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    How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks
    How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks
    How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks
    Ebook168 pages1 hour

    How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks

    By Anna Skinner

    3/5

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    About this ebook

    Stuck with a boss from hell? Trying to escape a bad date? Looking for a way to fix a friendship, or make it through your next family reunion? Believe it or not, the solutions to each of these dilemmas (and many more!) can all be found in this book.
    You'll also pick up tips on scoring a table for two at the swankiest spots in town, redecorating your place on a shoestring budget, and getting your hands on a super cheap plane fare. You'll even learn how to get out of credit card debt once and for all, how to shake a devastating break-up -- and, of course, how to pee standing up.
    Packed with loads of advice that every hip chick needs to sail through those sticky situations, How to Pee Standing Up is your must-have guide to life. In fact, we don't know how you've made it this far without it!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherPocket Books
    Release dateJun 30, 2008
    ISBN9780743483056
    How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks
    Author

    Anna Skinner

    Anna Skinner is a freelance writer and editor. She writes about travel, health, natural living, beauty, teen girls, and the arts. She is the author of How to Pee Standing Up: Tips for Hip Chicks. 

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    • 3/5
      A silly romp into a world full of freebies, indulgences, and women who can avoid sitting on nasty public toilet seats, this book is a great palate-cleanser for the more serious reader and a fun read for any girl.

    Book preview

    How to Pee Standing Up - Anna Skinner

    1

    BEAT THE BANK

    mission: To pull yourself out of the red and into the black. (And who doesn’t look great in black?)

    So there you are, swinging through life buying a teensy bauble here, an itty-bitty new purse there, and occasionally taking that hottie down the hall to a nice little din-din to cheer him up after a lousy audition. Everyone deserves a little pampering now and then, you tell yourself. Your friends tell you the same thing, sympathetically—especially when you’re picking up the check. And that’s when you get the call. You know the one—it’s usually from a Mr. Green or a Ms. White, and it almost always begins with something misleadingly polite like, We’d like to speak to you right away about your credit card balance. Why are they bothering me? you ask. It was just a pair of shoes! you think. And finally: What’s with the color-coded pseudonyms?

    We hate to inform you, but you’ve fallen into the dreaded Deadly Debt Trap. All credit cards should come with a label: Warning! Warning! Credit cards are not free money! But they don’t, and before you know it, you’re maxed out and have zero money left over after paying your bills. How’s a person supposed to lead a fabulous life with a budget of nada?

    Stupid Reasons for Going into Credit Card Debt

    1. Gucci brings out my green eyes.

    2. With a big-screen TV like that, who needs a boyfriend?

    3. My honey may be a deadbeat, but he’s my little deadbeat!

    4. Bloomingdale’s is on my way to work. Like that’s my fault.

    5. By buying those Ralph Lauren sheets on sale, I’m actually saving money!

    Having credit card debt is like wearing a heavy ankle bracelet (we’re talking house arrest, not a fashion accessory) 24/7. It keeps you from building any kind of savings, including your See Ya Sucker Stash (see Hit the Road), and can make it harder for you to rent apartments, get loans, or buy a house.

    Proper Credit Card Conduct

    Transfer your balances to cards that earn you freebies, like airline mileage.

    Transfer your balances to a card that has an extremely low APR* (like no interest for a year), then try to pay it off before that introductory APR is raised.

    Always pay more than the minimum, but not so much that you don’t have enough to pay other bills.

    Finally, screen your calls—no need to let Mr. White ruin your night. Just be sure to pay the bill the next day.

    Tips for Getting out of Debt

    Don’t live in denial. Figure out everything and everybody you owe.

    Lower your expenses. Tap into your inner Disciplinarian, who can slap down your inner Princess from time to time. When you start to whip out the plastic, ask yourself: Oh, fabulous one, is this a need or an indulgence? Learn to tell the difference between the two; indulge when you have the cash in hand, but try to do it cheaply. (See Blue-Chip Babes.)

    Increase your income. Get two jobs (it can be done) or a higher-paying gig until your debt is paid off.

    Get help. Call the Consumer Credit Counseling Services at (800) 577-2227.

