A Crown of Beauty for Ashes
By Tyria Jones
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A Crown of Beauty for Ashes - Tyria Jones
Notes
Prologue
It took every part of me to share my story. There were times that I didn’t feel I could be transparent, but it is what God required. I had to surrender all to allow Him to use me for His work. I had to give God all the pain that came flooding back as I recalled each memory. As I wrote He healed me of every deep hurt and now I am free. It’s your time to break the chains!
I’ve always had a ministry for women and served in various leadership roles; however, it is through the pain that I’ve overcome in my own life that God has allowed me to write this book. It is my desire that you will gain deliverance and freedom. Jesus came that we would have life more abundantly. This is my prayer for each of you.
Prince Charming
Every little girl grows up thinking that she will marry her dream man, the one who will sweep her off her feet. I thought the same thing when I met him. He seemed to be everything that I had wished and prayed for.
I knew that he would take me away from all the madness in my life. We would live happily ever after just like the fairy tales. That’s how the stories of Cinderella, Snow White and all the princesses ended and I believed mine would too.
I grew up looking at those movies and dreaming of how my life would be in the future. We would fall in love, get married, have lots of beautiful babies and live a life that others would envy. How wrong I was! My future would be a lot different than I dreamed.
It was 1987 when I met him. I remember the day my sister came home talking about this guy in her pre-algebra class. She was so excited about me meeting him. I didn’t understand what the big deal was and why she was so anxious for us to meet, besides, he was just another guy in our high school. That is until the day I finally met him.
He was like a dream! He was cute, by a teenage girl’s standards, and very charming. He wasn’t like the other boys in our school; he was different. All the boys in my high school at the time didn’t really take the time to find out anything about you. They were only interested in sex. He listened to me. We had long conversations about what I wanted to do with my life.
He wanted to know what I thought about different topics. He made me feel like he was genuinely interested in my mind, my dreams, and my goals in life. He didn’t think it was crazy that I had always wanted to be a teacher, instead he supported it.
We talked about that for hours and he told me I could do anything I set my mind to do. He believed I was smart enough. He was everything I wanted, or so I thought.
What looked so good to me didn’t look so good to God. I thought he was so perfect for me, but God knew the ugly thing that lay dormant in his heart. The thing that would one day bring me lots of pain. The thing that would hurt our future children. The thing that would bring me to the brink of suicide.
We look at the outside appearance. We listen to the words that are said to us. Instead we should be allowing God to lead us to the one He has for us. In doing so, we avoid mistakes and pitfalls that take us down dark roads that sometimes have no return.
We grew up with very strict rules set in place by my mother. The first time I spent any time with him was the day he came to our house so my mother could also meet him. He passed the test and she really liked what he presented to her. He had her blessing to date me and I was ecstatic.
Our curfew was either seven o’clock or before it was dark outside; whichever came first. We were not allowed to go anywhere alone with boys, so my sister and I always did everything together whenever he came over. We’d ride our bikes to the beach every weekend or go to the nearby park.
Whenever my mother allowed us to go on a date, we had to ride our bikes to the nearest Chinese restaurant so I could be home before dark. That place became our spot
. Sometimes I think the only reason it was our spot
is because it was the only place we could get to, eat, talk and be done in enough time for us to ride back to my house.
I remember the day he sent me a dozen of roses. It was a great day and I was really surprised and felt loved…..until my mother saw them and made me throw them away. I remember thinking that day that she was jealous because no one was sending her roses, but that wasn’t it.
The thought of my mother being jealous of me seems so silly to me now, but that thought planted a seed in my mind and it was one brick in the making of my prison. Maybe the truth is that she saw something I didn’t and wouldn’t understand for a long time.
Teenage girls often look at things and possessions as an indication of love. He buys me things, so that means he loves me.
It doesn’t just end when we become women, but it stays with us. He hits me, but he’s a good provider, so I know he loves me.
These thoughts are how we justify staying.
Later that day my mother called him over to our house. She discussed her disapproval with him and he assured her that his intentions were pure. He just wanted me to know that he was thinking about me. His assurances made her feel better about where our relationship was going.
He was always good at reassuring others when they questioned something they saw in him. He’d get even better in the years to come. That was the last time I received roses from him.
He became my whole world. We rode the bus to and from school together, shared some of the same classes, spent every weekend together and even shared a locker at school. Everyone who saw how in love we were envied our relationship. They called us the perfect couple.
I didn’t want to do anything without him. After school we would do our homework together,