My Liver Cirrhosis Journal

MY LIVER

CIRRHOSIS

JOURNAL

Version, JULY 16, 2018

Cover/Journ 27 E Jpg.

107,000 Words

Notice of Copyright

Author: Billy Oxkidd

Copyright, 2017,

Library of Congress,

Reg. Numbers,

TXu 1-890-390,

TXu 1-928-502,

TXu 1-938-823,

TXu 2-047-220.

This entire Copyrighted work, original, unique, and without exception, absent of all external influence, all rights reserved, any resemblance to identities of persons living or dead, purely coincidental. No use of this work or any part thereof, permitted without prior permission in writing from the owner of the copyright herein. No part or whole of this work may be published, reproduced, copied, distributed, shared, digitized, retrieved from storage or transmitted by any means whatsoever, without prior explicit permission in writing from the owner of the copyright herein, or in the circumstance, if electronically published, governed by the authorized distributor’s terms and conditions, excepted by the copyright owner.

WARNING. Serious Risk of Personal Injury, Including Death. The content materials contained within this book are not intended for use as a medical self-help guide. No treatment, cure, medical advice or medical instruction is offered or given in this book. Do not copy or otherwise emulate anything contained within this book. Seek medical care and treatment from your Physician for any and all your health cares requirements. This Book is comprised solely of a memoir of one person's personal experiences, thoughts, opinions, and conclusions. This book's contents, solely intended for educational and leisure reading purposes. Anything that you shall personally do, based on what you read in this book shall be solely your own responsibility. No responsibility or liability of any kind whatsoever is assumed for any reasons whatsoever for anything associated with this book, including, but not limited to inaccuracies, omissions and errors

Contents

Ch 1. Alcohol Cirrhosis Syndrome

Ch 2. Neurological Brutality

Ch 3. Merciful, Zinc

Ch 4. Aggregate Symptoms

Ch 5. Historical Vignettes

Hepatic Symptoms

* My pillow my Will

* Little restaurant

* Mute Physician

* Neurological brutality

* Physician indifference

* Socializing coffee

* Trembling & Physician

* My mark my signature

* Mercy and Zinc, synonymous

* Dripping tap

* Endless urinating

Ch 6. Stomach Collapse

Ch 7. Control Protocol

Ch 8. Medicine Falls Down

Ch 9. Self Defense, Forbidden

Ch 10. My Own Patient

Ch 11. BC Amino Acids

Ch 12. Liver Toxicity

Ch 13. Beriberi

Ch 14. Heart Symptoms

Ch 15. Skin Immunity

Ch 16. Vitamin D3

Ch 17. Typical Cirrhosis Meal

Ch 18. Dead Man’s Line

Ch 19. Alcohols With drawl Strategy

Epilogue - Abridged Journal Entries

Ch 20. Modern Observations, Experiments,

Pre Thiamine Discovery.

Ch 21. Modern Observations, Experiments,

Post Thiamine Discovery.

