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    Pacifi(Her): What She's Thinking When She's Pregnant
    Pacifi(Her): What She's Thinking When She's Pregnant
    Pacifi(Her): What She's Thinking When She's Pregnant
    Ebook122 pages1 hour

    Pacifi(Her): What She's Thinking When She's Pregnant

    By Hogan Hilling

    ()

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    About this ebook

    A practical, humorous guide to understanding your wife's thoughts and feelings during her pregnancy a one-of-a kind pregnancy book.

    With a baby on the way, how can you prepare for your role as a dad and tackle the important issues with your pregnant wife? Baby Brain (for Him) provides a refreshing perspective on how to get into her head"" in order to communicate more effectively, plan together for the future, and transform into a caring, devoted dad. Included is practical, priceless advice and insight into your pregnant wife's thoughts and behaviors, preparing you to reach your full potential in one of the most important roles of your life. These dad-to-be tips will teach you how to:

    Adjust your priorities while still having time for what you enjoy

    Bond with your pregnant wife and unborn child

    Deal with your wife's mood swings and intimacy issues

    Network with other dads, one of your greatest resources

    ""
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTurner Publishing Company
    Release dateJul 15, 2011
    ISBN9781596529113
    Pacifi(Her): What She's Thinking When She's Pregnant
    Author

    Hogan Hilling

    Hogan Hilling is an author of 13 published books and the co-owner of Preston’s Charm Grief Kit. (www.prestonscharm.com.) Hilling was a guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 2001 and appeared in ABC’s The Story of Fathers and Sons Documentary in 1999. His story as a fatherhood advocate has been published in major newspapers like the Los Angeles Times, Orange County Register, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and Christian Science Monitor. His son, Wesley Jordan Hilling passed away on December 18, 2022. Bridget Jill White Bagley is co-owner of Preston’s Charm Grief Kit. (www.prestonscharm.com.) She was born in Brawley California. Her family moved to Arizona when she was in kindergarten. She works at a mini storage business and is a member of the Winslow Elks Lodge #536 in Winslow, Arizona. Bridget lives with her husband Bill Bagley, whom she married in 2012. Bridget and Bill have a blended family that includes 9 children and 9 grandkids. Her son, Preston Bailey Hancock, passed away on August 28, 2018.

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      Book preview

      Pacifi(Her) - Hogan Hilling

      Turner Publishing Company

      200 4th Avenue North • Suite 950

      Nashville, Tennessee 37219

      445 Park Avenue • 9th Floor

      New York, NY 10022

      www.turnerpublishing.com

      Pacifi(her): What She's Thinking When She's Pregnant

      Copyright © 2011 Hogan Hilling. All rights reserved.

      This book or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

      Cover design by Mike Penticost

      ISBN: 978-1-59652-911-3

      Printed in the United States of America

      To the at-home dads who prove every day that the true measure of a dad is in the size of his heart.

      (Daddyshome, www.daddyshome.org)

      There is a choice you have to make in everything you do. And you must always keep in mind the choice you make, makes you.

      ~ ANONYMOUS

      Contents

      Introduction

      1. You're not having a baby, you're having a third person

      2. She's the one who's pregnant

      3. Pregnancies sometimes do not end with babies

      4. Make time to be involved with the pregnancy

      5. Bonding with an unborn baby can be difficult, and that's okay

      6. Discover your greatest obstacle

      7. Establish credibility as a dad by deferring to experts

      8. Adjust to your wife's mood swings

      9. Beware the pregnant woman's nesting and spending spree

      10. A new dad can handle finances, even without any

      11. Navigate the medical staff

      12. Have a sex talk with your wife

      13. Guess what? A new dad is not alone

      14. Ask for help and build a support network for your family

      15. Being a new dad will affect friendships

      16. Define your own role as a dad

      17. Speak up—let a dad's voice be heard

      18. Establish a protective boundary for your new family

      19. Anxiety about the delivery room is normal

      20. Nurture the marriage

      21. Embrace fatherhood

      22. Make peace with yourself about your father

      23. Learn more about your wife's father

      24. Encourage your wife to accept a dad's perspective

      25. A new dad never loses the title of Dad

      26. Help your wife adjust to motherhood

      27. A new dad's transition into fatherhood is tough on everyone

      28. Establish a work-family balance schedule

      29. Schedule reasonable me time

      30. Network with other dads

      Introduction

      When a wife asks her husband to conceive a baby, almost every husband is willing to become a dad and help his wife fulfill her lifelong dream: to be a mom. Once a wife announces her pregnancy, it is a very joyous occasion. However, with the blissful confirmation of the unborn baby, a husband also inherits a list of challenging issues with his future role as a dad that he may be unaware of or afraid to address. I wrote this book to explore many of these common issues a future dad will need to tackle and resolve during his wife's pregnancy.

