The Call of the Soul

Author

Preface

A bright 9-year-old girl sat on the edge of her bed in despair. She pondered what point there is in a life that is so difficult and unhappy. The firstborn of four children, she had taken on the task of making her parents happy. Because they were not happy, especially her mother, she felt like a failure. In utter frustration and desperation, her soul appealed to the only source she knew had the power to help: Holy Spirit, either tell me why I’m here and what this is all about, or take me back!

This was the beginning of my spiritual journey, my life quest. After making that demand of the Holy Spirit, a deep sense of calm instantly filled every cell of my body. In that moment, I knew that if I just keep going, one day my quest would be answered.

The journey has been amazing so far. I’ve engaged in many deep inner processes that ultimately brought me to a place where I feel free—a place where it is effortless to be authentic, at peace, and consistently filled with love, gratitude, and joy. In hindsight, I realize that my quest was not only to arrive at this place of expansive living. It was also to experience and understand the process of how to get here in order to share that with others.

Although there is always more to learn, my intention in writing this book at this time is to share a path I’ve discovered to achieve self-love, a path that is highly desired and mysteriously elusive to most of us.

I began the journey by reading everything I could get my hands on about how life works. As a result, I have a huge nonfiction library of philosophy, psychology, religion, spirituality, and self-help books, along with volumes of workshop notes. I’ve learned from many notable luminaries, whom I quote regularly in presentations. I met many wise teachers at Omega Institute, Common Boundary, Peak Potentials, Institute for Noetic Science, Conferences on Science and Consciousness, and more.

I’ve learned and practiced several forms of meditation, and experienced vision quests, shamanic soul retrieval, sweat lodges, silent retreats, walking on hot coals, and rebirthing through Holotropic Breathwork in the desert with Dr. Stan Grof. I also invested 12 years with an excellent psychotherapist and another 12 years studying the Diamond Heart Approach by Almass through the Ridhwan School.

Along the way, I acquired bachelor and master’s nursing degrees and life coach certification; became a Reiki Master, practitioner and trainer for Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Master Alignment, Heart Essence, Healing Touch; and more.

On the interpersonal journey I had a 25-year marriage; underwent infertility struggles; grieved the loss of parents, grandparents, a beloved sister, and a best friend; adopted children; lived in four states; created businesses and partnerships; mediated a marital divorce and business partnership dissolution; had a hip replacement; and lost 100 pounds three times (at last permanently).

It is my lifelong pattern to learn through experience, then turn around and teach others the essence of what I just learned. I have come to know this process as the call of my soul. That call consciously began at age 9 and continues today.

Prior contributions along the way include 34 Instant Stress-Busters: Quick Tips to De-Stress Fast with No Extra Time or Money, Breaking the Perfection Myth: A Model for Personal Freedom and Self-Esteem, Weight No More: A Program for Permanent Weight Release, and The Well: A Model for Recovery from Addiction, Depression and Spiritual Crisis. Each of these represents a crystallization of knowledge at particular points in the journey.

I’m eager to offer this new way to conceptualize the inner relationship because the quality of the relationship with one’s self is the foundation for all life experiences. Self-love, in particular, is the foundation for the most desirable and expansive life experiences: passion, purpose, love, security, joy, happiness, fulfillment, and peace, which so many are seeking at this time.

Visioning great rewards for you as you learn to hear and live the call of your soul!

Introduction

This book is for anyone on the quest to become whole by discovering the answers to the questions Who am I? and What is my purpose? What has called you to read it at this time in your life?

Are you wondering about your purpose? Are you curious to know more about the truth of who you are? Are you seeking a way to calm inner conflict? Are you feeling both desire and resistance to making changes in your life? You can be assured that if your soul is calling you to answer these questions and others, you will find what you are seeking!

The Quest for Your Truth

We tend to live as if our primary relationship in life is between the body we inhabit and the world in which we live. Most people believe that the outside circumstances of life determine the state of mind, body, and emotions that I call me. We don’t know, unless we are prompted by some inner or outer catalyst, that there is a more central and core relationship that holds the key to treasures we seek in the outer world. You chose to explore that relationship by picking this book to read.

When you understand the dynamic inner relationships that drive how you see yourself and relate with the world, the inner workings of the person you call me, you will have the means to know your true self and transform your life. This book introduces you to your inner players and their relationships, how inner change really works, and the resources to take action.

You may have read or learned much about yourself already, yet here you are again. That happened to me, too. Kind of frustrating, isn’t it? I think this happens because most of what is available is from a theoretical, esoteric, or spiritual perspective. Here is how I know that. Before sitting down to write this book, I went to Amazon and purchased every notable book I could find with ego or soul in the title, and that is what I found. While those perspectives are interesting, they are not enough.

My clients are also people who have done a lot of inner work on themselves; many are counselors and therapists. They come to me because they are still seeking some way to control an aspect of life that continues to be a source of suffering, despite all the knowledge and understanding they acquired.

Through our work together, they not only get relief, but they are ultimately empowered and confident to make new choices and construct a life grounded with more joy, love, peace, and success by their own definition.

Grounded is the operative word here. This book, though quite logical and rational, is not designed to speak exclusively to your mind. It is written to also speak to your soul, which is grounded in the experiences of your body. My intention is to describe the lived experience of your inner world with clear examples so, when you are done, you will know yourself in a real and intimate way. This is what you need in order to have the power to change your life and your experience in the world to your own satisfaction.