Ch 22. Exact Journal Entry, April 8, 2012

First Time Ever Discovering

Thiamin’s Absolute Requirements

Ch 23 2018, Clarification INSERTION

Cognitive Interpretation clarification,

Between, Virtual Neurological Symptoms,

of Humming/Vibration, & Hand Tremor

Ch 24 Emerging 2018, Vit. (K) Understandings

Prologue

The one intractable negative flaw I see as counterproductively directly associated with a material hindering of correct and proper interpretations and understandings of matters contained herein, My Hepatic Cirrhosis Journal. As simply stated, the very party that shall be expected to evaluate this material, medical communities at large, themselves pervasively incompetent to carrying out such evaluation duties. The fundamental basic reasons for such medical incompetence, medical communities having absolutely no relevant understandings of the endless and mostly permanent metabolic biological changes occurring within Alcohol Induced Hepatic Cirrhosis. Medical communities pervasively plainly do not understand this alternate Hepatic Cirrhosis Model of human metabolic function/dysfunction. And because of this very pervasive failure within medical training protocols, medical communities measuring, understanding and acting utilizing such failed medical training, incorrectly interpreting and otherwise dealing with all matters associated with Hepatic Cirrhosis. And as possessing such failed medical community understandings of the extremely complex metabolic changes having taken place in cirrhosis matters, intern possessing truly parochial understandings, understanding little of altered hepatic biological significance within cirrhosis matters. Under such hobbling circumstances, how can these medical communities in tern be capable of grasping or otherwise conceiving such relevant metabolic understanding of hepatic cirrhosis, as such in many ways contradictory to standard medical training? It may take a very long time, but from times to times there will be those with open eyes and hearts willing to confront and otherwise challenge the status quo of indifference, presently as good enough, don’t rock the boat. Through such incremental processes a great deal of my cirrhosis understanding will some day eventually see the light of medical community enlightenment.

My strait speaking questioning reasoning driving my Hepatic Option Hypothesis, questioning Liver Transplanting as solely the only viable remedial intervention option within all severe Alcohol Hepatic Cirrhosis manifestations. My direct speaking, not intended as an assault upon medical community dedication or overall competence, however such strait speaking the only path available in any quest of knowledge, opinion and truth.

A main supporting pillar of my Hepatic Option Hypotheses, my suspicious questioning if all severe Alcohol Hepatic Cirrhosis transplanting decisions, solely the only acceptable option in each case circumstance. My universal past pervasive hepatic experiences, existing throughout medical communities and medical training protocols alike, enshrined failed medical community status quo understandings of control possibilities within alcohol hepatic cirrhosis manifestations, including total absences of relevant metabolic function understandings of Alcohol Hepatic Cirrhosis.

Apparently totally absent within medical community understandings, Alcohol Induced Hepatic Cirrhosis, for the most part essentially permanent, metabolically functioning under its very own distinctive metabolic rules, thereby requiring its viewing as comprising its very own distinct model of metabolic function/dysfunction. Presently patient cirrhosis symptoms complaints to Physicians, some, brutally sever and chronic, intern creating chaos and confusion within medical communities, such symptoms making no sense to impotently hepatic cirrhosis trained Physicians, intern spawning medical failure, summary medical dismissal and egregious medical material patient abandonment.

My lessons brutally learned from my own four decades personal hepatic cirrhosis experiences, even serious potent Hepatic Cirrhosis manifestations as my own, regardless of symptoms intensity, brutality, stubbornness and degradation of health status, effectively controllable with commitment, time and enormous investment of personal effort, including indispensable practical and associative control procedure and conduct understandings. Not only controllable, but if properly managed throughout long periods of time, significant healing liver function capacity improvement is possible, however any such very fragile liver healing achieved, completely and perpetually subservient to continuing ongoing effective hepatic control.

Immediately after stopping my alcohol consumption in 1977, mysterious new symptoms arising and daily growing in crescendos of brutality and misery, the causing of my brutal symptoms, a total mystery to me, and with advancing time also proving a total mystery to Medical Communities alike. My many newly emerging potent and difficult symptoms anomalies, all chronic in nature and all occurring at the very same times, symptoms such as, Neurological internal trembling/vibrating 24 hours a day, Neurological Seizures, Sever muscle rigidity, Breathing dysfunctions, Heart rhythm beating dysfunction, Irregular heart beating, Shortness of breath, Excessive bleeding, Anemia, Depressed immune function, Skin infections, Low good and bad bodily blood fats, Mucus forming in throat, Hand tremor, Impaired long hand writing, Endless, endless sudden urinating, Severe Body weight lose, Metabolic digestion dysfunctions, Upper chest (Sternum) tenderness and rigidity, Eyes and vision symptoms, Absence of detectable body fat stores, etc. etc. and endlessly etc.

