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    Groomology: The Ultimate Groom Survival Guide
    Groomology: The Ultimate Groom Survival Guide
    Groomology: The Ultimate Groom Survival Guide
    Ebook215 pages5 hours

    Groomology: The Ultimate Groom Survival Guide

    By Michael Essany

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    About this ebook

    The perfect groom survival guide!

    The ring's on her finger, her to-do list is growing, and it's time for you to step up. But where to start? Let Groomology guide you through the ins and outs of wedding planning. This practical and informative resource will help make the wedding planning process more enjoyable, meaningful, and memorable for both you and your bride. From traditional groom's duties to the art of getting involved, this is the only guide you'll need to get from proposal to "I Do."

    Grooms will discover:

    • How to respect (or when to revise) tradition
    • When to handle the big stuff
    • How to help juggle the finer details
    • His and her expectations of the big day
    • To-do lists to tackle

    Complete with helpful resources, a guide to bridal party responsibilities and etiquette, tips on hiring vendors, wedding statistics, and more, Groomology is sure to keep couples happy throughout the tricky planning process.

    Bonus: Including 100 romantic ways to reduce planning stress!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSourcebooks
    Release dateApr 1, 2009
    ISBN9781402241611
    Groomology: The Ultimate Groom Survival Guide
    Author

    Michael Essany

    Michael Essany was the host of The Michael Essany Show from E! Entertainment Television. As a recent groom himself, Essany saw the need for an intelligent guide that would help the couple plan their wedding together.

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      Book preview

      Groomology - Michael Essany

      MICHAEL ESSANY

      WHAT EVERY (SMART) GROOM NEEDS TO KNOW BEFORE THE WEDDING

      Getting Invoved, Helping Her Plan,

      Respecting Tradition, Keeping Eveyone Happy,

      Handling the Big (and Small) Stuff,

      and Everything that Really Matters Before You Walk Down the Aisk

      Copyright © 2009 by Michael Essany

      Cover and internal design © 2009 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

      Cover design by Dan Pitts, e210 Design

      Cover photo © iStockphoto.com/Geckly, iStockphoto.com/nojustice

      Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

      This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

      —From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

      Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.

      P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410

      (630) 961-3900

      Fax: (630) 961-2168

      www.sourcebooks.com

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Essany, Michael.

      Groomology / Michael Essany.

      p. cm.

      Includes bibliographical references and index.

      1. Weddings--Planning. 2. Wedding etiquette. 3. Bridegrooms. I. Title.

      HQ745.E77 2009

      395.2’2--dc22

      2008041427

      Printed and bound in the United States of America.

      VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

      CONTENTS

      Acknowledgments

      IIntroduction

      Chapter 1: Gearing Up

      Chapter 2: The Prenuptial Landscape

      Chapter 3: Respecting and Revising Tradition

      Chapter 4: The Big Stuff

      Chapter 5: The Finer Details

      Chapter 6: The Other To-Do List

      Chapter 7: One Month Before the Wedding

      Chapter 8: The Wedding Day

      Commencement

      About the Author

      For Christa

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      There is never a shortage of talented and inspiring people behind the genesis and execution of a worthwhile project. I owe this book in its entirety to a stable of truly outstanding and unfailingly supportive individuals.

      The first, of course, is my beautiful wife Christa, whose love was the inspiration for my desire to become a better-than- average groom.

      The concept for Groomology, a lighthearted study of the art of becoming an expert groom, arose from my own personal adventures. And if not for the foresight and commitment of Deb Werksman at Sourcebooks, this comprehensive lesson plan would have existed only for my benefit. Equally deserving of my appreciation and gratitude are Shana Drehs and Sara Kase, for their tireless efforts and invaluable input.

      To my best friend since childhood, Mike Randazzo, who married his beautiful bride just one week before I married mine, thank you for being the perfect example of the kind of groom every bride deserves. Without your humor, support, and unfailing kindness, my existence today would have less substance than the plot of a David Hasselhoff movie.

      Without the friendship, eternal support, and photographic talents of my good friend Ryan Musch of FH Photographic (www.fhphotographic.com) in Rensselaer, Indiana, my journey into the world of wedding planning would never have begun on such a positive note. Ryan and his beautiful family are an inspiration and a blessing to us all.

      I certainly couldn’t forget to thank my great friend Ian Ross Hughes, one of the most talented writers and funniest guys I have ever known. Your ideas, input, and humor have always been appreciated and serve only to improve everything about my own work. Thank you for letting a little bit of your greatness rub off on me.

      Last but not least, I would like to thank and express my solidarity with a generation of grooms eager to tap into their groomologic potential and take an active role in helping plan their weddings, reducing the almost intolerable stress bearing down on their brides.

      It is my fondest hope that this book will help you enjoy the journey, repel anxiety, and truly celebrate the relationship that led to this emotional roller coaster in the first place.

      INTRODUCTION

      I knew from across the room he was in serious trouble.

      Fumbling with his coat and rummaging through his pockets, the cold glare from his fiancée told the whole story even before she spoke a word.

      How could you lose it? she asked, with a whisper as loud as a shout.

      Relax, the groom reassured his bride while failing to conceal his own anxiety.

      "It isn’t enough that I have to do everything on that list, she said. I guess I have to carry it now too."

      It’s in the car, he quickly retorted, trying to convince himself as much as his bride.

      Without further comment, the bride-to-be snatched the keys and headed for the parking lot. Naturally, those of us riveted by the unfolding drama had, for this man’s sake, begun praying his brooding bride would find the elusive item in their vehicle.

