Love Upside Down: Life, Love and the Subversive Jesus

First published by O-Books, 2011

O-Books is an imprint of John Hunt Publishing Ltd., Laurel House, Station Approach,

Alresford, Hants, SO24 9JH, UK

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Text copyright: Steven Ogden 2010

ISBN: 978 1 84694 546 5

All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers.

The rights of Steven Ogden as author have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Design: Stuart Davies

Printed in the UK by CPI Antony Rowe

Printed in the USA by Offset Paperback Mfrs, Inc

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I am grateful for the interest and support of Norm Hunter, Nigel  Leaves, Gloria Parker, Lee Parker, Susan Crothers-Robertson and Hannah Robertson. They all played their part in the evolution of  this work of love.

Our sons Lachlan, Duncan and Sam, have taken an active  interest in the project. Their spontaneity and clarity have always  been welcome.

Anne my wife, friend and lover, has taught me much about  love, perhaps the hardest lessons of all. Her presence and  courage permeate this book.

Steven Ogden

PREFACE

Oh no, not another book on love? But this is different. This is for people who are looking for a gritty account of life, love and the quandaries of human existence. It is written for those who want an authentic account of love that respects human experience, but which is able to mine the depths of a greater wisdom.

I tap into the Christian tradition, but there is no old man in the sky pulling the strings. There is no bible bashing here. This is an exploration for 21st century thinkers and lovers. It is designed for all sorts of people, from searching Christians to broad minded agnostics and atheists, who are interested in love.

As I look back on my life, it is the exquisite moments of love that have given me the elation of grace and the consolation of dignity. This is because love puts everything in perspective; it forms a new horizon that enables me to say This doesn’t matter or This matters and I will risk everything.

The cutting edge for this horizon of love comes from my experience of re-visiting Christianity. On my return, I discovered not the meek and mild Jesus of Sunday school fame; but the subversive Jesus of the first century, who caused great scandal in the name of love. The problem with Jesus is that for him: people were more important than venerable institutions, governing principles and religious dogma.

For many of us, this is not the kind of love we expected. This is love upside down. But there is no hocus pocus, it is about changing our perceptions and how that changes who we are. Its key characteristic is how we see others. When we begin to see others, when we take them seriously, we see them for the first time.

1

A DIFFERENT KIND OF SEEING

Love at First Sight

The evening was made for love. The planets were aligned and the sky was clear, with a full moon set among a dazzling array of stars. A throng of teenage boys made their way to the girls’ cabin, with the stealth of a finely tuned commando unit. There was no turning back.

The summer holiday camp took place in low-lying mountains on the outskirts of the city. The teachers, who were responsible for the well-being of a hundred thirteen year olds, were sound asleep. We knew this because we had carefully studied their movements over the last three days.

Trevor, the captain of the school football team, tapped nervously on the door of the girls’ cabin. His diffidence was uncharacteristic. Nevertheless, it was a barometer of the weight of expectation. Immediately Rachel, the school’s chess champion, opened the door and squealed with delight. We poured in. The cabin, consisting of 4 double bunks, was brimming with 16 giggling adolescents. The mind boggles.

As I made my way into the middle of the cabin, I looked up and saw Sally sitting on top of her bunk, quietly surveying the scene below. She was diminutive, with blue eyes and a beautiful radiant-smile. I liked Sally a great deal. I had spoken to her at school on a few occasions with some stunning remarks like May I borrow your red pen? or What did the teacher say? These gems were excuses to establish a connection. With every exchange, she spoke with warmth and grace beyond her years. The fact I was not one of the in-group only accentuated the deep and enduring impression she made on me.

Earlier that day, Trevor, Rachel and Sally decided in advance that we would play spin the bottle. This was an ancient pastime, probably invented by courtesans in the middle Ages, which now provided teenagers with ample opportunity for kissing. It was a simple game. To begin, a bottle was placed in the center of the room, with the girls and boys forming a circle around the bottle. Then everyone present would take turns to spin the bottle. When the bottle stopped spinning, the bottle spinner had to kiss the boy or girl directly opposite this glass pointer. It was pure genius.

