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    My Life as a Human Hairball
    My Life as a Human Hairball
    My Life as a Human Hairball
    Ebook114 pages1 hourA Divine Private Detective Agency Mystery

    My Life as a Human Hairball

    By Bill Myers

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    About this ebook

    Just when you're sure Wally has bungled through every misadventure imaginable, this nerdy kid stumbles, staggers, and k-splats his way smack dab into a brand new frontier - the human body. When he and Wall Street, his best friend (even if she is a girl), visit a local laboratory, they are accidentally miniaturized and swallowed by some unknown stranger. It is a race against the clock (let alone Wally's own klutzoidness) as they fly through various parts of the body - from the stomach to the blood system to the brain to the eye - in a desperate search for a way out while all the time learning how "fearfully and wonderfully we are made."

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherThomas Nelson
    Release dateNov 1, 1998
    ISBN9781418553456
    My Life as a Human Hairball
    Author

    Bill Myers

    Bill Myers is a youth worker, creative writer, and film director who co-created the "McGee and Me!" book and video series; his work has received over forty national and international awards. His many books include Hot Topics, Tough Questions, and The Dark Side of the Supernatural.

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      Book preview

      My Life as a Human Hairball - Bill Myers

      MY LiFe

      as a

      Human

      Hairball

      Books by Bill Myers

      Series

      SECRET AGENT DINGLEDORF

      . . . and his trusty dog, SPLAT sa1

      The Case of the . . .

      Giggling Geeks • Chewable Worms

      • Flying Toenails • Drooling Dinosaurs •

      Hiccupping Ears • Yodeling Turtles

      The Incredible Worlds of Wally McDoogle

      My Life As . . .

      a Smashed Burrito with Extra Hot Sauce • Alien Monster Bait • a Broken Bungee Cord • Crocodile Junk Food • Dinosaur Dental Floss • a Torpedo Test Target • a Human Hockey Puck • an Afterthought Astronaut • Reindeer Road Kill • a Toasted Time Traveler • Polluted Pond Scum • a Bigfoot Breath Mint • a Blundering Ballerina • a Screaming Skydiver • a Human Hairball • a Walrus Whoopee Cushion • a Computer Cockroach (Mixed-Up Millennium Bug) • a Beat-Up Basketball Backboard • a Cowboy Cowpie • Invisible Intestines with Intense Indigestion • a Skysurfing Skateboarder • a Tarantula Toe Tickler • a Prickly Porcupine from Pluto • a Splatted-Flat Quarterback • a Belching Baboon • a Stupendously Stomped Soccer Star • a Haunted Hamburger, Hold the Pickles • a Supersized Superhero . . . with Slobber •

      00-01-WMD15_0002_001

      The Portal • The Experiment • The Whirlwind • The Tablet

      Picture Book

      Baseball for Breakfast

      www.Billmyers.com

      the incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle

      MY LiFe

      as a

      Human

      Hairball

      BILL MYERS

      00-01-WMD15_0003_001

      MY LIFE AS A HUMAN HAIRBALL

      © 1998 by Bill Myers

      All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts in reviews.

      Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

      Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail: [email protected].

      Scripture quotations are from the International Children’s Bible®, New Century Version®, © 1986, 1988, 1999 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

      Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Myers, Bill, 1953–

              My life as a human hairball / Bill Myers.

                    p. cm. — (The incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; 15)

                Summary: Accidentally miniaturized in a lab, thirteen-year-old Wally and his friend Wall Street travel through the inside of a person’s body, viewing his anatomy and marveling at the wonders of God’s creation.

                ISBN 978-0-8499-4024-8

                [1. Body, Human—Fiction. 2. Science—Experiments—Fiction.

      3. Christian life—Fiction. 4. Humorous stories.] I. Title. II. Series: Myers, Bill, 1953– . Incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; #15.

      PZ7.M98234M1 1998

      [Fic]—dc21                                                                      98-7219

      CIPP

           AC

      Printed in the United States of America

      09 10 11 12 13 QW 17 16 15 14 13

      To Tina Shuman—

      for her resourcefulness and commitment.

      I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. . . .

      Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

      Contents

      1. Just for Starters . . .

      2. A New Weight-Loss Program

      3. Digesting the Facts

      4. A Little Swim

      5. The Heart of the Matter

      6. Growing UP

      7. Swim!!!

      8. Just Like Old Slimes

      9. Break Out!

      10. Wrapping Up

      Chapter 1

      Just for Starters . . .

      The next time I say God is boring, just tape my mouth shut, throw me off the World Trade Center, or get me a brain transplant (because it’s obvious I’ve lost my mind). What I learned just about His creativity and how He puts the human body together is enough to write an entire book, which— come to think about it—I’m doing.

      It all started with another boring field trip, to another boring science place, courtesy of our boring science teacher, Mr. Reptenson. I don’t want to be too hard on the guy, but if you ever have trouble going to sleep, just swing by one of his lectures and you’ll be snoozing away in seconds.

      Only instead of listening to Mr. Reptenson, we were listening to some research guy who wore more pocket protectors than our entire chess club put together. At the moment he was droning on about the laboratory we were visiting—how they make those little video cameras that go into the human body to see what’s happening inside. Talk about interesting. It was so exciting that the entire class had broken out into a bad case of the yawns.

      But then, just as I was mastering the fine art of sleepwalking, we headed into this giant room with a huge machine that stretched all the way to the ceiling. Directly below it was some sort of minisubmarine mounted on a platform.

      What’s that? Opera, my best friend, shouted over his Walkman. Opera is always shouting something over his Walkman—usually it’s Where’s the dip? (The only thing he likes better than listening to Mozart is scarfing down multiple bags of potato chips.)

      This is our latest experiment, Mr. Pocket Protector beamed.

      I took another swig from my can of soda and actually found myself starting to listen.

      We’re just in the beginning stages, he explained, but someday we hope to miniaturize that submarine with the help of this Molecular Compressor Miniaturizer. He slapped his hand against the giant machine that towered above us. When that happens, we’ll be able to make the submarine small enough to actually enter the human body. Then we’ll be able to rove about making repairs from the inside.

      Hold the phone, Wall Street interrupted (she’s my other best friend—even if she is a girl). You mean this giant machine, this Molecular Whatchamacallit, can actually make things smaller?

      That’s right.

      Wow, Opera exclaimed. "Just like that movie, Honey, I Shrunk My Underwear?" (Opera doesn’t get out all that often.)

      Well, sort of, the man said. It’s still very much in the experimental stage, but someday we hope to put it to work. Now, if you’ll step with me into this next room, I’ll show you a fantastic video clip on the latest advances in optical enhancement. Everyone groaned as we started forward. Well, everyone but Wall Street.

      Pssst, she whispered. Hey, Wally?

      I threw a look over my shoulder. She was hanging toward the back of the group motioning for me to join her.

      I slowed down. What’s up? I asked.

      She glanced around and lowered her voice even more.

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