      Alas, however, their list was gone. And moments later, so was the bride. Upon realizing that her groom indeed had misplaced their sacred to-do list, she promptly bolted the premises and left her groom stranded at the local florist.

      I offered the browbeaten man a ride home, but he calmly explained that he lived only a few miles down the road and wanted to walk it off.

      From time to time, I still wonder what became of that nameless groom who lost his list, his ride, and his bride on that crisp spring morning. I can’t help but think of him whenever I spot other helpless—or, perhaps more fittingly, hapless—grooms thrown headfirst into the treacherous waters of wedding planning. But then it wasn’t long ago that I had only to look in my own mirror to see such a pitiful example.

      There are many things that can and usually do go wrong for first-time grooms. Since you’re hopefully going to walk down the aisle only once in your life, you have to get it right the first time. You can’t count on dress rehearsals to help you become the perfect groom someday. To be sure, being a dream groom is an uncommon feat, and frankly, one not commonly attempted. But, as it likely will turn out, both you and your fiancée will ultimately benefit from your willingness to boldly go where few men have gone before.

      By now you probably have observed the many ways in which planning a wedding is among the most stressful and emotionally involving experiences of a woman’s life. For the men who choose to go along on that journey, there’s no end to the fascination of its mystifying twists and turns.

      INSIDE THE MIND OF THE MARRYING FEMALE

      Before we can address the new role of the contemporary groom, we must first understand the realities facing the contemporary bride, an extraordinary individual confronting even more extraordinary challenges.

      For the typical marrying man, attempting to understand the full scope of his fiancée’s emotions and the enormous expectations incumbent upon her could be the biggest mystery he will ever seek to unravel. But if many grooms struggle with understanding their bride-to-be’s seemingly infinite burdens, the bride-to-be may also be engaged in an emotionally volatile process even she is struggling to understand.

      Planning what hopefully will be the happiest day of her life can also be the most emotionally taxing and physically exhausting experience of her lifetime. The contemporary bride is bombarded with external pressures beyond anything yesterday’s brides ever encountered.

      You don’t have to look beyond the corner newsstand or the latest reality television series to discover a myriad of examples of the ways weddings have become big business. Consequently, a leading cause of pre-wedding anxiety is the poor bride’s attempts to meet the smorgasbord of unrealistic expectations that have been forced upon her by society, the media, and, of course, her closest friends and family.

      In all but very few instances, the twenty-first-century bride can expect to contend with stresses created by:

      • attempting to achieve the perfect wedding

      • attempting to make every guest happy

      • taking other people’s criticisms personally

      • trying to control factors that can’t possibly be controlled

      • stretching a budget and breaking the bank

      • mediating family members who don’t play well with others

      • dealing with family and friends who want things done their own way

      • forgetting to take personal downtime and failing to actually look forward to the wedding itself

      • taking out frustrations on her fiancé

      Unfortunately, not helping matters much is the average groom—a loving husband-to-be who regularly inspires the wrath of his beloved for not following cues, not completing tasks, or not being sensitive to his bride’s needs.

      Any modern groom under the (mis)impression that he’s best off simply staying out of her way is undoubtedly putting himself in the path of extraordinary danger. Hell hath no fury like a bride neglected.

      Time and time again, soon-to-be husbands only tackle the most obvious of tasks—the tangible duties and dilemmas (as detailed by the bride) that stand between the couple and the altar. But it is imperative to remember that what a bride directs her groom to do is only the beginning of a process. It’s the unspoken responsibilities the contemporary groom takes on that can make all the difference in her world.

      GROOMOLOGY

      As you may have already deduced, groomology is the (sort of) scientific study of grooms who have been groomed for success.

      Regrettably, the days of simply getting dressed and walking down the aisle have been relegated to an increasingly narrowing cultural subset. Today, men are encouraged to take a more proactive plunge. And as we’ll learn, getting involved means more than merely asking the bride for a larger list of responsibilities.

      It may be that the process under way is so intimidating to your beautiful bride that she gave you this book as an invitation to assume the uncommon role of a modern, savvy, involved groom—one who will ungrudgingly assist her in this enormous undertaking. Ready or not, guys, your future wives need what every marrying woman deserves but only a few receive—a smart, eternally supportive, hands-on groom.

      I’m not merely trying to convince you to send spontaneous flowers or pamper your girl more than other grooms might (although that isn’t a horrible idea). That’s not your paramount aim, so you can put away your debit card. Being an engaged man does not refer simply to being engaged to be married. It also means being emotionally and physically engaged in the lengthy process of planning an event that, according to numerous published studies, is the source of more anxiety and emotional anguish than divorce or even death!

      If you’re like the majority of marrying men, you’re almost certainly wondering why you should subject yourself to the tedious tasks emblazoned on your soon-to-be-wife’s to-do list. Well, at the heart of groomology is the basic precept that being a contemporary groom is all about being your bride’s hero, whether she admits to needing one or not. It’s not about taking an equal role, or even a large role. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t mean being a subservient minion to your authoritative bride. It doesn’t mean your ideas and interests are unimportant, and it definitely doesn’t suggest that you’re a secondary player in a day that would be somewhat incomplete without you. It’s about fashioning and playing a custom-made role that will benefit you as much as it does her.

      Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to reduce stress wherever possible, communicate effectively at every turn, and preemptively address the issues, concerns, and obstacles that routinely make wedding planning a nightmare for the

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