My unidentified, untreated Alcohol Hepatic Cirrhosis syndrome symptoms holding me hostage for many decades, facilitated by systemic medical community knowledge failures of my Hepatic Cirrhosis syndrome. The great numbers of symptoms generated by my mystery disease proving very potent, brutal, chronic, non controllable, without solution or endings, endlessly exacting brutality by day and by night upon my body. Additionally complicating my mystery, absolutely no understanding on my part, what or why this is happening. During the first decade of my occurring chronic and brutal symptoms, Physicians have absolutely no idea of what is happening and I suspected, my Physicians not believing that my symptoms even existing.

Coalescing within my thought processes, perhaps medical help will never be available for me and with the decades unfolding, my prediction of medical community incompetence of my mysterious alcohol related symptoms brutalities, ultimately proving correct, I was to be totally egregiously materially medically abandoned. Unique opportunity existing within and throughout these writings for penetrating Alcohol Induced Hepatic Cirrhosis’s extremely well cloaked mysterious metabolic sponsored symptoms and control understandings, understandings unmasked over four brutal decades in time. However for any interested inquisitive reading achieving such Hepatic Cirrhosis understandings, extensive individual determined study effort is required in studying My Liver Cirrhosis Journal" in exchange for such knowledge

Chapter - One

Alcohol Cirrhosis Syndrome

My alcohol induced hepatic cirrhosis, (liver destruction) occurring as a result, heavy sustained over use of alcohol, subsequently never medically treated in any manor whatsoever, due to medical community ineptitude failures, never addressing, advising or in any manor whatsoever ever engaging my alcohol induced hepatic cirrhosis trauma. My never medically addressed or treated Alcohol Induced Hepatic Cirrhosis, thereby providing unique opportunity for study and better understandings of this truly enigmatic hepatic syndrome, especially when hepatic cirrhosis is left without address, understandings or treatment over the longer term. My long-term untreated chronic hepatic cirrhosis symptoms, especially as never medically recognized and never in any manor medically addressed, having a great deal to say from differing perspective regarding better understandings of alcohol related hepatic cirrhosis Trauma.

Alcohol induced hepatic cirrhosis is infinitely greater in metabolic complexity then simplistically a disease of vitamin deficiency, even though such liver dysfunction routinely accompanied by serious chronic vitamin deficiencies, such liver dysfunction driving enormous physical and neurological metabolic bodily dysfunction. In particular the alcohol cirrhosis liver having lost its optimal automatic ability, harvesting, processing, storing and distributing critically important vitamins, nutrients and the livers life supporting miracles of its produce, a disease status of chronic body starvation, neurological dysfunction and metabolic dysfunction, such representing only a very small part of this brutal hepatic syndrome. In effect alcohol hepatic cirrhosis’s metabolic liver dysfunction actually produces its very own distinct new model status of human metabolic function/dysfunction. Hepatic Cirrhosis’s such alternate model status, as a separate distinct alternate model of human metabolic function/dysfunction, even though the hepatic cirrhosis alcohol model, a dysfunctional model in itself, nevertheless because the hepatic alcohol dysfunctional model mostly permanent in nature and non-reversible back to original human metabolic hepatic functioning status, therefore such hepatic cirrhosis model must be considered, understood and viewed from perspectives as its own separate metabolic model.

Appearing to exist within Alcohol Induced Hepatic Cirrhosis, some fundamentally importance of hierarchic partnership association in excess of all other plethoric cirrhosis importance, that of thiamine. Thiamine’s metabolic relationship within resultant disease manifested hepatic cirrhosis appearing completely different, dysfunctional and broken down, as comparing to thiamine’s normal relationship within normal hepatic metabolic matters, as without massive thiamine dosage interventions on a meal-by-meal basis and in between meals is required or Alcohol Hepatic Cirrhosis will not be controlled. Daily total control dosages of thiamine required in hepatic cirrhosis symptoms control, dependant on several factors, amongst such factors, the particular degree of achieved partial fragile liver rejuvenation, dietary carbohydrate loading and ferocity of occurring neurological symptoms, heart, pulse, breathing, virtual and physical neurological tremor, etc., and endlessly etc. Daily thiamine dosages of perhaps 1500/2000 mg. daily, found by me as not totally out of the question, however depending on current cirrhosis severity status.

