Deeply Superficial

Adoption

Despite the fact there is no documentary evidence to suggest, much less back up, my conviction that I was adopted, this did not stop me from approaching my parents with this firmly-held belief.

In November 1946 I was twelve years old, the second of four children born to Clive and Mary Menzies, a devoted middle-class couple who had lived their entire lives—single and married— in faraway New Zealand.

What finally brought about this discussion of adoption was the birthday gift of money my mother had given me with one proviso: I could only buy books. This and the toy theater that Clive had built for me remain the best remembered and most-loved of all the gifts I received during my childhood.

At that age I understood quantity better than quality and so I bought the biggest books that the money allowed me. Among these was the first autobiography written by Noël Coward called Present Indicative. The cover featured the author, elegantly suited and poised with his pen upraised, as if the photographer had interrupted his writing.

I proudly showed my mother the purchases I had made.

She liked Tales from Shakespeare. She had never heard of Le Petit Prince but didn’t seem to mind it. Seems charming, she said as she flicked through the pages. Prater Violet and The Berlin Stories by Christopher Isherwood elicited no response, but when she came to the Coward autobiography, she made a sort of gurgling sound, clutched her pearls, and quite clearly displayed disapproval.

I don t think this is quite suitable, she said.

But you said I could buy whatever I liked. (It was the largest book I had bought.)

I did, she admitted, but… Her voice trailed off, her mouth a moue, full of lemon juice.

Of course, this made me extremely curious and I immediately read Coward’s autobiography, gulping his words and thoughts greedily, as if they were English trifle (to this day, my favorite dessert). Like the character Amanda in Coward’s masterpiece play Private Lives, I became jagged with sophistication at the age of twelve, and went around saying, I love you awfully. Awfully, awfully, dreadfully, awfully.

I thought it sounded very worldly.

Reading between the lines of his book, I became aware that Coward was a homosexual. A reference concerning a vacation he took at age fifteen with an artist ten years his senior, who painted Noël nude posing on rocks at the beach, was the first indication. But as he gained adulthood, journeys undertaken with male companions only became commonplace and clinched the conviction.

I knew I was different at age five, when in the changing room at the school swimming pool I couldn’t take my eyes off Barry Fenton’s perfect legs. I wanted to touch them, tracing their outline, feeling their strength. I felt guilty and excited and terribly confused. I knew instinctively these feelings were wrong. To this day a shapely male leg still can send shivers through me.

The knowledge that I shared these inclinations towards the male sex with Coward comforted me hugely. All the guilt and shame I had felt about this part of my nature growing up, and the resultant exclusion and avoidance of straight boyhood companions, slid from me like a snake shedding its skin.

After consuming Present Indicative, my sexuality never bothered me again.

I could become as beloved and famous and as successful as Coward, for his homosexuality never held him back. Although it was well known in most circles that he preferred the male sex, it was never discussed openly during his lifetime. He made no effort to hide it, but felt coming out may disappoint a few blue haired old ladies in Groton-by-the-Sea who still fancy me. I wouldn’t want to disillusion them.

I was determined that my homosexuality would not hold me back either. If Coward could do it, so could I.

I was deeply impressed by two remarks in his book. He refused to suffer, he wrote rather grandly. I thought this was an excellent philosophy, although a few chapters later he described days of pain and agony and even hospitalization from a case of hemorrhoids. But the maxim refuse to suffer entered and stayed in my consciousness.

The other remark that struck me with force was that he always traveled first class. I interpreted first class as a state of mind rather than what is written on the ticket.

Present Indicative had made an indelible impression upon me to say the least.

It was also through this book that I was introduced to Marlene Dietrich, the glamorous German actress/singer.

It appeared that she had seen Coward play the eponymous Scoundrel in a Hollywood film. Enormously taken with his elegance, his clipped speaking voice, and most of all his strong individual and very personal acting style, she felt compelled to phone him in England, where he resided, from her home in Los Angeles.

International calls at that time were difficult, handled by operators, and often sputtering with static.

Already world famous, Marlene Dietrich purred huskily into the overseas connection, This is Marlene Dietrich.

And I am Marie, Queen of Rumania, Coward replied, hanging up the telephone. He thought it was a practical joke being played on him by one of his friends. He would have none of it.

Further insistent calls convinced him it was indeed Dietrich, and their lifelong and devoted friendship began that day.

As for my book purchases, I didn’t bother with Tales from Shakespeare, agreeing with Dame Edith Evans’ opinion that Lady Macbeth had a peculiar idea of hospitality. I gave Le Petit Prince to my sister, who scrawled all over it with crayons.

I liked the Isherwood books, but I loved Coward’s!

So I re-read Present Indicative.

The more I read about both Noël and Marlene, scouring magazines for news of them, going to any movies that featured either of them that were shown in Auckland, New Zealand, listening almost exclusively to their music, the more I became convinced that in some way, somehow, sometime I was connected to them in a mysterious, inexplicable manner. I didn’t fit in at school; I didn’t fit in at home. I even told Barry Fenton that his legs were as beautiful as Marlene Dietrich’s. He told me I was crazy and ran off.

And then—of course! A flash like a paparazzi camera—it all became clear: I was their love child (the dates didn’t really fit but were close enough if one fudged a little). It could have happened. It could be true—I could be their offspring!

