Dating after Forty-eight: Tips for the Reluctant Dater

Dating After Forty-Eight

Morgan K Wyatt

Published by Sleeping Dragon

Copyright © October 2015

Smashwords Edition

Cover by Dawne Dominique

This eBook is licensed for personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person. Please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did purchase it, or was not purchased for your use only, then please return it and purchase your own copy. Many thanks for respecting the hard work of this author. To obtain permission to excerpt portions of the text, please contact the author at [email protected]

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Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Introduction

Avoiding the Romance Scam

Defining What You Want

Online Dating / Can’t Buy Me Love

Developing Your Online Profile

Photo Op

The Confidence Game

Date Like a Man

The Numbers Game: Dating Multiple Men

Chemistry: The Science of Attraction

Dating is like Shopping IKEA Clearance

Soulmates

The Dangerous Allure of the Bad Boy

Pursued Vs. Pursuing

The Scripted Phone Call

Chasing Love

Your Past Can Destroy Your Future

When Dates Go Very Bad

The Dating Games

Dating Red Flags

Dating and the Fear Factor

The Art of Kissing

What Scares Men the Most

The Booty Call Date

Clueless

Attitude: What’s Yours?

Confessions: Teddybear36 Tells All

The Pickup Artist

Dating Momma’s Boy

Going Ugly

The Dirt on Men

First Date Behavior

A Man’s View on Long Term Relationships

Oversharing

If Opposites Attract, what do Likes Do?

Changing Perceptions about Hot Dogs and Dating

Are You a Drama Queen?

Lucky Thirteen

Is Love Dead on the Road?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Men and Women Can’t Be Friends

The Elephant in the Room

Overlooked Men

The Lure of Ex-boyfriends

Potential

The Faith Factor

Your Gaggle of Men

Greedy

Dating and Texting

Why Are Men Such Jerks?

Are We Programmed to Pick Mr. Wrong?

Ten Things Men Find Unattractive

Niceness Is Always Appreciated

Rejected

Why Women Dump Good Men

Who Benefits More in Marriage?

Introduction

Why write a book about dating after forty-eight? I had a co-worker who had never married, and she often regaled us with stories of having a better chance of dying in a terrorist attack, than actually meeting an eligible man. Strange, since my co-worker was an intelligent, attractive, professional woman with a wicked sense of humor. Why hadn’t she found a companion?

Many of us rush through life in a desperate panic to find The One. Some people warn against looking for someone special and instead recommend settling for someone you can tolerate. In fact, a recent survey revealed that at least twenty-five percent of men marry women they do not love. These same men admit not even being attracted to their spouse. Why?

Dating, romance, and love are work. It seems like too much work for too little payoff, especially if you’ve suffered through a divorce or endured failed relationships. What if you could learn from a variety of experts? I have combed through endless dating books, watched videos and joined online dating sites. I even had a matchmaker and a dating coach.

My goal was to meet a better quality of men. My old approach to dating was to date anyone who asked me out; being stuck in a female-heavy profession left me with few opportunities. Since I wanted to meet someone appropriate, I decided to take a scientific approach. With that in mind, I recorded my observations and results via a blog journal. More than 151,000 people have viewed the blog.

My dating journey involved discarding ideas I once regarded as truths. This allowed me to meet several high-quality men. Naturally, I didn’t click with all of them, but I did find someone who was perfect for me. Twice married, I know the difference between settling and being with the perfect person for me. I want others to be able to experience the same happiness. To that end, I combined my fifty-one most popular blogs. With luck and effort, you may find your own sweetie.

I went back and added to my original blogs. The italicized sections are updates to the original blog. It is more of me explaining the reason behind the blog or blog order. At the end of the blogs may be a summary. Often, I now have more information than when I wrote the blog.

Avoiding the Romance Scam

I think we all have wondered…when a relationship falls flat or our home equity or bank account is depleted in the name of love, why give romance another try? This is probably why Avoiding the Romance Scam is one of my most read blog posts. I chose this as my opening chapter since I do not want anyone to waste time on someone who is only using you. People will play you for a place to live, for a meal ticket, for a job in your company, for medical benefits, and for money.