Hello, Your Soul Is Calling

For many of us, the quest for identity and life direction is first deeply pondered in adolescence. The soul of a teen or young adult bursting with creative desire attempts to break free from parental and societal ego structures, which feel confining. If the answers to the questions are not clear or the soul’s determination not strong enough, the young person resigns to conforming to established social norms and conditioned cultural and family expectations, or rebels against them.

The ego takes charge: Go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids, and so on or No way am I doing that. When this happens, the soul’s quest to be free goes underground, often to reemerge in midlife. At midlife, the conflict between the long-entrenched ego and the freedom-starved soul often manifests as a midlife crisis. For this reason, the knowledge in this book can be particularly helpful to 20-something Millennials as well as Baby Boomers.

Inner Conflict Resolved

Though freeing the soul is generally accepted as desirable on the path to self-awareness and personal freedom, self-development authors differ on what to do about the key barrier to this process: the ego. Popular approaches suggest that the ego must be suppressed, overpowered by force, transcended through meditation or adherence to spiritual laws as the Law of Attraction, or just accepted and put in service toward worldly success. The Call of the Soul proposes another approach.

Based on my personal experiences and results of clients in my professional coaching practice, I discovered that the inner relationship between the ego and the soul is a love story. Like any love story, this one also reflects trials, tribulations, and triumphs.

What makes this book unique is that it proposes a resolution to the inner conflict between the ego and the soul by learning to build a harmonious relationship between them through understanding, honoring, and valuing both. This creates an inner partnership based on mutual love and support rather than seeing them as embattled enemies, even though at points in the relationship this is how it can feel.

Battling or resisting any part of you blocks self-love and inner peace. There is a solution. I’ve discovered that you can facilitate transformation of the ego-soul relationship through awareness, compassion, and applying skillful techniques. This is what I am about to share with you.

Part I of the book raises awareness about the unique features and roles of each of the aspects of the inner relationship. In Part II, I share a step-by-step process for how to respectfully negotiate and transform the relationship between the ego and the soul, so their inner partnership can be functional, harmonious, and supportive of a soulful life in the world. Finally, Part III provides insight into techniques and teachers, and how and why these are helpful to the process of change.

It is only by participating in practices that provided real experiences of the truth of my soul and self that I can trust what I am about to share with you in this book. Everything you read here is grounded in observable experiences from me, clients, and friends. Although the names are changed in the case of clients and friends, the reported experiences are entirely accurate.

There is nothing theoretical, mystical, esoteric, or religious in these pages, nor is this book intended to challenge your current spiritual beliefs. Because the content is based in observable experience, I feel confident that you will be able to connect this information to your current spiritual or religious values. My clients and friends are an eclectic group of people with a variety of belief systems and backgrounds, including Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Unitarian, Unity, Pagan, spiritual not religious, and atheist. All have contributed to and found value in these pages.

That said, my advice to you is this: Sift the content in these pages through your own experience and see what resonates with you. Keep what is useful to you and let go of what is not useful.

In summary, The Call of the Soul is intended as my contribution toward easing human struggle on the path to self-knowledge, self-love, and life purpose. I found what I was seeking and discovered in the process that self-love is at the heart of everything we seek, love, joy, happiness, security, success, harmonious relationships, and more. I have full confidence that you, too, will find what you seek through hearing and living the call of your soul!

Part I

Knowing Your True Self

No one remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.

—Thomas Mann

I awoke at 5:15 this morning with thoughts for writing this introduction to Part I of this book. There was also resistance to getting up and writing it. This is a mild, yet clear, example of the interplay between the soul calling and the ego resisting. From experience, I know that heeding the call of the soul will result in a better outcome than sleeping another hour, so I bid you good morning.

This part of the book introduces you to inner aspects of yourself that work together to inform and evolve the path of your life. They will feel familiar to you, though you may not currently think of them as four different characters playing different roles. In this section, you will learn how to recognize these characters.

Because in your eagerness to know what to do, you may be tempted to jump ahead to the how to in Part II and Part III (ask me how I know this), I strongly encourage you to read Part I. I promise it is not a perspective you have seen before. It’s important to take the time to do this, because in Part II we will talk more about the interplay between these aspects of self and the process for consciously transforming their roles. Knowing the nature of these players increases your ability to be more conscious and have more control in the change process.

The primary partners in the dance of your life are the ego and the soul. Your personal ego and soul have a unique and intimate relationship, which transforms and evolves throughout life. There are two additional aspects that play a vital role in how painful or relaxed that process of living is for you; they are the enforcer and the observer.

My intention in this section is to help you understand, appreciate, and compassionately embrace all the inner dynamics of your life. We are amazing beings! It is remarkable how all these aspects lovingly work together to serve us.

However, just like family members, the interplay of these aspects may not feel loving sometimes. Once you understand how they each intend to serve you, it’s possible to feel good about yourself even as you experience inner conflict. And, it is possible to accept yourself without judgment as you choose to radically change your life choices.

When you are conscious of the nature and role of each aspect of your inner world, you can learn to work with them and transform them. Stress is reduced and confidence increased. This allows you to become attuned to the call of your soul and feel empowered to make new choices in your life.

If you are reading this book, you have whatever you need to succeed in the process of transforming your life. Your soul called, you heard that call, and you chose, consciously or unconsciously, to live the call of your soul. Bravo!

Chapter 1

A Partnership Is Born

The passions act as winds to propel our vessel, our reason is the pilot that steers her; without the winds, she would not move, without the pilot, she would be lost.

—Old French Saying

The ego and the soul are intimate and inseparable partners. The ego would not exist without the embodied soul. And the soul, which is not bound by time and space, could not experience a structured life in the body without the