The "It" Factor - Keeping It Real

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Jesus had a unique way in which He taught His disciples deep spiritual truths by using practical, real-life situations and stories such as; The Prodigal Son, The Marriage Feast, and The Ten Virgins. He didn’t just tell them word stories for entertainment purposes, but He developed them into recognizable word pictures associated with common-day traditions so that people would remember them. The spiritual applications were meant for the practicalities of this life as well as teaching them something bigger, something beyond themselves.

I call this the It Factor. It is bigger than I. It is grander, higher, and more inclusive than my little world. I am limited, but it is all encompassing. Sometimes we don’t exactly know what it is. For example, it often kept me in line as a young person -because I didn’t want to get it when I got home. I didn’t know what it was, but I definitely didn’t want it! Later, as a parent, I threatened my children with it if they didn’t behave.

It is the all-inclusive something. It draws you to that little peephole in the fence around your life and invites you to look beyond. It is your way out of the forest when you are only looking at trees. It is the BIG PICTURE.

When life closes in on me and I can’t see past my own pain, I pray for the ability to see it – the things happening around me through God’s eyes. Help me to get ‘it’, Lord. There’s something bigger going on in this situation that is crushing me. Help me to see ‘it’. Nine times out of ten, He leads me over to the spiritual peephole and gives me a glimpse of what He sees. Of course, there are times that He does not show me – because either I don’t really need to know or I am simply being too obstinate in my hurt. Over time, though, I have learned that there are certain matters that are near and dear to His heart and He doesn’t mind showing me what is going on in the Big Picture or the Grand Scheme.

One of the dearest matters of His heart is that of relationship and marriage. Paul, in Ephesians 5:32-33 states, "This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each individual among you love…¹"

When it comes to relationships, there is indeed a bigger / grander picture. Our lives tell a bigger story to the ones who are watching and listening. My life was eternally impacted by the actions of one man, at a particular moment in time, on an unusually warm winter day in southwest Georgia…

My husband, Jesse, and I had recently moved from Seattle and were thrilled to have purchased an old Plantation home on the outskirt of Cairo, The Hospitality City, of Georgia. It had been built back in the 1800’s and the old-timer’s say that it was one of the first in the area. Throughout history, though, owners of the property sold off section by section until it finally bordered the city on a large lot. For us, it was a sweet taste of the South. The property still had the old servant’s quarters, 18th-century architecture and a BIG old pecan tree! That first season it put out the best pecans I had ever tasted! I was thrilled!

The next two seasons, however, the tree produced nothing – except a perpetual MESS! (I can always tell the Southern people in an audience about this time because their heads begin nodding in agreement.) When early spring comes and the tree begins its dress for summer, catkins (3-4 inch cylindrically-shaped, light-as-the-air, male pistillate ‘flowers’) cover the tree in wait for the March winds to take them on a journey of pollination to the awaiting female pistillate star-shaped ‘buds’. For weeks, anyone near a pecan tree sweeps, rakes, or blows millions of these catkins off covered vehicles, driveways, and yards. When the male pollination season is over with, the tree will then expunge the star-shaped virgin female pistillates. There is a brief reprieve until late summer when the tree begins to lose its leaves and/or fruit. The nut is enclosed in a thick, green husk that turns black and splits into four parts at maturity. For each nut, there are four unsightly husk pieces that litter the ground. Once again, the owner is out cleaning up debris – leaves and husks – while gathering that season’s fruit.

Needless to say, I was overjoyed when autumn arrived and the tree stood bare that third season. That is, until the birds showed up that year. A large flock of blackbirds made that one tree, the one that hung out over our driveway and parking area, their winter home. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but they were eating red berries somewhere, then perching above the parking area and dropping red concrete-like bird dung all over my car!

It’s not like I was driving any kind of vanity statement. My car was a 13 year old 1988 Oldsmobile 88’ that my biological Father had given me a couple years prior to help us get back on our feet after an uninsured drunk driver hit my husband (another story for another time). When it was given to us, it really needed a paint job, so Jesse scraped together as much money as he could and paid for a nice maroon professional job. In my eyes, it was beautiful. I appreciated the car and took good care of it and Jesse knew that, so he kept promising me that he would wash it.

At the time, I was working full-time and my husband was running a business and working as a pastor some 30 miles away in Tallahassee. If it wasn’t the business, it was the church needing him six or seven days a week. Our schedules were slap full and sometimes the simple task of washing a car was a major event in our lives.

But there happened to be one Saturday, an unusually warm winter day, when I found myself caught up with all the household chores and a yearning to spend some time outside. As I looked out the window, my eyes caught view of that horribly globbed-up car. It was then that I decided to help my husband, who at the time was in Tallahassee tending to church business. So I grabbed the hose, filled a bucket with soapy water, and diligently began wetting the car down. When I thought it to be sufficiently wet, I proceeded to scrub at those stubborn globs, that to me, resembled concrete. They wouldn’t budge. So I gave the car another thorough soaking. Still, they would not soften enough to wash off.