           The information in this book is based on my personal experiences as a dad of three pregnancies and my interactions with a melting pot of dads I've had the pleasure of meeting and networking with since 1992.

           My debut as a dad began in 1987 after my wife, Tina, announced her pregnancy. In 1992 I cofounded the Fathers Network of Orange County, a support group for fathers of children with special needs. Two years later, I was hired as a consultant and instructor for Boot Camp for New Dads (BCND) in Irvine, California. Today, BCND is a nationally recognized program that provides classes for expectant dads in hospitals across the U.S. In 2002, I founded Proud Dads, Inc., a consulting firm to improve support services for dads.

           What I have learned through my experience is that dads want to do their part to be involved in every aspect of the pregnancy. But they feel just as unprepared, confused, detached from the unborn baby, and frustrated as I did during all three of my wife's pregnancies.

           And just like me, their disappointments stemmed from the lack of attention in addressing an expectant dad's concerns and the lack of resources and support services for expectant dads.

           Unfortunately, very little progress has been made in the last twenty years to accommodate, service, and engage dads during the pregnancy. Nevertheless, don't let that discourage your efforts and desire to be a great dad. It didn't dampen my spirit—it motivated me to write this book. Furthermore, the issues remain the same. Here are some of the issues and anxieties dads have shared with me.

      I'd like to do my part to be an involved dad during the pregnancy, but how can I if access to resources and support services for new dads is limited and not readily accessible in the same way it is for new moms?

      I'd like to be valued as an equal partner. But that's not possible when most of the attention is focused on servicing my wife's concerns and needs.

      Okay, so my wife is the one who is pregnant. But that shouldn't devalue my role as a new dad. One minute I'm a new dad. Next thing I know I've been demoted by the childbirth instructor to coach, partner, helper, or significant other. I thought I was the dad?

      Every time my wife has a concern and needs support or information about her pregnancy, it's only a phone call or stone's throw away from her. But when I need help or support, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

      Why is most of the information about pregnancy written for Venusians in their native language? Any of these childbirth instructors know how to speak Martian?

           If you can relate to any of these dads, then this book is for you. If you want to learn how to be the best dad you can be during your wife's pregnancy, then you will appreciate what this book has to offer. Here is how Pacifi(her) can help.

           A man is at a huge disadvantage when he enters the world of pregnancy in the same way a woman was when she decided to enter the world of corporate America's good ole boy's club in the 1970s. Plenty of evidence proves that today's world of pregnancy is heavily biased toward moms. The bias exists in our culture due to the misconceptions about men as inept caregivers, and the lack of effort and funding by the medical health industry, government agencies, and corporate America to provide identifiable resource and support services for dads comparable to those for moms. A trip to the local bookstore will also confirm that books to help prepare women for motherhood dominate the pregnancy shelves. The odds that the pregnancy world will level the playing field anytime soon are slim because any change or adjustment in the current operating system might be viewed as detrimental to motherhood.

           Despite this bias, this book will help you increase the chances for success in fulfilling your role as a new dad during the pregnancy. It will teach you how to comfort your pregnant wife and earn brownie points from her; boost your confidence in your quest to be a great dad; diplomatically navigate your way through a mother's turf and the medical staff; deal with your pregnant wife's mood swings; establish your value as a new dad; manage your new life as a family man; overcome the anxieties about being in the delivery room; tackle sensitive issues like sex, bonding with the unborn baby, and finances; and find viable resources and support services.

           Becoming a new dad is a huge responsibility, and most men's greatest fear about fatherhood is that of the unknown. No man likes to go into unfamiliar territory unprepared. I hope the information in this book will help you become better equipped and educated than I and other men were when we became new dads.

           Good luck, and remember to enjoy your journey into fatherhood.

      1

      You're not having a baby, you're having a third person

      When a man decides to marry a woman, he is gaining a wife, but he is also bringing a second person into his life. Well, the same is true when a wife and husband decide to conceive a baby. As they get caught up in the romance of having a baby, oftentimes they don't realize that they are bringing a third person into their life.

           While that sounds obvious, what I mean is that having a baby will affect your relationship with your wife much more than, say, getting a dog or cat. A baby is not a pet you acquire. A baby is a human being that grows into a child, a teenager, and then an adult.

           Once a husband agrees to have a baby, as a new dad, he will have to make adjustments in his life and take on new responsibilities and adapt to new situations just as he did during his transition

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