Behind the Teacher's Desk: The Rules were Made for Everyone but Me

Year

January

Chapter 1: Finishing Up

Wednesday, January 24

Paul Fraser was hunched over his filing cabinet drawer. He didn’t know it, but his life was about to take a turn. A pile of out-dated files lay scattered on the floor of the small math office. He had already checked some of his colleagues’ file drawers. Where is the damn thing? He flung another folder on the pile. He wanted to get his copy of George Gumbersahl’s basic Math course organized into a fresh binder for start-up the next week.

It was snowing. His colleagues had all cheerfully abandoned ship two hours earlier when they heard the weather report. But Paul believed weathermen exaggerated their warnings for idiot drivers. Plus, if it did snow all night, school might be cancelled in the morning and he could work at home, if only he had that damned file. It was beginning to be a big if.

The file could be anywhere. Everybody in the Math department borrowed courses and lesson plans from each other. Bandhura Abbasi, the Math head, was always helpfully lending stuff to new teachers. Some of them never returned materials to where they belonged. Paul got up and gave the dusty pile of discarded files a good front snap kick. Papers flew all over. It vented his frustration but he regretted it immediately. He sneezed. Now he had to gather papers from every corner in the room to put them in the recycling. More dust. He sneezed again. Damn allergies. Wiping his face with his handkerchief, he glanced out the snow-splattered window. Checking his watch, he decided to go home. It was four p.m. and Deirdre and the kids would be expecting him. If only he hadn’t promised to take them to a movie tonight. How could he have known that the weather would actually be as bad as the weatherman had predicted?

He put today’s exams in his briefcase and locked the Math office as he left, deciding not to check his mailbox in the staff room. It was chock-full of junk anyway. He’d checked it at noon. With his furry boots and the faded grey car coat he’d worn for the last eight winters he’d taught at Amberton District High School, Paul Fraser ambled down the hall to the parking lot exit and stepped out.

As soon as he opened it, the wind tried to blow the door off its hinges. Sensing black ice under the thirty centimetres of fluffy snow, he stepped gingerly onto the sloped parking lot. He slipped and nearly fell twice. Paul made his way towards where his car should be. It was hard to tell. There were two mounds of snow parked up against the school. Blowing snow got into his eyes and mouth and neck in spite of his scarf and glasses. His hood threatened to bare his head with its thinning hair, so he held it tight in his free hand. So much snow was soon sticking to his glasses that he had to let go of his hood to wipe it off. The wind tried desperately to knock him down. He resisted and lowered his eyes to the ground watching where he put his feet. He was inching along when he heard the whoosh of a car behind him. Suddenly, he was jolted forward. His head hit something hard. He fell. He knew nothing more.

***

Jethro Mason, the school caretaker, was doing his final rounds, making sure all doors were locked. He stuck his head out the door to the parking lot, to tally the cars before leaving. He was anxious to get home, but he had to stay if there were any cars left out there in the snow other than his own. Damn. There were two cars, side by side. He looked again and saw something dark in the snow. He put on his coat and slipped and slid his way out to find Paul Fraser, his head bleeding, an arm visibly broken and his right foot crushed. As Jethro fumbled with his cellphone his hands shook with cold and fear. He dialled 911, then stayed, trying to help the unconscious Paul. Why was that ambulance taking so long?

***

At about the same time, a young man in a dark green parka and a green toque, his face almost totally covered with a blue and beige plaid scarf, was rushing up the steps at 684 River Road. He had a gift-wrapped box with a big red bow on it. Both looked big enough to fill an entire room in the little house.

Inside, Claire Hébert, a young biology teacher, had been in her den working on her computer, concentrating on report comments and trying not to be distracted by the aroma coming from the chilli con carne in the slow cooker in the kitchen. The doorbell distracted her instead. She grabbed her wrap, looked through the peephole and quickly opened the door. Oh Matt, get in here! She held in her tummy as her boyfriend with the box sidled past her through the narrow entrance. She had to push with both hands to shut the door against the wind and the snow. I can’t believe you’re here already. You okay? It’s only four o’clock.

He grinned and gave her a sideways kiss. I couldn’t be late today, he said as he slipped off his boots and headed towards the kitchen table.

