Theo Von (born March 19, 1980) is an American stand-up comedian, host, and actor.
Theo Von was born Theodor Capitani von Kurnatowski, in Covington, Louisiana, the son of Gina Capitani and the late Roland Vonkurnatowski Sr. He has an older brother who is an arborist and two younger sisters, all of whom currently reside in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Von first gained fame during his college days on Road Rules: Maximum Velocity Tour. He later reappeared on the Road Rules spin-off , Real World/Road Rules Challenge, competing in Battle of the Seasons, The Gauntlet, Battle of the Sexes 2 and Fresh Meat.
After Road Rules, Von stepped into the comedy spotlight as a talented host, comedian and writer.
In 2006, Von appeared on season 4 of NBC's Last Comic Standing, winning the title of Last Comic Downloaded.
In the summer of 2008, Von was cast in Comedy Central's Reality Bites Back, a one-season series where a cast of comedians improvise their way through faux reality show episodes. Also cast were Donnell Rawlings, Bert Kreischer, Amy Schumer, Mo Mandel and Chris Fairbanks. The series was hosted by Michael Ian Black. That same year, Von was a panelist on America's Prom Queen and appeared on season 3 of Live at Gotham.
Like a single grain of sand moving with the tide
No one knows I'm here wouldn't matter if I died
Out of control lost on my way searching and dying more each day
Bridge
Trying as hard as I can
Won't someone hold out their hand
I feel so strange in this land
But if you ask me I'm fine
Chorus
I can't go on
I've always had to be by myself
I'm on the phone
I just need somebody's help (X2)
Time is running out tired of not having rest
Can't go on like this forever maybe death is best
Tell me what it's all about, you love me, well that I really doubt
Told me a story of a man with scars in His feet and hands
Can take me away from this land