Dear Lord I Think I Married the Wrong Person-Her Story

Dear Lord, I Think I Married The Wrong Person

By Ayanna Lynnay

Published by ChosenButterflyPublishing LLC

Copyright April 2012

Smashwords Edition

www.cb-publishing.com

Edited by www.extractthevision.com

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard workof these authors.

Our Testimonies

Dedication

Introduction

When the Vows Break {Pastor Kim Parson}

UnHoly Matrimony {Evangelist Theresa Scott}

Two Halves Don’t Equal a Whole {Rev. Dawn Williams}

Don’t Get Got {Bobbie Clark Alexander}

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know {Tennie Tyler}

Sleeping with the Enemy {Rev. Vernora Gibbs -Chisolm}

A Marriage Built on Sand Cannot Stand {Ayanna Clark}

The Story Behind My Bling Bling {Pastor Joanne Schlicher}

Taking the Lord at HIS Word {Tabitha Shannon}

Broken to be Made Whole {Sherell Edwards}

Looking for Love in All The Wrong Places {DaNita Greene}

A Puzzle is Not Complete Without You {Genita Gentry}

Marriage is Not Always a Fairytale {Kendell Lenice}

In Spite of It All I Made It {Prophetess Amanda Williams}

The Love of Jesus Brought Me Out {Prophetess Tracy Davis}

~Each author’s bio proceeds their chapter

Dedication

To our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who died for our sins Past, Present and Future.

To our Families (especially our children) who have been there through the good and bad.

To our husbands and ex-husbands Thank You! Because without you this book could not have been written and valuable lessons would never have been learned.

Introduction

You don’t have to be a person of faith to know divorce is not the will or desire of God. The Bible states the Lord hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) So what would cause a Christian believer to do something that God hates? Absolutely Nothing! At least, that is what I believed until I found myself facing divorce. It is amazing how strong our convictions are until we find ourselves walking in shoes we never wanted or thought we would wear.

The Bible says what God joins together let no man separate, but what do you do when you know in your heart God did not join you with the person you married? I battled so hard with the idea of divorce and even found myself asking, Is willfully marrying the wrong person the only sin that equals a death sentence? (We did take vows of unto death do us part)

Since the dissolution of my marriage, I have learned so many valuable lessons that I would have never learned had I not gone through what I went through. I strongly believe that we go through things in life not just for ourselves, but for others and the only way others will ever know what we have gone through is if we tell them. The purpose of this book is to do just that; To tell our stories.

I knew I was not the only one who said at one point in time Dear Lord, I Think I Married the Wrong Person so I invited others to share their testimonies as well. The testimonies you are about to read are REAL. Written by real women of God at different levels of faith who found themselves facing real issues.

I want to tell you upfront that although all the Co-Authors are Christians this is not a theology book filled with scriptures to justify our actions. We all recognize we could have done many things differently, but we are willing to be transparent and share how we felt and what we learned in order for you not to have to go through some of the things we went through. It is our prayer that you would take something positive away from what we did right as well as what we did wrong.

This book is not pro-divorce it is pro-waiting on God. Before getting married, During the rough times in your marriage and even After a marriage. It has been my experience that if you don’t wait on God before getting into something, you will find yourself waiting on God to get you out or to bring you in what you really need and desire. Either way you slice it, you must wait on God and trust Him in the midst of your waiting.

My prayer for Singles is: Don’t compromise for any reason because in the end, it is never worth it. My prayer for the Married person who may be going through a difficult time in your marriage is: Draw closer to the Lord and follow His instructions, please don’t just follow your feelings and emotions. Our feelings and emotions can cause us to walk right outside the will of God and suffer the consequences. Feelings and emotions are an indication of what we should be praying about and not necessarily how we should be acting. This is why you must draw closer to the Lord so you can obtain the strength you will need to override your emotions during this time. My prayer for those who have gone through or are going through a divorce, may you understand that while the Lord may hate divorce, He still loves the divorcee. Jesus died so we can have life and life more abundant. There is still life and life more abundant even after a divorce!

Father God in the name of Jesus, I Thank you for your Grace and Mercy in Jesus name!

Love and Blessings to all,

Ayanna Lynnay

Acknowledgments

I want to say Thank You to my sisters who bravely shared their testimonies to be a blessing to someone else. The fourteen of you have blessed me more than you even realize and I know your testimonies will be a blessing to others as well. I pray that the Lord will continue to use you and all that you have been through, for His glory. I pray the Lord will bless you, your families, and everything you put your hands to will prosper.