My experience, thiamine is fundamentally important within alcohol hepatic cirrhosis, thiamine appearing absolutely fundamentally important in association with neurological bodily functions, including the functioning of the bodies central nervous system, and neurological brain functioning, such brain functioning affecting, neurological motor skills, metabolic digestion, muscles, heart beating, and breathing amongst endless others. The cirrhosis liver appearing completely dysfunctional in storing and distributing thiamine automatically upon the bodies metabolic needs, and secondly the traumatized cirrhosis body appearing to require very large dosages of supplemented thiamine in order to accomplish its metabolic bodily duties, including the neurological operation of the stomach and digestion system, amongst endless other neurological duties.

Thiamine’s bodily presence so fundamentally critical in Hepatic Cirrhosis, in part because thiamine’s normal neurological relationship that exists within non hepatic cirrhosis circumstances, intern becoming totally dysfunctional and broken down within manifested hepatic cirrhosis circumstances. Thiamine appearing absolutely essential to the normal neurological functioning of the human body, therefore if a breaking down of this neurological association, as occurring within hepatic cirrhosis, the body shall be incapable of neurologically functioning normally, brutally excruciatingly dysfunctional, as commonly exampled within Beriberi. Beriberi’s manifested circumstance resulting from bodily thiamine starvation, such thiamine starvation, the result of thiamine starvation from inadequate diets mostly in developing countries, however also occurring as result of alcohol hepatic cirrhosis trauma, even when within normal adequate diets.

As direct result of my own medically abandoned cirrhosis decades, I see a great conundrum existing within medical communities rationalizing of Hippocratic principles, as pertaining to address of the complexities of Alcohol Induced Hepatic Cirrhosis control. In a nutshell, the medical community cannot themselves directly control patient hepatic cirrhosis manifestations, solely the patient themselves must take on such control responsibilities; nevertheless I do not see this Physician/Patient responsibility conundrum as a medical community absolution of complicity within this matter. Even though the patient taking on full control responsibility themselves, however such control responsibilities, only occurring and only possible if with the dedicated and tireless application of knowledgeable detailed and practical associative Hepatic Cirrhosis Control Knowledge, , such control knowledge I see as solely coming singularly by good effort from within the medical community domain, solely a Hippocratic responsibility. And if any patient is unwilling or unable to apply such dedicated control responsibilities in daily redeeming their own lives on a daily basis, I do not then see any further Hippocratic responsibility in such matters. However this just aforementioned Hippocratic argument still remaining academic in reality, medical communities neither possessing nor embracing such seminally required hepatic cirrhosis understandings.

As direct result of my one and a half decades of excessive over use of alcohol, my liver sustaining a great deal of liver damage, liver damage proving for most part permanent in nature. My body appearing as having lost its abilities to properly metabolically digesting food, lost its abilities in properly digesting fats, lost its abilities in properly digesting carbohydrates and lost its abilities of harvesting, storing and distributing such harvested critically important nutrients in support of my bodily metabolic requirements. As direct result of my dysfunctional alcohol traumatized liver, my body trapped within highly dysfunctional metabolic digestion incompetence, highly susceptible to Liver toxicity issues, and unable to metabolically function as designed by nature. My cirrhosis ravaged body especially incapable, effectively metabolizing fat-soluble vitamins and carbohydrates, rendering me to linger within a state of physical rack and ruin, and deep chronic dysfunctional metabolic nutritional starvation.