Then I had a great idea. I knew what would remove those stubborn spots! I ran into the house and next to the kitchen sink, retrieved my little green ‘scrubby’. (I know, I know. In all the conferences I have spoken at, this is the time when all the men groan!) And, sure enough, within seconds I had removed the first of the hundreds of red concrete globs!

With that, I held the hose close and gently scrubbed off each one of those stubborn globs. I started with the hood, then worked my way over the top and finally onto the trunk. Just as I finished the last one, I looked up as Jesse drove into the driveway. In jubilation, I stood proudly at the back of the car, threw my hands out and said, Honey, look what I did!

The look that came over his face was NOT a good one. There was not a hint of an atta-girl in it. Hesitantly, I turned around toward the car and took in what he saw. By that time, the vehicle had started to dry and as I scoped from front to back, I saw what he did – literally HUNDREDS of little white circles where I had ‘scrubbied’ the paint right off!

There was a moment, however brief, that we were speechless and it seemed the world stood still. My mind raced with a thousand thoughts – a thousand words. I could hear the words of all the men in my life up to that point … "You will never amount to anything! You hear me? You are nothing! You are stupid! You are the problem! You are worthless!… And I braced myself. I thought, Here it comes… here it comes…" I dropped my head and waited.

What my husband did still reduces me to tears. He walked toward me and stopped in front. Gently, he scooped my head up so he could look me in the eyes. Then, he said the most loving words I had ever heard … Maybe we can buff them out.

A dam broke loose somewhere deep inside of me. He held me close as I wept deeply. Neither one of us knew it at the time, but God took this simple act of a good deed gone wrong and turned it into one of life’s great spiritual lessons.

You see, for the first time in my life (and I was almost 40 at the time) I had a glimpse of Abba Father – not the condemning judge, just waiting for me to screw up – but, Abba who truly loved me! That incident paved the way for a healthy relationship between me and my Father; one that is not performance based or derived out of fear. Through my husband’s actions, I now knew Grace.

That day, as I stood at a little peephole in the fence around my life, I got a glimpse of it – the bigger picture. God used a man, a human vessel, to represent Himself and extend healthy relationship to me. The whole scenario was a means of healing my broken heart, mending relationship, and opening my eyes to a larger story. You see, up until that event, I had always assumed relationships and marriage to be a list of to-do’s and not-to-do’s and if we did everything right (i.e. if he loved me like Christ loves the church and if I respected him…) then God would be pleased and maybe even bless our home. Relationship was exclusive and private and watched over by a very distant and judgmental God.

However, after the good-deed-gone-wrong incident, I had a glimpse of something bigger, more inclusive. I set out on a seven-year search for answers and a twelve-year endeavor of writing this book. I hope you will join me at the peephole as we discover the It Factor in relationships.

Come with me to that fence called ‘life’ and let’s take a stroll over near the beginning. I’m sure God wouldn’t mind us getting a peek at His original design. Find yourself a comfortable peephole – there appears to be a few way over there, as we are not the only ones trying to get a glimpse of what God is up to – countless numbers of angelic hosts are curious as well.

With the dawn of this new day, all of heaven is anxious to see what Elohim, The Creator, was up to next! They whisper among themselves about His previous handiwork – the establishment of the heavens, complete with sun, moon and constellations; as well as the formation of the earth regulated by the complex simplicity of nature. To them, the Creator’s interest in this earthly domain has been quite fascinating. His attention to every detail, from the smallest microbe to the fine-tuned rotation around the sun, has kept them all wondering what could possibly be next.

As we peek at the Creator’s back, bent over His new project in the earthly wind-blown wilderness, we can overhear whispered conversation along the fence line…

What do you suppose He is up to now?

I don’t know. But, whatever it is, He’s keeping it hidden for some kind of grand presentation, I guess.

He seems to be a bit … weary. After all, He has just finished making a physical world, complete with heavens and an earth full of life…

…and this life has the ability to reproduce itself!

Does He look tired to you?

"Yeah, He does. But, even more than that, He looks … well … labored."

"He does seem to be laboring much harder over this project."

And, look at His hands – they are covered with dirt forming this one.

"Not only His hands, but He is covered with the substance this one is made of!"

Look! He is hand-fashioning a form…

Shhh….

They watched intensely, eyes glued to the portholes, as Father was taking great care in the fashioning of this creature. After a brief time, the whispering resumed…

It looks to be about His size.

He sure is taking great care in forming this one.

"Hush! He’s determining… purpose."

Listen to Him moan…

That is the deep calling unto deep – with sounds that cannot be uttered.

Look! He is pulling out from his … inward parts!

"You’re right! He seems to be extracting elements of Himself and fashioning them into that creature!"

"Everyone, be quiet! Whatever He