After dinner one night, with my brothers and sister outside playing some childish game that with my newfound sophistication I eschewed, I approached my parents.

It had taken a few days for me to build up the courage to do this. It could forever change our relationship and my life.

I have something I want to tell you, I said. Mary laid aside her knitting (a Fair Isle sweater) and looked at me with kind interest. Clive stopped whatever he was doing and gave me his full attention.

Boldly and with total confidence, I spoke in a rush.

I – know – I – am – adopted – and – I– know – my – real – parents – are – Noël – Coward – and – Marlene – Dietrich. I – also – know– the reason – they – sent – me – to – New – Zealand – was – to – avoid – an – international – scandal – which – could – have – ruined – their – careers!

The words tumbled out like a waterfall, an avalanche.

That’s how I came to be here, I finished a little lamely. In New Zealand, I added. I made New Zealand sound so strange, as if I were on the Moon.

It had always seemed to me very unfair that I was stuck in that country at the bottom of every map of the world, when I knew for a fact that I was meant to be up near the top of the map—striding the boulevards of Paris, jostling with opening night crowds, attending plays or films or personal appearances of my real parents. Sailing across the Atlantic on the Bremen or the Normandie or the Queen Mary (first class, of course).

Neither Clive nor Mary responded.

There was a long, awkward silence.

Clive eventually broke it.

You are right, son, he said. You are their child. Just please don’t tell your brothers and sister.

A weight lifted from my shoulders. All knots of doubt unraveled. I felt free! It was true: I was the love child of Coward and Dietrich.

I had never loved Clive or Mary more than at that moment.

Years later, I realized the enormous gift they had given me: the freedom to indulge my imagination, no matter how wild, how improbable. It was a better gift than the toy theater or the money they had given me to buy books. In fact, it was one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given, and it has shaped my life.

CHAPTER TWO

Deeply Superficial

It was pop artist Andy Warhol who coined the phrase.

I am deeply superficial, he once admitted.

A flippant response or a serious one? I like to think he was serious.

Unlike Warhol, Noël Coward and Marlene Dietrich attempted to overcome the critical perception of them as superficial. They would never have considered describing themselves as such, deeply or otherwise.

Coward’s critics bemoaned the thinness of his plays. He briskly answered them: Next time I will write you a fat one.

After the release of her first two films (The Blue Angel and Morocco), critics who had praised Dietrich’s acting now focused instead on the seductive allure of her face, so perfectly lit, and the beauty of her legs, lauded as the most beautiful legs in the world. However, they considered her lightweight, and seldom took her seriously as an actress. I believe this was a result of the choice of her material.

The lives of Coward and Dietrich are extraordinary by anyone’s standards.

They both became internationally famous in the 1920s and remained so for the rest of their lives. They lived in the rarefied air of celebrity. They had created images in the public eye as glamorous, sophisticated, elegant, world-weary, mysterious, and wildly successful. They were world travelers. They dressed exquisitely. They were witty. They were sought after.

In 1924, Noël wrote a great whacking part for himself in his breakthrough play, The Vortex, which had major success in London and New York. He played a drug-addicted son of a vain mother who had lovers the same age as he. This immediately established him as a modern writer/actor whose finger was on the pulse of the times. A chronicler of the Bright Young Things.

Success took me to her bosom like a maternal boa constrictor, Coward wrote. Decadent, neurotic, filth answered some critics. It was all excellent for business and gave Coward a reputation as smart, nervy, and brilliant, all of which would remain part of his legend for the next fifty years or so.

Because of the immense success of The Vortex, producers were clamoring for more from Noël, so he dug deep into his drawer and rescued a couple of comedies that had previously been roundly rejected by most theater managements. In no time flat he had three plays running simultaneously in the West End. Hay Fever and Fallen Angels joined The Vortex as long-running hits, sealing Noël’s position in the theater.

He became a master of self-publicity. The legend of my modesty grew and grew, he noted. I became extraordinarily unspoiled by my great success!

In 1930, Marlene Dietrich shot to worldwide fame with her first starring role in the German-made movie The Blue Angel. Paramount Pictures instantly signed her to a long-term Hollywood contract. She left straight from the premiere screening of her film in her native Berlin to catch the boat train and sail to America. No shilly-shallying for our Marlene!

The same year Noël wrote music, lyrics, and the book to his operetta Bitter Sweet, followed soon after by his masterpiece play Private Lives. He also wrote and staged the massive Cavalcade, a deeply patriotic play with a cast of four hundred. No shilly-shallying for Noël either! By the age of thirty-one, he was known throughout his profession as The Master.

He was constantly recognized, constantly quoted. Fodder for gossip magazines, his stories and quotes told and re-told at parties.

Did you hear what Noël said…?

Do you mean the Douglas Fairbanks story?

And someone would tell the story: A woman dining in the same restaurant as Coward approached him and said, ‘You must remember me. I met you when I was with Douglas Fairbanks.’

Madam, replied Noël, there are days when I don’t even remember Douglas Fairbanks.

Laughter would remind someone of another story…and so the legend began to grow. Was there anything he couldn’t do?

Well, I can’t saw ladies in half, or perform on the trapeze, but I’m working on it, he jauntily replied.

Across the Atlantic, Marlene Dietrich was making her own impact. Her first Hollywood movie was