It was my turn. I picked up the bottle, which weighed heavily in my shaking hand. I looked up and yes, Sally was smiling at me with that radiant smile. With determination, I gave the bottle an almighty spin and as a consequence it took forever to stop. When it did, it was pointing at Sally. The cabin was silent. I inched forward with my heart beating uncontrollably. As I motioned to kiss Sally, I noticed her beautifully shaped crimson mouth was slightly open. Without thinking, I closed my eyes at the point of consummation, but instead of the anticipated bliss, there was an eruption of wild laughter and barefaced scorn. I opened my eyes to find Sally pulling away and scurrying back up into the safety of her bunk. I was mortified.

I turned around and moved slowly staring at the cabin floor and then I slumped corpse-like on a bottom level bunk. It was a small death. I would have gladly gone to the grave then and there. It was partly out of embarrassment, but it was more out of a sense of loss. Soon realizing that I looked ridiculous, I sat up quickly and pretended to be jolly. The group had long forgotten my demise and was now concentrating on the next spin of the bottle. Instinctively, I cast an eye at Sally, only to find she was looking at me. She looked a little teary, which only made her more beautiful. Curiously, she was not staring. She was not coy. She was simply looking at me, as if to say this is a little crazy, but I care. At that precise moment, I fell in love.

I had seen Sally many times before. I knew what she looked like. I knew her friends. I knew some of her interests. But I saw her differently now. It was as though I saw Sally for the first time. In that sense, it was love at first sight, but it was a different kind of seeing. This was a mutual apprehension of the other, a dawning and a recognition that created a bond between us. Once she was a girl at school, but now she was Sally. Yes, even her name took on new meaning. For a moment, there was a spark of love.

Love is personal, but it is not small or trivial. It is our link with the world. Love is complex. It is hard to define. It is subject to change yet capable of longevity, through thick and thin, success and failure, triumph and tragedy. From Shakespeare and Jane Austen to Seinfeld and Fawlty Towers: love is tragic, tragicomic and just plain comic. Yet it is redeeming, even transcendent. And all this was true of my encounter with Sally. For many reasons my relationship with Sally soon faded away. But even now, her name calls to mind an experience of love.

When Sally looked at me that night, with such sweet tenderness, her very being evoked something decent and wonderful from within me. I had not expected this at all. Naturally, this brief encounter included her smiling face, her demur manner and feisty spirit, but there was something about her as a whole person, which was a source of surprise and wonder. For a moment, an exquisite moment, my horizons, my perception and my world had changed.

Where Am I Going and Why

I am exploring love and how love changes our perceptions and behavior. In particular love, by changing us, dramatically changes the way we relate to other people, because it helps us deal with the problem of difference. Differences, like gender, can be threatening making people feel vulnerable and do irrational and destructive things. From a Christian perspective, love is a force to be reckoned with, because it turns us upside down. It does this by drawing us into the life of love, such that we gladly embrace those who are different. But it is profoundly counter-cultural.

I will develop these themes later, but it is important to signal them now. In Chapter 2, I will explore what I am calling love-substitutes and their relationship to vulnerability. Love-substitutes are cheap imitations of the real thing. I will concentrate, however, on why human beings feel vulnerable in the face of difference, where difference covers things like gender or sexuality. In chapter 3, I will develop the theme of the horizon of love. The horizon of love is the big picture that puts the details of our lives into perspective. I also will name Christianity’s unwanted baggage and focus on Jesus and his passionate commitment to love. This is a pivotal chapter because it brings together several themes and spells out my perspective on love, which provides the foundation for the next three chapters. The key is once we see other people differently, we act differently and we are transformed in the process. In chapters 4, 5 and 6, I will look at the impact of love in relation to women, ecology and homosexuality. The important question is: why do some people react negatively toward women, the environment and lesbian and gay people? I will also use the chapter on homosexuality as an opportunity to draw together and develop further the themes of vulnerability, difference and the power of love to renew people and communities. In chapter 7, I will outline the future possibilities of love and the ways it can turn our world upside down. Lastly, I am writing largely for a Western context that includes Europe, North America,