The Case of Scotch

Title page

The Case of Scotch

Volume Three of

The Case Books of Octavius Bear

Harry DeMaio

Alternative Universe Mysteries for Adult Animal Lovers

Publisher information

2015 digital version by Andrews UK Limited

www.andrewsuk.com

© Copyright 2015 Harry DeMaio

The right of Harry DeMaio to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998.

All rights reserved. No reproduction, copy or transmission of this publication may be made without express prior written permission. No paragraph of this publication may be reproduced, copied or transmitted except with express prior written permission or in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright Act 1956 (as amended). Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damage.

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Any opinions expressed herein are those of the authors and not necessarily those of MX Publishing.

MX Publishing

335 Princess Park Manor, Royal Drive,

London, N11 3GX

www.mxpublishing.co.uk

Cover design compiled www.staunch.com

Dedication

Dedicated to GTP

A Most Extraordinary Bear

Acknowledgements

These books have evolved over a long period of time and under a wide range of influences and circumstances. I am indebted to many people for helping to bring Octavius and his cohorts to the printed page. Thanks most especially to my wife, Virginia, for her insights and clever suggestions as well as her unfailing enthusiasm for the project and patience with its author. To my sons, Mark and Andrew and their spouses, Cindy and Lorraine, for helping make these tomes more readable and audience friendly. To Cathy Hartnett, cheerleader-extraordinaire for her eagerness to see this alternate universe take form. To Jack Magan, Dan Andriacco and Zohreh Zand for their assistance and support.

Thanks to the members of the Monday Morning Writers Group for their help and encouragement.

If, in spite of all this help, some errors or inconsistencies have crept through, the buck stops here. Needless to say, all of the characters, situations, and narratives are fictional.

The Development of Civilization Volume 3 Part 1 - Our Origins

(From An Introduction to Faunapology by Octavius Bear Ph.D.)

About 100,000 years ago, according to scientific experts, a colossal solar flare blasted out from our Sun, creating gigantic magnetic storms here on Earth. These highly charged electrical tempests caused startling physical and psychological imbalances in the then population of our world. The complete nervous systems of some species were totally destroyed. For example, Homo Sapiens lost all mental and motor capabilities and rapidly became extinct. Less developed species exposed to the radiation were affected differently. Four-footed and finned mammals, birds and reptiles suddenly found themselves capable of complex thought, enhanced emotions, self-awareness, social consciousness and the ability to communicate, sometimes orally, sometimes telepathically, often both. Both speech production and speech perception slowly progressed with the evolution of tongues, lips, vocal cords and enhanced ear to brain connections. Many species developed opposable digits, fingers or claws, further accelerating civilized progress. Some others (most fish and underground dwellers) were shielded from the radiation and remained only as sentient as they were before the blast. This event is referred to as The Big Shock. It remains under intensive study.

The Players in Volume 3

Octavius Bear - Narcoleptic war hero; consulting detective; scientist; inventor; seeker of justice; mega-billionaire owner of Universal Ursine Industries; gourmet/gourmand; somewhat sedentary and grouchy just on general principles.

Mauritius (Maury) Meerkat - Part-time narrator; assistant to Octavius; African émigré with a French-Dutch background; clever with a shady history.

Inspector Bruce Wallaroo – Irrepressible but brilliant marsupial; an international law and order genius from Down Under; often calls on Octavius and Maury for support.

Bearoness Belinda Béarnaise Bruin Bear (nee Black) –Now wife of Octavius; very rich widow of Bearon Byron Bruin living in Bearmoral Castle in the Shetlands; Owner-pilot of the last flying Concorde SST; Gorgeous polar superstar, with the Aquashow, Some Like It Cold.

Otto the Magnificent - AKA Hairy Otter - An absolutely terrible illusionist magician, Otto the Magnificent escaped the claws of super villain Imperius Drake but not before he developed some amazing powers courtesy of Imperius genetic alterations.

Chita- Beautiful, fascinating, clever, sexy, immoral and highly independent feline who owns a North Sea oil rig. Chita reappears in each book as a principal character in her own right.

Cyd - Chita’s probably fictitious twin sister.

