproduced by permission of the publishers (79–80).

      Darton, Longman and Todd: Anon, Rule for a New Brother, 1973 (9, 133–34); New Jerusalem Bible, published and copyright © 1985 Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd and Doubleday & Co Inc. Used by permission of the publishers.

      Editions du Levain: Lucien Deiss, Priéres bibliques, 1974 (50, 57–8).

      The European Province of the Society of St Francis: Celebrating Common Prayer, 1992 (58, 88, 116, 119). Permission sought.

      Girl Guide Association: Prayer for world hunger (54).

      Hodder & Stoughton Ltd: Frank Colquhoun, Contemporary Parish Prayers, 1975 (48, adapted); Richard Foster, Prayer, 1992 (97). Reproduced by permission of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd.

      International Commission on English in the Liturgy: copyright © 1970, 1971, 1975 International Consultation on English Texts (ICET) (42).

      Kingsway Publications: R. H. L. Williams, More Prayers for Today’s Church, 1972, 1984 (50).

      HarperCollins Publishers Ltd: Michael Marshall, Free to Worship, Marshall Pickering, 1996 (54).

      The National Society (Church of England) for Promoting Religious Education: Prayer by Mrs E. Rutter Leatham (66).

      Michael Perry: From Church Family Worship, Hodder & Stoughton, 1986 (76–7, adapted).

      Peterloo Poets: Extract from Friends’ Meeting House, Frenchay, Bristol, No. 1 of ‘Three Bristol Poems’ from Neck Verse, copyright © U. A. Fanathorpe, 1992. Reproduced by permission (101).

      SCM Press: Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison, enlarged edition, SCM Press, 1971 (130–31).

      Introduction

      Seeing the possibilities

      When we are invited to pray we are asked to open our tightly clenched fists and to give up our last coin.

      Henri Nouwen, Seeds of Hope, pp.66–7.

      I must begin with myself. Before I started writing this book I joked to a friend that I ought to sit at my desk wearing sackcloth and ashes. It seems such a terrible audacity to think that I have anything to say about prayer. God knows, and I know, just how half-hearted so much of my prayer has been, and how I have neglected prayer in so many areas of my life and on occasions too numerous to number.

      You might think I am trying to put you off reading this book. It is just that you need to know from the outset that this is a book for novices. And it is written not by an expert, but an experienced beginner. I have begun many times and I have failed many times, but I still long to be a person of prayer; I still believe that prayer is the most important and the most natural thing that I can do.

      This book is about praying through life. I believe the Christian faith is about being fully alive, and I believe prayer is the way we find this fullness. Praying through life means praying through the different stages of life. It means praying with children. It means praying as children. It means praying in the different circumstances of daily life. It means prayer in the home, at work, and wherever we happen to be. It is about prayer in the family. It is about praying on your own and praying with others. We only have one life; we must live it as God intended.

      This book is quite unashamedly the shallow end of prayer, where we need others to help us. Wherever possible Christians should pray together, and when we pray our prayer should be simple and straightforward. Although there are many different ways of praying, and this book will try to deal with as many as seem relevant to the beginner, I am concerned that we approach the subject with a proper modesty of intention. The very word ‘prayer’ can elevate the subject, making it seem highbrow and difficult, beyond the reach of ordinary people. We used to talk of ‘saying our prayers’, and I feel for the beginner this is an altogether more suitable phrase. But it is not very fashionable. It is almost as if there is a movement in the Church that rather wants prayer to be an activity for the elite. We have a glut of spiritual ‘experts’ and an endless fascination with all sorts of different spiritualities, but what we don’t have is simple teaching about saying prayers together in the home, at work or wherever we happen to be. This book seeks to redress the balance. If you are a ‘spirituality junkie’ I suggest you stop reading now. But if you have always found prayer difficult, or if you have never had any basic teaching about how to pray outside of the worshipping life of the Church, then please keep reading.

      I believe that there are many people in our society today who already pray, and need that prayer to be formed by the mind of Christ and the lovely spiritual traditions of the Christian Church. I believe that there is plenty of help available. As we shall see, God himself not only longs for us with a passion that far surpasses our wistful yearning, but the heart of Christian prayer is his praying within us.

      Jesus prays in me

      ‘I cannot pray’, said Henri Nouwen, ‘but God can pray in me.’¹ It took me a long while to learn this, and even so it is a truth I often forget, imagining prayer to be somehow dependent on my effort, or worse, my eloquence.

      There is of course a paradox to prayer. It is all about the gift of God, and God praying in us, but it also has to be an act of human will. We are not machines kept going by God, we are free and we are responsible. The best way to understand this is in terms of call and response. God calls within every human heart, for he longs to make every human heart his dwelling. But he waits for us to respond. When we do, it is his delight to sing his song within us, and our voice, however faltering, and however unsure of the tune, is joined to the song of the Spirit and echoed by the saints and the angels.

      I therefore know that although my prayer seems very small, I am beginning to hear God’s song within me, and I am learning how to join in.

      How I join in depends so much on who I am and the circumstances of my life. This book is to help you discover how you could be praying. It is not a book about prayer, although Part 1 does explain in some detail what prayer is, nor less is it a book of prayers, but a book to help you and your friends and your family and your church get started in the way of prayer.

      ‘Pray the way you can, not the way you can’t’ is the well-known sensible advice of Dom Chapman. But often there is little help in discerning what this way might be, and this is especially the case if you have never really prayed at all, or if you have a family of small children, or if the schedules of your life are so hectic there seems no space to set aside for God, or in a hundred other situations that go to make up the reality of the Monday to Saturday life in which we must live our Christian vocation. How do you begin to pray in the ordinary circumstances of life? How do you find the way that you can pray? My prayer for this book is that it will help you find the answers to these questions.

      I cannot give you the answer, because it will be different for every person, and it will change many times in every person’s life, but I can take you on a journey through the basics of prayer and the basic ways in which we can begin

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