In addition to my bodies fat and water-soluble vitamins nutritional starvation status, my body also metabolically dysfunctional in digesting carbohydrates, especially simple sugars. Recognizing early on some intriguing similarities between my mysterious occurring symptoms and symptoms of diabetes, however my diabetes mimicking complaint, a one and only symptom complaint of my countless other complaints, ever medically taken seriously, although to no avail. Appearing through such metabolic digestion dysfunction porthole, dietary carbohydrates producing symptoms masquerading as diabetes mimicking symptoms, even though my blood glucose levels generally remaining in normal ranges, as witnessed by my easily passing medical administered several hour blood glucose tolerance testing, such involving the drinking of a very sweet liquid and then several subsequent time separated blood glucose testing. Initiating my diabetes mimicry complaint to my Physician, hopping to shed some possible light on my mystery symptoms origins, ultimately however to no avail, as easily passing my several hour glucose tolerance testing. Treating Physicians understanding nothing of my neurological or glucose mimicry symptoms, perusing such complaints no further, just abandoning me with my symptoms brutalities, indifferent and unconcerned.

My long term untreated, undiagnosed metabolic digestion dysfunction producing complex, adversarial and enigmatic complex arrays of mysterious disease symptoms, truly horrific and devastating health consequence to my body, as my body no longer functioning as originally designed by nature. The chronic result of my alcohol driven resultant metabolic digestion dysfunction, my body and its supporting biological operating systems, completely racked by chronic serious plethoric and brutal disease and no understanding or resolution possible over four decades.

Contemplating on medical community ineptitudes, failed understandings and failures recognizing hepatic cirrhosis when medically confronted by same, my conclusion, primary care/contact Physicians pervasively inept of Alcohol Cirrhosis matters due pervasive inadequate failures in medical training. Physicians throughout medical communities ineptly trained in Alcohol Cirrhosis, unable recognizing complexities of alcohol trauma matters, possessing poor understandings at best, thus incapable when confronted by alcohol cirrhosis, effectively advising or addressing such alcohol cirrhosis. Primary care Physicians cannot be expected proficiently expert in such complex matters as Hepatic Cirrhosis, however Physicians must be sufficiently competently trained, recognizing and understanding the existence of such Traumas when professionally confronted by same.

As a direct result of pervasive medical community vacancy of cirrhosis understandings, medical community protocol referral failures and medical community sponsored medical abandonment, intern driving my self into attempting the controlling of my own mysterious symptoms, hopefully somehow developing my own understandings. My experiences, within permanent non reversible hepatic cirrhosis, once some preliminary partial liver healing occurring, commonly medically used routine liver function testing, generally useless in diagnosing alcohol induced metabolic liver cirrhosis.

Eventually commingling to suspect possible reasons for my consistent experiences of medical community blindness in recognizing my manifestation of alcohol hepatic cirrhosis. When alcohol cirrhosis is suspected or patient professed, in such events circumstances confused treating Physicians should be looking at several simple and easily verifiable indicators, such as both good and bad blood fats, both blood fats usually low within alcohol hepatic cirrhosis, low immune function status, and elevated resting heart rates, all very common in alcohol metabolic liver dysfunction. The apparent trick in unmasking hepatic cirrhosis, carefully taking into account as many as possible, all occurring symptoms, intern deeming all such occurring symptoms as one synergistic symptom grouping, as opposed to a failing strategy of evaluating each symptom only, each one symptom at a time.

Further common symptoms of alcohol induced hepatic cirrhosis, chronic severe muscle rigidity, sternum rigidity, sternum especially tender and ridged after eating, and especially after eating carbohydrates, carbohydrates also very difficult to metabolically digest, severe unintended body weight lost commonly occurring, chronic lose bawl syndrome commonly occurring, esophageal refluxing commonly chronic, and complex neurological dysfunction common in alcohol trauma. Alcohol traumatized livers commonly affecting eyes, optically and physically, existing a critical status of thiamine starvation, such sponsoring sever and complex neurological disorders. Fats and Carbohydrates very difficult to digest in alcohol cirrhosis, blood sugars generally not directly effected in my hepatic cirrhosis, but however convincingly falsely mimicking diabetic symptoms. Absolutely critical in Hepatic cirrhosis, nutritional starvation of the fat-soluble family of vitamins, A, E, D3, K, including extremely, extremely absolutely critical, water soluble B1, thiamine starvation.