Thank you Coach Tomasso for all of your assistance and for editing our book. May the Lord open up even more doors for you to use your gift.

Our Testimonies

Pastor Kim Parsons

Is the Pastor of Vision of Hope Ministries located in Charlotte, North Carolina. She is the mother of five beautiful daughters. Pastor Kim Parsons (affectionately known as Pastor Kim) has over 20 years’ experience as an educator and Motivational Speaker to young women and men. She also assisted her former husband in pastoring for over 25 years.

Pastor Kim obtained her Bachelor’s Degree in Early Childhood and Elementary Education from Temple University in Philadelphia Pennsylvania and went on to obtain a Masters Degree in Education Administration from Cheyney University, located on the outskirts of Philadelphia. She has served as both a Teacher and Principal in the Philadelphia Public Schools and private school sector. She was the founder and CEO of a Christian school in Philadelphia, which served as an educational safe haven for many at-risk youth.

She has inspired men, women and youth at workshops, retreats, college campuses, and various platforms and events. She also has an online ministry which sends out daily email blasts entitled Pastor Kim’s Corner of Power! This provides tech-savvy Christians the opportunity to read the word each day using their laptop, desktop, iPod, etc. It’s a qualitative Word from the Lord in sixty seconds or less!

Throughout all her endeavors, inspiring youth and troubled families to obtain education is her passion! Her motivational scripture is: Jeremiah 29:11 ~ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Pastor Kim is also the author of a journal book entitled Daily Affirmations for Everyday Living. This book provides scriptures and words of encouragement in many areas of life. It also provides the reader with an opportunity to use the word of God to speak over their life each day; visualizing and creating a positive future. She truly believes we are what we say we are; which is why self-motivation through the word of God is so important in a person’s life.

Her motto is: Proverbs 18:21 ~ Life and death is in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof!

Contact Pastor Kim via Website: http://www.clubvision.webs.com

Email address: [email protected]

Facebook: Pastor Kim

When the Vows Break*Testimony of Pastor Kim Parson

Honestly, I don't really think I married the wrong man; I just think we both strayed away from the will of God at different times, and it spiraled into something bigger than our faith could handle. Marriage is one of the most selfless acts anyone could enter into, yet we enter into it to receive more than we can give or are willing to give. If a person honestly feels as though they married the wrong person, then they would have to ask themselves what was the reason they got married. Was it really for love? Or was it to get away from home? Perhaps it was for security? Whatever the reason, marriage is a commitment; a commitment of two people working together. One of the reasons God ordained marriage was because it was His guarantee for Godly offspring. (Malachi 2:13-15)

I had gotten saved at the age of 14 and met my husband in the summer of the following year. I got married at the age of 19. My husband had recently gotten saved and from my understanding at that time we were no longer unequally yoked. I had been born and raised in church, so I knew that I could not marry him if he wasn’t saved, however, I did go against the grain and date him. I had been witnessing to him over the years, but he did not appear to be interested, and although we talked about marriage, I told him that would not happen because he was not a Christian. Well, lo and behold, after a period of time of us dating off and on as teenagers he got saved!

I was at Howard University, and I hadn’t heard from him in months, so I called his family and they told me he had moved to Philadelphia and gave me a phone number. When I called him, he said that he had been praying about me! What? Praying about me? He stated that he had gotten saved, and we were no longer unequally yoked! Wow! There was no way I was letting him get away. My prayers had not been in vain. So we honored God by getting a license to have sex!

At that stage in our lives, a twenty-year-old and a nineteen year old, only two things mattered- serving God and having sex! Nevertheless, I know that God blessed our marriage and gave us favor beyond measure, because we honored Him in every aspect of our commitment in the beginning. We literally prayed together, discussed scriptures, encouraged one another and submitted to one another, which is why we produced babies. Any healthy relationship is going to reproduce. Businesses, churches, marriages, farms; if the ground is good, it will grow.

I can remember distinctly when I felt as though I did not want to be a part of our marriage. I was 26 years old and pregnant with my third child; my husband was pastoring and we were struggling financially and in our relationship because the pressures of life had begun to weigh heavy on us. That would not have been so bad, but we were also living according to the expectations of others within the body of Christ. Our church leaders, our congregation and our family members- it was a lot of pressure.