    *APR: Aaah, a term we’ve all grown to know and love. It stands for Annual Percentage Rate—in other words, the cost of not paying off that balance. Hey, those credit card folks don’t phone because they want to hear how your day went.

    2

    BLUE-CHIP BABE

    mission: To please your inner Rich Bitch without taking down a liquor store.

    A bad salary is worse than a rotten mission: A mission has a beginning and an end, but having a busted bank account can make you feel trapped. It can also send you into Debtor Hell, running up Visa accounts willy-nilly in an attempt to live large on a paycheck that isn’t. Fact: Going into debt is never glamorous.

    But it just isn’t easy maintaining one’s wicked ways on a budget that’s more Bud and beans than cocktails and caviar. For those of you who know that true style is measured by how much your feet hurt, here are a few savvy tips.

    Style

    Without glamour, we may as well be Jane Doe. And let’s face it, Miss Jane is a dull girl.

    Blue-Chip Babe Tip #1

    You’ve cruised the Saturday night cineplex scene, but have you discovered the meditative charm of matinees? Sneak in your own chocolate treats and a cup of mint tea, instead of eating high-priced nachos and hot dogs of suspicious origin. You’ll leave feeling restored—not rotund.

    1. Offer to model for a hair salon (preferably one that doesn’t have Super in its name), in exchange for free haircuts and highlights.

    2. For cheap style ideas, cruise used bookstores for cool ’50s and ’60s cookbooks (for entertaining ideas) and ’70s fashion and decor books (for funky style).

    3. Carry your bad self into any high-end boutique or department store and try on the most expensive thing. If you lose your nerve, just pretend you’re Courtney Love, the high priestess of brazenness. If you’re really good, the sales staff will have no idea that you have exactly $19 in your checking account. This is also an excellent exercise in role playing.

    4. Invest in two bottles of nail polish—I recommend Cherry Red for when you’re feeling nice and Blood Red for naughtier times—nail polish remover, and a nail file. Give yourself weekly manicures and pedicures, changing colors to suit your mood. This will make you feel high-maintenance.

    5. Buy a car that’s vintage and stylish (like an old El Camino); this way, it will appear that your crappy car is really an aesthetic choice.

    Bathe Like a Goddess

    Combine two cups of fine sea salt (at your grocery or health food store) with one ounce of oil (grapeseed, sweet almond, or olive) and six to eight drops of pure, essential oil (rose or lavender is nice). Mix well. Gently massage the salt all over your naked bod (excluding the face and neck), picking up what falls into the tub and reusing it. Then fill your tub with water.

    Shelter

    Your shelter is the sanctuary in which you’ll recover from the oh-so-draining pressure of a fabulous life on the go. These are small touches that can turn your modest little hovel into a full-on swankienda.

    1. Always keep a bottle of champagne in your refrigerator, and be sure to toast yourself in the tub (hey, just for being you!) while you watch your toenails dry.

    2. Keep a few extravagant food items in your refrigerator—like $12 brandied peaches from France or perishable Hawaiian honey. You don’t have to open them; it’s enough to know that they are there.

    3. Subscribe to high-style shelter magazines instead of buying them on the stands (where 3 issues cost the same price as a year’s subscription). You’ll find excellent ideas about how the jet set decorate their villas, castles, and, well, jets.

    4. Imbibe at home (preferably not alone) and only high-end liquors. You can make Sapphire (a color that looks great on everyone) martinis at home for less than $2 a tipple.

    5. Find a male submissive in the personal columns, and order him to come clean your house.

    Trade in your unwanted CDs (here’s a tip: anything from your boy-band days) for new ones (such as the rockin’ sounds of hipper boy-band The Strokes or the sexy grooves of Zero 7) at used record stores.

    Blue-Chip Babe Tip #2

    Drop into a swank gym, and tell them you’re interested in signing up but would like to try out the facilities first. Then have your very own day at the spa—and never go back. Hey, it’s legal!

    Stepping Out

    The social arena is a good place to test your disguises—with or without the troops.

    1. Taxi! If you are carless, occasionally splurge on cab rides instead of schlepping it on the bus. You’ll feel important, even if your destination is the dump where you flip burgers.

    2. Here’s a handy disguise with unlimited benefits (including discounts all over your town): the poverty-stricken student. Snag a student ID from a junior or city college by signing up for classes.

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