Larry the Cable Guy
Daniel Lawrence "Larry" Whitney (born February 17, 1963) known by his stage name and character Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian, actor and former radio personality. Despite his stage name, he has never worked for a cable company.
He was one of the members of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which included Bill Engvall, Ron White, and Jeff Foxworthy (with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV).
Larry has released seven comedy albums, of which three have been certified gold by the RIAA for shipments of 500,000 copies. In addition, he has starred in three Blue Collar Comedy Tour–related movies, as well as in the films Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Delta Farce, and Witless Protection, as well as voicing Mater in the Cars franchise. Whitney's catchphrase: "Git-R-Done!" is also the title of his book.
On January 26, 2010, the TV channel History announced that it was ordering a series starring Whitney called Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy, in which he would explore the country and immerse himself in different lifestyles, jobs and hobbies. The first episode of the series aired on February 8, 2011. The series finale aired August 28, 2013.
Podcasts:
Larry the Cable Guy
ALBUMS
- Tailgate Party released: 2009
- Chrismastime in Larryland released: 2007
- The Right to Bare Arms released: 2005
- Lord, I Apologize released: 2001
- Get R Done released: 1997
- Law and Disorder released:
Chrismastime in Larryland
Released 2007- Introduction & Opening Monologue
- Lapquest
- Eulogy
- Tobacco Company Choir
- Plus-Sized Fashion Shorts
- Nativity Scene
- Farting Jingle Bells
- Bobblehead Heating Dolls
- Comedian Muhammad & Oscar
- Holiday Carols
- A Santa's Q&A
- Nutcracker
- Dysfunctional Family Christmas
- Liberal Commie Environmental Poem
- Magic o' the Mime
- 1-900
- The Chitmunks
- Patriotic Poem
- Medley of Carols
- Closing Monologue
The Right to Bare Arms
Released 2005- Git-R-Done!
- Midgets and Gay Bars
- WWJD
- Las Vegas
- Hank Williams Jr. High School
- Hooters and Hooters Airlines
- Dodge Truck, Retards and Stinkbait
- NASCAR
- The Right to Bare Arms
- Family In Stanford
- Faith Healers and Weight Problems
- Romance and Imported Rubbers (I Seen This on TV... No Lie)
- Throwed Outta Penney's
- Shavin' Waxin' Primpin' and Shootin' Quail! (This Is Funny I Don't Care Who Ya Are!)
- News Items
- Song for a Friend (And Other Things I Think About When I'm Hammered at 4 A.M.)
- Toddler Mail
Lord, I Apologize
Released 2001- I Made the Bigg Times Now
- Looking Good at the Flea Market
- Couldn't Keep the Pizza Lit
- No Hair - Just a Red Head
- Keep the Chips Fresh
- Jump Up in the Air and Get Stuck
- Let Me Eat Your Shorts
- Can't Understand My Accent
- The Worst Dentist I've Been To
- Martians Got a Thing for Redneck Fellers
- Going in Circles for Two Hours
- People Like My Analogies
- Toddler Mail
- Lord, I Apologize
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Lord, I Apologize
by: Larry The Cable GuyThank you!
Appreciate it!
Git-R-Done! But it's good to be here, I tell you.
When I come in here this evening and see my name out front in magic marker, boy I tell you what. Daggone.
I made the big times now.
Haha.
Tears roll down my eyeballs.
I was wetter than a bus-load of fat woman on the way to see the Ricky Martin, I tell you what, I was...
A-ha-ha.
That's pretty happy right there, now.
Haha-ha. I don't care who you are, that's pretty funny right there, now.
That's right.
I apologize for my outfit, I just come from a wedding.
I had to take my dad, he can't drive no more.
He's a gynecologist, and, uh, he's starting to get tunnel vision.
Haha, that's funny.
Haha.
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there, now.
That's funny right there.
That'd be a good job, gynecologist, now.
I'd be early for work every day at that job.
"Why you going to work it's three o'clock in the morning!"
"I know, I gotta get there."
I used to date a girl that had one boob bigger than the other boob, and, uh, she got in a wet T-shirt contest, and, uh, come home with first and third place out there at the contest out there.
I tell you...
I tell you, I was so proud of my sister, I tell you what.
She's uh...she's a good girl, now, I tell you what.
I tell you what.
She felt a lump on her breast the other day, went to the doctor, and found out her wisdom boobs is coming in there.
Went out to take the pliers, pull them out, you know.
I don't like the fake ones, do you like the fake ones?
I don't like them.
If I had a dollar for every fake boob I tongue-kissed last week, I'd have--well, I wouldn't have any money or nothing, I'm just saying.
I don't like the fake boobs, you know?
I went out with this one girl, had one of them beauty marks like Cindy Crawford.
Now that's sexy right there, now.
Git-R-Done, you know.
I get to kissin' her, it was a tick!
Oh, man.
Ugh. I tell you, I had to burn it out with a lighter, you know, she...oh...she's like,
"You're singeing my beard!
You're singeing my beard!"
You know?
I tell you what, I was madder than a skinhead watching The Jeffersons, I tell you what.
I was--that's funny.
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there, now.
Yeah, but I shouldn't--Lord, I apologize for talking about the skinhead watching the Jeffersons.
And be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen. That's right.