Who doesn’t hope that Cupid aims his arrow your way, especially if he has already targeted a likely sweetheart? Often, it isn’t Cupid targeting you. Nefarious types have been using romance as a lure to land lovelorn men and women for centuries. This isn’t a new game either, but the rules differ somewhat according to gender.

How do you avoid being a target? Watch where you meet people. Surprisingly, more women have confidence in online dating service eHarmony for the mere fact that it charges more. Surely, only a man with a serious interest in dating would lay out the monthly fee. It also offers the option to confirm your identity. Free dating sites tend to attract the amateur scam artists who can practice their romantic cons at no cost. Beware of men whose writing skills are limited and their English is odd. There are many foreign con men tricking women out of their money.

Is your guy writing beautiful, lyrical poetry to you? Maybe you are suspicious of him or the poem. You can look it up on Google by including the words in quotes. This allows you to see what song or poem it belonged to originally. Is the guy too handsome to be true in his photo? You can send his photo through www.tineye.com to see if the picture has been copied from an image online. I found it easier just to show the image to friends, though. A friend identified a profile picture of my lyrical sweetheart as an NFL quarterback.

In some cons, the smitten boyfriend delivers several letters worthy of a romance writer. Unfortunately, countries separate them, but he is doing his best to get by her side if she could only wire him some money until his money clears Customs, or some other foreign currency-related issue is resolved.

Another twist on this is the soldier lover. He may really be a soldier, but I doubt it. He needs money to get home. Ladies, the government, flies them home free of charge when their tour is finished. My son is in the military. He has never paid any type of fee to come back. This fraud uses the good name of the United States Army. Don’t send that money; you’ll never see your uniformed Romeo because he is not overseas. In fact, he may not exist.

The female scammer goes for the long game most of the time. Many women actually view the more socially challenged men as meal tickets. Men should never to put their annual salary on their profiles. You have gold-digging honeys shopping for the lonely high-wage earner. She’ll be sweet before the marriage and become your worst nightmare after the wedding. A smart man should dump this gold digger, but she knows how to work the man. Often, she’ll quit her job, making herself dependent. How can he throw her out when she has no place to go? She’ll use her children, his insecurities, even threats of committing suicide if he leaves her. Run, men, run! How do you know she’s a gold digger?

Is she very interested in your income? Can she quote the current Kelley Blue Book value of your car? Does she always name expensive venues for dates and expects elaborate gifts? If so, you’ve a gold digger on your hands. She doesn’t want you. She wants your paycheck. No, she will not kill herself because that would make it much harder to spend your money.

Another way we make ourselves targets is by casually giving away information. I had a good friend who is very frugal. One day at work, she announced she had saved thirty thousand dollars for a down payment on a house. I was impressed because she worked two modest jobs. Apparently, she mentioned it to several people because a liquid eyed lothario suddenly appeared in her life.

A man, whom no one knew, romanced her and asked to borrow her money for a business venture. The money and the fast-talking boyfriend disappeared immediately. The difference between the male con is that he usually comes in quick and takes a large sum of money and vanishes, while the female leech will continue to suck the man dry for extended periods of time.

Don’t share your troubles. Conniving con artists are looking for someone with a recent loss, such as a relationship breakup, a death in the family, or even the death of a pet. Anything that has you off-kilter and not thinking straight offers them a chance to swoop in to comfort you.

Under normal circumstances, you might not look at the man or woman twice, but suddenly they’re your rock. Even though friends might warn you off this trickster, you explain how wrong they are since the trickster helped you over a bad patch. What the trickster really did was worm his way into your affections while scrutinizing your checking account and your medical plan.

A co-worker going through a divorce inadvertently gave away her ATM number to a boyfriend who conveniently cleaned out her account right before Christmas. The comforting behavior this ne’er-do-well displayed was grooming to obtain the information he needed. This is exactly what pedophiles do to children to gain their trust.

