Believe

The Phoenix Series

Business

Pleasure

Forever

Standalones

Believe

Revelation – coming soon

This book is dedicated to somebody special who I met through my books – Polly Ross.

Over time, Polly has became one of my best friends and has supported me through everything from releasing a new book, to promoting, to other non-book related things.

Thank you so much for your continued love and support. I appreciate everything.

Love you.

Xoxox

Straightening my skirt as I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I hear his voice in the distance but my own thoughts are so loud in my mind, I can't make sense of what he's saying. Nor do I want to.

I brush my long hair which has only recently been dyed from my natural red to a darker auburn colour. I didn't mind the colour, but his regular insults made my walls come tumbling down, leaving me weak. I'd held a brave face for so many years, managed to cope with his cheating, lies and insults and I thought, perhaps he would like me better if I wasn't 'ginger'. Turns out, that strategy wasn't right.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Are you fucking listening to me?! His voice is louder and I watch from the mirror as he stands behind me, his eyes burning into mine.

I don't reply, instead I lift the gloss wand to my lips and begin applying, my eyes never leaving his.

Where are you going? He demands and my silence angers him further. Answer me!

I'm going to work, Dale. I tell him calmly.

It's Saturday... He points out, his face like thunder as he watches me applying my makeup. You better not be going to meet with another guy, you whore!

I spin on my heels to meet him. I think you're forgetting something... I'm not the cheater in this relationship.

He glares down at me. If you didn't give me a fucking reason, then I wouldn't need to.

I stifle a laugh. I give you a reason to be unfaithful?

Yeah. You're not sexually active enough for me and you don't make an effort.

Excuse me? My mouth drops open as he speaks, I can't quite believe what I'm hearing. He's blaming me for his infidelity?

You heard. He shrugs his shoulders before turning and walking away from me.

You've been this way from day one, Dale! I shout after him, my true emotions apparent as my lower lip begins to quiver. If you don't want to be with me, then let me go, let me live my life properly. Don't treat me like shit!

He turns and laughs loudly before walking towards the doorway whilst muttering. You'd be a cute angry person, if you weren't so ugly.