Frau Schuylkill – Octavius’ beautiful, Swiss she-wolf housekeeper/cook/pilot with many other mysterious and military talents. She rescued Octavius from his dive off the Breakurbach Fallswhile he was struggling with his nemesis, Imperius Drake.

Wyatt Where – Another wolf. Former military intelligence officer who had retired to a security post at the Bank of Lake Michigan in Chicago and then quit to join Octavius.

Howard Watt - A porcupine. High tech security authority who also left the bank with Wyatt to join Octavius. A laser and particle beam accelerator expert and overall scientific whiz kid.

Bearyl and Bearnice Blanc - Belinda’s stunning twin polar sidekicks; Actress and singer, respectively; Co-pilot and flight engineer of Belinda’s SST.

L. Condor - Andean Condor cyber-net genius with a 12 foot wingspan.

Bearon Byron Bear - Deceased husband of Bearoness Belinda.

Leperello - Himalayan Snow Leopard and singing partner of Bearnice Blanc.

Fetlock Holmes - The Great Horse Detective and sometime associate of Octavius Bear.

Hamish - A wild boar and retainer of Bearmoral Castle.

The Bruins - Belinda’s rotten in-laws from the Bearents Sea polar community.

Lady Albearta Bruin - Bearon Byron’s Aunt.

Sir Ethelbeart Bruin - Lady Albearta’s husband.

Alistair and Ursula - First cousins to Byron’s father.

Roary and Bruinhilde - Alistair and Ursula’s son and daughter.

Dame Bearbara (Bearbi) da Savile-Row– Polar publisher and editor-in-chief of a number of female ursine magazines.

Clarence - Polar Bear - Bearbi’s photographer.

Dougal - Shetland Sheep Dog - Gameskeeper of Bearmoral Castle.

Bearmoral Shetland Sheep

Dolly, Holly, Molly and Polly - Housemaids and probable clones.

Mrs. McRadish– Chief Cook.

Harold - Sea Otter in charge of the castle’s beaches, pools and watercraft.

Doctor Odd Vark - Aardvark - Chief Geneticist at Universal Ursine Industries.

Doctor Chiti BingBang - Orangutan - Chief Physician at Universal Ursine Industries.

Superintendent Nigel Wardlaw of Shetland Yard - Bearded Collie-The Scottish Police.

Lion and Unicorn - Proprietors of the Baltasound pub of the same name.

Fergus - Spokescat for the North Sea Oil Rig Wildcat Roughnecks.

The Castle Pipers - A suspicious band of Skye and Dandy Dinmont Terriers.

Colonel McNeigh - Clydesdale, Royal Army, Commandant - Abeardeen Security Force.

Madame Honoria Heifer – Cow - Infuriating voice coach for Bearnice and Lepi.

North Sea Wildcat Oil Rig Owners:

Cathcart, Gordon, McRae, MacDowell, MacDonald, MacDuff and Pringle.

Wing Commander Stewart, Royal Air Force Retired - Red Fox.

The Prince of Whales - Just who you would think.

Marlin - Dolphin (sic) - the Prince’s Chief Scientist, Magician and part time Jester.

Sir Flipsalot - Dolphin - The Prince’s equerry.

Locations in Volume 3: Bearmoral Castle, Unst and Baltasound in the Shetlands, Edinbeargh, Glascow; Abeardeen.

Prologue

Abeardeen, Scotland

Can a platform with oil drilling gear

Simply drift off and then disappear?

Common sense would say NO!

But it seems to be so.

Yet the reason is not very clear!

Are ya daft, cat? You can’t just lose an entire oil rig.

I didna say we lost it. I said it keeps disappearin’ and reappearin’.

Then somethin’s awry with your radar, yer twit.

It’s nae just the radar. We’ve been losin’ radio contact and when we sent a chopper out to look, it was nae at the GPS coordinates it was supposed to be at.

Next you’ll be tellin’ me they’ve gone off to a different world or the Loch Ness monster ate them.

‘Nae, I’m tellin’ya someone or somethin’ is playin’ fast and loose. When the rig reappeared on our screens, and we called the cats out there, they said they had no idea what we were talkin’ about."

And neither do I!

