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2021, Academia Letters
https://doi.org/10.20935/AL466…
7 pages
1 file
When the average man loses his wife to cancer, 10,000 questions take her place. But when a man of science loses his wife to cancer, 10,000 reasons take her place (Myrin & Redman, 2011). Why his wife? Will he ever see her again? What was here, which is no longer here? A degreed psychologist, of all people, should be able to skip the first four stages of grief, accept his loss stoically, and move on (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2005). Oddly, psychologists and neurologists find such things unbearable. .. knowing all too well what challenges lie ahead (Sacks, 2009). It is said that even Freud, famous at the time for sage advice on grief, was himself inconsolable when his own beloved Sophie, and especially her 4-year old son Heinele, died unexpectedly (Ellis, 2018; "Halberstadt-Freud, Sophie," 2005). This essay is about loss. It will attempt to describe what is no longer here, when someone who must never die, dies. The first task is to figure out what was here. The second task is to figure out what remains. The third and final task is to ask what wasn't here before, so that those who fight dragons like Cancer today, will not fight Regret in the looking glass tomorrow
In on Deaths and Endings: Psychoanalysts' Reflections on Finality, Transformations, and New Beginnings, editors Willock, Bohm. and Curtis offer clinicians an embarrassment of riches. Many of the book's chapters tackle themes that are vastly undertheorized and underreported in the analytic literature. The 24 papers, gleaned from a symposium on the subject, range from intensely moving accounts of direct clinical work with dying patients to theoretical discussions of shifting understandings of the death instinct, metaphoric deadness of significant members of patients' families, and analyses of poetry, myth and film. Reviewing such a collection invariably involves considerable " deciding. " Such " deciding, " Foster Wallace (2008) points out, " reflects the reviewer's bias as much as the inherent value of any of the chapters in the book " (p. xiv). There's no way to give adequate or equal attention to all the chapters, and the choice that I am making is to focus on those which are about actual death, not metaphoric death. For, as Anna Aragno states at the start of her excellent essay, It is, however, the personal encounter with death and its severance of a cherished relationship that hurtles us into an adaptive crisis from which we cannot emerge but transformed. The irrevocability of death makes this a loss like no other. Though we summon prior coping mechanisms nothing adequately prepares for this final separation. The intensity of pain and degree of psychosocial upheaval is such that we fear we will not survive. Yet we do … by laboring through a painful, lengthy process in a disorganized state gradually modulating affect, habituating to change and memorializing a relationship [p. 21]. ————————————— I dedicate this review to Mary Dunn, who died on September 4, 2008, and to my former student and colleague, Helene Nemiroff, who remained a therapist to the end, which came on July 18, 2002. She courageously helped her patient deal with the death of her mother, who lay in the room next to Helene as she herself was dying WARNING! This text is printed for personal use of NYU. It is copyright to the journal in which it originally appeared. It is illegal to redistribute it in any form.-258-As Willock and others note, discussions of death frequently lead both author and audience into very intimate and personal exchanges. Papers informed by powerful experiences that analysts went through and wanted or needed to address were most appreciated by me. In contrast, the more theoretical pieces seemed to shift the tone dramatically to a more intellectualized effort at understanding, perhaps even an attempt at controlling the raw experience of dying and grieving. Aragno's essay is an exception, however, for she successfully reviews the theoretical literature but never loses sight of the profoundly human experiences that are the object of such theorizing. Her essay serves as an excellent introduction to both this volume and the topic in general. As such it is a great jumping-off point for further immersion in the psychoanalytic literature. As she searches for what she describes as " maps and models, paths and paradigms, for my chaotic anguish " (p. 23). Aragno's prose alerts the reader to her sense of urgency, which motivates and suffuses her discussion of evolving analytic theories of mourning, while her own experiences lend a genuineness to this discussion. I could almost hear her saying, " But wait—that's not what I'm experiencing. Why are you pathologizing my sense of being on a transformative journey? " Aragno informs us that today's shifting psychoanalytic understanding of healthy mourning does reflect an understanding of the significance of attachment and mentalization —the move to a relational account of inner experience. No longer do we agree with Freud, who considered the " decathexis " of the dead person as signifying the final healthy acceptance of their death. As Freud put it, " Mourning has a quite specific psychical task to perform: its function is to detach the survivor's memories and hopes from the dead. When this has been achieved, the pain grows less " (quoted on p. 23). Or, more extremely, " Each single one of the memories and expectations in which the libido is bound to the object is brought and hypercathected and detachment of the libido is accomplished in respect of it " (p. 23). Compare this with the 1996 statement by Esther R. Shapiro: " Grief is resolved through the creation of a loving, growing relationship with the dead that recognizes the new psychological or spiritual … dimensions of the relationship " (p. 30). Aragno points out that over the years analysts have come to emphasize the pathological effects of suppressing a full emotional response to death. She also captures the uniqueness of each experience of death and the potential harm that is done when we lump them together * *
Journal of Consciousness Studies, 2023
This paper explores similarities and differences between grief over the death of a person and other experiences of loss that are sometimes termed "grief", focusing on the impact of serious illness and bodily injury. It takes the form of a dialogue between a physician/neurophysiologist and a philosopher. Adopting a broad conception of grief, we suggest that experiences of lost or unrealised possibilities are central to all forms of grief. However, these unfold in different ways over prolonged periods. Experiences of grief are complex, diverse, difficult to articulate, and frequently underacknowledged. This diversity, we note, complicates discussions of how to distinguish typical from pathological forms of grief. We raise the concern that thinking of grief through the lens of bereavement eclipses other circumstances in which people are required to comprehend and adapt to loss. With this lack of acknowledgement, the phenomenology of grief is characterized in ways that are overly tidy and people are deprived of important interpretive resources.