I've been married to this man for so long now. The man who I thought was my Prince Charming, my happily ever after... Turned out to be my worst nightmare. The man every woman avoids, a cheater, an abuser, a liar.  Yup, that's my husband.

~~~~~

I don't usually work on Saturdays, however, the past couple of years, Dale has gotten more controlling and I gradually lost contact with all of my friends, so my only escape when it all gets too much is to work.

The building is so quiet today, apart from the security team I'm convinced I'm the only person here. Which would make sense, since it's the weekend, most people will be enjoying themselves with their loved ones and I should be one of those people.

I don't know how or why my life changed drastically. I met Dale through working here at Jackson Industries and gradually I let him take me on a date, then another, then before I know it we were a couple. Everything was so perfect. So right. So pure.

We had the perfect wedding with all of our family and friends surrounding us and with the impressive salary I received, we were able to buy a beautiful home which I loved, until, I found another woman in our bed.  He promised it was a one off and he would never do it again, so I forgave him, we bought a new bed and redecorated the house so everything was fresh, a new start for us. But soon after he stopped coming home after going drinking with his friends and gradually, he started working over until late and visiting the store for hours on end then returning empty handed. Looking back, I was naive for trusting him, because there were so many signs that he was cheating on me. I just couldn't let myself believe the man I loved and committed myself to, would treat me this way.

Over the years, it escalated and when I confronted him he began insulting me, blaming me for his actions, which after a while, his words carved me and I started to believe them. He had convinced me that I was the problem, good for nothing. Ugly. Skinny. Flat chested. Ginger. Useless. Unwanted.

So in attempt to make myself feel better about myself again, I bought a new wardrobe; started visiting the salon more often and it worked a treat. I was the same Kate from before I got married. I received so many compliments from men, but he didn't like that. So he turned on the water works and begged me to stop going out with the girls. Wanting to save my marriage, I did.

He still has jealous spouts, like today, he didn't like my choice of outfit, he argued that my knee length skirt was too revealing and I disagreed. Which he hates so he started with the same insults that have battered me over the years.

There's a knock on my office door and I glance up as Robert, our security guard enters.

Sorry, Kate. But it's 6:15pm. I was supposed to lock up at 6. He looks at me apologetically.

Oh, really? Wow. Time has gone by so quickly. I try to mask my disappointment with a slight smile as I begin gathering up my laptop and paperwork which is scattered over my desk.

You look like you've been busy. He says in attempt for a friendly chat.

Yeah, got so many tight deadlines at the minute. I lie. The truth is, I haven't worked at all today, I haven't been able to concentrate. Instead, I spent the afternoon sat looking at the two sparkling rings on my left hand and wondered what to do with my failed marriage.

Once everything is packed away, I lift my laptop bag over my shoulder, grab my purse and pull my keys from my drawer.

Thanks, Robert. I smile as I follow him out of the building. See you Monday.

Have a good weekend. He waves as I walk to my car in the deserted parking lot. A good weekend? What's one of those?

I spend the drive wondering what I can do to make everything right, to win my man back. Due to the time, the roads are quieter which is a good thing, because I can't really concentrate.

I wonder if I should prepare a delicious candle lit meal with a couple bottles of wine, before taking him to the bedroom and showing him that I do care and that I need him to care about me, about us. Maybe, once he knows how I feel, he remembers that once upon a time, he actually felt the same way.

Pulling into the driveway, I notice Dale's car isn't here and I'm grateful that he must have called round his brothers. Giving me time to prepare for our perfect evening together to rekindle our love. Eager to get started, I quickly gather my belongings before rushing to the door, unlocking it and stepping inside.

Dumping my bags down on the couch, I pick up the remote and turn on the stereo. Tegan and Sara's voices fill the room as I flick my heels off and head into the kitchen and peer into the refrigerator. With no idea of what meal I'm actually going to prepare, it's probably a wise decision to see what ingredients I've got to work with.

My eyes scan the contents for a short while and I make a mental note that we need to go and grab some grocery shopping.

After lifting numerous items from the fridge and cupboards, I decide to go with spaghetti and meatballs. Unsure why, the scene from lady and the tramp pops into my head. I grin as I shake the thought away. How romantic.

Once everything has been prepared, I pour myself a glass of wine before setting them away to cook. In a much happier mood compared to earlier, I sing along to the lyrics of teenage dream, one of my favourite songs.

Let's run away and don't ever look back. I belt my heart out, it doesn't sound good, but it definitely feels it.

Time goes by so quickly and I begin plating our meals up and placing them inside the oven in attempt to keep them heated. I try and call Dale's cell but I get voicemail.

Hey babe, it's only me, I've got dinner ready for us, please don't be late. Okay, I love you."

I'm not sure whether or not I should have  left a message or tried calling again, but the way things have been with us over the past couple years, I really don't know what's right or wrong anymore and I feel butterflies in my stomach the same way I felt them the first time he took me on a date.

It's obvious that the wine is flowing nicely, because it's not too long until I finish off my third glass and I have to restrain myself from pouring another. Wanting to change into something more comfortable, I walk slowly up the stairs to avoid tripping, drinking alcohol on an empty stomach isn't a good idea.

After pulling on my pyjama bottoms and a tank top, I pick my discarded clothes from the floor and throw them into the laundry basket, that's when it catches my eye.