This is fourth time it’s happened in the last two days, and not always on my watch, and not always the same rig.

Why am I only hearin’ about it now?

Because we knew your reaction would be exactly what it is. Ya think we’re balmy or our equipment has gone south or both!

First thing you’ve said I agree with.

I havena’ got a superstitious bone in ma body, but I’m tellin’ ya, somethin’ weird is happenin’. And we’ve already spent a braw penny in overtime and techie specialists checkin’ and re-checkin’ our equipment. Nothin’! It’s in grand fettle.

Well, I’m nae gonna call for a general shut-down, if that’s wha ya have in mind.

I think we should have a wee bit of formal investigatin’, that’s wha I think. Get yer Inspector General to come over and give a guid look.

This conversation between the Director of the UK North Sea Oil Commission and the Officer in Charge of Inter-Platform Communications was pinging back and forth in Abeardeen, Scotland, the support center for the UK oil rigs. Abeardeen was soon to have a few more unusual and unfortunately, fatal distinctions. As was the whole Scottish North Sea petroleum industry, operated almost exclusively by Scottish wildcats. (At the Norse, Dutch, Belgian and German platforms, dogs, wolves and bears held the majority positions.)

The economic turnaround spurred by the oil fields had actually been the salvation of the Scottish wildcats, whose numbers had sharply declined in their native Highlands. More than once, they had been listed with the world’s endangered species and were still flirting with extinction. Their talent for petroleum exploration and recovery had revived their place in the world. But there were rumors that North Sea oil and gas reserves were hitting a plateau, and worried frowns were appearing on the faces of many of the currently prosperous felines. The fields may have been reaching exhaustion well before predicted.

Then the events began. At first a breakdown here, a stoppage there - nothing too far out of the ordinary. And yet, the problems seemed to be strangely isolated to the Scottish platforms. (The Scandinavian and Continental rigs, when they reported at all, seemed to be enjoying normal business as usual.) There was no real pattern except increased frequency of problems and rising costs. Damaged drill bits required removal of thousands of feet of pipe for replacement; broken welds on support structures; electrical and electronic failures; helicopter and support boat breakdowns; a feeder pipeline needed repairs far too frequently; even an outbreak of feline flu among the roughnecks.

The wildcats were starting to put two and two together and they didn’t like what came out of the summing. Not only was the output from the deep sea fields slowing down; there were too many costly stoppages and incidents even for a dangerous and unpredictable venture like oil recovery. Too many strange incidents. It was only the beginning.

Chapter One

Somewhere Over the Atlantic

Off we go on the Concorde Express,

To the beautiful land of Loch Ness.

But before we are through,

If our luck still holds true,

We’ll fly into another big mess.

Ooops!

What?

I said, Ooops!

This bit of sparkling repartee between Octavius Bear and me was the result of a small burst of air turbulence hitting The Aquabear - a plush Concorde SST, last of its breed aloft, and the aeronautical jewel in the tiara of Bearoness Belinda Béarnaise Bruin Bear (nee Black). I had just gotten out of my oversized seat (Normally intended for a polar bear. I’m a Meerkat.) and had started down the aisle towards the snack buffet. Instead I was now face-down on the floor pointing aft.

While you’re up, Maury, get me a mead!

I decided not to point out that I was not up at the moment, since this bit of subtlety would have been tossed off by the Bear as mere quibbling. I rose as unobtrusively and with as much dignity as I could muster. Checking my balance and the stability of the floor, I continued my journey toward the self-serve galley in the tail. The Aquabear was fitted out with all the luxurious décor and amenities you might expect in an airplane once owned by the now deceased gillionaire playbear, Bearon Byron Bruin, the late husband of Bearoness Belinda. Crystal bowls for both the snacks and drinks. And sumptuous snacks and drinks they were, including my personal favorite, fermented coconut milk VSOP. Gold plating throughout the lavatories, including an on-board shower! (No, I never tried it.) Seats that converted into polar dens! At slightly over two feet tall plus tail, I was swamped by the adjustable, inflatable seat pads covered in blue and white satin. But I gritted my teeth and coped. I hadn’t figured out yet how to manage the high definition, 8 channel surround sound entertainment and game center in each seat. I managed to eject myself into the aisle several times while trying to set up a three dimensional aerial dog fight.

