Breaking The Silence: Victims No More
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About this ebook
The silence must be broken...
Each year, thousands of men, women, and children suffer domestic violence. For many, it’s far too long to live in this kind of silence. How much devastation must we see in individuals, families, and communities before we realize that someone... anyone... everyone must take a stand?
Featuring stories & accounts from domestic violence survivors & family members. Also included is information regarding types of abuse, why victims stay, awareness months, & a personalized safety plan.
Domestic violence has the potential to destroy everything it touches, but there is a solution.
Stand up, speak up, and break the silence!
Sarah's Refuge Inc
Sarah’s Refuge, Inc. operates the only residential and non-residential domestic violence and rape crisis center in Duplin County, NC. For victims with no other resources or options, domestic violence shelters are often the only option for safety during the initial weeks of transition. http://www.sarahsrefuge.com/
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Book preview
Breaking The Silence - Sarah's Refuge Inc
Foreword
Jeanette A. Bethea, M.Div.,M.B.A.,M.A.,B.S.N.
Breaking the Silence: Victims No More is an anthropology written by those affected by rape and domestic violence including the victims, their families and friends, and members of the community. The writings address how victims can overcome the stigma, despair, despondency, and hopelessness of domestic violence by exposing it while, in the process, making a conscious effort to regain a sense of wholeness and self worth.
Because of my work with rape and domestic abuse victims in the past, I can relate to their struggles, hopes, and dreams. As a Court Advocate in the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court in Henrico County, Virginia, I prepared many of these victims for his/her court appearance to obtain a restraining order. I also developed a plan for follow-up services through Safe Harbor, a comprehensive program for victims of domestic and sexual violence, and other community resources.
I witnessed the hurt, the shame, the confusion, the sense of hopelessness, worthlessness, and diminished sense of trust as I observed victims’ speech pattern and body language. You will see these emotions portrayed by the writers throughout the book.
I often initiated my interaction with victims by encouraging them to look directly at me rather than to divert their eyes as they revisited the shame of victimization. I reminded the victim that what happened to them was NOT their fault…I told the victim that he/she was NOT responsible for the abuser’s detestable behavior. I informed the victim that I was present to function as advocate, encourager, supporter, and confidante.
As you read these collections from Breaking the Silence: Victims No More, try to experience vicariously the ravages of abuse as well as the courage of the victim to see beyond the abuse and to grasp the glimmer of hope, however faint, that was in the future. Visualize yourself being bullied, beaten, or verbally vilified. Think about how you would feel as a family member or friend of someone murdered by their abuser.
On the positive side, feel the joy as you read of victims who escape from their prison of violence to find the freedom and peace so long sought. Their success story may encourage another.
Spiritually identify with victims as they expose the shame and horrors of abuse to embrace a new vision of who they are and Whose they are.
It is the hope of the contributing writers that all forms of domestic and sexual violence be hidden no more and that readers become increasingly aware of the symptoms and effects of violence in the home, school, and community so that all of us will be motivated to become agents of change who will address the destructive effects of rape and domestic violence.
Finally, an over-reaching goal is to break the silence of abuse until there are no more victims! No more bullying, name calling, stalking, hitting, slapping, intimidation by use of words or weapons, isolation, shoving, pushing, controlling, restraining, threats, total control of finances, or forced sex!
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God… since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
(First John 4:7, 11 NIV)
Introduction
As you drive by, you see the beautifully manicured yard. You see the bricked or newly painted house. You may even see a luxury car or two. But you can’t see behind those closed doors and picket fences. Therein lies the problem. How do you conquer an almost invisible enemy? Without the signs, it is almost impossible to know the agony that someone may be experiencing. Sometimes, the truth saves a person before it is too late. At other times, the outcome is not so positive.
Violence, whether physical, mental, or emotional, can have far ranging and devastating effects for not only victims but their families and communities. Until someone feels the need to speak out against it, the violence will continue to grow. So, who is going to shout out Enough is enough. This will no longer be tolerated!
?
We will!
say the writers of Breaking the Silence: Victims No More. "And we will sum it up by saying, ‘Victims, we care about your pain. There is hope. You are not alone.’"
Section I:
Information
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc are types of physical abuse. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.
Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.
Economic Abuse: Is defined as making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.
Psychological Abuse: Elements of psychological abuse include–but are not limited to–causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone