Tanya Haden

Dana Dane

[ Dane ]
Hello, I'd like to see Dr. Slumber, please
[ doctor's assistant ]
Ah - do you have an appointment, sir?
[ Dane ]
No, I don't
But tell the Doctor it's urgent that I see her
[ doctor's assistant ]
Well - just one moment
Dr. Slumber?
Dr. Slumber, there's a young man out here named -
Excuse me, what is your name?
[ Dane ]
Oh, tell her it's Dana Dane
[ doctor's assistant (hysterically) ]
Hhhh... D-D-Dana D-D-DANE?!
OH NO!
OH, YOU CAN COME RIGHT IN!
COME RIGHT IN, RIGHT NOW!
COME ON IN...!
[ Dane ]
Thank you, thank you
Well, I walked into the office, what did I see?
A well-shaped body with the back to me
Sittin in her chair with an all-white gown
Said said (Dana Dane, won't you please lay down?)
She said that she wouldn't reveal her face
Till my hour was up and I was on my way
Now we got to the matter of why I came there
I said, "Doc, I keep havin these crazy nightmares"
Nightmares of the night (nightmares)
Nightmares, they're alright (nightmares)
Cause they just show imagination of reality (nightmares)
Just keep telling yourself that they're make-believe (nightmares)
She said, "Relax yourself, won't you tell me one
So I can diagnose and see what must be done"
I laid back my head, start to inhale
Caught my breath, and then I said, "Well -
Bright one morning I was late for class
Had a fresh pair of frames with Gucci on the glass
Girls they was hawking, dudes they was talkin
Saw the doggy-dogg female, I kept on walkin
She was on it hard, there was no denyin
Shoulda seen what this female was tryin
Grabbin on my shirt, tuggin on my slacks
Pullin on my zipper board, I had to hold her back
Word up, Doc, on the ultimate
Now if I never saw a creature, this girl was it
I kept on walkin, had to leave this place
But she was all up on me, breathin in my face
You may think I'm lyin though it's just a dream
This girl had the baddest breath I'd ever seen
I couldn't think straight, thought I was doomed
Heard a bling-bling-bling, it was time for homeroom
I stepped real quick, she tried to play it sassy
She almost ran me down, this nasty fatnastee
Dipped to the stairs, running blind
Get to my homeroom, ran through my mind
Got to the 4th floor, standin in the door
Girlies watchin me walk down the corridor
The guys they were jealous and gettin mad
And all the girlies wishin they had the class I had
Got to my classroom, expect to see the teacher
Who did I see? That ugly black creature
Paused for a minute standin in the door
Then I broke out when the girlie went raw
Word em up, Doc, couldn't stand the smell
Heard of 3D? Well, she was fat as hell
I ran out the school, I didn't look back
I tell you, Dr. Slumber, this girl was wack
And that's about the time when I awoke
And I smelled that awful breath that almost made me choke
Now tell me, Dr. Slumber, how can it be?
That this dream somehow became reality?
I can't go to sleep, cause I'm so damn scared
Cause I keep havin these crazy nightmares"
Nightmares of the night (nightmares)
Nightmares, they're alright (nightmares)
Cause they just show imagination of reality (nightmares)
Just keep telling yourself that they're make-believe (nightmares)
(Nightmares)
She said, "Listen, Dana Dane, I think I have the cure
But I have to hear one more before I'll be sure"
I laid back my head, tried to concentrate
Then I told her the nightmare 'bout the blind date
Had a blind date with this girl named Anita
The Fever's the place I'm supposed to meet her
Saw the def body with the vicious butt
How did I know she was a marvelous mutt
This lady I met was as ugly as hell
Couldn't go in the jam with this female
I was coughin hard, she started to braggin
Couldn't let them know I was here with this dragon
Grabbed her hand, dipped to Harlem World
But I left this ugly lady for another girl
Now this other female, her name was Denise
Couldn't get no rapture, there followed the beast
Everywhere I turn, everywhere I look
There was Anita the beast, she could not be shook
I dipped, I dived, I ran, I thrived
But there was no place that I could hide
Cause she was sniffin me out like a hungry blood hound
Her tail in the air, her nose to the ground
Only thing left for me to do
Was to set her up with this other dude
Now this other dude, he was real upset
Cause this ugly female he didn't want to check
He started actin wild, even called me a faggot
What could I do, he had a .22 automatic
I dipped into the crowd, made my way to the door
Bumped into this object and I hit the floor
When I looked up, what did I see?
I saw Anita the Beast lookin down at me
I couldn't try to play it, couldn't try to pretend
Like the AFTCA I had to take the dog in
Nightmares of the night (nightmares)
Nightmares, they're alright (nightmares)
Cause they just show imagination of reality (nightmares)
Just keep telling yourself that they're make-believe (nightmares)
(Nightmares)
Now I pleaded, "Dr. Slumber, I just can't bare
To have another one of these crazy nightmares"
Then all of a sudden she turned around
And starin at me with that all-white gown
With a Catholic smile, showin all her teeth
Was that ugly female, Anita the Beast...
[ Dr. Slumber, her sweet, soft voice turning horrifying ]
Dana?
Dana, honey, wake up!
What's wrong?
Wake up, honey
You are just... HAVING A NIGHTMARE!
A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!