As I mentioned, we were somewhere over the North Atlantic, flying at Mach 1.7 and 70,000 feet heading for Abeardeen’s Airport in Dyce, Scotland. As I was to find out, the Scotch (wrong!) Scots are awash in fascinating place names. Our final destination was a place called Unst which was not far from Yell. (Since we’re normally based in Cincinnati, I guess I can hardly afford to talk.)

I’m sure you’ve already concluded that my name is Maury (Mauritius) Meerkat - also known as Offscreen Narrator. When I am part of the action, I am the trusted associate and field captain of Octavius Bear. He is a huge Kodiak - over nine feet tall and 1400 pounds - and like many of his species is given to emotional outbursts. As you may also know, Octavius, among his many talents and accomplishments, is a brilliant, self-taught practitioner in the wide ranging fields of biology, physics, ursinology, voodoo, teleology, chemistry, apiculture and oenology. He is a self made gazillionaire and sole owner of UUI (Universal Ursine Industries.) He is also a first rate electrical, electronic, structural, marine, aeronautical, mechanical and chemical engineer. He has a few other interesting characteristics such as falling into brief, deep narcoleptic comas - side effects of his successful genetic experiments to eliminate the need for him to hibernate.

However, the talent and occupation that should interest you most is his avocation for criminology. The Bear works in close concert with Inspector Bruce Wallaroo from Australia, of whom more later, and with his own Cincinnati based team:

Frau Ilse Schuylkill - Swiss she-wolf; housekeeper-cook; jet pilot and sharpshooter with other very strange and arcane abilities.

Colonel Wyatt Where - another wolf; ex-military hero; security specialist and pilot; Frau Schuylkill’s equally bizarre running mate.

Doctor Howard Watt - porcupine; brilliant scientist and technologist; laser and weapons specialist.

Your humble servant - African Meerkat; Octavius’ indispensable assistant; operative; scribe; overall facilitator as well as a pretty clever detective, if I do say so myself.

When we are not out scouring the world for evildoers, in cooperation with local, national and international constabularies, we are headquartered in a rambling old mansion near Cincinnati which encompasses not only the Great Bear’s opulent digs, but his massive laboratories and shops; his missile silo disguised as an Asian pagoda; and a large Roman temple that serves as a hangar for his three airplanes.

Anyway, it is in Unst in the Shetlands that the ancestors of Bearon Byron Bruin, late lamented (?) mate of Bearoness Belinda, had established their palatial estate which she had then inherited. Said estate is the locale where we will be spending two weeks (sorry, a fortnit) in rest and relaxation (file that under Fat Chance) as guests of the lovely Polar Bearoness and her friends, family and retainers.

None of these worthies were aware that the Bearoness and the Great Bear had recently become married. If they did, her in-laws would no doubt have already been on their way to the Scottish courts or the Parliament to start proceedings to strip Belinda of her bearonial title, estates, chattels and paraphernalia of office. There was little, if any, love lost between Bearon Byron’s family and Belinda. On Byron’s death in a skiing accident, they descended like furry locusts onto Bearmoral Castle, and stuck like the leeches they were. (Actually, they were all polar bears!)

Since the Bearon’s demise, Belinda has pursued a more subdued but still active Merry Widow life, and sits in residence at the castle only six or seven months of the year. Even during this foreshortened schedule, the Bruins were unbearable. Now that she had re-married, she and Octavius were about to develop a two pronged strategy - one to keep them from knowing of the wedding, and the other to get them the hell out of the castle and away from the Scottish judiciary system. The Bearoness was convinced she would win out but as she said, Who needs that kind of aggravation, especially from that lot?