Claire managed to clear her mail out of the way as Matt put down the already dripping box. She gave him a coy smile. OK. You got me. What’s in there? Claire circled the table, studying the box. Her birthday was in February, but for some reason Matt always thought it was in January. She’d been hoping for a coffee brewer. This could be a big one. She was flushed with excitement.

A present. Matt gave her a fond look. Now that his scarf wasn’t covering his face, she saw the smile she loved.

She put her arms around his neck, kissed him and looked deep into his hazel eyes. I guessed that and I’m very glad you came early. In the last two years she had fallen deeply in love with this guy again. Claire tried, but she couldn’t play it cool. She quivered with excitement, her auburn curls bouncing. Come on, Matt, what is it?

It’s for you, Clarikins, for Valentine’s Day.

She laughed. Matt, Valentine’s Day isn’t for two weeks.

Well, in two weeks you’ll be too busy to see me and he’ll have been euthanized. Matt nonchalantly took off his coat and flung it over the back of a kitchen chair.

Euthanized? What’s in there?

Matt gently pushed the box to the centre of the table and nodded for her to open it. Claire slipped the ribbon off, removed the sopping wrapping paper and opened one flap of a big old carton. She heard ticking sounds. She gave Matt a suspicious grin. He liked playing practical jokes.

What? You found a baby on the church steps? she ventured.

Shhh…he’s asleep, Matt whispered.

Hooked, she lifted the other flaps, she saw a soft yellow blob of fur, snoring on a blue fleece blanket, an old wind-up alarm clock ticking in one corner. Ah, he’s so cute. Then her expression darkened. But I can’t keep him, Matt. She looked sad. "I’m too busy reviewing my French for that Sociologie class next semester and working on biology handouts to deal with a puppy right now, Matt. She paused, and then said sweetly, Can you take him back?"

Matt walked to the other side of the kitchen and ran his fingers through his wavy brown hair. But Claire, you love animals. You studied animal biology. You’ve told me a hundred times that you wanted a puppy.

I meant in a few years, hon. She moved closer to him. I don’t feel confident in my job yet. I’m sorry. She took another look into the box. He looks very small to be away from his mother, Matt. Where did you get him?

From my friend with the kennel in Elgin Falls. Al and I thought he’d be perfect for you.

She stepped back and cocked her head. Were you really thinking about me when you made this decision? A puppy? With a French immersion course added to my schedule? I should never have told them I could speak French, but…Good God, Matt. The time, the training…How did you ever think I could manage that on top of everything else? Please, Matt, take him back to Al.

I can’t, Claire. Al’s gone ice fishing somewhere in North Bay. This was the last puppy. Nobody wanted him. Matt reached down and picked the puppy up, nuzzling it. He looked at her. He’s so cute. And I did consider you. You need a distraction from your job, Claire. Being a teacher consumes all of your time and energy. I’m not always here, so I want you to have someone to welcome you home at the end of a long day. Look at the little fellow, Claire. Are you sure you don’t want him?

My job. That’s always the issue, isn’t it? They’d had this discussion several times over the last eighteen months. Claire knew she was becoming a terrible workaholic and that Matt wanted her to be able to go out on weeknights when he was in town. But she wasn’t ready. She turned around, her forehead scrunched with turmoil.

Work fills the time available, Claire. Matt lectured. This is a scheduling problem. Move some things around, take time for walks. This little guy will love you in return. The puppy lifted his head as though waiting for Claire’s decision.

She sighed. "I’m afraid to keep him, Matt…at least not until I feel confident teaching that French Sociologie course and I have enough biology stuff on file that I don’t have to prep at home every night."

Aw…he wouldn’t take much of your time, Claire. Come on. Please? Al was going to put him down! Could you put the death needle into him?

She looked at the fuzzy little face, Matt’s pleading eyes, the blizzard outside and began to melt. Let me sleep on it.

Alright! Matt slapped his thigh with delight, beamed at Claire and ruffled the pup’s sleepy head.

Don’t get too excited…I may change my mind… It was a teacher-like warning.

Of course not. You’re going to spend a cozy evening curled up with two handsome guys, he pointed to the struggling puppy and to his own shining grin, and never look back. With a spring in his step, he lunged forward, popped a sloppy kiss on her cheek and cradled the puppy into her hands. I’ll just go get his things from the car, he said as he grabbed his coat.

Claire looked down at the wriggling puppy and sighed. She knew she would cave in. She’d had a retriever when she was a kid on the farm and had always wanted one of her own and she had to admit this one was adorable.

How old did you say he was? she asked as Matt stuffed his feet back into his boots. Are you sure he’s okay to leave his mommy?

He’s three months old, he shouted as he opened the door and the wind blew a cold gust of snow into the entrance. He took a deep breath and barrelled headfirst into the storm again, closing the door behind him.

Claire’s M.Sc. in Animal Biology took over. She took another look at the puppy. Three months? You look much younger than that, she said to him as she put him on the kitchen floor and he began to wobble his way around chair legs.

The door opened and Matt reappeared, carrying a large dog crate full of stuff, his dark hair covered with snow. What’s in there? she asked.

Just a few things I scrounged, you know, in case you decided to keep him. They hauled the contents out of the crate and put them on the table: a baby bottle and some puppy formula, a food and water dish, a small bag of organic puppy food, a leash, a harness and more. Matt had thought of everything.

You know, Matt, she said pensively. He looks much younger than three months, Matt. She patted the pup’s ribcage. He’s been starved.

He was the runt of a large litter, Claire. So far he’s had a rough time being shoved around and denied food by his siblings. A slow grin spread across Matt’s face. Being a soft-hearted smart guy, I took a chance on bringing him here. I knew you could save him. Al thinks he’ll always be undersized, so he’ll go well in your Lilliputian house. Matt was sounding like a car salesman who couldn’t take no for an answer.

"I said one night… she stuck out her chin in frustration. How could she take care of a brand new puppy? Will you come over and help when you’re in the country?"

Of course.

It was all so sudden, but she’d see more of Matt and that was a plus. Well, he’s here for tonight anyway, she said, postponing a final decision.

I want you to be happy, Claire. He looked uncharacteristically hesitant.

Come here, you sweet thing. Claire smiled and put her arms around him. I know you do. As she pulled his head down to hers, the puppy nibbled lightly on her slipper. Their kisses morphed into smiles as they pulled apart.

Claire got an old pillow, covered it with the blue fleece to make a soft bed for the puppy and put it and the alarm clock in the crate and the whole thing into the warm nook under the stairs. The little guy was tottering around exploring, occasionally falling on his snout, but bravely picking himself up. He left a little puddle, then came and licked her foot.

He’s got spirit, she thought out loud, and he’s lovable. She cleaned up the puddle and prepared a bottle. Then she went into the living room and fed him on the sofa in front of the fire while Matt puttered around in the kitchen.

It’s dark already, he said, looking out the window over the sink. It’s really coming down now. I can’t get home tonight, Claire.

He walked into the living room with a glass of wine for each of them. Well, then I guess both of you will have to stay. And what will I do with you? she teased as the puppy stretched on her lap.

Feed me? he asked coyly.

Oh! Gosh, dinner! She handed him the puppy. The chili should be done. She took her glass of wine and rushed back into the kitchen. She put a French stick in the oven and minutes later they sat down to eat.

How long will you be in Egypt this time?

A week, maybe two. He paused. It’s hardly worth going for less.

I miss you already.

Do you have any free time Thursday or Friday? Matt sounded hopeful.

She took a sip of wine. I have tomorrow off and I won’t have any schoolwork Friday night, so we can spend the evenings and the whole weekend together. I have to be in school Friday, but I won’t have marking until the second week in February. When do you have to leave?

Tuesday of next week. The thirtieth.

What’s Ecohydrelco got you doing this time?

Same old, same old. He shook his head, absentmindedly swirling the wine in his glass. Checking out the purification systems we sold them. Testing the water. Seeing if it’s all working as efficiently as possible—not leaking. Seeing how we can improve our product. Then I’ll do my own bit of research. Matt took a bite of bread. Boring.