Chapter - Two

Hell's Domain,

Neurological Brutality,

No Identity - No solution

After falling out with my old comrade, Alcohol in 1977, an especially sad and devastating symptom, makes its appearance into my life, I describe such sad and devastating symptom, by coining its name as Mysterious Neurological Symptom. This new unexplained Neurological Symptom incessantly producing non-stop, 24 hours around the clock perpetual internal vibrating/trembling/humming inside my body. Such symptom destined lasting four interrupted years without pause or hiatus, a vibrating/humming especially detectable within my arms, but also throughout my entire body. Such vibrating/humming definitely not a condition of jittery nervousness, but profoundly neurological in its expression, inhumanly impossible to tolerate, however impossible becoming an academic terminology where choice can no longer exist, as I solely subserviently required to bear such brutal unbearable onslaught of brutality personified.

Vibrating Body, immediately after stopping my alcohol consumption in 1977, mysterious new symptoms arising and daily growing in crescendos of brutality and misery, the causing of my brutal symptoms, a total mystery to me, and with advancing time also proving a total mystery to medical communities alike. My many newly emerging potent and difficult to tolerate symptoms anomalies all chronic in nature and all occurring at the very same times, symptoms such as, Neurological internal trembling/vibrating 24 hours a day, Neurological Seizures, Sever muscle rigidity, Breathing dysfunctions, Heart rhythm beating dysfunction, Shortness of breath, Excessive bleeding, Anemia, Depressed immune function, Skin infections, Low good and bad bodily blood fats, Mucus forming in throat, Hand tremor, Impaired long hand writing, Endless, endless sudden urinating, Severe body weight lose, Metabolic digestion dysfunctions, Upper chest (Sternum) tenderness and rigidity, Eyes and vision symptoms, Absence of detectable body fat stores, etc. etc. and endlessly etc. The great numbers of symptoms generated by my mystery disease proving very potent, brutal, chronic, and non controllable, without solution or endings, endlessly exacting brutality by day and by night upon my body.

Additionally complicating my mysterious brutality, existing absolutely no understanding on my part, what or why this was happening to me. During the first decade of my occurring chronic and brutal symptoms, Physicians have absolutely no idea of what is happening and I suspected, Physicians not believing my symptoms even existing. Coalescing over time in my thought processes, perhaps medical help will never be available for me and as the decades unfolded, my prediction of medical community incompetence, ultimately proving over time as a spot on accurate prophesies.

Neurological Vibrating/Trembling

My truly brutal four years tenure of excruciating day and night Vibrating/Humming Internal Trembling first ever occurring in the late afternoon while at home, beginning soon after my totally severing all relationship with alcohol in 1977. Very clearly recalling standing in the basement of my home while contemplating a small repair, suddenly starting for its first recognizable time ever up until this very moment, a vibrating kind of vibrating/trembling within my body, especially disproportionably as manifested within my arms.

Not knowing what to make of this new trembling symptom at first, or what my trembling was, or what could be causing this vibrating/trembling. This trembling continuing unabated over the next several hours as I was still trying to get my head around this newly occurring mystery. Knowing nothing possibly relating to this trembling matter, having no other choice, I would try and tough it out. Over the next several hours such adopted compliance toughening out strategy was getting me nowhere. My new Trembling/Vibrating symptom, not easily tolerable and its compounding effects on me are becoming impossibly difficult to tolerate.