How do you avoid being a target? Date people that are within driving range. Be suspicious. If a date doesn’t feel or sound right, drop him. I’ve gone out on many dates, and at least fifty percent were wrong for one reason or another. Is someone asking questions about things they shouldn’t, such as details about your income, your medical plan, your ability to have children in the future? If so, leave fast. Do not reveal where you live or your last name until you feel safe. You’d be amazed the information you can get online by knowing only a person’s full name and hometown. Be careful what you give out on your social network sites, too.

After a close friend of mine had died, a man who knew I was vulnerable approached me. He obtained this information from one of my social media sites, which was marked friends only. Even sites you think are private are not as private as you think. People can play you when you don’t listen to your gut. We try to be nice to everyone. Don’t. If you feel uneasy about a person or situation, move on. Once you suspect you’re in a con, drop all contact. You owe this person nothing. Any communication will continue the con. You don’t have time for this type of nonsense.

Defining What You Want

Ever wonder why you dated people that weren’t right for you? This is something you realize in hindsight after you’ve invested months, even years, in a relationship that was mediocre at best. You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what it is you want.

Did you know more women initiate divorce than men do? The reason is they married a man they thought was right for them, but later on, found out differently. Often, women enter relationships without knowing exactly what they want in a man. Men tend to be more precise. If you are going shopping, it is better to know what you’re looking for so you don’t bring home someone who doesn’t fit.

Here it is the New Year, and I failed to make my man-shopping list, which might be a bad thing. It depends. According to Arielle Ford, life coach and author of Manifesting the Love of your Life with the Law of Attraction, if I don’t develop my intention about what type of man I desire, then who knows who I’ll attract to me? It may be the wrong type. I could have made the list. I started to, but burning it and finding a body of water to release the ashes on was too much work.

Considering that I would have had to sneak out under the cover of night and cross a private, snowy field to get to a body of water; my ideal man might be dressed in blue with a gun strapped to his hip. I’m not against a man in uniform, but I would like to meet under less felonious conditions.

Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You, advises against a list. She finds that you tend to overlook men who could be wonderful, but don’t exactly fit the list. Often, our lists are composed of things we deemed valuable at sixteen. Dreamy, brown eyes are not a requirement for me anymore. I think that was because of a teen heartthrob I was in love with at the time. Should looks matter?

This is a struggle. If I say they do, I sound, well…like a man. If I say they don’t, most of you would call me a liar. We like certain physical types, but that type may not be the right one for us. I’m guilty of being a reactionary. If I dated a big, muscle-bound, he-man type for the last year, I’m definitely not in the market for another. Some women look for certain physical traits, such as a deep voice and a tight butt. As for me, I like revealing eyes and clean hands. Odd combination, I know.

The eyes tell me so much if I am willing to gaze deep. The eyes are the windows to the soul. The hands tell what the eyes don’t. It doesn’t matter what a man does for a living; any man can keep his hands clean and his nails clipped. Dirty, ragged nails are an instant turnoff. While many women are checking out a man’s backside, I am checking out his hands.

Hair used to be big for me since I have excellent hair. Maybe I wanted a thick-haired man so we could toss our heads around as if in a shampoo commercial. My old preference of luxuriantly maned men changed after a couple dates with bald men and men who shaved their heads. Bald men can be scorching. Consider that at least twenty-five percent of men suffer from male-pattern baldness. Do I really want to eliminate that twenty-five percent? The percentage is actually higher in my age group. Besides excellent eyes and clean hands, what else matters on the outside?

Personally, I want men who manage to look both calm and content. There is an air of serenity about them. They look happy. Give me a pass on the angry, intense-looking men. Definitely not my style. I used to like the artistic-looking types. You know the ones, soulful eyes, overlong hair, and artistic clothing combinations. They liked me because they could smell job and health plan a mile away. Like fast food, they were something I gave up to improve my quality of life.

Instead, I went with one of my favorite interior characteristics: brains. How I love an intelligent man! I could gush all over the place about this, but he needs to be quietly intelligent, balanced with a sense of humor. An understated, dry sense of humor works well with significant intellect. Some guys are determined to prove how intelligent they are…that’s just not smart. No one likes that. I seek out brainy men, which can be done by profession. When I decided I wanted a smart and stable guy, my first thought was an engineer. My best friend teases me that I have an engineer dating profile, but I do like them…a lot. They are so