But it wasn’t boring to Claire. She was proud of him. He was brilliant. In the four years she’d been in California getting her Master’s in education from U.C.L.A. and starting to teach, he’d earned three Master’s degrees in engineering at Queen’s: geology, mechanical, and a combination of hydraulic and electrical. He had joined Ecohydrelco in Elgin Falls and now travelled the world for his work.

They finished dinner and went back to sit in front of the cozy fire in the living room. Outside, the storm raged. The puppy stood up on its hind legs against the sofa, wagging its tail and wanting to be placed on Claire’s lap. She picked him up and couldn’t resist nuzzling the fur on his head. He’s so soft. He raised his head and his baby teeth gently grabbed Claire’s nose in a love bite, then he settled down on her lap for another nap.

What are you going to call him?

What did they call him at Al’s?

Stupid.

Well, that’s not going to be his name. I want to name him after a dog I loved. His name is Boomer.

Okay. Boomer it is then. Matt’s smile stretched from ear to ear.

What?

I guess if you’re naming him, he just might be sticking around…

She was done for now. Boomer, she said again.

This was probably the first time in his life he—Boomer—didn’t have to fight for his supper and a warm spot near his mother, Matt said as he watched her sit down again. His arm was around her as she gave Boomer the rest of his bottle.

He seems grateful, Claire said. That’s a good sign. Ya did good, Matt. She kissed him. Sorry I’m such a witch about work.

A warm and pleasant hour later, they were watching the nine o’clock news. There had been a car accident at a local high school. A teacher had been hurt. A hit and run.

Claire’s face went white.

It probably wasn’t at Amberton, Clarikins. Matt sat up and tried to put her mind at rest. "They just said a local high school. There are three of them." He put his arm around her, hoping her fear would fade.

A local high school could be my school. But…it can’t be. A teacher? Who would run someone over and just leave?

Calm down, Clarikins. If there’s anything to it, we’ll hear it on the morning news. Try to think positive. It’s just news because it happened at a school. It’s probably nothing. There were a million fender benders tonight. I’m here. Boomer’s here. Relax.

They put Boomer to bed on the pillow in the crate. He was already a good distraction. Claire spread some newspapers on the floor, in case nature called. Matt took Claire’s hand and led her upstairs.

***

Matt woke with a start and turned his head to see the clock. It was 2:13 am. He rolled over, expecting to find Claire next to him, but her side of the bed was empty. He listened for a minute but didn’t hear any water running in the bathroom. Groggy but concerned, he threw back the thick covers and found one of Claire’s pastel fleece robes.

As he stumbled into the dimly lit living room, he saw Claire sitting on the sofa.

There you are, he said softly.

She looked up at him and smiled. In her hands was a framed photo of Tyler, her late fiancé. Sorry, she said as she reached for the drawer in the side table.

That’s progress, I guess, Matt thought to himself. That photo used to be on the table, not in it.

Couldn’t sleep? he asked as he sat beside her. Claire smiled at the sight of him in her soft pink robe. What? Not my colour? he joked.

No, no, it’s totally you, she said. Her face slid into a frown. I had a dream about Tyler. It woke me up and I just had to see him.

It must be hard, living with the memories, he offered. I only know what it’s like being divorced. I can’t imagine having someone so close to me die.

I don’t know, Claire said as she rubbed her tired eyes. Maybe it’s easier than watching your relationship die slowly. Maybe. She shrugged. I don’t think about him as much as I used to.

Is that why you work so hard all the time…so you don’t have time to think about Tyler?

Sometimes, but then at others, work makes me think of him more. When I’m preparing lessons. We used to do that together. That’s probably why I’m so obsessed with organization and being prepared. Tyler was a perfectionist. He memorized all the dates and facts for his history lessons. I guess it rubbed off on me. Now my work always seems to fill the time he took to do his.

Matt looked at her and noted her slumped shoulders and hollow cheeks. Seriously, Claire, I still think you should quit. Teaching has gotten so much more stressful in the last few years. It’s burning out lots of teachers.

I know. I will, but I’d be black-listed if I did it now.

Could Tyler have been afraid of his classes if he wasn’t prepared? Because if so, he could have transferred his fear to you.