As the hours unfold I continuing my ongoing efforts in trying to understand what is occurring to me, by next deciding to exercise myself out of this internal vibrating situation, but finding exercise having absolutely no effect on this new Trembling symptom. Next deciding to lie down in bed, trying to relax myself out of the grip of this mysterious vibrating symptom, all such attempts at remedial relief occurring over the span of perhaps three consecutive days, while achieving absolutely no symptom relief of any kind. Ultimately my Neurological Symptom, as I coined its description, ultimately proving to chronically endure for the next four years, and accelerating in its crescendos of intensifications.

My mysterious chronic Neurological trembling symptom raging in full flower, while a bewildered medical community systematically ignoring my plight, materially disregarding any existence of my symptoms, I am abandoned by the medical community to linger without address, an egregious result of failed Hepatic Cirrhosis knowledge. After parting company with alcohol in 1977, shortly thereafter this never before experiencing of internal/vibrating/humming/trembling appearing present within my body, a vibrating trembling, excruciatingly agonizing to me in ways really impossible to properly describe then or now. Appearing present some sort of vibrating throughout my body, especially as manifested in my arms, my both arms feeling as very aggressively trembling and shaking, but if an outsider is holding my arms in their hands, they are feeling nothing at all, and this fact, nobody else physically feeling my excruciating aggressive trembling, endlessly perplexing to me.

My neurological trembling manifestation is the easiest to describe amongst all others of other experienced neurological symptoms. My arms feeling as if trembling in a motion of about two inches in movement, while outsiders detecting no feelings of movement in my arms. My internal trembling continuing 24 hours a day, intensifying after eating, however still always present, but somewhat milder in presence between meals. I go to bed with my internal trembling, and I awakening in the morning with my trembling, existing no relief and no escape from my internal trembling. Time progressing, more symptoms surfacing, trouble with signing my name, unreadable when managing to sign at times and at times as I would be writing by hand, losing complete control of my writing hand, with my writing hand going off on its own, scribbling uncontrollably, resembling a child's scribbling at play.

Occurring several times, especially when I am under additional strain and pressure situations, a familiar event starting to materialize. Wherever I happen to be, responding to such materializing event I immediately sit myself down, grabbing and holding onto something I know will not move, then holding on tightly. My head begins spinning, I loses my eyesight, my eyes going dark, my head is spinning as within a powerful centrifuge, and not knowing up from down. I never lose total consciousness during such events, as I can still hold on and I also know that I am holding on, and after what seeming to be a long time, perhaps about 3 or 4 minutes in time, difficult to exactly say, I reawaken to my previous sub normal status, and I am back until my next such event.

My such losing of consciousness occurring while driving on the road, unlikely very low, as driving not a stressful activity for me, nevertheless I take precautions, by establishing a protocol of counter reaction, if such lose of consciousness threatening during my driving on the road. At first such possibility signs of looming seizure occurrence, I have at a minimum perhaps 30 seconds to react to any such threatening event. Resolving instinctively immediately pulling over to the side of the road, immediately shutting down my car and just hanging on, fortunately such situation never materializing for me while driving.

Describing still another neurological manifestation. In 1980 I am preparing to build a small 22 X 32 foot wooden building while my internal trembling is well entrenched with its merciless hold on me, however when trying to arrive at some simple, but important dimension calculations, finding it greatly impossibly challenging, because every time I try to mentally do my required calculations, I begin outwardly shaking out of control. I finally manage to accomplish these required calculations, by first selecting one of my better symptom times, then only having a five or six minutes window of partial neurological stability, before again outwardly shaking out of control.

After completing my most important calculations, I finally end up building my structure utilizing my long term memory, without any required heavy mental thinking, because years earlier, I designed and built a very similar structure. When I am calm and relaxed my internal trembling, although always excruciatingly present, impossible to tolerate but there is nothing I can do about its presence, however the moment I start any simple mental activities, examples, simple mental calculations or anything requiring a little mental effort, I start outwardly physically shaking out of control. When beginning my out of control shaking, I require immediately shutting down my voluntary mental activities in order to calm the outward shaking of my body, but my inside trembling still continuing without end.