Octavius had consented to this junket only after Belinda had spent a similar period with him at his digs, the Bear’s Lair, on the Ohio River. The two of them have a hard-to-describe relationship that dates back well prior to Belinda’s first marriage and show-biz stardom. They had first met and parted in Churchill, Canada when Belinda Black was still a juvenile and Octavius was a post-doc researcher studying polar bear migration habits. Romance bloomed but then was squashed by Belinda’s stage struck mother. Pulling every trick in the Pushy Mom’s Handbook for Promoting Your Star-Struck Offspring (which I suspect she wrote) she got Belinda a job in the chorus of the Aquabears, a world famous troupe of singing, dancing, swimming, posing Maritime Ursines. Bearon Byron, himself a polar, took one look at her and fell like the proverbial ton of fish. After a microsecond’s hesitation, he bought the review and made Belinda his star attraction. No taking it away from her. She is beautiful and she is a great natural performer who has honed her skills to perfection. She is also one tough sow under that patina of elegance and style. In our previous adventures, she has mixed it up with the bad guys to their significant detriment. A true piece of work, as they say, but not to her face!

Not too long after they had married, Bearon Byron was killed in a skiing accident and left his grieving (?) spouse all of his considerable worldly possessions including the Aquabear Review, Bearmoral Castle, a huge pile of funds and, as we were about to find out, a dreadfully dysfunctional family of in-laws. A bit later, Bel and Tavi met again at a charity fete. He was by then a super-rich scientific entrepreneur and she was an extremely well-off widow.

The relationship picked up but by now both of these formidable animals had firmly established habits and lifestyles that seemed about to keep them from a final amalgamation. However, love won out and merge they did but they still hadn’t settled on where or how they would live together. Octavius was reluctant to be away from his enterprises and mansion. Belinda could not move out of the castle without risking losing it. Hence, for the nonce at least, the shuttle visitations.

Before leaving Cincinnati, we had just completed a rather theatrical shoot-‘em-up with two of Octavius’ nearest and dearest enemies, Pontius Puma and Imperius Drake, both of whom saw fit to stage a simultaneous armed attack on UUI and the Bear’s Lair and failed. The Puma is now in the custody of international law enforcement for illegally trafficking in defense information, among other things. We believe Imperius is dead, struck from the air over the Ohio River by a formidable condor we had all befriended. BUT, we thought Imperius was dead several times before along with his hench beast, Bigg Baboon. So while we are tempted to close their file, we have still left a bookmark there just in case.

The other star performer in our most recent drama has been appearing and disappearing in our lives for quite a while and driving Octavius nuts in the process. Chita - once Imperius Drake’s top aide, then his mortal enemy after he attempted to kill her for betraying him. Clever, beautiful, amoral (oh what the hell, immoral) fascinating and short-tempered, she has one of the world’s longest international rap sheets. Over time, she has also accumulated a significant amount of wealth both illegally (fraud etc.) and through singing, modeling, alliances and dalliances. After she had brained but not killed Imperius with a heavy lab retort in a previous adventure, she was rescued from the duck’s vengeance for a second time - this time by a very unlikely hero (to be introduced shortly.)

She thereupon disappeared with a jaguar named Jake who plays a mean set of drums. Watch for copies of Variety International announcing a new smash feline musical act somewhere on the planet. Trust me. Chita will return!!! So after all this, Octavius and I were looking forward to a little R&R and I was also looking forward to spending some serious business time with the Bearoness. (More of that later. We can’t do everything in the first chapter.)

We had left the Bear’s Lair this morning and were rocketing across the Atlantic at supersonic plus speed for the Shetlands. Belinda, among her many talents, is an accomplished jet pilot and as usual, is at the controls of her sleek and costly toy. Her flight crew, Bearyl and Bearnice, like Belinda, are also gorgeous twin polar bears and are just about identical. Bearnice wears an ankle bracelet to tell them apart. When not in the cockpit, they share cameo roles in the Aquabear review, sing, act and are highly skilled in the arts of self-defense.

Two others make up the complement on board the SST today. Lepi, (Leperello) a very talented Himalayan Snow Leopard who writes operas, sings beautifully and plays the keyboard. He had been part of a rock quartet in Brazil called the Spotted Band (see book of the same name) that included Chita, the aforementioned Jake and a two-faced ocelot named Ozzie who was killed in an accident. Lepi and Bearnice, who is also a polaratura soprano, met in the course of our last adventure, discovered their complementary talents and are working on an operatic career together. Belinda has agreed to help promote their fortunes.

