Laeta was the second Empress consort of Gratian of the Western Roman Empire.
The only relation of Laeta mentioned by Zosimus was her mother Pissamena.
Gratian was first married to Flavia Maxima Constantia, who died at only twenty-one. The Chronicon Paschale dates the arrival of Constantia's remains in Constantinople to 31 August 383. She must have died earlier in the same year but the exact date and cause of her death are unknown. As Gratian was himself assassinated on 25 August 383, Laeta is assumed to have married him in the short period between the death of Constantia and his death.
On his account of the first siege of Rome by Alaric I, King of the Visigoths (dated to 408), Zosimus mentions that the city faced a famine. Zosimus records that "Laeta the wife of the late emperor Gratian, and her mother Pissamena, supplied great numbers with food for some time. For since they were allowed from the treasury the provisions of an imperial table, through the generosity of Theodosius, who had conferred on then, that privilege, many received the bounty of these two ladies, and obtained from their house what preserved them from famine".
They page Party Guy, he pages them back with the number where's at, they let the phone ring
'Til Party Guy picks it up and says, "Behind Burger King"
Should they make another run? Their fake says they're 21, they're not sure they got enough, should they
go buy more stuff?
He says, "Forget about the stuff, they've got more than enough, they thought of everything," he says,
[Chorus]
"They've got more beer than he's ever seen
And they've got girls on trampolines
They tapped ten kegs since 9:15
And they've got girls on trampolines"
Quoth the Party Guy, he doesn't ever lie, it sounds like their scene, but they don't have a ride
So they call Ride Guy who comes by and with a sigh he lets them in his ride (Okay!)
And Drunk Guy tells Ride Guy to shut up and just drive when he asks about the stuff and about the thing
But Nice Guy kicks Drunk Guy and tells Ride Guy that Party Guy said it's party-time behind Burger King,
he says,
[Chorus]
But Nice Guy's talk of trampolines makes Drunk Guy turn green and he pukes on Jon Fee and Ride Guy's ride
hits a tree
Which causes Weed Guy to drop his seeds at the feet of Officer One, Officer Two and Officer Three
And Officer One says, "Looky here, son, I hate speeding MIP's who have seeds and hit trees,"
One and two wanted to beat 'em and kill 'em and eat 'em, but they deferred to Officer Three who said,
"I hear there's a shindig behind Burger King
And I hear there's girls on trampolines
The tree looks fine and the driver's clean
Just give them girls on trampolines"
God bless the wisdom of Officer Three