Psychiatry: Interpersonal and Biological Processes, 2010
The Psychoanalytic Quarterly Freud, Psychoanalysis and Death is a scholarly, well-thought-out, care- fully reasoned work. It very much deserves our attention. We can only be grateful to Liran Razinsky for having written it. I recommend it highly.
Journal of the American Academy of Religion, 1984
Recent literature on the psychology of the dying process is hampered by inadequate psychological theory on the continuous role of death in human existence. For the most part, American psychoanalytic thought, influenced by oversimplified psychoanalytic theory, has relied on the view that "in our unconscious, death is never possible in regard to ourselves" (Kubler-Ross: 2). This in turn has helped legitimate our society's widespread denial of death. Even after a huge number of popular books on care for the dying (of which Kubler-Ross's On Death and Dying is the first and best-known example, and a model for most of the others) this gap between theory and practical concern remains. A psychology of dying should rest on a foundation systematically including death within the overall portrait of the psyche. It should not mirror contemporary society's vision of death as an external, accidental, and non-psychic force. In our time, psychology has come to play the role of functional replacement for religion, at least for many persons. Here, a "functional" definition of religion, such as that of Clifford Geertz (Geertz: 9Off.) is illuminating. Religion defined in this fashion does not necessarily require a high degree of explicit transcendence, or an explicitly "supernatural" outlook. When psychology organizes the worldview of contemporary persons, it provides a framework within which sexuality, family life, work, inner experience and the quest for identity all are mapped out with confidence. It has performed its religious function. Yet even those who admire the capacity of psychology to do this task notice that death is a territory omitted from the great majority of contemporary maps. Psychological frameworks, however successful in other areas, avoid treatment of this topic. In 1967, Thomas Luckmann could write that "death does not appear even as a subordinate topic in the sacred cosmos of modern industrial society" (Luckmann: 114).
Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 2017
Go out of this world as you entered it. The same passage that you made from death to life, without feeling or fright, make it again from life to death. Your death is part of the order of the universe; it is part of the life of the world.-Lucretius S tephen Greenblatt finds these words of Lucretius a therapeutic mediation on the fear of death (2011, p. 248). To spend one's life anxious about death is to deprive oneself of the fullness of life and its enjoyment. But if someone is afraid of dying, as was my patient, newly confronted with a life-threatening illness, how do you overcome such fear? My patient had been diagnosed with a cancer, a prognosis that statistically limited her life to two more years at best. "It's just a statistic," she would say in her characteristic manner, trying to counter her depressive proclivities with an artificial brightness. Then she would weep. "I don't want to die. I'm too young. It's not fair." She was sixty years old-a very youthful, energetic, productive sixty-year-old. At the height of her profession, she had just embarked on another creative endeavor. I had known my patient for more than thirty years. She had sought analysis in her twenties while a graduate student, unsure about her future vocational direction. Her six-year analysis revealed a woman who had had to rely on herself to make her way in the world, emotionally and professionally. While financially well provided for, her mother's selfpreoccupation and need for admiration left my patient feeling essentially unseen. She organized her self-esteem around her own achievements and ability for mastery. Her analysis enabled her to face and grieve some of
2019
Coming to Terms with Death We will die one day, sooner or later. Traditionally, we approach death from a stoic perspective (Gawande, 2014, p.170). Dead bodies are covered up and quickly whisked away as if there is a shameful connotation affiliated with viewing them. The bereaved, who hide their grief to the point that no one would guess anything had happened, receive social praise. Philippe Ariès delivered a series of lectures at Johns Hopkins in 1973. He pointed out that at the start of the 1930s, there had been a cultural shift regarding how Western societies viewed death. "Death," he wrote, "would become shameful and forbidden." (Didion, 2006, p.45) We can attribute this dismissal of grieving in public based on contemporary trends. This epicurean philosophy dictates
James Patrick Quirke Death and the Persistence of Meaning As a force death is something which is an essential part of life yet we rarely ever come to examine how it plays upon us. Our awareness of our mortality as a fundamental flaw but vital limit upon our existence creates conditions which are taken for granted as part of life. Like gravity death has always been a force for the living to consider so much so that it is equally taken for granted. However as we live the risk of death as well as our awareness and experiences of it still demonstratively affect us. Of these, direct experiences of death most visibly and profoundly confront us in life. When loved ones die it throws up a progeny of emotion and thought which no other situation compares to. Here I examine our reactions to personal loss and try to show how we possibly shelter and protect ourselves from existential concerns and considerations which death provokes. Religion in particular is examined as system of meaning which we turn to in order to ease our anxieties and concerns regarding death and broader meaning in life. Age is also considered as a factor in terms of possible increased planning and preparation for death in both practical and spiritual terms.