The final passenger is a remarkable river otter whose real name is Hairy Otter. An absolutely atrocious magician and illusionist, he fell under the perverse influence of Octavius’ nemesis, Imperius Drake. Posing as a theatrical impresario, Imperius convinced the otter that he could enjoy international stardom if he placed himself under the Duck’s tutelage and management. The otter agreed. After all, he was thinking seriously of killing himself after all his failures. What did he have to lose? Plenty, as it turned out.

Imperius then set upon performing a series of genetic experiments on Hairy and changed his name to Otto the Magnificent in the hope of turning him into the first of a series of super-beast slaves who would blindly do the duck’s criminal bidding. Like many of Imperius’ grand plans, this one didn’t work out entirely as he wished. The new Otto does indeed possess super illusionist and telekinetic powers that he can invoke any time his adrenaline levels rise above a certain point.

However, he could not be brought under Imperius’ control. In fact, by rescuing Chita from a murderous plot by the Duck, he was a major cause of Imperius’ undoing. Otto is now accompanying our merry band to Scotland where Belinda is hoping to work up a variety act around his near-magical capabilities. He is also waiting for the final prognosis from the UUI physicians and geneticists, as to whether Imperius’ serum that altered the otter’s genetic structure will also turn him into a raving maniac like the duck. Thank goodness, early signs say No! I, in turn, have theatrical agent aspirations and would like to manage Otto’s career while I still work with Octavius. Hence the planned discussions with Otto, the Bearoness and then with Octavius. Rest and relaxation for meerkats at Bearmoral may be a bit scarce. We shall see.

Bearyl’s low pitched growl announced that we were reaching the western Scottish coast and would be slowing down to cross the mainland to Abeardeen in the east. Predicted arrival: fifteen minutes. I brought back Octavius’ jug of mead and stopped off at Otto’s seat where he had been trying unsuccessfully to teach Lepi a series of card tricks.

Well, Otto, Lepi said, I don’t suppose you sing any better than I do card tricks.

The best I can do is an off key squeak and even that’s unreliable. How are you doing, Maury?

Fine, Otto, fine! All set for your big theatrical adventures?

Big theatrical flop, you mean. My on-stage track record hasn’t been exactly stellar. Besides, I feel a little creepy taking advantage of the enhancements the loony duck inflicted on me. I’m scared stiff of the side effects and somehow it doesn’t seem fair to use them for my own profit.

Well, I thought, so much for his ethics and sensitivities being warped by the duck’s genetic juggling.

Look, Otto, I said aloud, I could see your point if you were entering the Olympics or competing for prizes against other performers somewhere else. Disappearing with the Stars! But if these routines that Belinda and the Aquabears want to work out with you turn out well, then you’ll be entertaining thousands and thousands of animals, making a living and having fun. You won’t be costing anyone else a job or a livelihood. In fact, you’ll be providing quite a few. Sounds like win-win to me.

I guess you’re right. When I actually get into it, I’ll probably feel better. I’m having opening night jitters without even having an opening night.

And, I said, You couldn’t have a better coach, co-star or impresario than Belinda. She’s a real pro and quite a lady to boot.

Oh, don’t I know it, said the otter. In a word, the Bearoness had Otto totally mesmerized. He was literally open mouthed and flatfooted the first time he saw her and he hasn’t changed since.

This time it was her voice over the cabin speakers, advising us to take our seats, fasten our belts, raise tray tables and seat backs. Bearyl came swiftly through the cabin picking up loose materials and checking things out before returning to her flight engineer’s duties.

Looking off to the side I could see an airport that looked like it had been attacked by a plague of giant locusts. Abeardeen, the world’s busiest HELICOPTER airport! This grand distinction is the result of all the traffic to and from the North Sea oil rigs.

Belinda had made a major contribution to the Abeardeen Airport Authority to get them to lengthen a runway to accommodate the high speed Aquabear. I for one was delighted to hear this bit of news. My life has been full of aerial escapades ranging from acrobatic helicopters under the control (?) of Inspector Bruce Wallaroo and the Bearoness to almost vertical take-offs from São Paolo and a stealth arrival at Las Vegas. I have been thinking seriously of having a barf bag holder permanently attached to my tail. Meerkats