A white envelope laid on my pillow.

Wondering what it could be, I grab it. It isn't addressed to anybody, I open it and a ring falls to the floor, my heart pounds in my chest as I realize it's Dale's wedding band. I open the lined paper to find a handwritten letter. I recognize the handwriting instantly.

Kate,

I'm writing this to tell you things between us aren't quite working out.

I'm leaving. I'm going in another direction, a better direction.

I can't waste any more of my life with you when there are so many more women out there. So many beautiful women.

Why tie myself down when I can enjoy all of them?

I've taken everything I need for now.

I will contact you if I need anything else.

Don't call me, I won't answer.

Dale.

Suddenly, it feels like there's no air in the room and I'm gasping to breathe. My heart has been ripped out whilst girls in stiletto's dance all over it before passing it back to me.

He's gone.

He's left me.

Are you sure? James looks at me from across his desk, his lips placed together firmly and his eyes deep with concern. That's a huge move, Kate.

I'm sure. I'm ready for a new adventure. Trying to keep my best poker face intact, I force a tight smile. When really, I'm scared as hell and falling apart inside. My stomach is knotting itself together, and I feel as though I'm going to burst into tears for the hundredth time.

What about Dale? He asks. Does he want to move too?

I shake my head. No, we decided that maybe we could do with some space. Plus it's only six months.

Are you sure you don't want some more time to consider this properly? This is a big decision, Kate. He tilts his head to the side as he studies me. I gulp, not wanting to give to much away I nod simply.

James raises an eyebrow. He and his brother, Matt have been my bosses for so long now, it's somewhat natural that they can read me like a book. Okay. I'll speak to Matt and see what we can arrange. You're absolutely positive about this?

Positive. I lock eyes with him. James was right in what he was saying, the move is a huge step to take, but at the moment, there's nothing to keep me here. So I plan on taking this opportunity, and clearing my head. And eventually... I'll get my life back on track. So with those ideas, there's nothing that I want more than to get away from California.

Okay. Leave it with me, I'll make a couple of calls and I'll update you once we have made a decision. He pushes himself back from his desk, places his hands on his thighs and watching me intently. Waiting for me to spill.

Thanks, James! I push myself up from the leather chair so I'm standing. I really appreciate it.

No problem, Kate. He also stands; his eyes scan my face once again. Kate, can I ask you something?

Of course. I wait for his question in anticipation.

Where are your rings? Shit.

I lost them whilst doing the dishes. I try to avoid eye contact as I lie to him.

Okay. His convincing tone leads me to believe he bought it. So, it's nothing to do with this 'space' you've both agreed to? He asks and I feel as though the floor has been taken from beneath me.

I've got to go, I've got a conference call I need to be on in five minutes. I blurt, before turning and rushing out of his office before he asks any more questions.

Not patient enough to wait for the elevator, I run down the staircase and hurry to my office, an overwhelming feeling of needing to be alone.

I eventually reach my office and slam the door closed behind me which apparently was perfect timing, because suddenly, the four walls feel like they are closing in on me, pushing every ounce of air that's in the room out. Leaving me feeling breathless. I gasp as I rush to the window which I struggle to open because it's closed so tightly. The entire situation is overwhelming as I panic to get the air I crave.

Moments later, as I'm still struggling with the window, every single bone in my body seems to turn to jelly as I fall into a heap on the floor.

Uncontrollable tears begin falling.

What the fuck have I just done?

Move to England for six months?

What was I thinking?

Why would Dale leave me?

What is wrong with me?

Why couldn't he love me?

I need to invest in some match sticks to keep my eyes open after another sleepless night. I have so many unanswered questions and Dale still won't answer any of my calls. It's hard to try and mend my broken heart when he won't give me the closure I need. All I keep asking myself is why? The endless amount of questions that keep swimming around in my mind are not only tormenting, but they are haunting.

I stare at my laptop screen absently as I run over the same scenarios, same questions and same memories that I have punished myself with the last few days.

I think back to our wedding day and how perfect everything was. The moment I walked down the aisle and saw him standing there, waiting for me. Dressed in a tuxedo, blonde hair styled to perfection and dark eyes fixed on me. I felt so beautiful and deeply loved. I couldn't wait to commit myself to him and declare the love that filled me from head to toe.

After an intimate ceremony, we were joined by our loved ones and had a delicious meal, cut our cake, had our first dance. The day was like a fairy tale, a dream come true.

I've had the fairy tale and now this is my nightmare.

And I'd give anything to get that happiness and that love back. I'd give anything to be the only woman for him still.

My office phone rings and it startles me. I blink the tears away, but they don't stop.

Kate speaking. I answer quietly as I wipe them away with the back of my hand.

Hi Kate. Would you call over to my office? I've got some news for you. I'm grateful to hear James's voice. It's been a couple of days since we spoke about the move and I assume that it's what the news is about.

Give me a couple minutes. I tell him.

See you soon. He ends the call.

I begin to clean up my now smudged mascara with a wet wipe from my drawer, which was probably one of the best ideas I've ever had and begin to compose myself the  best I can. I dust on some powder in attempt to fix my complexion. 

Adrenaline takes over me and it doesn't take me long until I'm up the staircase and outside his office door, taking a deep breath, I briefly knock before entering.

Grace is sat beside her husband, her heavily pregnant frame modelling a pink dress. She's glowing and looks so beautiful. Pregnancy suits her. Even though, I really don't think there would be anything that wouldn't suit Grace. She was one of those lucky women, who looked beautiful no matter what.