I never thought of that. Maybe. Some days. Kids these days can be so bold and sometimes have an insensitive, aggressive attitude. She shrugged her shoulders, "I’m outnumbered about thirty to one in the classroom, and in high school lots of the students are bigger than I am, and the public’s respect for teachers has been in the basement for years now. My friend Shirley told us she’s been afraid in classes on and off for the last twenty years. Some days she didn’t drive home from school, she fled home. Maybe Tyler was afraid, but we loved planning our lessons together and I never saw any fear in him. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there."

Why did you and Tyler live together for so long without getting married?

"Simple. We talked about it, but never took the time to plan a wedding. We were prepaholics and travelled or took courses during the summer. It just never happened."

They sat in silence for a minute. She leaned forward, resting an elbow on the arm of the sofa as she looked up at him.

You can’t replace Tyler in my heart, Matt. Tyler was Tyler, and you are you. I loved him, but I do want you to know that now I love you just as passionately, maybe even more.

I know. I just wish we had more time for each other.

Well, that’s not something we’ll be able to solve tonight. She stood up and held out her hand. Let’s go back to bed.

***

Thursday, January 25

In the morning, the bells of her ringtone jolted Claire awake at a quarter past nine. She ran downstairs and fumbled around for her cellphone. She found it between the pillows on the sofa in the living room.

It was Dr. Chin Ho, her department head calling. The accident on the news had been at Amberton District High School and Claire’s timetable would be affected. Could you meet me in the science office at ten-thirty? We’ll go over it then.

Claire was stunned at the news and started to hyperventilate. Matt had just come into the living room, where he sat her down and tried to calm her. Breathe slowly, Claire…Slowly…Just concentrate on breathing, sweetie…Inhale…Exhale…There, there. It’s better already. Good thing I’m here, eh?

Claire was reliving the horror four years earlier when Tyler had died in a car crash caused by a teenaged driver. His parents were canoeing in the Yukon at the time and couldn’t be reached. Claire had been alone to make arrangements for what was left of the man she loved. She had accepted his marriage proposal only one week before.

Matt gently kissed her on the forehead then scooped Boomer into his arms. Go do your business, buddy, Matt whispered. He pulled hard on the nearly frozen patio door and had to use a frying pan to clear a spot in the snow for Boomer. The puppy quickly piddled and stumbled back inside. Matt made some toast and cereal, which Claire didn’t eat, then made some coffee. He fried himself an egg, had breakfast, then rolled Boomer’s soiled newspapers.

Claire stared out the living room window at the magical world in her backyard, with its sparkling branches set against an azure sky. As if nothing had happened, she thought. Boomer jumped at her legs, reminding her of his presence. The timing might be wrong, but the dog was right, she told Matt as she picked Boomer up for a cuddle.

Matt finished his coffee and washed his mug. I’ll take care of Boomer and put him in the crate when I leave. You need to get to school.

Thanks, hon.

I’ll clean off your car and shovel the driveway before I go.

Matt grinned. His smile made her want to stay home and hop back into the warm bed with him. But he went out to shovel snow and she went upstairs to do her hair and makeup.

Chapter 2: The Ripple Effect

At ten-thirty Chin Ho was waiting for her in the science office. Good morning, Claire, how are you? A sombre look clouded his friendly face. Better sit down. Claire sat. Chin had taken his spectacles off and sat in front of her cradling his tired head in his hands. It was Paul Fraser who was run down last night in the parking lot. He had worked late. He lifted his head. We don’t know what happened. Jethro Mason found him around four-thirty. It was damn lucky he saw him lying on the ground with all that snow coming down. Chin paused to gather his thoughts.

He must have been walking to his car. Visibility was terrible and there was black ice underneath everything after that thaw the other day.

Claire was stunned. Paul was a Math colleague and good friend. But how could somebody just leave him there? Tears pooled in Claire’s deep brown eyes.

I don’t know. Maybe it was a drunk, a student, or just anyone turning around in the parking lot and blinded by the storm. Who knows?

Claire’s face was ashen. Her knees felt weak. She wanted to escape.

Chin took a deep breath. The news was weighing heavily