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    The Love Factor in Marriage: Explore What You Need to Know Before You Say, “I Do”
    The Love Factor in Marriage: Explore What You Need to Know Before You Say, “I Do”
    The Love Factor in Marriage: Explore What You Need to Know Before You Say, “I Do”
    Ebook173 pages2 hours

    The Love Factor in Marriage: Explore What You Need to Know Before You Say, “I Do”

    By Jenny Vassell, Dr. R. Lamar Vest and Dr, Daniel James Vassel Sr.

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    About this ebook

    Provides honest answers for persons who are considering marriage.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateAug 29, 2015
    ISBN9781682220573
    The Love Factor in Marriage: Explore What You Need to Know Before You Say, “I Do”

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      Book preview

      The Love Factor in Marriage - Jenny Vassell

      possible.

      Chapter 1

      Chaste Love

      Whether you have grown up in the church for most of your life, or you just became a Christian, let me ask you, If you should find Mr. or Mrs. Right today and get married, would you know the kind of marriage and family you want? Would it be like your mother and father? Would be like Rebecca and Isaac; Sarah and Abraham or one of your lifetime heroes or celebrities? Would it be like your faithful grandparents? Who would it be like? You may not have the perfect couple that you would like to pattern your marriage off, but do not be like many couples who got married without counting the cost.

      Begin your relationship journey by choosing to practice being a chaste lover… A chaste lover is one who is pure, modest, decent and practices living a life governed by the word and Spirit of God; rather than practicing a relationship governed by the culture of the day.

      Chaste lovers are young adults and pre-married Christian couples who are looking forward to having a life full of the favor of God in their marriage. A chaste lover’s relationship is one free from all of what is lustful or scandalous to a wholesome relationship. A chaste love is primarily referring to a godly pre- married couple’s relationship that is refraining from all acts or even thoughts or desires that are not becoming for the child of God until they say their marriage vows.

      Sure, no married couple is perfect, and hence there is no marriage that can be perfect. However, if you start your marriage with the right chaste lover, and receive the proper supports, then that marriage can be as close to perfect as possible. Jeff Herring, a relationship coach and expert, in an article entitled, Marriage: 4 Kinds of Marriage Mate said, Marriage is one of the biggest challenges a person will ever face in life. Herring says, Everyone wants a soul mate, and many times relationships will start out that way. Eventually however cracks become visible as the years of exposure to the elements begin to take a toll. Over time, the relationships degenerates and couples drift from being soul mates into being other kind of mates. As children of God, should we marry our soul mates or our companions? (Genesis 2:18). Herring went on to say, there are four kinds of marriage mates: soul mates, life mates, roommates and cell mates.

      He describes soul mates as couples in a marriage who feel connected at a soul-ullar level, where strong connection and passion is high. Life Mates have simply decided to spend their lives together, even though some of the passion and luster have worn off. These couples genuinely love each other and care about each other; they are just not passionately in love. The Room Mates are couples who have drifted from soul mates into roommates. The drift is not fast or intentional, that’s why it is called a drift. Couples get along like roommates do, with some friendliness and no passion.

      Herring states that Cell Mates are the worst kind of relationship. These couples feel trapped in a situation that neither of them believes they can get out of. People settle for less and stay in a loveless and painful situation. They intend to maintain their till death do us part vows, hoping the other goes first.

      According to the above descriptions, which kind of mate would you want to be? I believe most readers would say the soul-mate. Good choice, but how do you plan to achieve a soul-mate kind of marriage?

      Elohim, the creator of marriage, said, "It is not good for the man to be [alone], I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18). Elohim made Adam a suitable female companion with whom he could share a lifetime of commitment, intimacy, and passion. Without Eve, Adam was without an intimate partner to share his life with. The coming of Eve into the marriage fulfilled the missing portion of the equation that God designed so that Adam could experience love, passion, intimacy, pleasure, and procreation. God designed Adam the man, and Eve the woman, to live in love, intimacy, passion, and commitment as a model for all humanity.

      When God created the first couple, He set up the principle for marriage and I believe God made the first couple to live at the soulu-lar level. In Genesis 1:26-28, He (God – Elohim) blessed them (Adam and Eve) and gave them three basic commands to live by in their marriage; these commands for marriage have not changed. Sin has made a havoc of the commands, but good news, the Holy Spirit has come to restore the marriage command. In Genesis 1:28 God blessed Adam and Eve, and commanded them to be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth, subdue it and have dominion. This book will only be focusing on the first command.

      In the Genesis 1:28 text, God commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful first. He was therefore saying that before you multiply, subdue and dominate, it is important to demonstrate or produce the right fruit in your relationship. When God created mankind ( Gen 1:26 ), He placed the fruit of love in him when He blew His breathe and Adam became a living soul. Adam and Eve’s offspring were not only to be the physical fruit of the pair through multiplication, but through the love fruit they would reflect the image of God.

      The fruit of love was deposited in man when God the Spirit blew the breath of God, and man became a living soul. (Genesis 2:7) They were commanded to be fruit bearers before they were commanded to multiply. After they were told to be fruitful, God then added multiply. God was now saying to them multiply and extend the number of your family, by having loving children and re-people the earth with loving people.

      This fruit of love is further described in Gal 5:22-23 as the fruit of the Spirit. This is chaste love. It is pure in thoughts and action! It is modest! Chase love is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Chase love is pure love…It is a kind of love that chooses to give and act for the betterment of others.

      Jenny and I, along with many other scholars and Christian counselors believe the fruit Adam and Eve were commanded to be fruitful in was a chaste love, which they demonstrated through the Holy Spirit of God. This kind of love which comes through the indwelling Holy Spirit, does not grow organically and naturally as a physical fruit tree produces good fruit. It requires the constant indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit and a willing submission of the indwelt person to activate and live in that chase love.

      A natural good fruit is produced without any effort by a good tree; however, the fruit of the Spirit does not come into being automatically. It requires regular partnership between the couple and the Holy Spirit. It demands a heeding of the commands of Scripture and cooperation with the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of the couple.

      There are many interpretations and meanings given to the term fruit, but for this book I will only focus upon those that concur with fruit as love:

      Some have suggested that the singular fruit, stresses the truth that the fruit is one cluster with many individual parts, as one diamond has many facets.

      Others have suggested that the singular refers to one harvest and the unity of the characteristics that the Spirit produces within the individual.

      Another possibility is that the fruit of the Spirit is actually one, love, with the other virtues being different manifestations of love in operation. A support of such a view may be 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, where several of the things itemized as fruit in Galatians are included as identifying features of agape love.

      The fruit of the Holy Spirit that will work in the life of the couples are outlined in Galatians 5:22-23, and can be described as follows: an active love for God and each other; a rejoicing in all kinds of circumstances in marriage; peacefulness and serenity of character and peacemaking among each other; patience and longsuffering with each other; being kind to one another; seeking goodness for each other; remaining faithful and dependable in one’s relationship with God and each other; gentle and meek in accepting God’s will and in dealing with each other; and the ability to keep oneself in check and under control in all kinds of circumstances for the benefit of the marriage relationship.

      Couples entering marriage with the intention to live a lifetime of love and happiness will fail miserably without the enabling Holy Spirit’s presence and power. Coming back to the first marriage model and the three commands, God was saying, before you start to multiply, each person must strive to produce mature fruits of love in their lives. Before marriage, it is a good idea to practice serving each other in love. Choose to prefer each other in love. Start living in love before you say I Do! Make sure you are ready to live for the greater good of your

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