During the height of my four years internal trembling period, finding it helpful if turning down the heat in my home to freezing cold in the winter, cutting out all sound and light, it then easier to bear my incessant internal trembling symptom. My Neurological trembling chronically lasting about four years until about 1983, when the most excruciating portions of my trembling generally slowly fading away forever, appearing never to return, but decades later would it, could it, and did it return? At the times in question and solely by myself, I attributed such Internal Trembling Symptom, as originating and residing within my own physical Brain's Neurology, something I can then do nothing about.

However no Physician ever making such Neurological Brain Origin claims as possible reasons for my vibrating/trembling Symptoms. Every Physician ever asked to engage my mysterious symptoms, ultimately demonstrating a total failed absence of cirrhosis symptoms understandings. The reason why I attributed my internal trembling symptom, as originating in my own physical Brain's Neurology, was due to my observing of two simultaneously occurring paradoxical and incompatible factors. One such incompatible factor, while living with my constant aggressive trembling within my body, especially disproportionately manifested in my arms, and at the very same times as my internal trembling is occurring, my Physician can not detecting any physical movement or sensations within my arms.

My personal conclusion therefore, my trembling arms, although excruciatingly very real to myself as experienced, however because nobody else was capable of physically feeling or detect my aggressive trembling in my arms, it was my belief, this internal trembling was actually a virtual trembling condition, actually originating within my physical brain's Neurology. I also observed and experienced, Dietary Sugar somehow playing its own significant mischievous roll in these trembling matters. However my blood work always confirming, sugars roll in these matters, not by sugar negatively directly affecting my blood glucose levels. Early on in these matters, as myself not a Biological Metabolic Chemist, nor a Neurological Endocrinologist, nor a Physician; therefore I could not explain the specific methods, and paths, (suspected by me) of sugars relationship in my neurological matter.

My Physician appearing to have no understandings of my newly appearing Neurological Symptom, nor understandings of any others of my plethoric barrages of other mysterious symptoms, hence never treatment, never guidance and never explanation of any kind provided to me, intern sentencing my emersion into a purgatory, enduring all onslaught and unbearable. Decade’s later I self unmasked, identifying my mysterious symptoms drivers, as Hepatic Cirrhosis. Attending my first ever Physician in these maters, several years passing with no treatment or information of any kind forthcoming, my mysterious symptoms never addressed, I decide to find and attend a new Physician.

Hopping by such changing of Physicians, my receiving some kind of information regarding my chronic and mysterious symptoms or even perhaps some possible knowledge or treatment of my mysterious symptoms. However this new Physician ultimately providing me with the same hopeless bewilderments, non-recognition, summary denials and failed understandings of my mysterious relentless symptoms. This second Physician proving to be of absolutely no help in matters of my mysterious symptoms, now realizing, my untreated materially medically abandonment most likely continuing forever into my future and forever remaining completely on my own.

Such realization of my true status quo circumstance, I now accept being forgotten and medically untreated, and getting on with my new life while tolerating such mysterious symptoms without much further hope, expectations or complaint, as treatment expectations proving to be irrevocably hopples. Viscerally understanding, if always complaining about my relentless symptoms, then no time or room left in my life for living or movement forward with my life.

Finally coming to terms, the Medical Community has materially abandoned me and I will remain completely on my own, and throughout the many decades yet to come and pass, all the while encompassed by my mysterious afflictions. Having no conception of the origin or of the solution to my mysterious symptoms, eventually pragmatically accepting my fate with out further complaint, as such affliction by this time morphing into me and me morphing into this affliction, we both now coexisting together as one entity. This ruthless disease playing such intricate part within my life and for so long by this time, I no longer dwelt on this disease as even existing. I no longer recognizing this disease as somehow separate from my self, thus without further complaint I begin the rebuilding of my life around and through this disease as if this disease never existed in the first place.

Now soberly realizing that whatever this disease was, I will