Getting Your Child To Sleep and Back to Sleep: Tips for Parents of Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers
By Vicki Lansky
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Getting Your Child To Sleep and Back to Sleep - Vicki Lansky
introduction
When I was pregnant with my first child, the question I always asked of any young mother I met was, When did your baby start sleeping through the night?
The answer was always…after a few weeks,
or after a few months.
Not so bad, I thought. I could handle that.
It was only later—much later—after struggling to survive with my wonderful (albeit wakeful!) baby boy that I learned that lack of sleep was synonymous with motherhood and that, yes, I could survive a whole night without sleep and live to laugh about it.
Once I made peace with the fact that sleep as I had known it was no longer to be part of my life, I was somehow okay. I stopped being angry about being tired; after that I was only tired. Once I stopped expecting a night of uninterrupted sleep, it didn’t bother me not to experience it. Life actually seemed easier.
As that baby grew, I found myself mentally documenting the reasons he woke at night. These included:
• The need for food, attention, or a clean diaper.
• The loss of a pacifier despite the fact that several were strewn about the crib.
• Those landmarks of babyhood: teething, standing without the ability to sit down, separation anxiety.
• The pain from a string in the foot of a sleeper wound around a toe—only discovered when dressing him to make a trip to the emergeny room.
• Illnesses.
• Nightmares.
• Learning to find the toilet during the night.
• And often, no reason I could figure out.
As my son grew and matured, wakefulness at night slowly diminished, but even then there were those nights. One night he called out to me, which was unusual because by then he usually came to my bed. I went to his room and found him stuck to his pillowcase because the gum he had in his mouth when he went to bed (unbeknownst to me) had fallen out of his mouth and had attached
his face to his pillowcase. We changed pillowcases, bandaged his face to prevent him from resticking
until we could deal with his skin in the morning, and I climbed back into my bed. That time I had trouble falling back to sleep from the silliness of it all.
But getting a child to sleep-and-back-to-sleep is not the impossible dream.
While there are no real guarantees, there are routines, products, tips, ideas, and approaches that can help you, and they’re all outlined here.This is the best of what has worked for parents and child caregivers. It worked for them, and it can work for you, too.
Vicki Lansky
Chapter 1
What Sleep Patterns Can I Expect from My Newborn for the First Six Month?
Sleep. A beautiful word, much on the minds of new parents because getting their infants to sleep is second only in importance to satisfying their needs for nourishment.
If this is your first child, the thrill of being a parent of a wonderful new human being will probably carry you through some sleepless nights, but when you’re on duty 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week, the inevitable result is fatigue.
You may feel as if you are living through a month or more of wakefulness broken only by brief periods of sleep. That first month is definitely a long day’s night.
Try to relax. Grab sleep yourself whenever you can (which means when your baby does). Trust your own good judgment, and call on your doctor or pediatric nurse practitioner for advice if you think your baby has real problems.
And remember two things:
1. You can’t spoil a newborn by picking him or her up for nourishment or comfort just as long as you thing it’s necessary.
2. You will look back on these early sleepless days and wonder at how quickly they passed. (Really you will.)
Infant Sleep Patterns
Your infant’s sleep pattern will be as unique as your child is. You cannot control your baby’s sleep cycles. Neither can you baby, for that matter. Sleep is not a skill to be learned. Don’t let your mother or grandmother try to convince you otherwise! There is no right
way for a baby to develop a sleep pattern.
During the first six months or so, sleep patterns are often the reflection of your baby’s individual biological development. Babies of this age cannot willfully resist sleeping when they are tired, nor can they continue to sleep when they are hungry.
Babies’ sleep patterns differ from those of adults in both quality and quantity of sleep.Your baby will have active
sleep periods (with REM—Rapid Eye Movement), and quiet
sleep, which is a much deeper sleep, without eye or body movement. During the periods of light or active
sleep, a baby is easily awakened.
Approximately 50% of a newborn’s sleep is spent in each of these states, while an adult typically spends 80% of sleep time in quiet, deep sleep and will often wake up during these transitions. This is why your bay will often waken as you are tiptoeing out of the nursery. Rocking and nursing help a baby enter the deeper quiet
sleep phase.
Babies’ sleep patterns also reflect their temperaments. Easy
babies spend longer periods in deep, quiet sleep and often don’t cry when they wake briefly during transition periods. More difficult
or active babies carry their waking personalities into sleep, spending more time tin the REM periods and waking easily.As your baby matures the ability to pass through periods of light sleep will occur more quickly. However, each child reaches this point at his or her own pace.
A baby will get all the sleep needed, provided your baby is not in pain, left hungry, or constantly interrupted. If your baby sleeps very little there is not much you can do except adjust your attitude. Your baby will not suffer from the lack of sleep, but your may.There is also no relationship between health and how much sleep your baby gets. Healthy babies don’t have to be good sleepers.
Try not to equate sleep with happiness (your or the baby’s) or superiority (yours or the baby’s). Whether or not your baby is a good sleeper, it is not a reflection of your parenting skills or of the baby’s goodness.
How Much Does a Newborn Sleep?
The following sleep patterns are averages only, and it’s important to remember that even the experts come up with different averages.
• Newborns usually have about 8 sleep period a day of varying lengths often just in snatches. Some will sleep from feeding to feeding: others will not.
• Infants’ sleep need vary from 11 to 21½ hours in a 24 hour period.
• It’s typical for a newborn to sleep for only 2 to 4 hours at a time. (That means some sleep less and some sleep more.)
Letting your baby determine needed sleep times will contribute to a more relaxed household during these early weeks. When you must alter your newborn’s schedule, do so by waking your baby rather than by delaying a feeding.
Infants don’t just eat and sleep. Often they are simply awake. So don’t expect your baby to sleep when not being fed. By the second month, a baby may fall into a routine of two longer daytime sleeps or naps, and life will begin to take on the regularity (of sorts) you’ve wished for.
The transition into a daytime napping schedule versus a round-the-clock sleeping/wakeful schedule happens on its own. It can be encourages by putting your baby down between 8 and 10 am and 1 or 2 pm. A baby might catnap, have one time of day that develops into the main nap, or might take two longer, regular naps early on. Many parents choose to regulate their schedules to be home for the baby’s nap but, as you can see, if you have a baby who take longs naps, it will inhibit your own out-and-about time. Usually it takes a second child for parents to feel comfortable letting the baby catch shuteye in transit.
Still, with a baby who naps regularly, even if the naptimes are not as long as you wish, life takes on a new normalcy that helps everyone settle down. The transition to the single afternoon nap, sometime during the second year, will be another disruptive period of several weeks’ duration that will again require flexibility on your part.
I thought babies slept all the time. Surprise! Surprise!
Joy Goldwasser, St. Louis, MO
Helping Your Baby Get to Sleep
It’s much easier for babies to wake up than it is for them to get to sleep. One study found that, on average, a 2-month-old might need twenty-seven minutes to drop off. The rare easy
baby may just lie quietly and look around before dropping off to sleep. Others need calming because they aren’t able to do this for themselves. These babies can’t seem to stop crying, and they get fussier as they become more tired. If you have a fussy baby, time