During that time, my husband was very religious and strict. We laugh about it now! He didn’t want me to wear pants, but I did. He didn’t want me to listen to other types of music, but I did. I was not worldly, but I was in retrospect an educated individual who needed other social stimulation than children and church and there was none. I used to listen to disco to exercise; he didn’t like it. I used to listen to jazz music to clean the house. I figured: how could jazz music be sinful since it had no words?! Believe it or not, we argued about it. These types of things made me think that I had married the wrong guy; when really we probably just needed a vacation with just the two of us, which we didn’t take for a long time. We took vacations, but they were always with the kids or church.

One day, I was sitting on my sofa, and I started to cry because I said to myself, I don’t want to do this anymore, but I don’t know how to get out of it. I was too far in. I had dropped out of college to get married and even though he agreed to support me in finishing college, after the first baby came our priorities seemingly changed. We got married in August of one year and our first baby came in August of the following year, confirming one of the two goals of our marriage! Within three years of the marriage, I had two children. I would work, get pregnant, stop working, and take a course or two at a college. Then have the baby, stop going to school, and go back to work. I was doing a lot, and even though I had a partner I felt as though I was carrying most of the weight.

At the point I felt this was not the marriage for me because I could not pursue my goals and dreams, in addition to being married and having a family with this particular person. I ignored my feelings and dreams temporarily, just continued to go through the motions of my life, and pressing in hard as Paul said, looking for that prize in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14) There was no time or point in looking back, especially with kids and without an education. As we continued in our relationship, we prayed and sought both professional and unprofessional counseling.

Our once fervent prayers for one another turned into casting the devil out of each other and trying to manipulate one another through prayer and scriptures! Again, even though we are divorced, we laugh about it now. I can remember him calling me the devil (and at times I probably was), and my response was Well you’re the powerful preacher; cast the devil out of me! On the other hand, I can recall times when we would argue all the way to church; and he would preach the word of God with power. He would literally preach me happy! At the end of the service once I went to hug him as a resolve to our confrontation and as he hugged me, he stated, The only reason why I’m hugging you is because we’re in church. How evil I thought to myself! And when we got in the car to go home, I asked him how he could preach with such power and still be so angry. He stated that one thing did not have anything to do with the other.

Men are able to compartmentalize things very well. If you think about it, the concept is biblical because a person can only reap where they sow. So, if a person only sows in their ministry and not in their marriage or children, the end result is a great ministry with an unhappy wife and messed up children who see the church world and the home world as night and day.

I’ve often called my marriage a roller coaster like that old secular song. We always had high highs, and low lows. One of the things the Lord spoke to me about was refinement. I remember one day the Lord told me He was going to refine me. I had become brazen and had taken what was happening in our home life into the church because I did not know how to separate the two. Leadership meetings, the pulpit and church events became public marital wrestling matches between us. I looked up the word refined, and I remember it saying- to use heat to get out the impurities of a thing. I would have much rather preferred a course on refinement with a couple of books!

Another thing the Lord showed me was that He had called my husband into ministry and no one was ever going to see my husband the way I saw him. I saw him as husband first, then father, then minister. In my opinion he saw himself as minister, then father, then husband. Nevertheless, it was our job to cover one another. Unfortunately, as a young hurt couple we did not understand this and therefore, did not walk in covering each other. The church also became like our children and some of them subsequently would take sides, playing mom against pop at any given time.

One of the things, my ex-husband and I talk about when we reminisce is that we really did not have any spiritual mothers and fathers who could simultaneously relate to us and pour into us. Have you ever had someone try to give you advice, but they seemingly did not know where you were really coming from? It’s almost like being in a room and everyone is speaking a foreign language, and you keep trying to explain and it seems as though people are listening but their response has nothing to do with your question or statement. That’s what I call trying to pour into someone but not being able to relate. Or have you ever poured your heart out to someone and they’ve given you the standard set of scriptural answers? It’s almost like they are using the scripture to chastise you, or make fun of you because you are supposed to be a faith believer, or they’re saying, I don’t really want to hear what you’re saying because I’ve got my own problems! That’s what I call not being able to spiritually pour into someone. (James 2:15-16)

Subsequently, we were left to ourselves with the ever popular trial and error. I know someone might say, Well, you should have used the Bible as a guide. My response is we did, which is what helped our marriage survive as long as it did. But if you’ve never lived through the dynamics of family, ministry and husband and wife, most responses to these dynamics would be simply pouring in without ever being able to relate, without seeking God for an anointed response or word of encouragement.

The last thing I