I can't help but notice how James looks at her, his eyes filled with awe as he glances to her in the most adoring way and although, it makes my heart melt, it also breaks it just that tiny bit more. That's the way my husband and I should look at each other.

That's the way we used to look at each other.

Kate! Grace grins and attempts to push herself up to greet me but fails, sighing in defeat she asks. How are you, Sweetie?

I genuinely smile for what seems to be the first time in years, it's been a while since I've seen her, and over the years we've become really good friends. I'm good. I tell her before taking a seat opposite the couple.

Great! She grins. I love your new hair colour! I wish Dale did.

James clears his throat, Grace and I remain quiet and watch him intently. We're both waiting to hear what he's got to say. Regarding our chat the other day. he speaks finally. I've spoken to Matt and they would love to have you work over there.

A huge wave of relief washes through me and I feel my cheeks flush. Thank you so much!

He smiles at me. Matt and Casey said you are welcome whenever you are ready. They will arrange accommodation for you; we just need to give them a couple of days notice when you have a date in mind.

Do you have a date in mind? Grace pulls her eyes from her husband to look at me. 

This weekend. I tell them confidently and they both look at me dazed.

This weekend? As in two days away? James queries and I nod. He shrugs his shoulders. Whatever you want, Kate. I'll get a flight booked for you. He pauses for a moment as he straightens his tie. Are you sure you want to do this? He asks again.

One hundred percent. I confirm and this time, I can't help myself, my smile reaches from ear to ear.

I'm finally getting a fresh start.

Two weeks later

My second week working at Phoenix Corps has gone by in a blink of an eye. It's been busy and the new people I'm surrounded with have helped take my mind off Dale throughout the day, but as soon as I head back to the hotel, I'm greeted by a blanket of loneliness and sadness, which wraps itself around me and stays with me the entire night like a punishment.

It's not as though I can go to sleep to escape it either, because, sleep isn't coming easy either. As soon as I lay down in  bed, my mind begins working over time, as always, I find myself terrorising myself with the memories and trying to find a reason why our life ended this way.

I'm finishing up taking notes from Matt in his office when Casey enters the room, her beauty is somewhat blinding and I feel like I'm staring straight at the sun as I watch her. She walks to her husband and places a soft kiss on his forehead before turning and smiling sweetly at me. I've had some great memories with Casey over the years. The majority of them were days we spent shopping together when Matt asked me to take care of her when she visited us in California, this gave me the perfect opportunity to get to know her.

The hunger Matt has for her is evident in his eyes as he scans her momentarily. I pretend not to notice, but I can't help but take a sneak peek. There's something charming about both the Jackson brothers, the way they are so elegant, charming and true gentlemen. They both treat and look at their partners with so much love and with so much admiration, and I'm sure it's not just me who notices that. Or am I reading into things too much?

How are you settling in, Kate? Casey asks me, as she rests up against Matt's mahogany desk. I watch as Matt glances at her figure from behind, which is pretty damn awkward.

Great, I love it. I tear my eyes away from him, and smile at Casey as my cheeks flush.

That's good. The girls were talking about going for a few cocktails this evening to bring in the weekend properly. Would you like to join us?

Yes please! My reply might be a little too enthusiastic because Matt's widened eyes snap up to meet mine.

Casey laughs slightly. Great! We'll pick you up from the hotel on route, should be around 7.30.

I can't wait. I tell her.

So it looks like I'm babysitting? Matt speaks up and Casey turns slightly to look back at him.

Yes... you are... She winks and I laugh at the way they refer to their dogs as their children.

After trying on a number of dresses which resulting in me throwing the majority to the floor, I finally decide on short fitted black dress. Although it's not the fanciest dress in my collection, it's the only one that seems to make me feel half decent.

I loosely curl my hair so it frames my face before finalizing my smoky eye effect makeup. I feel good, and I certainly feel better than how I have done lately. I admire myself in the mirror and throw a couple of over the top poses, whilst singing Madonna's 'Vogue' into my hairbrush.

Actually, the dress isn't so bad, after all.

My confidence suddenly comes flooding back to me. Almost three weeks away from Dale and finally my wounds are slowly starting to heal.

My cell beeps to notify me of a text message from Casey.

On our way, will be there in five x

After checking my reflection one last time and a spritz of perfume, I grab my purse and fill it with makeup, ID, bank and door card. Enjoy yourself, Kate. I tell myself over and over before leaving my hotel room.

A rush of emotions runs over my body as I walk down the stairs in the hotel, wishing I had taken the elevator as the heels I’m wearing are as tall skyscrapers and doesn’t make the task easy, but, hell, they do make my legs look good. I feel anxious, excited, but also dubious about the situation, I know Dale wouldn’t approve of me going to bars with the girls, especially somewhere so far away from home, when he doesn’t know where I am or who I’m with, if he was here, I know I would be going home to a blazing row.

A quick rain check from the window confirms it’s dry out, so I decide to wait for the car outside, giving myself chance to cool down before they arrive. Exiting via the glass doors, I wait by a nearby flower arrangement.

I don’t know why, but I’m scolding myself for even wanting to go out and enjoy myself. Feeling as though I’ve got no right to do so. Dale would hate it and I always avoided upsetting or hurting him. I always tried my absolute best to keep him happy.

A sleek red Mercedes pulls in front of me and I notice Matt in the driving seat, Casey beside him and Hannah in the rear. Opening the door, I slide inside and close it firmly