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Running for Them
Running for Them
Running for Them
Ebook121 pages1 hour

Running for Them

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Cancer is tough and devastating, but every day I learn how to deal with it, trying to understand its real meaning. It sounds funny because I was not afraid of death but to face a mortal sickness, (but now I know that it is not always).
LanguageEnglish
PublisherBookBaby
Release dateAug 15, 2015
ISBN9781483558073
Running for Them

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    Running for Them - María Cristina Urzaiz Lares

    Epilogue

    Introduction

    I have no doubt that talking about cancer means talking for real. That it is a hard and a devastating disease. At the same time, I feel it every day more and I am learning to live with it, trying to understand what it means.

    It is funny because at no moment I have felt the fear to die; instead I have had the fear of facing a mortal disease (even though now I know that that is not always the case).

    The moment the doctor told me, and by telephone: You have breast cancer, I felt like a yank to my soul, because I understood what he meant; although I actually did not know the implications that well.

    I did not hear the rest of the conversation, nor did I care. Just those four words.

    I got the news alone in my home in Merida, at night while raining.

    I was not ready to hear them and I did not even know about the subject at all.

    Of course, we have all heard about cancer and we pay it respect.

    The truth is that there was not much to do, but nothing to think of too.

    And of course, an infinity to feel.

    In just a few seconds, I fell into a deep cry, before God, and let it all out with the confusion that surrounded me.

    It was a definitive sentence.

    However, how far would it get?

    How far do we all?

    Up to what was the real possibility of dying?

    First thing I thought was how I was going to tell my children and Memo, my siblings, and my people.

    Then, I tried to find out if I was ready to die and understand what this meant.

    Difficult!!!

    I cried for long, with healing tears, until I pampered myself and told myself: this is the moment to know if you are a truth or a lie, if you are only talking and saying or if you believe in consciousness, if you are who you pretend to be.

    And that calmed me down.

    It was an intimate and very intense moment in which I thought, why is it useful to live believing in God, because when we are faced with the possibility of dying we feel the world crumbling down?

    It was a moment in which I asked myself what was I made of and in which I saw myself, upfront, wearing no masks.

    Without a doubt, there was an answer to be found; because I was not going to spend the rest of my life crying. There was no time for it, since I could be dying.

    I did not sleep well at all; however, the next day I saw life differently, like someone saying goodbye to it and to everyone.

    There was a deep sadness in my soul and a great sorrow in my face.

    I dried out my tears and got down to work.

    It was the time to clear out the panorama, but also to find solutions, if there were any.

    First was to calm down in order to think right.

    Second, facing the storm and daring to give the news.

    I had to find a positive way to give such devastating news.

    I did the best I could, and tried to put my thoughts together.

    Feelings were coming one after another and I started seeing everything as if it was a movie.

    At the bottom all I could hear was the voice of Delia telling me: you have got to tell your daughters.

    And so I did the next day, and of course tears ran down as well as suffering, as it has been one of the most intense moments of my life, but also one of the most beautiful ones, because I felt deeply loved. Their scared faces and their anguish filled my soul with tenderness and strength. Without knowing it, that is how I started to realize that I had to make things smoother for them, and that life would not be the one to do it. That it had to be me the one to find a way to move through it.

    We hugged a thousand times; I dried their tears off and suddenly felt the need to not get plunged into desperation, because I knew I would drag them down with me.

    Instead, I took a deep breath, they hugged me, and then I knew I was not going to be alone, no matter how it was going to be, I could face the disease and defeat it.

    DAY 1. KILOMETER 1

    There is now way to know if something is good or bad; many times, the worst situations bring us the greatest joys and reveal unexpected things of life.

    It was almost two weeks ago that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, so timely.

    This made a great difference, because today I have a good prognosis and the certainty that soon I will be able to heal perfectly.

    It was a great coincidence, because during an extra screening that was not supposed to take place, the disease was spotted, we quickly reacted and at this precise moment I am entering the operating room.

    I cannot say that I was not very scared at the beginning, and I thought what you were probably thinking too: That I was going to die; but that anguish did not last long because I started understanding that even though living means dying, it was not yet the time to go. And I calmed down.

    How can I object God for his decision of taking my life away? It was enough to recall Tere’s words some years ago: Mommy, I’ve been thinking, that if God gave me life, then he should take it away when he wants, then I understood how reasonable it is to think like that.

    I immediately reacted and acted upon it, because I also knew I had to find out the status of my disease, and what was really going on with me.

    The truth is that did not have even the faintest idea of what cancer really was, even though I have heard so much about it.

    Little by little I started realizing that the detection had been very timely and that I was not going to die, and I also started understanding that the words cancer and death are not synonyms, that there are great differences among them and that actions had to be taken soon.

    In just a few days, the issue was clear and

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